GOLF QUOTES | |
As golf one-liners go, it was certainly one of the classics. Soweto professional Thabang Simon had just shot a 75 on the notorious Links in the first round of the Vodacom Origins of Golf Tour Fancourt last month. He came into the scorer's area a devastated man, having lost everything amidst the torturous series of humps and hollows Gary Player insists on calling a golf course but which more often than not resembles a battlefield. But to his credit, Simon hadn't lost his sense of humour. Of his scores on his final three holes – a par five, par three and par five – Simon said, Great one-liners are an essential ingredient of any professional golfer's make-up, and are often used to soften a particularly poor finish. Sunshine Tour professional Bradford Vaughan has always enjoyed the classic, Earlier this year, Doug McGuigan went into the final nine holes of the Vodacom Origins of Golf Tour at Arabella with a three-stroke lead and headed for what appeared a comfortable victory. But a drive into the water on the par-five 13th saw him record an eight there that ended his challenge and allowed young Andrew Curlewis to take the title. "I folded like a monk at a prayer session," McGuigan said after the round. McGuigan has a wealth of one-liners he's picked up over the years. But his favourite involves Fulton Allem. "Fulton was playing in a tournament in the United States and not doing well. He hit one really bad shot and turned to his caddie and said, 'Give me something to break'. His caddie's reply was, 'Why don't we start with par'." Dean Lambert, a golfer with a sense of humour as dry as the Kalahari, once explained that he had briefly decided to embark on an exercise programme. So he bought an exercise bike to improve his fitness, but ended up never using it. He said of that decision, "It was a bit like a moose buying a hat rack". The Nedbank Golf Challenge in 2006 delivered some hilarious one-liners. Jim Furyk explained that he's become quite used to fielding questions about his unorthodox swing. "I always have someone in the gallery who comes up to me and says, 'Hey, my friends say I swing just like you'. To which I always reply, 'That's too bad'." In a question and answer session with some of the players, Dale Hayes said to Jose Maria Olazabal, "You play for the love of the game, not the money". The Spaniard's reply was, "Yes, that's why I'm still single". Hayes then said to Swede Henrik Stenson, "Henrik, you started playing golf quite late in life". "Yes, I was 11," replied Stenson. To be fair, Tiger Woods starting at age four does make 11 seem like the Champions Tour. Colin Montgomerie has delivered some great retorts in his day. But he was on the end of a memorable one during last year's Johnnie Walker Championship. In the second round, the gallery was a bit too noisy for Montgomerie's liking. So he told his caddie to shut them up with a terse, "Quiet". "You keep quiet!" was the response, coming from a 12-year-old. And Louis Oosthuizen summed up the pressures a young pro faces these days. After winning the Telkom PGA Championship for his second victory of the summer last season and in reference to his upcoming wedding, Oosthuizen said, | |
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