FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: johnfmurray.com

Below are Some Great Sports Quotes by and about Coaches: Don Shula "The superior man blames himself. The inferior man blames others." Ken Loeffler: "There are only two kinds of coaches -- those who have been fired, and those who will be fired." Blanton Collier: "You can accomplish anything you want as long as you don't care who gets the credit for it." Darrell Royal, when an assistant coach said argued against benching a talented but inconsistent quarterback because he had so much potential: "Potential means you ain't done it yet."  Casey Stengel: "The secret of managing is to keep the guys who hate you away from the guys who are undecided." Sparky Anderson: "Just give me 25 guys on the last year of their contracts; I'll win a pennant every year." John Madden: "The fewer rules a coach has, the fewer rules there are for players to break." Casey Stengel: "Two hundred million Americans, and there ain't two good catchers among 'em." Casey Stengel: "The trouble is not that players have sex the night before a game. It's that they stay out all night looking for it." Bill Peterson: "Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl." John Heisman: "Gentlemen, it is better to have died as a small boy than to fumble this football." Jim Leyland: "I knew we were in for a long season when we lined up for the national anthem on opening day and one of my players said, 'Every time I hear that song I have a bad game.'" Toe Blake: "All I know is I have a job here as long as I win." Kevin Keegan: "As a manager, you always have a gun to your head. It's a question of whether there is a bullet in the barrel." John Madden: "Coaches have to watch for what they don't want to see and listen to what they don't want to hear." Bob Lemon: "The two most important things in life are good friends and a strong bullpen." Jim Valvano: "I asked a ref if he could give me a technical foul for thinking bad things about him. He said, of course not. I said, well, I think you stink. And he gave me a technical. You can't trust em." Jimmie Dykes: "The manager's toughest job is not calling the right play with the bases full and the score tied in an extra inning game. It's telling a ballplayer that he's through, done, finished." Dan Birdwell: "You have to play this game like somebody just hit your mother with a two-by-four." Fred Shero: "We know that hockey is where we live, where we can best meet and overcome pain and wrong and death. Life is just a place where we spend time between games." Dorothy Shula, on the career dedication of her husband, the Miami Dolphins' coach: "I'm fairly confident that if I died tomorrow, Don would find a way to preserve me until the season was over and he had time for a nice funeral." Fred Shero: "Arrive at the net with the puck and in ill humor."  Dean Smith: "If you're going to make every game a matter of life or death, you're going to have a lot of problems. For one thing, you'll be dead a lot." Toe Blake: "If the day ever comes when I swallow defeat, I'll quit." Bill Shankly, soccer coach: "The trouble with referees is that they know the rules, but they do not know the game." Don Cherry: "There has never been a successful team that did not take the body." Abe Lemons: "Finish last in your league and they call you Idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you Doctor." Hugh Campbell, football coach at Whitworth College in Spokane, Wash., after his team had defeated Whitman 70-30: "It wasn't as easy as you think. It's hard to stay awake that long." Darrell Royal, Texas football coach, asked if the abnormal number of Longhorn injuries this season resulted from poor physical conditioning: "One player was lost because he broke his nose. How do you go about getting a nose in condition for football?" George Raveling: "When I went to Catholic high school in Philadelphia, we just had one coach for football and basketball. He took all of us who turned out and had us run through a forest. The ones who ran into the trees were on the football team." Duffy Daugherty: "My only feeling about superstition is that it's unlucky to be behind at the end of the game." Danny Murtaugh: "Why certainly I'd like to have that fellow who hits a home run every time at bat, who strikes out every opposing batter when he's pitching, who throws strikes to any base or the plate when he's playing outfield and who's always thinking about two innings ahead just what he'll do to baffle the other team. Any manager would want a guy like that playing for him. The only trouble is to get him to put down his cup of beer and come down out of the stands and do those things." Johnny Kerr: "If a coach starts listening to fans, he winds up sitting next to them." Tom Curle: "Excuses are like rear ends. Everybody has one and they stink." Johnny Oates, after his team left 14 runners on base in an 8-3 loss to Oakland: "We set the table, but no one ate." Mike McDowell: "..it (coaching basketball) is kind of like wrestling a gorilla, you don't quit when you're tired, you quit when the gorilla is tired." Brenden "Buff" Blackler: "If you've got nothing to do, don't do it here." Casey Coleman: "Your toughest competition in life is anyone who is willing to work harder than you."  Conrad Burns: "In life you are given two ends, one to think with the other to sit on. Your success in life depends on which end you use the most. Head you win, tails you lose." Ron Guidry: "If you approach Billy Martin right, he's Okay. I avoid him altogether." Matt Keough, on a game between teams managed by Billy Martin and Earl Weaver: "It's like you came to a controversy and a ball game breaks out."  Pittsburgh Penguins coach Kevin Constantine, when asked if his team had potential: "Potential is synonymous with getting your ass kicked." Bill James, on Maury Wills: "Letting him manage in the major leagues is like sending Bo Derek through cellblock A without a bodyguard." Gene Mauch, Phillies manager, on how to handle Richie Allen: "Play him, fine him, and play him again." Ernie Harwell, on Sparky Anderson: "Sparky's the only guy I know who's written more books than he's read." John Madden: "Winning is a great deodorant." Bill Parcells, on his expectations for the Cowboys in his first season as head coach: "My expectations are greater than the average fan's but, I'm more realistic than the top prognosticators." Abe Lemmon, on why he didn't impose a curfew on his players: "You always catch the wrong players." Jim Valvano, on assistant coaches who take over for a fired head coach: "Are you saying that the assistant had the answers all along, he just wasn't telling anyone?"  Tommy Lasorda: "About the only problem with success is that it does not teach you how to deal with failure."  John McKay, commenting on his coaching debut with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers: "We didn't tackle but, we made up for it by not blocking."

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