FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: yuckles.com

DODGEBALL HUMOR
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Excerpt from article:
Wherein A Young Boy Finds Glory in The Dark Ages of Dodgeball
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Click here to view ===> HUMOR
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: guide.rugbyrugby.com

RUGBY QUOTES
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Excerpt from rugbyrugby.com:
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Below you will find a collection of really great rugby quotes from both rugby players and non-rugby players covering a whole host of topics. So read up, enjoy, and get a little taste for some of the great rugby characters and traditions immortalized forever in these pithiest of the pithy rugby quotes.
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Click here to view ===> QUOTES
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: shamsports.com

Image: people.whatitcosts.com
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BASKETBALL QUOTES
Quotes by and about NBA players
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"Just put the ball in the basket. All of this french pastry is not necessary."
- John Thompson, on Utah's Greg Ostertag after a poorly executed play.

"Just tell me. Did you do it on purpose?"
- Danny Ainge, to then-Celtics coach Jim O'Brien after O'Brien hit his boss's Acura with his Escalade in the Celtics parking lot.
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"Leave your car keys here and run home. I'll give you the keys tomorrow."
- Yao Ming
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"Tell him Shaq doesn't respond to juvenile delinquents without a college degree. Tell him to get his degree and we can talk. In the meantime, he should call me Dr. Shaq because I'm working on my PhD."
- Shaq to Andrew Bynum
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"Star Spangled Banner, I listen it 82 times every year."
- Yao Ming, when asked about his favourite American song
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"Nothing. I was confused for two years. I didn't understand anything and I'm still confused."
- Gregg Popovich, on what he learned in his two years as an assistant to Don Nelson.

"We could use a little more strength at the five position, the four position and shooting and point guard position."
- Danny Ainge

"[LeBron] was banging those little boys around in high school, but once he goes against the men, they're going to beat his butt and make him cry."
- Charley Rosen

"I didn't even know Elvis was from Memphis, I thought he was from Tennessee"
- Drew Gooden
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"I'm not worried about the Sacramento Queens"
- Shaq
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"You can bet the last thing Coach Bob McKinnon wants is a repeat of last Friday night's blow job"
- Bob Costas
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"I will miss him a lot. He was a good friend. And he owes me $80."
- Yao Ming, on Bostjan Nachbar getting traded
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"It was like they were using cheat codes or something."
- Emeka Okafor, on the Seattle SuperSonics
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"We also have a war we have to fight, too. The Washington Wizards are trying to make the playoffs...It's pretty much the same thing."
- Tyronn Lue on the US war against Iraq.
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"I needed a rest anyway."
- Andrew Bogut after getting ejected from a summer league game
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"On a scale of one to 10, I would say 60 to 65 percent."
- NBA union rep Billy Hunter, talking about how far apart the union and the owners are on the CBA negotiations

"I'm always trying to see what the joke is, so I miss the play that's called and I've got to ask a teammate."
- Joe Johnson on the Phoenix's gorilla mascot
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"You've got idiots in the office running things; that's the problem."
- Reggie Miller, on a suspension of Ron Artest.
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"I'm 250 [pounds] - I should be able to flex my muscles when I want to."
- Ron Artest, on flexing to the Miami bench.
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"It looks like my grandfather's rug."
- Bimbo Coles, on a sweater worn by Smush Parker.
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"It's a lot better. I'm not medically inclined to give an opinion."
- Grant Long, on his sore hand.
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"They don't know polo from lolo."
- Charles Oakley, on Canadian fans.
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"He'll land some good middle-school job; you've got to start somewhere."
- Oakley, on former Bulls coach Tim Floyd.
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"I'd like to see him exert himself a little bit more."
- Phil Jackson, on Shaq posting a four rebound game.
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"This is news?"
- Latrell Sprewell, to a photographer waiting outside the police precinct where Spree was paying an overdue parking ticket.
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"I've been patient with everything - management, coaches, players - but I want to play. I think I took my time eating my soup, the soup is gone. Now it's time for the main course. The appetizers, throw them out the window."
- Charles Oakley.
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"I wanted to ask if he planned to expand NBA basketball to the moon."
- Yao Ming, on his meeting with the David Stern.
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"I make big shots everywhere. I get accustomed to it. I'm not afraid to be the goat. I don't worry about what you (reporters) say about me in the papers. In fact, I like it. It tickles me."
- Sam Cassell.
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"We don't pay Chauncey any mind. We let him gossip all he wants. Colorado hasn't done anything since he left. He's still the all-time leading scorer and he only played there two years."
- Rip Hamilton, on Chauncey Billups' claims that Colorado will knock off Michigan State in the NCAA Tournament.

"For our team, every game is the key to opening the door to the playoffs."
- Yao Ming.
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"If this is not micromanaging, I need to look up the [word] again."
- Kwame, on Doug Collins' handling of him.
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"Just too much Chauncey Billups tonight. He made me want to throw up."
- Phil Jackson.
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"I would tell any free agent not to sign with them because you can't trust anyone in upper management. If you're in the room with them and you plan to walk out, you better face them backing out so you won't get stabbed in the back."
- Bimbo Coles, on the Cavaliers organization.
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"Maybe I'm just always thinking."
- Troy Hudson, on why he rarely talks.
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"It'll never happen. I might push one of my guys down there to help her out, but it won't be me."
- Byron Scott, on whether or not he would help out if someone forgot the words to the national anthem at a Nets game.
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"Red Auerbach taught me a long time ago you never make your enemy comfortable, so I was out there with a screwdriver. Evidently, I was successful."
- Don Nelson, on the Trail Blazers plane breaking down in Dallas after game one in the first round of the playoffs.
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"I'm a very smart man. I speak when it's time to speak."
- Doug Collins.
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: automags.org

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PAINTBALL QUOTES
Quotes from a paintball forum
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Click here to view ===> QUOTES
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: shamsports.com

Image: ourworldsports.blogspot.com
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BASKETBALL QUOTES
Quotes by and about Sir Charles Barkley
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You know what Ernie? Damn! I mean the good damn. There are different kinds of damn. This is not the kind of damn that you use to describe Mike Tyson."
- Charles Barkley, on the picture of Serena Williams in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.
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"I'm not going to argue with you, Ernie. I'll hit you in the left eye."
- Charles Barkley to Ernie Johnson during halftime of the Cleveland-Houston game on TNT
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"I think the stuff that was said is a little personal, and let me say this, if y'all ever call me fat on the air I'm going to beat the hell out of you. There is going to be some hell breaking loose on this set."
- Charles Barkley, on the comments by Bryant and O'Neal.
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"When people talk about Katharine Hepburn, she's called an icon. She had an affair for 20 years, but Kobe is called a slut. And what about Rudolph Giuliani? He had two women fighting to get into the (New York) mayor's mansion. But Kobe is a slut."
- Charles Barkley.
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"I never said that San Antonio had all these fat women. That has been bothering me. All these women who think I said they were fat, I apologize. Then when I go to Dallas people tell me that I have nothing good to say about Dallas. First of all I think Dallas has a good team. I feel bad they think that. You think LA has the best-looking women in the crowd... they do, but they are not real ... they are made out of plastic. For normal women, who have their own God given bodies, Dallas has the best looking women in the NBA. Unfortunately, I am not going to get to see anymore of them in Dallas."
- Barkley.
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"That guy's got hot breath just like Kenny."
- Barkley, after TNT aired a shot of a male Hawaiian dancer with fire in his mouth.
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"You've gone plum damn goofy on the first night."
- Barkley, after Kenny Smith said that Yao Ming is the best player in Houston.
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He already kissed an animal."
- Kenny Smith, on Barkley losing the Yao Ming bet, forcing him to kiss a donkey to pay his bet.

"Let's not talk about your girl now."
- Charles Barkley in response.
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"I saw Charles Manson do an interview once and he sounded normal too...Ron Artest has cost that team homecourt advantage."
- Barkley.
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Barkley: "I can not believe that Dan Rather didn't just kill Saddam Hussein when he was interviewing him, and that would have saved us all that money going to war."
Ernie Johnson: "How do you reckon Dan Rather would have pulled that off?"
Barkley: "He could have said 'Hey Saddam, let's go get something to eat' and then stabbed him in the neck with a fork. That could have saved us $26 billion dollars we're giving to Turkey. We could have used that money to fix the public school system here in America...You think a real fork or a salad fork?"
EJ: "I don't think a salad fork is getting it done."
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"He was like the guinea pig for Rogaine for black men."
- Charles Barkley, on Karl Malone.
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I played football for one day. I gave my equipment to the coach and said 'Thank you, this is a bit to stressful for me.'"
- Charles Barkley, on playing high school football.
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"If you think Tony Parker is better than Manu Ginobili, you need to stop drinking before you come in here."
- Charles Barkley, to Kenny Smith.
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"That was Denver's fault. They're so young they didn't even know how to slow the game down. They were up seven with a minute left and were still trying to run and gun...the Lakers got away with murder last night... like OJ."
- Charles Barkley, on a Lakers win over Denver.
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"See, that is one of my pet peeves. You should be able to go and pick out one fan a game, and just beat the hell out of him."
- Barkley, after watching footage of Denver fans throwing garbage on Latrell Sprewell.
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Charles Barkley on being misquoted in his autobiography:
"That was my fault. I should have read it before it came out."
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"Obviously, my part is terrific. But Michael (Jordan) is the leader. It's his movie. I think it's going to be very funny, great entertainment for the kids. I hope everybody likes it. But, really, I don't care because I've already been paid."
- Charles Barkley about "Space Jam"
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"I don't trust people that don't eat meat. Hey Kevin, you know what the difference between me and you is? When I die, I'll die because I was eating bad food. When you die, they'll say 'wooo that Kevin, he as dead as Charles'"
- Charles Barkley on Kevin Eubanks
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"It's the kind of game that makes you go home and beat your wife."
- Barkley
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"Hakeem couldn't kick your ass cuz you were too close, kissin his!"
- Charles Barkley to Kenny Smith
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"They (the Lakers) don't care if Michael Olowokandi gets points. If he explodes... he's gonna get 8."
- Charles Barkley
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Kenny Smith: "I devote these rings to my family, as they were the ones who helped me get them".
Charles Barkley: "You should have given them to Hakeem."
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"Christian (Laettner) is going to be the strongest man in the NBA next year, because all he's been doing all summer is carrying around the luggage for 11 guys."
- Charles Barkley
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"Hey Steve, no offense, but if you couldn't shoot, there would be no reason for you to be alive."
- Charles Barkley to Steve Kerr
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“We're supposed to stop eating when he stops? But what if we're still hungry? He may have had a snack before he came over.”
- Charles Barkley, on the proper etiquette involving dinner with Prince Rainier at the Royal Palace in Monte Carlo
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Kenny Smith: "You can see that he [Voshon Lenard] has been out for a while because he's put on a little weight"
Charles Barkley: "A little weight? A little weight? That's like saying what happened to the Titanic was a small boating accident. As a matter of fact, we can check, but I think me and him are wearing the same size underwear right now..."
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: www5.cockytalk.com

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES STRIKES AGAIN!

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: espn.go.com

Ulf Samuelsson

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SPORTS QUOTES \ TRIVIA
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Dirtiest professional sports players ever
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References to:

Bobby Clarke \ Dennis Rodman \ Bryan Marchment \ Claude Lemieux

Conrad Dobler \ John Stockton \ Ulf Samuelsson \ Bill Laimbeer

Karl Malone \Ty Cobb

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: espn.go.com

PRAIRIE VIEW FOOTBALL MASCOT

Image: pvamu.edu

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COLLEGE FOOTBALL QUOTES \ HUMOR

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Worst College Football Teams Ever (ESPN poll)

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