SPECIAL EDITORIAL NOTE FROM SPORTS_NUT, 2/26/2011
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Welcome to the retirement edition of Funny Sports Quotes.
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The Funny Sports Quotes blog was created in 11/2007 after I could see I could become a blogger very easily using Google's 3-step process for creating a blog online.
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For me, like most, work is not my idea of a fun experience, so I had to choose the topic that I would most enjoy pursuing and that, for me, was finding and posting funny sports quotes for entertaining and, in some cases, educating an audience on facets of sports even the most ardent sports fans may not have been aware of.
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At the same time, I decided to compile a database of funny sports quotes that sports fans and quote fans could visit for "one-stop" shopping, thereby helping them to avoid the need to search elsewhere for sports quotes.
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So, from 11/2007 until 2/2011. I have compiled quotes on the Funny Sports Quotes blog and its sister blog, FSQuotes, that is accessible only from the Funny Sports Quotes blog.
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As of 2/26/2011, I believe I have achieved my objective first set in 11/2007, which signals for me the end of my funny sports quotes database project.
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Kindly note that I have already made the last post (SI Swimsuit) to the blog, shut off further entries to Comments, and I will shut off the email address sports.quotes@gmail.com on 03/14/2011.
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Also note that many features previously cited on this page have been removed, so that a bare-bones FSQ remains for your future reference.
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I do hope that my venture was successful in bringing a smile to your face or a skip to your step, since that was all FSQ was created for, your entertainment and pleasure.
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In closing, I wish you and yours, Godspeed!
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Saturday, June 28, 2008

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: river-runners.org


Image: sequoiabrigadecamp.org
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CANOEING QUOTES
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Believe me, my young friend, there is nothing- absolutely nothing- half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats.
-- Water Rat From Wind in the Willows
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You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your element in each moment.
-- Henry David Thoreau
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Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time. -- Sir J. Lubbock
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"Even at the very bottom of the river, I didn't think to myself, `is this a hearty joke or the merest accident'. I just thought, `it's wet'." -- Eeyore
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Christopher Robin came down from the Forest to the Bridge, feeling all sunny and careless, and just as if twice nineteen didn't matter a bit, as it didn't on such a happy afternoon, and he thought that if he stood on the bottom rail of the bridge, and leant over, and watched the river slipping slowly away beneath him, then he would suddenly know everything that there was to be known.
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"It's little Anxious," he said to himself, "to be a Very Small Animal Entirely Surrounded by Water. Christopher Robin and Pooh could escape by Climbing Trees, and Kanga could escape by Jumping, and Rabbit could escape by Burrowing, and Owl could escape by Flying, and Eeyore could escape by - by making a Loud Noise Until Rescued, and here am I, surrounded by water and I can't do anything." -- Piglet
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I think it much better that...every man paddle his own canoe -- Settlers in Canada
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Love many, trust a few, and always paddle your own canoe -- Bumper Sticker
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Anyone who tells you portaging is fun is either a liar, or crazy, or maybe both. -- Bill Mason
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Everyone must believe in something. I believe I'll go canoeing -- Henry David Thoreau (? - unconfirmed )
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What sets a canoeing expedition apart is that it purifies you more rapidly and inescapably than any other travel. Travel a thousand miles by train and you are a brute; pedal five hundred on a bicycle and you remain basically a bourgeois; paddle a hundred in a canoe and you are already a child of nature. -- Pierre Elliott Trudeau
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"The first thing you must learn about canoeing is that the canoe is not a lifeless, inanimate object: it feels very much alive, alive with the life of the river. Life is transmitted to the canoe by currents of air and the water upon which it rides. The behaviour and temperament of a canoe is dependent upon the elements: from the slightest breeze to a raging storm, from the smallest ripple to a towering wave, or from a meandering stream to a thundering rapid. Anyone can handle a canoe in a quiet millpond, but in a rapids a canoe is like a wild stallion. It must be kept on a tight rein. The canoeist must take the canoe where he or she wants it to go, not where it wants to go. Given the chance, the canoe will dump you overboard and continue on down the river by itself." -- Bill Mason
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There is nothing that is so aesthetically pleasing and yet so functional and versatile as the canoe. -- Bill Mason
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The care of rivers is not a question of rivers, but of the human heart. -- Tanaka Shozo
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In nature there are neither rewards nor punishments - there are consequences. -- R. G. Ingersoll
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At times on quiet waters one does not speak aloud but only in whispers, for then all noise is sacrilege. -- Sigurd F. Olson
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Wilderness can be appreciated only by contrast, and solitude understood only when we have been without it. We cannot separate ourselves from society, comradeship, sharing and love. Unless we can contribute something from wilderness experience, derive some solace or peace to share with others, then the real purpose is defeated. -- Sigurd F. Olson
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To stick your hands into the river is to feel the cords that bind the earth together in one piece. -- Barry Lopez
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All the water that ever has been or ever will be is here now. It sits, it runs, it rises as mist. It evaporates and falls again as rain or snow. You cannot pollute a drop of water anywhere without eventually poisoning some distant place. -- Michael Furtman
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The song of the waters is audible to every ear, but there is other music in these hills, by no means audible to all. To hear even a few notes of it, you must first live here for a long time, and then you must know the speech of hills and rivers. Then of a still night, when the campfire is low and the Pleiades have climbed over the rimrocks , sit quietly and listen for a wolf to howl, and think hard of everything you have seen and tried to understand. Then you may hear it - a vast pulsing harmony - its score inscribed on a thousand hills, its notes the lives and deaths of plants and animals, its rhythms spanning the seconds and the centuries. -- Aldo Leopold
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Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more,
Men were deceivers ever :
One foot in sea and one on shore,
To one thing constant never.
Then sigh not so, but let them go
And be you blithe and bonny,
Converting all your sounds of woe
Into hey nonny, nonny.
-- William Shakespeare - Much Ado About Nothing
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sportsgoblin.com


Image: eoydc.org
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SPORTS HUMOR
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Five signs you spend too much time on sports
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The closing of NFL Europe seriously freed up your schedule
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You bought a special cable/dish package so that you could watch more bowling
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You can name a Tour De France competitor that did not win and was not accused of doping
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You have a fantasy WNBA team
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You use a vacation day to stay home and follow the MLB draft

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: fanchatter.com

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SPORTS QUOTES
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I have cork in my arms --- Ted Williams after being accused of corking his bat.
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"Even his hair has muscles." - Lefty Grove on Jimmie Foxx
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Marvin Barnes: "...But when Marvin gets movin', And the crowd gets to groovin', For the Doctor a hospital bed they'll be reserving."
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Marvin "Bad News" Barnes, ABA, about Dr. J: "There once was a doctor named Erving, Whose slam dunks were especially unnerving..."
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A reporter once asked Rickey if he talked to himself, “Do I talk to myself? No, I just remind myself of what I’m trying to do.
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Ricky Henderson told teammates that his condo had such a great view that he could see, “The Entire State Building.?



Friday, June 27, 2008

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: jaysfootballcards.com

Image: triumphbooks.com
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SPORTS INSULTS
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Football:
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1) "I didn't get up when that train hit me, I just laid there and watched." -Ex Bears coach Mike Ditka, after watching his Bears lose to the Vikings 45 - 13.
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2) "Football is a cold, cold business and in New England it's even colder." -Ex Cowboy's Linebacker Eugene Lockhart, after learning he was traded to New England.
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3) "His personnel phone bill was too high." - Ex Falcon's coach Jerry Glanville commenting why he cut then Linebacker, Marcus Cotton. Cotton had 2 car phones, 1 for business calls and 1 for personnel calls.
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4) "Well, we've determined that we can't win at home and we can't win on the road. What we need is a neutral site." -Ex Buccaneers coach John McKay.
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Basketball:
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1) "If he gives me 100 million, I'll give him the franchise." -Milwaukee Bucks owner, Herb Cole on the contract demands of then first round pick Glenn Robinson.
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2) "I saw him naked, he's not on steroids." -Charles Barkley, on then Suns teammate Joe McElvaine who was suspended for 3 games for steroid use.


Baseball:
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1) "There will be peace in the middle east before Michael Jordan plays in the major leagues." -Ex pitcher Larry Anderson on Michael Jordan's chances on playing in the major leagues.


Others:
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1) "Its not whether you win or lose, its how good you looked!" -David Lee Roth

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: guardian.co.uk

Image: i.dailymail.co.uk
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SOCCER QUOTES
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Luiz Felipe Scolari: in his own words
Never one to disappoint, here are some of the new Chelsea coach's more infamous outbursts
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"I'll wait for you outside, mate" – Scolari books a date with a referee who ordered him from Brazil's bench in 2000.
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"He was going to hit [Ricardo] Quaresma and I defended him" - pugilist Phil stands up for his players by thumping the Serbian defender Ivica DragutinoviƧ in a Euro 2008 qualifier last September.
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"Who was to blame out there was the referee. Two metres offside!" - Scolari's alternative reason for punching DragutinoviƧ.
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"I'm not perfect. Everyone makes mistakes, and I lost my head here" - the suits from the Portuguese FA prise a confession from chastened Phil over the Serbian punch-up.
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"If someone talks about my private life, for example, I'll give them a good punching. I'm not interested in suing. I like to sort things out my way" - that sounds like a challenge for the British press.
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"Jesus said we should turn the other cheek. Unfortunately, Figo is not Jesus Christ" - and nor did Jesus headbutt Mark van Bommel, as Luis Figo just had in June 2006.
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"I believe firmly in astrology. Since I was a kid, the stars told me I was a winner" - he's a Scorpio, by the way. The same as the Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich.
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"When the ball goes to his feet it doesn't cry. When it goes to my feet it cries"- the difference between Zinedine Zidane and Scolari.
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"I don't want this situation involving England because in two days during which I was not coach, I never agreed to anything, my life was invaded. My privacy was totally under siege" - the Sensitive One rejects England.
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"I think Pele knows nothing about soccer. He's done nothing as a coach and his analysis turns out to be always wrong. If you plan on winninga title, you do the opposite to what Pele says" - World Cup winner Scolari reveals the secret of his success.
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"[He] tortured a lot but there is no illiteracy in Chile" - Big Phil offers a Thatcheresque critique of General Pinochet's leadership

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: iscrap.net

SPORTS ONE-LINERS

Tennis, what a racquet! - Anonymous
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Softball, if it were easy, it would be called baseball. - Anonymous
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Give blood, play rugby. - Anonymous
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Golf is a game in which you claim the privileges of age and retain the playthings of childhood. - Anonymous
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A puck is a hard rubber disc that hockey players strike when they can't hit one another. - Jimmy Cannon
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Football is, after all, a wonderful way to get rid of your aggressions without going to jail for it. - Heywood Hale Brown
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Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: [from academe] A modern school where football is taught. - Ambrose Bierce
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Let's face it, you have to have a slightly recessive gene that has a little something to do with the brain to go out on the football field and beat your head against other human beings on a daily basis. - Tim Green
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If you're attacking, you don't get as tired as when you're chasing.- Kyle Rote, Jr.
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I get a kick out of soccer.- Anonymous
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Why is there only one ball for 22 players? If you gave a ball to each of them, they'd stop fighting for it. - Anonymous
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Soccer is a game in which everyone does a lot of running around. Twenty-one guys stand around and one guy does a tap dance with the ball.- Jim Murray

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: cambridgeharriers.com

TRACK AND FIELD \ RUNNING QUOTES

26 Ways You Know You Are A Runner

1. You know how many miles there are in a marathon.

2. Your weekly mileage is how much you run, not your commute to work.

3. You know how many miles you get out of a pair of running shoes.

4. You can convert Kilometers to Miles in your head.

5. You measure your running route in your car to get the exact mileage.

6. When someone tells you their age, you automatically know their Boston qualifying time.

7. You know Grandma's as the route from Two Harbors to Duluth, not the person.

8. You can drink, blow your nose, and pee on the run.

9. The problem with the treadmill is there's no place to spit.

10. You have less than ten toenails and that's normal for you.

11. Body Glide is your friend.

12. Ibuprofen is affectionately known as "Vitamin I".

13. Navigating walkers, dogs, and baby strollers annoys you because it interrupts your pace.

14. When you participate in an organized event, you know not to run in your race t-shirt.

15. You have a favorite energy gel and flavor.

16. The "Picasso" above your fireplace is last year's TCM poster.

17. You have pre and post race rituals.

18. The journal you keep is in miles/kms and pace not feelings or thoughts.

19. When you look at the weather conditions, you calculate how many layers to wear.

20. The pride you feel after a good run is worth the pain it took to get there.

21. You have more t-shirts than you could possibly wear.

22. When you hear the word "bib", you think of race numbers not babies and Gerber food.

23. The "no carbohydrate diet" does not apply to you.

24. You know that Fartlek is not vulgar terminology.

25. A hill is an opportunity just waiting to be challenged.

26. You know the phrase "you're almost there" only applies when the finish line is in sight.

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"Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer from agony of defeat." - I. M. Jokin

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: mackdays.com

Image: fishing.net.nz
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FISHING QUOTES
Calling fishing a hobby is like calling brain surgery a job. ~Paul Schullery
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My biggest worry is that my wife (when I'm dead) will sell my fishing gear for what I said I paid for it. ~Koos Brandt
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Nothing makes a fish bigger than almost being caught. ~Author Unknown
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Bragging may not bring happiness, but no man having caught a large fish goes home through an alley. ~Author Unknown
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The charm of fishing is that it is the pursuit of what is elusive but attainable, a perpetual series of occasions for hope. ~John Buchan
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The worse your line is tangled, the better is the fishing around you.-Author Unknown
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A "reel" fisherman has at least one lure that never caught a fish!
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Man can learn a lot from fishing -- when the fish are biting no problem in the world is big enough to be remembered.-- Orlando A. Battista
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Only an extraordinary person would purposely risk being outsmarted by a creature often less than twelve inches long, over and over again.~ Janna Bialek
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"He's not the sharpest hook in the tackle box."~ Anonymous
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May the holes in your net be no larger than the fish in it. ~Irish Blessing
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The fishing was good; it was the catching that was bad. ~A.K. Best
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There he stands, draped in more equipment than a telephone lineman, trying to outwit an organism with a brain no bigger than a breadcrumb, and getting licked in the process. ~Paul O'Neil, 1965
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Roderick Haig-Brown: "Anglers...exaggerate grossly and make gentle and inoffensive creatures sound like wounded buffalo and man-eating tigers."
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Henry Kanemoto: "Fly fishing is like sex, everyone thinks there is more than there is, and that everyone is getting more than their share."
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Robert Traver: " The true fisherman approaches the first day of fishing season with all the sense of wonder and awe of a child approaching Christmas."
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Unknown: "Who ever said `A bad day of fishing is always better than a good day at work,' never had their boat sink."
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If people don't occasionally walk away from you shaking their heads, you're doing something wrong." John Gierach
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"It is not how abundant nor how considerable our catch be, but rather to the sport, and manner in which our quarry, the noble trout is angled."-J.B. Martin