FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: mcsweeneys.net

SOCCER HUMOR
.
Potential Nicknames for the Star Player
on My Son's Soccer Team.
.
BY WENDI AARONS
- - - -
Mauricio the Magnificent
.
El Pompadour
.
The Puerto Rican Pelé
.
Jackass Ball Hog
.
The Apparent One-Man Show
.
Mr. What Kind of 5-Year-Old Has Facial Hair?
.
The Ringer Suspected of Juicin' in His Mommy's SUV Before the Game
.
Seriously, the Boy Has Pubes
.
Le Stealer of Le Fucking Ball From His Own Le Fucking Teammates
.
The Boy Who'd Better Stop Pissing Off the Snack Mom
.
Jesus, Will You Pass It Already?
.
The Kid Whose Ass Will Be Kicked by My Kid Come T-Ball Season
.
================
.
ENDORSEMENT:
.
mcsweeneys.net invites posts from aspiring comedy writers and
publishes selected entries for perusal by its readers.
.
If you are an aspiring comedy writer, this site offers you a chance
to post your entries and compare your entries with those of
posts made by other aspiring comedy writers, keeping in mind
that the site accepts a broad spectrum of topics, not just sports.
.
If you just like comedy, this is a fun site for viewing the
work of amateur comedy writers, many of whom will surprise
with their talent.
.
Enjoy!
--------
DISCLAIMER:
.
I have chosen to make this endorsement on my own and without
any consultation with or compensation from the recommended site.
.
===============

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: famousquotesandauthors.com

Image: realdiehl.com
.
SPORTS QUOTES
.
International sport is war without shooting.
- George Orwell
.
Sport begets tumultuous strife and wrath, and wrath begets fierce quarrels and war to the death.
- Horace
.
Great sport begins at a point where it has ceased to be healthy.
- Bertolt Brecht
.
Sports allow men to build up situations of emergency. What he then demands of himself is unnecessary achievement - and unnecessary sacrifice. He artificially creates the tension that he has been spared by affluent society.
- Viktor Frankl
.
Sport is one area where no participant is worried about another's race, religion or wealth: and where the only concern is 'Have you come to play?'
- Henry Roxborough
.
Every time you win, you're reborn; when you lose you die a little.
- George Allen
.
Knute Rockne liked 'bad losers.' He said 'good losers' lose too often.
- George Allen
.
It is in games that many men discover their paradise.
- Robert Lynd
.
Jogging is very beneficial. It's good for your legs and your feet. It's also very good for the ground. It makes it feel needed.
- Charles M. Schulz
.
Running for money doesn't make you run fast. It makes you run first.
- Ben Jipcho
.
Horses and jockeys mature earlier than people - which is why horses are admitted to race tracks at the age of two, and jockeys before they are old enough to shave.
- Dick Beddoes
.
I have never been able to understand why pigeon-shooting at Hurlingham should be refined and polite, while a rat-killing match in Whitechapel is low.
- T. H. Huxley
.
Hockey captures the essence of the Canadian experience in the New World. In a land so inescapably and inhospitably cold, hockey is the dance of life, and an affirmation that despite the deathly chill of winter we are alive.
- Bruce Kidd
.
Fatigue makes cowards of us all.
- Vince Lombardi
.
=============

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: billiards.about.com

Image: collectorsquest.com
.
BILLIARDS TRIVIA
.
Pool in the White House?
.
Our last past First Gentleman, Bill "Razorback" Clinton, is not quite the sports nut that his recent predecessors were or his successor, though he still disappears occasionally to hit the links or root on Arkansas Basketball. George "Naga Do It" Bush and his son are scratch golfers, fanatical horseshoes players and all around athletes.
.
Few Americans realize that Ronald "Dutch" Reagan was a bigger sport fan still, a fantastic swimmer and lifeguard who would have gladly chosen pro football over B-movie stardom, though some fondly recall his days as a radio sports announcer.
.
Should the urge arise, the Bushes and the winners in '08 can join the ranks of those who marched down the hallowed halls of the White House to "Pennsylvania Avenue's Presidential Pool Hall". The White House Billiard Room is one of the sights on the former White House tour and was placed there by our nation's fifth President, James "Eight Ball" Monroe.
.
Monroe gave the special room the most use in its history since he adored pool and billiards. He would have made fine competition for former Governor "Aerosmith" Weld of Massachusetts, who once made short work at his home of Judd Rose on Prime Time Live. The wealthy Weld, first in his class at Harvard, has two beautiful pool tables in his home today.
.
==================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: mb.trackandfieldnews.com

TRACK AND FIELD ANECDOTES \ QUOTES
.
Craziest, Strangest, Most Bizarre Things in Track & Field
.
Click here to view ===> TRACK AND FIELD
==================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: forum.xcitefun.net

CRICKET TRIVIA
.
World Class: 25 Cricket Catches of All Time - Video
.
Click here to view ===> LOOK MA, NO GLOVES!
=================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: rxmuscle.com

Image: viviennephotography.blogspot.com
.
BODYBUILDING QUOTES
.
"I have nothin' to say I just wanna eat my cake."
-Lou Ferrigno
.
"If we don't know what stress is then we won't know what feels good....Man ...When this is over with do you know how good cake is going to taste to me? It tastes that much better because I've deprived myself of it for so long! It's like....I feel for food more than i could crave a woman..And that's the truth! The thought of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches just takes me over the HIIIIIILL! I can do another hour of cardio thinking in a couple of weeks I'm going to tear the hell out of some cake! I'm going to walk into a local bodega in New York City and I'm not going to care about the calorie count, I'm not going to care about how many grams of carbs are in it, how much fat, how much sugar. I'm just going to pick it up and eat the shit and feel good about it!!!"
-Kai Greene, Treadmill Confessions
.
"Gravity will win the war, but I will win this battle"
-Bodybuilding forum member before every heavy set of squats.
.
"Dorian Yates and I have nothing in common, physically speaking. He's a Volkswagen; I'm a Porsche."
-Shawn Ray (April 1994 Flex)
.
"I'm an extremist, and I hope to be remembered that way: noncompliant and an artist. I do not want to be remembered as a nice guy. I want to be the slayer of Bambi."
-David Dearth
.
"Despite all the muscle [Ronnie Coleman] carries on his frame, he knows that I'm a threat and I strike fear in his heart. He remembers the days I used to spank him onstage."
-Kevin Levrone
.
"When they get a 50-inch waist and a gorilla butt, it's ugly looking - and I think bodybuilding has become ugly looking."
-Joe Gold
.
"If you always do what you've always done..you'll always get what you always got"
-Ronnie Coleman
.
"When I go out there onstage, I want to be more than just a blocky guy who waddles onto the posing platform. I want the girls to feel something."
-Tom Platz (September 1986 Flex)
.
" Im not the kind of guy who tries to run between the drops. Sometimes you gotta get a little wet to reach your destination"
- Erik Fankhouser
.
" Train insane"
- Branch Warren
.
"The body that isn't used to maybe the ninth, tenth, eleventh, and twelfth repetition with a certain weight... So that makes the body grow, then. Going through this pain barrier. Experiencing pain in your muscles and aching, and just go on and on. And this last two or three or four repetitions, that's what makes the muscle then grow. And that divides one from a champion and one from not being a champion. If you can go through this pain barrier, you may get to be a champion. If you can go through, forget it. And that's what most people lack, is having the guts. The guts to go in and just say I'll go through and I don't care what happens. It aches, and if I fall down, I have no fear of fainting in the gym. Because I know it could happen. I threw up many times while I was working out. But it doesn't matter, because it's all worth it."
-Arnold Schwarzenegger
.
"I'm the strongest bodybuilder that ever lived, I think."
-Franco Columbu
.
Pain is a sign of weakness leaving the body.
-Bruce Lee
.
"The Iron never lies to you. You can walk outside and listen to all kinds of talk, get told that you're a god or a total bastard. The Iron will always kick you the real deal. The Iron is the great reference point, the all-knowing perspective giver. Always there like a beacon in the pitch black. I have found the Iron to be my greatest friend. It never freaks out on me, never runs. Friends may come and go. But two hundred pounds is always two hundred pounds."
-Henry Rollins
.
"Rule of thumb: Eat for what you're going to be doing, and not for what you have done. Don't take in more than you're willing to burn off. "
-Lee Haney
.
"Stimulate don't Annihilate."
-Lee Haney
.
"The best activities for your health are pumping and humping."
-Arnold Schwarzenegger
.
"Everybody wants to be a bodybuilder, but don't nobody wanna lift no heavy ass weight."
-Ronnie Coleman
.
"There is no point in being alive if you cannot do the deadlift"
-Jon Pall Sigmarsson
.
And last, but not least, just before our prayer meeting:
You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder. I'm gonna cut off your arms. I'm gonna shove 'em up your icehole. Dirty son-a-ma-batches.
-Roman Moronie
.
=====================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: firstladies.org

Grace Coolidge, "the First Lady of Baseball", watches President Coolidge throw out

the first ball on baseball's opening day

Image: davidpietrusza.com
.
BASEBALL TRIVIA
Quotes and references about baseball's effect on American presidents
.
Grace Coolidge was not only known as the First Lady of the United States, she was also known as “The First Lady of Baseball.” She could be found in the audience of every opening game of the World Series and at Fenway Park throughout the season. When not at a game in person, she was often at home in front of her radio listening to the game. In the 1950’s she wrote to a close friend, “I venture to say that not one of you cares a hoot about baseball but to me it is my very life.”
.
American presidents were also fond of the sport, as the following article indicates.
.
Click here to view ===> AMERICAN PRESIDENTS AND BASEBALL
Source: newsday.com
=================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: cbc.ca

SPORTS HUMOR \ TRIVIA
Quotes about the most superstitious players in baseball, hockey, tennis
.
Click here to view ===> SUPERSTITION
==================