Strange but True Baseball Injuries
These are true injuries suffered by baseball players.
Infielder Chris Brown missed a game because he "slept on his eye funny".
Pitcher Adam Eaton stabbed himself in the stomach as he was using a knife to open a DVD wrapper.
Sammy Sosa was disabled after a violent sneeze.
Pitcher Jeff Juden missed a start because a tattoo he got prior to the season opener got infected.
Reliever Randy Flores was put on the disabled list - while removing his socks after a game, a large patch of skin also came off.
DH Mickey Tettleton went on the disabled list with athlete's foot. The story is that he tied his shoes too tight.
Utility infielder Bret Barberie missed a game because he mistakenly rubbed chili juice in his eyes.
Pitcher Ricky Bones injured his lower back getting out of a chair while watching television in the clubhouse.
Outfielder Dustan Mohr strained his groin while trying to get out of the dugout for a celebration for another player's home run.
Reliever Larry Anderson strained a rib muscle jumping from the bench to join a brawl.
Shortstop Rey Quinones wasn't available as a pinch hitter as he was in the clubhouse playing Nintendo.
Pitcher Mark Smith was injured when he stuck his hand into an air conditioner to see why it wasn't working.
Reliever Joey Eischen broke his arm jumping into the air to field a ground ball.
Shortstop Clint Barmes fell down some stairs and broke his collarbone. He was unable to break his fall because he was cradling a package of venison given to him from teammate Todd Helton.
Pitcher Greg Harris suffered a strained elbow flipping sunflower seeds while sitting in the bullpen.
Pitcher Randy Veres injured his hand pounding on the hotel room wall, trying to get the people in the next room to be quiet.
Third baseman Randy Johnson strained his back putting on his socks.
Pitcher Byron McLaughlin cut his right hand when he was practicing his windup in his hotel room. He was apparently too close to the mirror.
Catcher Brent Mayne missed an entire month in the 2002 season because he turned his head to check traffic as he was crossing the street - and wrenched his back.
Pitcher Steve Foster injured his shoulder at a taping of a segment for "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno".
Speedster Rickey Henderson allegedly missed several games in August due to frostbite.
Outfielder Ken Griffey Jr. missed a game after his cup slipped and pinched a testicle.
Pitcher Oliver Perez went on the 15 day disabled list after breaking his toe while kicking a laundry cart in the visitor's clubhouse.
Outfielder Marty Cordova missed a game after he burned his face, spending too much time under a tanning lamp.
Jose Cardenal missed a game because he was kept awake all night by crickets chirping in his hotel room.
Pitcher Kenny Rogers dislocated his pinky finger (on his non-pitching hand) after punching out a water cooler.
Outfielder Glenallen Hill received cuts over much of his body after he fell out of bed onto a glass table. He was having a nightmare about being covered in spiders.
Pitcher Rich Harden strained his shoulder turning off his alarm clock.
Second baseman Jeff Kent claimed he hurt his wrist while washing his truck. Speculation is that he was injured in a motorcycle accident while doing tricks.
Infielder Paul Molitor dislocated a knuckle when it got stuck in another player's glove.
Pitcher Terry Mulholland scratched his eye on a feather that was sticking out of a pillow.
Hall of Fame pitcher Phil Niekro was injured while shaking hands.
Pitcher Doc Gooden missed a start when a teammate accidentally hit him with a golf club in the locker room.
Shortstop Jason Bartlett tore the nail off his left pinky while sliding his hand under the television in his room at the Ritz Carlton hotel in Detroit.
Shortstop Juan Castro hurt his neck on the pillow at the same Ritz Carlton hotel in Detroit.
Infielder Kent Hrbek sprained an ankle wrestling with a clubhouse attendant, forcing him to miss the final ten days of the season.
Famed outfielder Kevin Mitchell strained a muscle while vomiting.
Kevin Mitchell also was hurt by a microwaved donut. Supposedly eating this led to his needing a root canal.
Pitcher Pascual Perez missed a game in Atlanta because he couldn't find the correct exit ramp on the freeway. OK, it's not an injury, but it's pretty funny!
Wade Boggs hurt his back putting on his cowboy boots.
Pitcher Mike Remlinger missed 15 days because he broke his left pinky in a clubhouse recliner.
Reliever Steve Sparks dislocated his shoulder while trying to tear a phone book in half.
Pitcher Carlos Perez broke his nose in a car accident - he was trying to pass the team bus at the time.
John Smoltz burned his chest while ironing the shirt he was wearing.
Outfielder Oddibe McDowell sliced his hand while buttering a roll at the annual "Welcome Luncheon" held by the Texas Rangers.
Pitcher Charlie Hough broke his finger shaking hands.
Nolan Ryan missed a start after being bitten by a coyote.
Shortstop Bobby Crosby cracked two ribs while swinging the bat during opening day practice.
Outfielder Terry Harper separated a shoulder after high-fiving a teammate.
Outfielder Vince Coleman missed the entire 1985 World Series after being rolled up in the tarp machine at Busch Stadium.
Pitcher David Cone missed a start because his mother-in-law's Jack Russell Terrier bit him.
Hall of Famer George Brett broke a toe on a chair when he was running from the kitchen to the living room to see baseball on TV.
Future Hall of Famer Tony Gwynn missed several games because he smashed his finger in the door of his luxury car, on the way to the bank.
Pitcher Carlos Zambrano was diagnosed with carpal tunnel syndrome after spending as many as five hours daily on the Internet.
Red Sox rookie Clarence Blethen thought he looked older and meaner if he took his false teeth out when he pitched. He forgot to put them back in his mouth when he was batting. While sliding into second base to break up a double play, his own teeth bit himself in the butt.
These are true injuries suffered by baseball players.
Infielder Chris Brown missed a game because he "slept on his eye funny".
Pitcher Adam Eaton stabbed himself in the stomach as he was using a knife to open a DVD wrapper.
Sammy Sosa was disabled after a violent sneeze.
Pitcher Jeff Juden missed a start because a tattoo he got prior to the season opener got infected.
Reliever Randy Flores was put on the disabled list - while removing his socks after a game, a large patch of skin also came off.
DH Mickey Tettleton went on the disabled list with athlete's foot. The story is that he tied his shoes too tight.
Utility infielder Bret Barberie missed a game because he mistakenly rubbed chili juice in his eyes.
Pitcher Ricky Bones injured his lower back getting out of a chair while watching television in the clubhouse.
Outfielder Dustan Mohr strained his groin while trying to get out of the dugout for a celebration for another player's home run.
Reliever Larry Anderson strained a rib muscle jumping from the bench to join a brawl.
Shortstop Rey Quinones wasn't available as a pinch hitter as he was in the clubhouse playing Nintendo.
Pitcher Mark Smith was injured when he stuck his hand into an air conditioner to see why it wasn't working.
Reliever Joey Eischen broke his arm jumping into the air to field a ground ball.
Shortstop Clint Barmes fell down some stairs and broke his collarbone. He was unable to break his fall because he was cradling a package of venison given to him from teammate Todd Helton.
Pitcher Greg Harris suffered a strained elbow flipping sunflower seeds while sitting in the bullpen.
Pitcher Randy Veres injured his hand pounding on the hotel room wall, trying to get the people in the next room to be quiet.
Third baseman Randy Johnson strained his back putting on his socks.
Pitcher Byron McLaughlin cut his right hand when he was practicing his windup in his hotel room. He was apparently too close to the mirror.
Catcher Brent Mayne missed an entire month in the 2002 season because he turned his head to check traffic as he was crossing the street - and wrenched his back.
Pitcher Steve Foster injured his shoulder at a taping of a segment for "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno".
Speedster Rickey Henderson allegedly missed several games in August due to frostbite.
Outfielder Ken Griffey Jr. missed a game after his cup slipped and pinched a testicle.
Pitcher Oliver Perez went on the 15 day disabled list after breaking his toe while kicking a laundry cart in the visitor's clubhouse.
Outfielder Marty Cordova missed a game after he burned his face, spending too much time under a tanning lamp.
Jose Cardenal missed a game because he was kept awake all night by crickets chirping in his hotel room.
Pitcher Kenny Rogers dislocated his pinky finger (on his non-pitching hand) after punching out a water cooler.
Outfielder Glenallen Hill received cuts over much of his body after he fell out of bed onto a glass table. He was having a nightmare about being covered in spiders.
Pitcher Rich Harden strained his shoulder turning off his alarm clock.
Second baseman Jeff Kent claimed he hurt his wrist while washing his truck. Speculation is that he was injured in a motorcycle accident while doing tricks.
Infielder Paul Molitor dislocated a knuckle when it got stuck in another player's glove.
Pitcher Terry Mulholland scratched his eye on a feather that was sticking out of a pillow.
Hall of Fame pitcher Phil Niekro was injured while shaking hands.
Pitcher Doc Gooden missed a start when a teammate accidentally hit him with a golf club in the locker room.
Shortstop Jason Bartlett tore the nail off his left pinky while sliding his hand under the television in his room at the Ritz Carlton hotel in Detroit.
Shortstop Juan Castro hurt his neck on the pillow at the same Ritz Carlton hotel in Detroit.
Infielder Kent Hrbek sprained an ankle wrestling with a clubhouse attendant, forcing him to miss the final ten days of the season.
Famed outfielder Kevin Mitchell strained a muscle while vomiting.
Kevin Mitchell also was hurt by a microwaved donut. Supposedly eating this led to his needing a root canal.
Pitcher Pascual Perez missed a game in Atlanta because he couldn't find the correct exit ramp on the freeway. OK, it's not an injury, but it's pretty funny!
Wade Boggs hurt his back putting on his cowboy boots.
Pitcher Mike Remlinger missed 15 days because he broke his left pinky in a clubhouse recliner.
Reliever Steve Sparks dislocated his shoulder while trying to tear a phone book in half.
Pitcher Carlos Perez broke his nose in a car accident - he was trying to pass the team bus at the time.
John Smoltz burned his chest while ironing the shirt he was wearing.
Outfielder Oddibe McDowell sliced his hand while buttering a roll at the annual "Welcome Luncheon" held by the Texas Rangers.
Pitcher Charlie Hough broke his finger shaking hands.
Nolan Ryan missed a start after being bitten by a coyote.
Shortstop Bobby Crosby cracked two ribs while swinging the bat during opening day practice.
Outfielder Terry Harper separated a shoulder after high-fiving a teammate.
Outfielder Vince Coleman missed the entire 1985 World Series after being rolled up in the tarp machine at Busch Stadium.
Pitcher David Cone missed a start because his mother-in-law's Jack Russell Terrier bit him.
Hall of Famer George Brett broke a toe on a chair when he was running from the kitchen to the living room to see baseball on TV.
Future Hall of Famer Tony Gwynn missed several games because he smashed his finger in the door of his luxury car, on the way to the bank.
Pitcher Carlos Zambrano was diagnosed with carpal tunnel syndrome after spending as many as five hours daily on the Internet.
Red Sox rookie Clarence Blethen thought he looked older and meaner if he took his false teeth out when he pitched. He forgot to put them back in his mouth when he was batting. While sliding into second base to break up a double play, his own teeth bit himself in the butt.
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I might catch flack for leaving the late Mr. Alzado off the list, but note that it's not a slight — it's just a really tough crop to choose from! Looking over his career as both a football player and an actor, I can't help but think of the great things he could have done on the big and small screens had he not died so young. I used to watch his sitcom Learning the Ropes as a lad, was thrilled by his evil shenanigans in Destroyer via USA Up All Night, and hated his guts as I rooted for Ernest P. Worrell to kick his butt in Ernest Goes to Camp. 
What can you say about Bubba that would come anywhere near close to doing him justice? Best known to moviegoers everywhere as Moses Hightower, the soft-spoken, blue-clad giant from the Police Academy series, many might recognize Steve Guttenberg as the star of the franchise, but I don't think anyone could argue that the supporting cast was the soul, which Bubba anchored with authority. He's since gone on to star and cameo in B-movies here and there, so keep your eyes peeled!
You may not know Don Gibb as Don Gibb, but you'll surely know him as Ogre, the Alpha Beta bully who tormented the nerds of Lambda Lambda Lambda in Revenge of the Nerds! Guy Movie nuts will also know him as Ray Jackson, Jean Claude's butt-kicking American buddy at the Kumate in Bloodsport. Don's face, size, and wild hair are unmistakable, and his persona is one of a big huggable teddy bear — with a bite. Don's acting gigs have mostly consisted of bit parts in movies and TV shows since his days as Ogre, so while you're flipping keep an eye out. You never know where he might pop up.
One of the most colorful figures to ever come out of football, or any sport for that matter, Lawrence Taylor has repeatedly proven that you cannot count him out. Without much of an acting resume under his belt, he managed to snag supporting roles in films like Any Given Sunday and Shaft, and actually deliver the goods. He even proved he could be funny on HBO's 1st and Ten. The Original LT, however, always seems to be at his best when he's playing himself, whether its with cameos in comedies like last years The Comebacks or Adam Sandler's The Waterboy, or taking to the squared circle to battle legendary wrestler Bam Bam Bigelow at Wrestlemania XI — the man has managed to do just about everything one can do, and he's still got a lot of years left in him. Everything I've seen him in I've thoroughly enjoyed, so here's to LT doing us all a favor, and doing a few more things in front of the camera.
Richard Roundtree may have been the face that launched Blaxploitation cinema in the early '70s, but few carried the genre better than Fred "Hammer" Williamson. Oh, the endless amounts of joy this man has brought me over the years is something I truly treasure. Out of all the Blaxploitation leading men, Fred always seemed to be the best at addressing the issue of race without alienating non-black audiences. Sure, most of the plots had to do with inequality, but the rest of them were just so much damn fun, you couldn't help but ride along with a smile on yourself. It almost makes me sad that most kids today only recognize him as Frost, the big, black, biker bad-ass in From Dusk Till Dawn (if at all), because he's seriously got a mountain of work under his belt! To prove the sheer brilliance this man possesses: He once starred in a Blaxploitation western called Boss N(self censor)r — of which he was the titular character, and — get this — he also wrote the screenplay! This is one of the few films I've yet to see, but after reading reviews it definitely sounds like a must see! 
You may not know his name, but if you've been paying attention to TV and cinema lately, you've no doubt seen his face. Terry Crews is big, intimidating, and gifted with an incredible sense of humor. He could take the easy road of being a B-movie action star (like many on this list), but instead he's flexing more than just physical muscle, he's flexing his acting muscles, not to mention flexing his funny bone every chance he gets. Whether he's putting a boot to fools as T-Money on Battle Dome, lusting after a Wayans brother in drag in White Chicks, playing an inmate in Adam Sandler's The Longest Yard (DRINK!), or burning the candle at both ends to raise his family in Everybody Hates Chris, Terry is proving he's more than just another meathead ex-jock — he's the real deal. And when all is said and done, I don't doubt that he'll be at the tops of many future lists just like this. All hail President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho!
The Boz has always been a showman, and a show-off. His NFL career is remembered more for his bleached Mohawk hairdo and big mouth than any of his on-field exploits. Actually, he's mostly remembered for getting run over by Bo Jackson, but we won't get into that. While his career on the gridiron was short lived, the idea of an acting career began to percolate, largely after the strength of his very popular commercials as the face of Right Guard deodorant. His first foray into film was as Joe Huff, a detective who goes undercover to infiltrate a villainous biker gang in Stone Cold -- a certified Guy Movie classic! He's since gone on to star in other B-movie action flicks, including a cameo as an evil prison guard in Adam Sandler's remake of The Longest Yard. (DRINK!)
One of the greatest running backs of all time, Jim Brown first gained attention as a real actor in one of the greatest Guy war movies of all time, The Dirty Dozen -- a film he chose to finish filming at the sacrifice of his football career. He would later carve out his own corner in Blaxploitation cinema as the stoic, no nonsense Slaughter. Slaughter was never as cool as Shaft, or Hammer, but he wasn't supposed to be. The driving purpose of the Slaughter character was to provide the genre with a hard-nosed badass, and it is at that that Mr. Brown more than succeeded. Jim would go on to guest star on television, and join forces with Fred "Hammer" Williamson (number 8 on the list) to revitalize the Blaxploitation genre with Original Gangstas. My personal favorite Jim Brown movie is Tim Burton's Mars Attacks!, where he plays Byron, an ex-boxer turned Casino security guard. 
You might not know his name, but you'll definitely know his face if you've been paying attention to Guy Movies for the last thirty years. He burst onto the seen as Reed Youngblood in Dillinger, and quickly parlayed the success of that role into many others. A man of literal mammoth proportions, Frank has made sure to show he's more than just a brute giving noteworthy performances in family comedies like *Batteries Not Included and Vacation. He's also the prototypical angry police captain, creating it in the Guy Movie classic 48 Hrs, and mocking it in another great Guy Movie, The Last Action Hero. Of everything I've seen this guy in, he's never turned in a bad performance. My favorite performance by him has to be as Jim the foul-mouthed mechanic from Used Cars.
The Tooz was the man. Even though he landed at number two on this list, he's easily my favorite overall. He lived his life at full throttle, just like he played the game, and pursued acting. He made me laugh so hard I nearly crapped my Pampers in Caveman, instilled a desire to have curly hair, a grizzly beard, and play football in North Dallas Forty, and caught the attention and captured the hearts of an entire generation as Sloth, the big mutant Fratelli brother from The Goonies. Only the Lord knows what kind of career he would have had had he been allowed to live a longer — more than likely he would have become some sort of B-movie action star, or continued to make goofy cameos in A-list and B-list flicks. Either way, it sure as hell would have been a lot of fun to watch him work and grow as an actor. RIP, Tooz.
Carl Weathers is, simply, the man. Having racked up high profile roles opposite the two biggest action movie stars of all time, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger, and starring in one of the best Guy Movies of the late '80s, his selection as the greatest ex-football pro turned actor was a veritable no-brainer. Carl first took on Sly's Rocky Balboa as the loudmouthed Apollo Creed in Rocky, one of the greatest Guy Movies of all time. Not only did he have the absolute coolest name ever — he looked like he was chiseled out of stone, and had the uncanny ability to flap his gums at 100 miles per hour without fumbling a single word. Apollo's death in Rocky IV at the hands of Ivan Drago was and is the most heartbreaking moment for me in the entire series. Carl then took on Arnie as the no-nonsense CIA agent Dillon in Predator. Carl was the perfect foil for Arnold, because he could match him for strength and size. 
