FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ hockeygoalies.org

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HOCKEY QUOTES
Quotes by and about Hockey Goalies
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St. Louis Blues' coach Bob Berry on the amount of rubber goalie CURTIS JOSEPH, goaltender, St. Louis, sees in a game:
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"I've got to get him a Goodyear endorsement."
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(The Hockey News: Season in Review '93-94)
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Detroit Red Wings' Dino Ciccarelli on playing ARTURS IRBE, goaltender, and his San Jose Sharks:
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"How can you hate a team when you crash the crease and the goalie greets you with a friendly, 'Hello, Dino.'"
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(The Hockey News: Season in Review '93-94)
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Montreal Canadiens' KEN DRYDEN, on seeing himself on television:
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"This was only the second time in my life I'd ever seen myself on television, and it shattered a lot of illusions. I looked like a big stiff. What a sobering experience. I always thought of myself as Nureyev on ice. But on TV, I realized that I was a dump truck. I was an elephant on wheels."
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("Save! Hockey's Brave Goalies" by Hal Bock, 1974)
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EMILE FRANCIS, goaltender, New York Rangers, describing how he handled a shooter who liked to use his head for target practice:
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"One night he skated past me after winging one right by my ear. He stopped for a second and muttered, 'Watch out for me, Emile. I'm shooting a little high tonight.'
Next time he came by, I had caught the puck and I threw it way out to my left. While everyone was looking over there, I gave him a fine two-hander with the lumber. Right across the ankles.
While they were examining him, laid out on the ice, I skated over. [I reached the stricken skater and said] 'Hey, I'm sorry, but I'm hitting a little low tonight.'"
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("Save! Hockey's Brave Goalies" by Hal Bock, 1974)
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New York Rangers' goaltender GLENN HEALY, after his cage was pushed back into his forehead by a Mike Hudson slap shot in practice:
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"(Mike) Hudson didn't make the mistake. The mistake was my dad when I was five years old, saying, "Glenn, you're going to be a goalie."
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(The Hockey News: Season in Review '93-94)
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ARTURS IRBE, goaltender, San Jose, responding to Winnipeg's Tie Domi after being informed that Domi intended to hurt Irbe in the near future:
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"You should do that. You should try to do something interesting."
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(Austin Murphy, "Goalmouth Goliaths", _Sports Illustrated_, 1993.)
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KIRK MCLEAN, goaltender, Vancouver, on why he became a goaltender:
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"After the hockey school I attended, there was a goalie school that was on afterwards and I always used to bug my father to stay. I guess you could say I was kind of intrigued by the instructor. I don't know why I was intrigued. If the goalie did something wrong, he'd have him out there doing push-ups."
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("30-Second Third Degree", Hockey Digest, January 1995).
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Austin Murphy, writer, on the lack of respect shown to goaltender DOMINIK HASEK by his own son:
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(Hasek) even gets dissed at home. Last Friday night Hasek was torched for eight first-period goals in a game against the New Jersey Devils. With less than two minutes left in the period, he was put out of his misery: Using three clicks of a Super Nintendo button, Hasek's four-year-old son Michael, gave his old man the hook. While his father was memorizing prepositional phrases at the kitchen table for his weekly English tutorial, Michael burbled, "Poor Dominik. Poor Dominik."
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(Austin Murphy, "Goalmouth Goliaths", _Sports Illustrated_, 1993.)
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PATRICK ROY, experiencing his first Denver cab ride as a member of the Colorado Avalanche:
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"The first week after the trade was bizarre for everyone involved, especially Roy, who hopped into a taxi at the Denver airport with [Mike] Keane on December 7 for a ride to McNichols Arena, where they would play their first game with the Avalanche that night.
"McNichols Arena, please," Roy said.
Cabbie: "So, are you guys hockey players?"
Roy: "That's right."
Cabbie: "So what do you think of this new goalie the Avalanche got?"
Roy: "I hear he's a nice guy."
Cabbie: I don't know about that, but I don't know if he's as good as the team says. They're talking like we've got the Stanley Cup all wrapped up. I don't buy it.""
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(Larry Wigge, "Roy's Redemption", The Sporting News Hockey Yearbook 1996-97, p. 23)
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New York Rangers goaltender GUMP WORSLEY comparing the profession of goaltending with other popular jobs:
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"The only job worse is a javelin catcher at a track-and-field meet."
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(The Official National Hockey League 75th Anniversary Commemorative Book, 1991)
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: quotes.vdictionary.com

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SPORTS QUOTES
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You only have to bat a thousand in two things: flying and heart transplants. Everything else you can go 4 for five. Beano Cook
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I really lack the words to compliment myself today. Alberto Tomba
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Bulls do not win bull fights. People do. Norman Augustine
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If God wanted women to understand men, football would never have been created. Roger Simon
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What it comes down to is that anybody can win with the best horse. What makes you good is if you can take the second or third-best horse and win. Vicky Aragon
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Play is the only way the highest intelligence of humankind can unfold. Joseph Chilton Pearce
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: quotes.vdictionary.com

George Bernard Shaw

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SPORTS QUOTES

What is both surprising and delightful is that spectators are allowed, and even expected, to join in the vocal part of the game... There is no reason why the field should not try to put the batsman off his stroke at the critical moment by neatly timed disparagements of his wife's fidelity and his mother's respectability. George Bernard Shaw

Go play golf. Go to the golf course. Hit the ball. Find the ball. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. Have fun. The end. Chuck Hogan

Most skiers are really motorcyclists in cute clothes. Bob Wilkerson

The bell that tolls for all in boxing belongs to a cash register. Bob Verdi

The will to win is worthless if you don't get paid for it. Reggie Jackson

If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is. Horace G Hutchinson

Football is violence and cold weather and sex and college rye. Roger Kahn

I was showing early symptoms of becoming a professional baseball man. I was lying to the press. Roger Kahn

It's amazing how much of this is mental. Everybody's in good shape. Everybody knows how to ski. Everybody has good equipment. When it really boils down to it, it's who wants it the most, and who's the most confident on his skis. Reggie Crist

They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that. Gardner Dickinson

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: news.bbc.co.uk

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SPORTS QUOTES
29 July 2008
UK Sport quotes of the week
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AND SOME FROM YOU
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"Danny Brough, who looks like he walked into a shed and knocked over the tins of paint..."
Dave Woods on the multi-coloured hair of Wakefield's kicker. (Stephen F, UK).
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"Manchester United have moved quickly to finalise the details of Carol Tevez's £32m British record transfer after Real Madrid were among those enquiring about his availability."From the BBC Gossip page. Would that be Carlos's mother? (Nathan Jones, Swansea).
"Shah's got Tredwell over his knee and he's administering a damn good spanking. By the looks of things, the cheerleaders loved that damn good spanking as much as I did."BBC live text journalist Ben Dirs after Owais Shah smashed James Tredwell for three consecutive sixes in the Twenty20 final. Well at least that's what I think he was talking about. (Kenny Lomas, England).
"I went up the training ground and saw Mark running and I said 'You're fit'. But he said he was only up to 70-75 per cent. With hamstrings you have to be careful, it's this last 15 per cent that he wants out of himself."Gillingham boss Mark Stimson shows off his great mathematical ability. (Jamie Fellows, England).

"Danny Brough, who looks like he walked into a shed and knocked over the tins of paint..."Dave Woods on the multi-coloured hair of Wakefield's kicker. (Stephen F, UK).
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"Henry on the ball here for Barca....ohhhhhh he shimmies past the Hibs defender with a salsa-like move, Riba, Riba, Ole!"
Setanta commentator during Hibs-Barcelona friendly. (Peter, Ireland).
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"Boycott may hit Champions Trophy."
BBC Homepage headline - is Geoffrey not happy with the trophy's design? (Shaun Knowles, England).
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"When you're playing against players of the calibre of lads that Barcelona have got, then you really need to do what we did in the first half for 90 minutes. I don't think we had the energy to do that. We would need to be world record holders at 1500m to do that."
Dundee United manager Craig Levein could have done with Crammie and Coe to keep up with Barcelona after his side were hammered 5-1 in a friendly. (Lewis, Cardiff).
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"Great potential. I know. I rode her mother."
Irish jockey to RTE on a young mare's racing prospects. (Gerry McCarthy, Nepal).
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"Michelson is an enigma wrapped in a variation."
5 Live analyst describes Phil Mickelson. I nearly wet myself laughing. (Reg, England).
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Aggers: "Where's that cloud coming from, Geoffrey?"Boycott: "Lancashire. They make rain over there and send it over to us 'cos they dont like us."
TMS banter at Headingley. (Julian Pearce, UK).
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"This lad is like lightning on elastic."
The one and only Sid Waddell at the World Matchplay Darts. (David Bedlow, England).
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"We have never been to Nigeria and it is an opportunity, although you could say it is partly financial of course."
Sir Alex Ferguson admits Manchester United's 3,000-mile five-hour trip from Pretoria to Nigeria to play Portsmouth in a friendly may have had something to do with money. (Jamie, Wales).
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: news.bbc.co.uk

SPORTS QUOTES
29 July 2008
UK Sport quotes of the week
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"It looked like the green slime out of the Ghostbusters film and if you attempted to sail through it, it would have been like running the 100m with potholes all along the track."
Britain's Olympic sailing hope Ben Ainslie knew who to call when mysterious slime covered the sailing course in Beijing.
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"If I saw a big fish, I'd be scared, They're not human. They don't walk around. They're different."
Welsh swimmer David Davies displays some impressive biology knowledge after explaining why you won't catch him swimming in open water.
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"In my opinion, no owner in their right mind would willingly invite an average agent into his academy, any more than a brothel owner would let a syphilitic nutter into his whorehouse."
Crystal Palace chairman Simon Jordan on his love for the beautiful game.
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"The PhD was about having a lighter balance in life to the rowing side. But then I think to myself: how can you call homicide lighter?"
Katherine Grainger aims to become the first British woman rower to win Olympic gold, while studying for a PhD in homicide to ease the pressure.
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"I love being in Hampstead, it's very nice. I'm not into the celebrity life but I do see Ricky Gervais around sometimes. I've seen Russell Brand too. They must think I'm gay as I walk my Shih Tzu dog - especially as I'm on Hampstead Heath!"
British long jumper Chris Tomlinson on life with the stars in leafy north London.
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"I was picked up at about 5.45am and found myself standing next to Gordon Brown. I think I did brush my teeth. Of course, my wife said I hadn't. If I win a medal I'll make sure I'm clean shaven and brush my teeth."
Tomlinson vows to scrub his pearlies if he brings home a medal from Beijing. He's hot favourite for the name-dropping gold.
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