The Definitive List of Football Quotations: (Edited)
1. Dick Butkus: "I wouldn't ever set out to hurt anyone deliberately unless it was, you know, important like a league game or something."
4. Lincoln Kennedy, Oakland Raiders tackle, on his decision not to vote: "I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I'd get shot."
5. Arthur Marshall: "I would have thought that the knowledge that you are going to be leapt upon by half-a-dozen congratulatory, but sweaty team-mates would be inducement not to score a goal."
9. Mary McGrory: "Baseball is what we were. Football is what we have become."
10. Terrell Owens, of the San Francisco 49ers, was asked for one word to describe himself. He said "confident." When asked for another word he said "very."
14. Heywood Hale Broun: "Football is, after all, a wonderful way to get rid of your aggressions without going to jail for it."
16. Steve Henderson: "I'd catch a punt naked, in the snow, in Buffalo, for a chance to play in the NFL."
17. Arnold Mandell: "Football is not a game but a religion, a metaphysical island of fundamental truth in a highly verbalized, disguised society, a throwback of 30,000 generations of anthropological time."
18. Tony Kornheiser: "Men are clinging to football on a level we aren't even aware of. For centuries, we ruled everything, and now, in the last ten minutes, there are all these incursions by women. It's our Alamo."
19. Phyllis Diller: "The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public."
22. Chuck Mills: "When it comes to football, God is prejudiced - toward big, fast kids."
23. Luke Salisbury: "Watching football is like watching pornography. There's plenty of action, and I can't take my eyes off it, but when it's over, I wonder why the hell I spent an afternoon doing it."
24. Unknown: "The game of life is a lot like football. You tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity."
26. Frank Middleton, Oakland Raiders; prior to Super Bowl XXXVII he was asked what was the best thing his ex-head coach Jon Gruden (now the Tampa Bay head coach and his opponent in the Super Bowl) did for the Oakland Raiders. Frank said: "Leave."
29. Reggie Williams, when asked his greatest strengths as a football player : "Speed, strength, and the inability to register pain immediately."
36. Jeff Kemp: "Rapport? You mean like, 'You run as fast as you can, and I'll throw it as far as I can'?"
38. Emmitt Smith, when asked about new Cowboy coach Bill "The Big Tuna" Parcells: "I have not talked to him, but I have been eating a lot of tuna."
39. Jim Brosnahan, the defense attorney representing the city of Oakland in the NFL team's suit against the city of Oakland, after a couple of lively courtroom exchanges between Brosnahan and Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis, this exchange took place in court: BROSNAHAN-"Would it be fair to say you turned around the Raiders in the 1960s?" DAVIS-"You're being too kind to me." BROSNAHAN-"It won't last. Let's enjoy the moment."
40. Conan O'Brien, on the NFL starting its own cable network: This is good because up until now, the only channel to find 24-hour coverage of the NFL players was Court TV."
43. Deacon Jones: "I was the originator of smack. Some guys rattle with smack; with other guys it rolls right off their shoulders like nothing."
46. Tex Schramm, responding to holdout running back's description of him as "sick and demented and dishonest", Schramm replied laughing: "That's not bad. He got two out of three right."
47. Jason Taylor, on why he presented the whole Miami Dolphins locker room with a gift box of of products from one of his sponsors, Neutrogena: "To rectify some of the ugliness going on in this locker room."
48. Randy Moss, explaining the no-look, over-the-shoulder lateral to Moe Williams for a 59-yard touchdown: "It' a once-in-a-lifetime thing that only happens every so often."
49. Rod Smith, when asked if he had ever seen a similar play to the Randy Moss to Moe Williams, no-look, over-the-shoulder lateral play: "Yeah, on PlayStation."
50. Bill Curry: "He's a leading leader on this football team."
51. Leroy Hoard, describing his running style: "You need two yards, I'll get you three. You need 10 yards, I'll get you three."
52. Ray Lewis: "Pain is only temporary, no matter how long it lasts."
53. Gary Anderson, FG kicker,: "One thing I've learned over the years is sometimes if you make kicks early in the game, you don't have to make them late."
54. Phil Simms, remarking on how underdogs never give up hope in football games: "I remember one time, playing for the Giants, when we were playing the unbeatable Dallas Cowboys, they were 8 and 1."
55. Jeff Gordon, St. Louis Post-Dispatch writer, commenting on the poor attendance at Arizona Cardinal games: "If Marc Bulger throws an interception in Sun Devil Stadium and nobody is there to see it, is it still an interception?"
56. Lou Groza, NFL Hall of Fame kicker: "Old place-kickers never die, they just go on missing the point."
57. John Romano, St. Petersburg Times reporter, commenting on Big East Conference Commissioner Mike Tranghese's belief that the BCS only needs to be tweaked: "This is like a man who, day after day, steps in a puddle of mud. Instead of looking for a new route, he seeks a better polish for his shoes."
58. Scott Ostler, San Francisco Chronicle, on how football players will have different attitudes in the future.: "Twenty years from now, today's football players will be saying, 'Back in my day, we didn't do all the outlandish stuff these kids are doing. We kept it dignified, with Sharpies and cell pho
59. Sam Wyche, who had his vocal cords accidentally cut during a biopsy and now has trouble yelling across the field during practices, relating what some old players of his had to say: "Why didn't his happen 20 years ago? I wouldn't have had to run as many laps."
60. "Downtown" Julie Brown, prior to the 1993 Super Bowl between the Dallas Cowboys and the Buffalo Bills, asked Emmitt Smith: "What are you going to wear in the game Sunday?"
63. John Lynch, Tampa Bay Buccaneers safety, commenting on the Budweiser beer commercials featuring the me-first football player Leon: "Great commercials during the game. Especially like the Budweiser one with Keyshawn…I mean Leon."
64. Deion Sanders, on why he doesn't like the two-week break between the conference championship games and the Super Bowl: "Having two weeks off gives family, friends and the media more time to get on your nerves."
65. Marvin Lewis, suggesting that coaches should be able to add monikers on players uniforms, like "He Hate Me" during training camp, he suggested the following examples: "He Doesn't Listen,"; He Jumps Offsides"; and "He Can't See."
66. Craig Kilborn, CBS late-night television host, commenting on how crass Janet Jackson's halftime incident was during Super Bowl XXXVIII: "so crass ad so sleazy that Fox television is launching its own investigation (as to) why they didn't do it first."
67. Chad Bratzke, explaining life in the NFL: "The pads don't keep you from getting hurt. They just keep you from getting killed."
68. Bret Lewis, Los Angeles radio announcer: "The Philadelphia Eagles signed wide receiver Terrell Owens despite his reputation as a clubhouse cancer. A few days later, the home of the Eagles, Veterans Stadium, implodes. Connect the dots, people."
70. Jim Saccomano, Broncos' media-relations director, talking about how teams manipulate reporters.: "There's the truth, the whole truth, the perceived truth and then there's innuendo. Most of the time, (reporters) have been told what's going on, but sometimes there's an agenda under it."
71. Scott Ostler, San Francisco Chronicle reporter, commenting on the announcement that the NFL hopes to put a team in Los Angeles by 2008: "L.A. greeted the news with widespread riots, crazy parties and celebrations, honking and shouting, cars overturned and set afire, and thousands of gunshots fired into the air. Or, maybe that stuff had nothing to do with the NFL announcement."
72. Bill Simmons, ESPN the Magazine: "I gave it some thought, and here's what I decided: My favorite Matsui is still Matt Suhey."
73. Ricky Williams: "I didn't quit football because I failed a drug test, I failed a test because I was ready to quit football."
74. William "The Refrigerator" Perry: "I've been big ever since I was little."
75. Rodney Landingham, University of Nevada defensive back, arrested on charges of bank robbery, in a jailhouse interview was quoted as saying: "It would've been worth it if I hadn't gotten caught."
77. Howie Long, having fun at the expense of Fox colleague Terry Bradshaw: "In Montana, they renamed a town after an all-time great, Joe Montana. Well, a town in Massachusetts changed their name to honor my guy Terry Bradshaw–Marblehead."
79. Deion Sanders, commenting on the troubled Randy Moss: "He's like a beautiful woman who can't cook, doesn't want to clean and doesn't want to take care of the kids. You really don't want her, but she's so beautiful that you can't let her go."
80. Jay Leno, commenting on the NCAA plans, to reach college athletes, by launching an anti-gambling campaign on the Cartoon Network: "You know what's sad about this? Not the gambling, but the best way to reach college athletes is the Cartoon Network."
and the funniest one of all:
Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss goodbye."
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