FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: man-health-and-fitness.com

Image: theoldcomputer.com

.

SPORTS QUOTES

.

"George, where did it all go wrong?"
Bellboy who entered George Best’s room with breakfast in the early 1970s, where Best was in bed with Mary Stavin (the current Miss World), a bottle of champagne and several thousand pounds of gambling winnings from the previous night.
.
"The rules of soccer are basically simple - if it moves, kick it; if it doesn't move, kick it until it does."
Phil Woosnam

.
Mohammed Ali sports quotes:
"I'm not the greatest; I'm the double greatest. Not only do I knock 'em out, I pick the round."
"I've seen George Foreman shadow boxing and the shadow won."

.
More about Mohammed Ali:
"I'd like to borrow Mohammed Ali's body for just 48 hours. There are 3 guys I'd like to beat up and 4 women I'd like to make love to."
Jim Murray
.
"What a terrible round. I only hit two good balls all day and that was when I stepped on a rake in the bunker."
Lee Trevino
.
"Losing the Super Bowl is worse than death. With death, you don't have to get up next morning."
George Allen
.
"I'm always suspicious of games where you're the only ones that play it."
Jack Charlton, asked about curling

"American football is Rugby after a visit from a Health and Safety inspector."
Anonymous

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: imsolost.piczo.com

Image: hooverhoops.com

SPORTS QUOTES

This is no longer a slum neighborhood. I haven't heard of a Cubs fan being shot in a long time." - Anonymous Wrigley Field Neighbor, Chicago, IL

"During the scrimmage, Tarkanian paced the sideline with his hands in his pockets while biting his nails." - AP report describing Fresno State basketball coach Jerry Tarkanian

"Two grand slams in a week - man, that's seven or eight ribbies right there." - Bill Madlock, Baseball broadcaster

"The team has come along slow but fast." - Casey Stengel, Baseball player/manager

"Football players win football games." - Chuck Knox, football coach

.
"If you give a person a fish, they'll fish for a day. But if you train a person to fish, they'll fish for a lifetime." - Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer." - David Acfield

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: psychologyofsports.com

Image: hollywoodcollectibles.com

BASEBALL QUOTES
about baseball superstitions

Since the game was invented, baseball players have developed their own unique superstitions to handle the ups and downs of the season. Maybe their habits help them cope with the pressure to succeed, help them overcome their intense fear of failure. Or maybe these beliefs give players added confidence on the field. Whatever the reasons, the legends of baseball have legendary routines.

Former Red Sox, Yankees and Devil Rays player Wade Boggs was called "Chicken Man," because he ate chicken before every game. He also started his wind sprints exactly 16 minutes before game time.

Dick Stuart, who spent the majority of his 10-year career with the Pirates and Red Sox, used to take chewing gum out of his mouth, then throw it across home plate -- right before every at-bat.

And it's just not players. Managers can get into the act, too.
Former Phillies, Expos, Twins and Angels manager Gene Mauch wouldn't clean his uniform if his team won. After winning streaks, he became known as the smelliest man in the league.

Former Reds and Tigers manager Sparky Anderson wouldn't step on the foul line on his way to the mound, or on his way back.

"It's sick, just sick," said Frank Viola, a three-time all-star and former Cy Young Award winner. "People are really weird about this stuff."

Don't think Viola is any different. He had his own superstitions -- he just calls them his "routines."

Viola said that during his successful run with the Mets and Twins, as well as later in his career, he always would clean the mound before each inning, kicking up dirt exactly four times.

"But of course, if something bad should happen, I couldn't do it four times anymore," Viola said. "I'd have to kick up dirt three times, or five times, because four wasn't working."

Viola said baseball produces superstitious players because the game is cerebral, with so few chances to redeem oneself after a mistake.

"You have nothing to do but think," he said. "So you have your routine."

Richard Lustberg, a sports psychologist based in New York, said the reason for developing superstitions is simple: It's a "coping mechanism" to deal with the pressure to succeed.

"Athletes begin to believe, and want to believe, that their particular routine is enhancing their performance," Lustberg said. "In reality, it's probably just practice and confidence that's making them perform better."

Lustberg said superstitions are circular. If a player has success in sports, it's more than likely because of practice and skill. But if the player attributes his or her success to some type of different act, such as wearing a certain article of clothing or repeating some kind of routine (like what to eat or where to walk), the player will repeat the act.

The player now believes success will occur, causing confidence to rise. That increased confidence allows the player to perform at a higher level.

"All of a sudden, you're successful," Lustberg said. "It's not what batting glove you're wearing, or what you are or aren't eating; it's the belief that you will succeed. And different beliefs help different players."

Like Ted Williams, who once a year would go to Louisville, Ky., and spend hours searching for the perfect piece of wood that would be made into his bat. Or former Cubs and Mets reliever Turk Wendell, who would brush his teeth and chew licorice between every inning.

Or even like Tony Pena, now manager of the Kansas City Royals and once a teammate of Viola's in Boston.

Pena, only a .229 hitter in four seasons in Boston, wouldn't wash his undershirt if he were on a hitting streak.

"You got some bad stink in the clubhouse," Viola said. "It was just disgusting."
But Viola understands.

"Whatever works, whatever helps you out, that's fine," he said. "We're definitely a superstitious group."

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: rinkworks.com

Image: freewebs.com

.

SPORTS QUOTES

.
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body." -- Winston Bennet, former University of Kentucky basketball forward.

.
"There's a hard shot to LeMaster -- and he throws Madlock into the dugout." -- Jerry Coleman, Padres announcer

.
"The wind always seems to blow against catchers when they are running." -- Joe Garagiola

.
"Wish: To end all the killing in the world. Hobbies: Hunting and fishing." -- California Angel Bryan Harvey (flashed on a scoreboard during a game).

.

"When your arm gets hit, the ball is not going to go where you want it to." -- John Madden

.
"Our offense is like the pythagorean theorem: There is no answer!" -- Shaquille O'Neal, basketball player for the L.A. Lakers

.
"If you can't make the putts and can't get the man in from second on the bottom of the ninth, you're not going to win enough football games in this league, and that's the problem we had today." -- Sam Rutigliano, Cleveland Browns coach, on why his team lost.

.
"A lot is said about defense, but at the end of the game, the team with the most points wins, the other team loses." -- Isaiah Thomas, commentating on an NBA game. Bob Costas replied with just, "Uh...well...ok."

.
"It just as easily could have gone the other way." -- Don Zimmer, Chicago Cubs manager, on his team's 4-4 record.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: cleveland.com

Image: schwimmerlegal.com

.

BASEBALL QUOTES

.

Health-conscious baseball players chew gum, sunflower seeds instead of tobacco

Friday, March 28, 2008

.

Baseball enthusiasts like to talk about that sport's eternal truths and enduring traditions. But baseball, like everything else, changes. Where are the stirrup socks of yesteryear? With today's long baseball pants, you can't tell the White Sox from the Red Sox. At least not by their socks.

.
Remember when catchers wore their caps backward under their face masks? Now they wear face protectors that make them look like Japanese kendo warriors.

.
And where are all the minimattresses that umpires used to use to shield themselves from errant fastballs? Going, going . . .

.

The same can be said of guys in the dugout spewing tobacco soup from the wad of Mail Pouch packed in their cheeks. In 1998, after former Indians player Brett Butler, a smokeless-tobacco user, got throat cancer, Major League Baseball barred teams from providing players with tobacco products, although players are still free to use their own. All tobacco use was banned in the minor leagues the same year.

.
"Every year [tobacco] usage decreases," Bart Swain, Indians director of media relations, wrote in an e-mail.

.
But it's not completely gone. According to Swain, six to eight players on the 25-man roster use some form of chew or dip. Chew or leaf comes in scrap form and is tucked into the cheek. Red Man and Mail Pouch are two popular brands.

.
Dip is a moist, concentrated form of sweetened tobacco. A user places a pinch between his lip and gum. Skoal and Copenhagen are popular brands.

.
"Boy, I wish the stuff wasn't around," said Joe Charboneau, who played for the Indians from 1979 to '82 and now works for the North Ridgeville Recreation Department. "I see young kids using it and I hate that. The dip is basically the worst thing you can do. I feel real strongly about it."

.
Charboneau said that when he played, 70 percent of the players used.

.

"It was fun in the dugout spitting on each other's shoes," he said. "But the awareness wasn't there. It's just like looking at old Johnny Carson reruns. They had ashtrays out for everybody. Nobody thought anything of it."

.
But the ugly reality of the harm it can do caught up with some of Charboneau's teammates.

"I know guys who went to the doctor for sores in their mouths and had biopsies. They quit after that."

.

The oral fixation and compulsion is a tough one to defeat. Former Indians pitcher Len Barker knows all about it. He used Red Man and Skoal during his 15-year career. The chew habit wasn't hard to lose, but he went cold turkey on the dip just seven years ago.

.
I'll tell you why the numbers are down for players now," said Barker, 52. "The teams don't provide it anymore. That's a big part of it. It used to be right in your face. And everybody used it. The coaches, the managers. And it wasn't just a baseball thing. Guys who used it did it while fishing or playing golf. It went with any outdoor activity. Of course, if you spit on the floor inside the house, your wife would beat you."

.
he team now provides more healthful chewing alternatives. In a single season, the Indians will go through 12 cases of sunflower seeds and 10 cases of Bazooka bubble gum (regular and sugarless). That might be why players always seem to be spitting whenever the TV camera peeks into the dugout.

.
Like Charboneau, Barker was inspired to quit the dip once he began coaching Little League. "It's a nasty habit," he said.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: withleather.uproxx.com

BASEBALL INSULT

"The Mariners were clearly not thrilled with the detour before opening a three-game series against the Chicago Cubs on Tuesday.
.
'To tell the truth, I’m not excited to go to Cleveland, but we have to,' Ichiro said through an interpreter.
.
'If I ever saw myself saying I’m excited going to Cleveland, I’d punch myself in the face, because I’m lying.'"

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: community.foxsports.com

Image: mathematical.behavioral.sciences.googlepages.com
.
SPORTS QUOTES
Quotes of the Week

(8/27 - 9/9) Sep 09, 2006

.

"Certainly I like the fact that he's not playing, but I don't like the fact that he's not playing for that reason." - Yankees manager Joe Torre on Red Sox slugger David Ortiz; Ortiz missed eight games after suffering from heart palpitations

.
"It sounds like we're talking about the war front -- reinforcements." - Red Sox infielder Mark Loretta commenting on the team's recent injury woes; Boston at one point had seven key players on the disabled list and was also missing Ortiz, Manny Ramirez and Wily Mo Pena.

.
"We both spoke and I wasn't the first. I held his shirt but don't you think it is a provocation to say that 'if you want my shirt I will give it you afterwards'?...I replied to Zidane that I would prefer his sister, that is true. I brought up his sister and that wasn't a nice thing, that is true." - Italy defender Marco Materazzi on the exchange that earned him a head butt from French midfielder Zinedine Zidane near the end of the World Cup's final match.

.
"We're tired of there being a double standard on the whistle...We're tired of it, and it's showing...Players are becoming frustrated, and we expect -- no, we demand -- that we get the same calls as the other team...We demand that we get the same hand-checks, that we get the same cheap calls that go against us. Am I whining? No. I'm stating a fact." - Detroit Shock coach Bill Laimbeer, whining about the officiating after his team fell to the Sacramento Monarchs in Game Three of the best-of-five WNBA finals; the Shock was called for five more fouls than the Monarchs in Game Three.

.
"I was scared because a grown man hit me. I thought it was a player at first just hitting me from behind and I turned around and it was a coach." - Stockton Bears youth player Brian Wood, who was flattened by an opposing coach last Saturday; the 13 year old Wood had just been penalized for a late hit on the coach's son.

.
"I'll panic if my kid flunks math." - Detroit Tigers manager Jim Leyland when asked at what point he will start worrying about the team's poor play.

.
"Today, they want to be stars. They don't want to be great players. We wanted to be great players." - New NBA Hall of Famer Charles Barkley commenting on the mindset of today's NBA players during his induction speech on Friday (Fox Sports)

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: modernspectator.com

Image: lh6.google.com

.

SPORTS QUOTES

-------------------------------------------------------------
“I’m sure you guys are going to eat this up a lot more than I am." California Angel pitcher Jered Weaver speaks to the press after losing to the Dodgers who failed to produce a single hit.
------------------------------------------------------------
"After the game is before the game." German soccer legend Sepp Herberger was a poet of the game.

------------------------------------------------------------
"Soccer is like chess, only without the dice." German soccer player Lukas Podolski apparently summed up the game, “Fussball ist wie Schach, nur ohne Würfel.”
------------------------------------------------------------
“It’s like taking a fighter jet down to tree level, popping the canopy, turning upside down, then going down to road level and touching your helmet on the pavement.” Mark Miller, a competitor at the Tourist Trophy motorcycle race in the Isle of Man, describes the experience of one of the last true road races.
-----------------------------------------------------------
"Schweinsteiger comes in like a rat off a drainpipe." ESPN soccer analyst Tommy Smyth struggles to describe the swiftness and authority of Bastian Schweinsteiger’s goal in Germany’s 3-2 victory over Portugal in the Euro 2008 quarterfinals.
-----------------------------------------------------------
"As the Prime Minister I have to be balanced and collected but on Thursday night I wanted to kill." Polish Prime Minister Donald Tusk reacts violently to the referee’s decision in the Poland v Austia Euro 2008 match, which led to a lst minute goal for Austria. Poland was eliminated from the tournament.

-----------------------------------------------------------
"We get to 3km to go. This is where the final hill starts. The other guys know I will beat them in the sprint, so it is up to them to attack me.... This is where I switch into rage mode." Cyclist David Millar describes a disappointing sprint at the Giro D’Italia on his blog.
-----------------------------------------------------------
"I've had a couple of meetings with the Glazers.... They've got balls, I can tell you." Manchester United Manager Sir Alex Ferguson said that Malcom Glazer, the American owner of the team, would fight against Real Madrid, the team trying to buy United superstar Cristiano Ronaldo.
“I’ve had a couple of meetings with the Glazers,” he said, “Their attitude is ‘to hell with them [Real]’. They would sit a player in the stand. There’s absolutely no doubt about it. They’d do it just to prove a point and not to give in to these people. They’ve got balls, I can tell you. I’ve been delighted with them in that respect.”
------------------------------------------------------------
"I know you're going to say, Well betting's all about pitching and stuff like that -- I didn't care who was pitching for me or who was pitching for the opposition." Pete Rose said he bet about $2,000 on every Reds’ game, no matter the circumstances, while he was manager. Does this make him seem even dumber?
------------------------------------------------------------
"[Paolo] Bettini pulled off one of his typical defying-the-laws-of-physics moments...…while making a right-hander that was much sharper than he expected and instead of hitting the curb and body slamming the wall as any mere mortal racing cyclist would he hopped onto the curb contorted his body and twisted his bike and nonchalantly slid off the pavement back into the peloton. INCREDIBLE.” Read cyclist David Millar’s excellent Giro d’Italia blog.
------------------------------------------------------------
"Cricket, like every sport, is an activity and the dream of an activity, badged with random ideals, aspirations, and memories."—James Wood, in his New Yorker review of Joseph O’Neill’s new novel Netherland.
-------------------------------------------------------------
“My mistake.” Charles Barkley forgets to pay $400,000 gambling debt.
-------------------------------------------------------------
"Sorry, Pats" The Boston Herald apologizes for story alleging the Patriots taped the Rams’ walkthrough at Super Bowl XXXVI. Check the comments 385 and counting.
-------------------------------------------------------------
"That’s a sign of a misspent youth."Barack Obama comments on his pool-playing abilities. He redeemed himself in a West Virginia pool hall after a terrible day of bowling.
--------------------------------------------------------------
"I think it is very unfortunate that the NFL has already started its 'nothing new' spin before watching the tapes... Let's see where the evidence leads." Senator Arlen Specter criticizes NFL commissioner Roger Goodell over the New England Patriots spy tapes.
--------------------------------------------------------------
"The seeded model looked like a playoff, and we don't think a playoff is in the best interest of college football." If it walks like a duck… Big East commissioner Mike Tranghese rejects a seeded tournament to determine a national champion in college football. The BCS committee decided that the current system, despite widespread public opposition, has functioned sucessfully.
-------------------------------------------------------------
"Ronaldo said he is not good in the head and that he is going through psychological problems because of his recent [knee] surgery." Brazilian police inspector Carlos Augusto Nogueira told media about his conversation with Ronaldo after the AC Milan striker was involved in an altercation with three transvestite prostitutes. Ronaldo was allegedly angry when he discovered that the trio, whom he had taken to a hotel room, were not women.
--------------------------------------------------------------
"We know he is fertile, but he has no interest in mares." Dr. Nobuo Tsunoda, the director of the Shadai Stallion Station in Japan, explains the problem with breeding War Emblem, winner of the 2002 Kentucky Derby.
-------------------------------------------------------------
"The sports agent business has become so corrupt -- I would not encourage anyone to try to become an agent right now." David Falk, who represents eight NBA players including Elton Brand, Sam Cassell, maligns the industry (via True Hoop).

-------------------------------------------------------------

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: dooyoo.co.uk

Image: amazon.com

.

SOCCER INSULTS AND MISQUOTES

by soccer managers and commentators

.

Most football fans are likely to attribute Gordon Strachan, current Celtic FC manager with this quality, here are some memorable quotes or probably better named ‘Strachanisms’:

.
*Gordon Strachan on Wayne Rooney (after he had been called up to the England Squad for the first time):“Its an incredible rise to stardom. At 17 you're more likely to get a call from Michael Jackson than Sven Goran Eriksson.”

.
*Reporter: Gordon, Do you think James Beattie deserves to be in the England squad?

*Strachan: I dont care, I'm Scottish

.
(When asked about an AWOL Delgado)

*Strachan: I've got more important things to think about. I've got a yogurt to finish by today, the expiry date is today. That can be my priority rather than Agustin Delgado.

.
*Reporter: Bang, there goes your unbeaten run. Can you take it?

*Strachan: No, I'm just going to crumble like a wreck. I'll go home, become an alcoholic and maybe! jump of a bridge. Umm, I think I can take it, yeah."

.
*Reporter: There's no negative vibes or negative feelings here?

*Strachan: Apart from yourself, we're all quite positive round here. I'm going to whack you over the head with a big stick, down negative man, down.

.
*Reporter: You don't take losing lightly, do you Gordon?

*Strachan: I don't take stupid comments lightly either.

.
*Reporter: So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough were better than you today?

*Strachan: What areas? Mainly that big green one out there....

.
.
Ron Atkinson will always be remembered for his sometimes controversial but generally hilarious quotes whilst as a football manager and then as a commentator.

.
“You can see the ball go past them, or the man, but you'll never see both man and ball go past at the same time. So if the ball goes past, the man won't, or if the man goes past they'll take the ball.”

.
“On another night, they'd have won 2-2” (commenting on a Valencia-Liverpool Match)

.
“Well, Clive, it's all about the two M's - movement and positioning.”

.
"The substitute is about to come on - he's a player who was left out of the starting line-up today. There were others as well."

.
"The game has gone rather scrappy as both sides realise they could win this match or lose it or draw it even."

.

.
The biggest mouth in football today is Jose Mourinho, he can be funny, serious, angry, philosophical, humble and arrogant normally within the same interview/press conference. One thing is for certain he is never shy of a word or two and here are some of the more funnier of them.

.
Talking about Arsene Wenger’s comments regarding Chelsea FC.“I think he is one of these people who is a voyeur. He likes to watch other people. There are some guys who, when they are at home, have a big telescope to see what happens in other families. He speaks, speaks, speaks about Chelsea.”

.
Talking about Manchester United, after Chelsea had won the league title. "I saw their players and manager go for a lap of honour after losing to us in their last home game. In Portugal if you do this, they throw bottles at you!”

.
“Everybody was waiting for Chelsea not to win every game and one day when we lose there will be a holiday in the country. But we are ready for that. “

.
“We have top players and, sorry if I'm arrogant, we have a top manager.”

.
“Please don't call me arrogant, but I'm European champion and I think I'm a special one.”

.
“Anyone can be clever, the trick is not to think the other guy is stupid.”