FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: jpetrie.myweb.uga.edu

SPORTS QUOTES
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Because if it didn't work out, I didn't want to blow the whole day.
-Paul Hornung, Green Bay Packers running back, when asked why his wedding was held in the morning
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If someone from Germany or somewhere, who had no idea what baseball was, saw Kruk play, he'd wonder what the beer truck driver was doing playing first base.
-Andy Van Slyke
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We weren't trying to walk him; he just wouldn't swing at any bad pitches.
-Bobby Cox, on the Braves walking Barry Bonds 7 times in a series
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...there is only one game at the heart of America and that is baseball, and only one beverage to be found sloshing at the depths of our national soul and that is beer.
-Peter Richmond
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I'm glad we don't have to play in the shade.
-Bobby Jones, golfer, when told it was 105° in the shade
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When all is said and done, as a rule, more is said than done.
-Lou Holtz
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Hell no. When I die I want to be sick.
-Abe Lemons, Texas football coach, when asked if he jogs
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I'm no different from anyone else with two arms, two legs, and 4200 hits.
-Pete Rose
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I'd get real close to him and breathe on his goggles.
-Johnny Kerr, on how he would guard Kareem Abdul-Jabaar
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Statistics always remind me of the fellow who drowned in a river whose average depth was three feet.
-Woody Hayes, Ohio State football coach
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Before you can win a game, you have to not lose it.
-Chuck Noll, Pittsburgh Steelers coach
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All the fat guys watch me and say to their wives, "See, there's a fat guy doing okay. Bring me another beer."
-Mickey Lolich, Detroit Tigers pitcher
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Last season we couldn't win at home and we were losing on the road. My failure as a coach was that I couldn't think of anyplace else to play.
-Harry Neale, NHL coach
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I found out that it's not good to talk about my troubles. Eighty percent of the people who hear them don't care and the other twenty percent are glad you' re having trouble.
-Tommy Lasorda
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I tell him, "Attaway to hit, George,"
-Jim Frey, Kansas City Royals manager, on the advice he gives George Brett on hitting
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Blind people come to the park just to listen to him pitch.
-Reggie Jackson, on Tom Seaver
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Who's the one guy who thinks we can do it?
-Mike Gottfried, Kansas football coach, on learning that the odds against Kansas winning the Big Eight were 100 to 1
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It helps if the hitter thinks you're a little crazy.
-Nolan Ryan
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Oral sex should be an Olympic sport. Why? Because it's harder than curling, and if you're any good at it, you deserve a medal.
-Lewis Black
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He's [Stu Miller] got a fastball you could catch in your teeth. Three pitch speeds: slow, slower, and reverse.
-Coach Jim Murray
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That was just instinct. Kind of like running from the cops.
-Marquis Weeks, Virginia running back, on a kickoff return for a touchdown
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I should have shut up when I went up there and talked to Carlton Fisk.
-Pete Rose, on giving Fisk a little extra inspiration and energy by telling him this was the greatest game he'd ever seen or played in when he came to the plate towards the end of game 6 of the 1975 World Series.
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People in New England think that the Red Sox won that series, three games to four.
-Carlton Fisk
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Does Pete hustle? Before the All-Star Game he came into the clubhouse and took off his shoes and they ran another mile without him.
-Hank Aaron
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I could have played another year, but I would have been playing for the money, and baseball deserves better than that.
-George Brett
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If he can hit .350, we figured he could see.
-Harley Duncan, of the Missouri DMV, on why they waived the eye test for George Brett
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Anybody with ability can play in the big leagues. But to be able to trick people year in and year out the way I did, I think that was a much greater feat.
-Bob Uecker
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In 1962 I was named Minor League Player of the Year. It was my second season in the bigs.
-Bob Uecker
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I set records that will never be equaled. In fact, I hope 90% of them don't even get printed.
-Bob Uecker
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I signed with the Milwaukee Braves for three thousand dollars. That bothered my dad at the time because he didn't have that kind of dough. But he eventually scraped it up.
-Bob Uecker
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The way to make coaches think you're in shape in the spring is to get a tan.
-Whitey Ford
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We are a much improved ball club: now we lose in extra innings!
-Casey Stengel, Mets manager
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I'll never forget September 6, 1950. I got a letter threatening me, Hank Bauer, Yogi Berra, and Johnny Mize. It said if I showed up in uniform against the Red Sox I'd be shot. I turned the letter over to the FBI and told my manager, Casey Stengel, about it. You know what Casey did? He gave me a different uniform and gave mine to Billy Martin. Can you imagine that! Guess Casey thought it'd be better if Billy got shot.
-Phil Rizzuto
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I cannot get rid of the hurt from losing, but after the last out of every loss, I must accept that there will be a tomorrow. In fact, it's more than there'll be a tomorrow, it's that I want there to be a tomorrow. That's the big difference, I want tomorrow to come.
-Sparky Anderson
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I've changed my mind about it: instead of being bad, it stinks.
-Sparky Anderson, on the designated hitter
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Problem with [John] Wockenfuss getting on base is that it takes three doubles to score him.
-Sparky Anderson
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The only thing bad about winning the pennant is that you have to manage the All-Star Game the next year. I'd rather go fishing for three days.
-Whitey Herzog
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He is not a dog; a dog is loyal and runs after balls.
-Tommy Lasorda, on Darryl Strawberry
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I love doubleheaders. That way I get to keep my uniform on longer.
-Tommy Lasorda
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He makes it look easy. You wish there was another league he could get called up to.
-Dwight Gooden, on Greg Maddux
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Losing feels worse than winning feels good.
-Vin Scully
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My kids used to do things to aggravate me, too. I'd take them to a game, and they'd want to come home with a different player.
-Bob Uecker
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The first time I faced him I watched him take that easy windup and then
something went past me that made me flinch. The thing just hissed with danger.
We couldn't touch him... Every one of us knew we'd met the most powerful arm
ever turned loose in a ball park.
-Ty Cobb, on Walter Johnson
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USC would take Ohio State and break 'em across their knee and say, "We're not giving you a rematch until you learn how to throw the ball."
-J.T. the Brick, November 2005, on why the Pac-10 was the best conference that year
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To answer that question honestly, I'd have to lie to you.
-Isiah Thomas
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No wonder all those guys tried to punch him in the face. Did you ever wonder if Jeff Kent was right?
-Scott Ferrall, on Barry Bonds
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The weightlifting competition I saw was the women's 63 kg class. I'm not sure whether this means the actual women weighed 63 kg or the weights they lifted weighed 63 kg. Or possibly the temperature in the weightlifting hall was 63 kg. There's no way to know for sure without finding out what a "kg" is, and my belief, as an American, is that if I have to start understanding the metric system, then the terrorists have won.
-Dave Barry
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Did you guys take enough freakin' pictures already?
-Tiger Woods
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