FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ utterpants.co.uk

Funny Sports Blunders

Funny sporting gaffes from News commentators

Here are several comments made by sports commentators that we think their authors might like to take back...

Rugby Commentator: "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."

Motor Racing commentator: "The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical."

Weathergirl: "So Trevor, where's that eight inches you promised me last night? Oh, hell! Are we still on air?" Becky Mantin - BBC weathergirl, the day after it was supposed to snow and didn't, to Black newsreader, Trevor McDonald

Astronomy commentator: "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and it looks like he's just come in his shorts." Michael Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage

Golf Commentator on caddy Fanny Sunneson: "Some weeks Nick Faldo likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to play with himself."

Running commentator: "Paula has a quick look between her legs and likes what she sees."

Motor Racing commentator: "What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix

Cycling commentator: "And there goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing us what balls he has!"

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: soundoflife.net

SOCCER QUOTES

 

Let us start with this quote by Maradona,

 

 "The English club proved that miracles really do exist. I've now made Liverpool my English team. They showed that football is the most beautiful sport of all."

 

Ronaldo puts it best when he said, "We lost because we didn't win."

This is what Victoria Beckham had to say about her hubby,

 

 "He walks around the kitchen going 'I'm a gay icon, they love me.' The thing is with David is that he doesn't care. He'll go out in his skirt and his bandana and he doesn't care what people say."

 

Bobby Charlton replied when soccer players were referred to as slaves,

 

"Some people tell me that we professional players are soccer slaves. Well, if this is slavery, give me a life sentence."

 

"I am a member of a team, and I rely on the team, I defer to it and sacrifice for it, because the team, not the individual, is the ultimate champion. "

On Team Work by Brinna Scurry.

 

George Graham on the goal keeper

 

 "The goalkeeper is the jewel in the crown and getting at him should be almost impossible. It's the biggest sin in football to make him do any work."

 

This is a quote from Ronaldo,

 

 "Everyone tells me that the Italian championship is the toughest in the world, but I'm not afraid. In my career, I've always scored goals, wherever I've been."

 

A quote by Casey Korkus

 

 " It's why we play the game. Anything is possible, anything can happen, and we proved that again tonight."

 

Johan Cryuff on the Italian footballers, "Italians can't win the game against you, but you can lose the game against the Italians"

 

"A million wouldn't buy him, and I'd be one of them." Bill Shankly

 

This one is funny, "If we played like this every week, we wouldn't be so inconsistent."

 

Beckham on "Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had."

 

 

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: runplanet.com

RUNNERS ONE-LINERS

I go running in the morning, before my brain figures out what I am doing.

• I'm in shape... "Round" is a shape, isn't it?
• The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, it is too far to walk back.
• My first job was in a running shoe company; I tried but I just didn't fit in. So then I got a job in a gym, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.
• If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
• If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
• If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?
• If the refrigerator and television weren't so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any walking training at all.
• Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
• I have to run early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I am really doing.
• The advantage of running every day is that you die healthier.
• It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you, at age 85, to spend an additional five months in a nursing home at 5,000 dollars per month.
• I joined a running club last year to lose some weight, spent about $100. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.
• I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
• The value of advertising is that it tells you the exact opposite of what the advertiser actually thinks. For example: if the advertisement strongly suggests that particular brand of running shoes enabling athletes to perform amazing feats, the advertiser wants you to disregard the fact that shoe brand is unrelated to athletic ability.
• If you are going to try cross country, start with a small country.
• I don't jog - it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.
• You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is.
• If rabbit's feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?
• "The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again" - Erma Bombeck
• I had to give up jogging for my health. My thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.
• You know you are stressed if you can achieve "runners high" by sitting up.
• In a podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels".

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ home.earthlink.net

UMPIRES FUNNY QUOTES

Click here to view ----> UMPIRES

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: enquirer.com

Past Daytona winners swap stories, fibs

DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. - Sometimes, what they call bench racing is the best racing of all.

When the bench racing is being done by past champions of the Daytona 500, it's even better. And there was much bench racing to be had Friday.

Past winners from Marvin Panch (1961) to A.J. Foyt (1972) to Darrell Waltrip (1989) to The King, seven-time champion Richard Petty, swapped stories - and perhaps more than a few lies - to much laughter and warm moments.

There was three-time winner Bobby Allison (1978, 1982, 1988) telling the story of his '82 triumph.

"We fixed our bumper so it would fly off, or so I'm told," he said. "I won the Clash with the bumper like it was, and I won the 125 with the bumper like it was."

Allison said a NASCAR official, insisting the team was cheating, mandated a 1/8-inch adjustment to the bumper before the 500. It was removed and re-welded, albeit less effectively. Allison then tangled with Cale Yarborough and, lo and behold, the bumper fell off, giving him what many felt was an unfair aerodynamic advantage.

"It's my lie and I'm sticking to it," Petty, who finished 27th that year, replied to Allison to much laughter.

And then there was Petty adding levity to one of his darker moments - 1988 - when his Pontiac went flipping and tumbling down the frontstretch in as frightening a wreck as has ever been seen at the big track.

"I was lying there looking up at the ceiling," he said, recounting his now famous - or infamous - encounter with his wife Lynda in the infield care center.

"All she's seen what was on TV ... and she come in the door and she looked down and said, 'Are we having fun?' ''

Speaking of 1988, there were Allison's poignant moments discussing that race, when he beat son Davey in a 1-2 finish, a day he cannot remember - even after watching it on tape - due to injuries he suffered in a bad wreck at Pocono four months later.

And then there was Panch telling the story of the car he drove to victory that was basically rescued from the back lot at Smokey Yunick's legendary Daytona Beach garage. The car, a 1960 Pontiac, was held in such low esteem, Yunick wouldn't even allow his crew work to on it inside the garage, where Fireball Roberts' 1961 Pontiac was being prepared for the 500.

Or Panch recounting his first visit, the inaugural 1959 race, when NASCAR and Daytona 500 founder Bill France offered drivers $1,000 - a lot of money back then - to cut the tops off their cars to create convertibles to boost the numbers in that underepresented class.

Panch took the money and then regretted it as the hardtops blew by the convertibles on the track, and the cover inside his car blew off.

"We had to hold it down because it was beating you to death in there, and driving with one arm and watching the mirror at the same time, that was the biggest mistake I ever made," he said.

Panch finished 17th in the 59-car field, but two years later scored the victory that guaranteed his membership in one of the most exclusive fraternities in all of sport.

But before a driver can win it, he's got to get in it, and that's special in itself.

Just ask Dale Eanhardt Jr.

"You do anything in the world just to get in the Daytona 500," he said. "Once you're in the race, there's no feeling like it. It's just a crazy feeling to be in that field, let alone win the race. It's an incredible feeling."

It's a feeling that lasts a lifetime, even when a lifetime progresses to the point where the only racing a racer does is on a bench.

And as they say, bench racing can be the best racing of all.

 

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: cnyrunning.com

RUNNING QUOTE

 

Every morning in Africa a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the lion or it will not survive. Every morning a lion wakes up and it knows it must run  faster than the slowest gazelle or it will starve. It doesn't matter if you are the lion or the gazelle, when the sun comes up, you better be running.

- African Proverb

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: community.foxsports.com

BOBBY KNIGHT QUOTES:

 

All of us learn to write in the second grade.

Most of us go on to greater things."

"When my time on earth is gone, and my activities

 here are past; I want that they should bury me

upside down, so my critics can kiss my BLEEP ."

Interviewer: "Could you please address the questions?"
Knight: "No, I'll handle things the way I want, now that

I'm here. You #$%^ed it up to begin.You just sit there

or leave. I don't give a $#^! what you do."

"Don't look at me in the tone of voice."

"In a lot of press conferences in the time I have

been coaching, indulging my sense of humor at

press conferences has not been greatly to my benefit."

"If I were in charge I'd drug test all you sons of

BLEEP es,  not just the athletes."

"Theres some good guys like Carson and Marshall you

keep telling me about, and you keep getting on their BLEEP ."

"I've always been too confrontational, especially when I

know I'm right."

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: hoopsu.homestead.com

BASKETBALL POEM

It's Only One Possession

by Jeff Smith

It was only one possession, Why must my coach scream,

My poor defense permitted the basket, But what can one hoop mean?

As the pass comes my direction, And I fumble it into the stands,

The coach's voice rings loud and clear, "Catch with your eyes and hands!"

C'mon, coach, it's a single possession. Our team will be okay.

It's just the first two minutes, My gosh, we've got all day.

At the 10-minute mark I remember, That the center is strong and stout.

A putback for two, quite simply due, To my failure to turn and block out.

But it was only one possession, I didn't commit a crime,

My team is ahead and I'm playing well, And there's still plenty of time!

As the halftime buzzer is sounding, And I watch the ball bank in,

I know that I will hear from my loving coach, Of my questionable effort to defend.

But it was only one possession, Coach - don't have a heart attack!

We're down by one, but we're having fun, I know we'll get the lead back!

The second half mirrors the first, But it's early, it's not a big deal.

That my failure to use a pass fake, Results in an unlikely steal.

But quickly I sink a jumper. I'm greeted by high fives and slaps,

But next possession I give up a layup, While suffering mental lapse.

But it's only one possession, C'mon, Coach, chill out.

It's crazy to see you disgusted, As you slap the assistant and shout.

"Victory favors the team making the fewest mistakes.

Single possessions are the key. So treat them like gold and do as you're told,

And play with intensity."

I step to the line for one and one, But I have a concentration lapse.

The ball soars through the air - Good Lord, it's a brick!

I'm afraid the support will collapse. In post game I sit at my locker,

Pondering what more I could do. I realize the value of each possession,

What a shame that we lost by two.

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