SPECIAL EDITORIAL NOTE FROM SPORTS_NUT, 2/26/2011
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Welcome to the retirement edition of Funny Sports Quotes.
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The Funny Sports Quotes blog was created in 11/2007 after I could see I could become a blogger very easily using Google's 3-step process for creating a blog online.
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For me, like most, work is not my idea of a fun experience, so I had to choose the topic that I would most enjoy pursuing and that, for me, was finding and posting funny sports quotes for entertaining and, in some cases, educating an audience on facets of sports even the most ardent sports fans may not have been aware of.
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At the same time, I decided to compile a database of funny sports quotes that sports fans and quote fans could visit for "one-stop" shopping, thereby helping them to avoid the need to search elsewhere for sports quotes.
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So, from 11/2007 until 2/2011. I have compiled quotes on the Funny Sports Quotes blog and its sister blog, FSQuotes, that is accessible only from the Funny Sports Quotes blog.
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As of 2/26/2011, I believe I have achieved my objective first set in 11/2007, which signals for me the end of my funny sports quotes database project.
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Kindly note that I have already made the last post (SI Swimsuit) to the blog, shut off further entries to Comments, and I will shut off the email address sports.quotes@gmail.com on 03/14/2011.
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Also note that many features previously cited on this page have been removed, so that a bare-bones FSQ remains for your future reference.
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I do hope that my venture was successful in bringing a smile to your face or a skip to your step, since that was all FSQ was created for, your entertainment and pleasure.
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In closing, I wish you and yours, Godspeed!
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Saturday, April 26, 2008

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: geocities.com

Fencing Quotations

"Swashbuckler. 1560. One who makes a noise by striking his own or his opponent's shield with a sword. A swaggering bravo or ruffian. A noisy braggadocio. The swashbuckling manners of a youth of fashion in the reign of Elizabeth I."
~ The Shorter Oxford English dictionary ~

"The entire secret of arms consists of only two things: to give, and not to receive."
~ Moliere 1671 ~

"Foil fencers talk about the techniques of fencing. Épée fencers talk about the esoterics of fencing. Sabre fencers talk about themselves."
~ Nick Evangelista 1996 ~

"If you want to find out about fencers, go up behind one as he faces a practice target. Burst a balloon behind his back. The foilist will immediately lunge at the pad. The épéeist will stand his ground, immobile but alert. The sabreur will swing round and assault you."
~ Hungarian axiom ~

"...it has been written that 'Sword is the man,' I would rather say: Man is how he behaves sword in hand."
~ Aldo Nadi 1943 ~

"Young man, you must never be touched. Otherwise, the blood now coming out of your arm may instead be spurting from your chest..."
~ Aldo Nadi 1943 ~

"Fencers only recognize fencers, potential fencers and hopeless invalids."
~ Aldo Nadi 1943 ~

"The meanes whereby men from time to time have bene preferred even to the highest degrees of greatnes and dignitie, have ever bene and are of two sortes, Armes and letters: Weapons & bookes, as may most plainly bee proved out of antique and moderne histories..."
~ Vincentio Saviolo 1595 ~

"(The fight in hot blood) appertains to all ages, and will no doubt endure until at least man has been civilized out of all manhood."
~ Ted Huber ~

"Who despises me and my praiseworthy craft
I'll hit on the head that it resounds in his heart."
~ Augustin Staidt ~

"Put up your sword, you fool, for if you kill me you will not smell any better, and if I kill you, you will smell a damn sight worse."
~ Saint-Foix, upon being challenged for informing a man "He smelled like a goat." ~

"The French duel is the most health-giving of recreations because of the open-air exercise it affords. I would rather be the hero of a French duel than a crowned and sceptred monarch."
~Mark Twain, 1880 ~

"A bullet, you see, may go anywhere, but steel's almost bound to go somewhere."
~ Dorothy Sayers, 1936 ~

"Fencing Dad says 'Don't look at the lights!'"
~ Fencing Dad (Big for Our Britches)~

"When you can score five hits that no referee can deny you, when you are so far ahead of your opponent that your supremacy is undeniable, then you will deserve your place."
~ Béla Bay, 1956 ~

"Steel true / blade straight"
~ Inscription on the gravestone of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, by Robert Louis Stevenson ~

"Gone While your tastes were keen to you,
Gone where the grey winds call to you,
By that high fencer, even Death,
Struck of the blade that no man parrieth."
~ Ezra Pound ~

"Pray you, be gentle with my scabbard here – She'll put her tongue out at you presently!"
~ Edmond Rostand ~

"You are so modest, you might blush before a sword naked."
~ Edmond Rostand ~

"But I have no gloves! A pity too! I had one – the last one of an old pair – and lost that. Very careless of me. Some Gentleman offered me an impertinence. I left it – in his face."
~ Edmond Rostand ~

"Dragoon, n. A soldier who combines dash and steadiness in so equal measure that he makes his advances on foot and his retreats on horseback."
~ Ambrose Bierce (1842 - ca. 1914) ~

"Duel, n. A formal ceremony preliminary to the reconciliation of two enemies. Great skill is necessary to its satisfactory observance; if awkwardly performed the most unexpected and deplorable consequences sometimes ensue. A long time ago a man lost his life in a duel.
~ Ambrose Bierce (1842 - ca. 1914) ~

That dueling's a gentlemanly vice
I hold; and wish that it had been my lot
To live my life out in some favored spot-
Some country where it is considered nice
To split a rival like a fish, or slice
A husband like a spud, or with a shot
Bring down a debtor doubled in a knot
And ready to be put upon the ice.
Some miscreants there are, whom I do long
To shoot, or stab, or in some such way reclaim
The scurvy rogues to better lives and manners,
I seem to see them now - a mighty throng.
It looks as if to challenge me they came,
Jauntily marching with brass bands and banners!
Xamba Q. Dar."
"Redder's Lick: The stroke which one often receives in endeavouring to part combatants."
~ John Jamieson's Etymological Scottish Dictionary 1808 ~

"I tried to sit him down, think things through,
But swashbuck-a-lin' in Brook-a-lyn is all he wanna do."
~ Fun Lovin' Criminals 2001 ~

"Go ahead, wear white after Labour Day, we dare you!"
~ The University of Calgary Fencing Club 2002 ~

"The sword is one of the few implements that can penetrate both the imagination of man, and his vital organs."
~ The University of Calgary Fencing Club 2003 ~

"I scream, you scream, we all scream for escrime!"
~ The University of Calgary Fencing Club 2002 ~

"Tournament Weird: The general condition of nervous energy, fatigue, and absent-mindedness afflicting fencers immediately preceding, during, and immediately following competition. As in: 'I think Vanessa has gone a bit tournament weird!'"
~ The University of Calgary Fencing Club 2003 ~

"In Germany, students join fraternities to drink beer and participate in a centuries-old form of ritualistic combat. In Canada students join frats to drink beer. Try something new! Join the U of C Fencing Club!"
~ The University of Calgary Fencing Club 2002 ~

"If you can't hit your friends with swords, who can you hit?"
~ The University of Calgary Fencing Club 2002 ~

"Keep distance, extend your arm, take control of the opponent's blade."
~ Domokos Laszlo ~

"Notwithstanding all the assistance listed above, there are sure to be lacunae, mistakes, and other shortcomings in this book. As any past fencer will quickly recognize, such errors are solely the responsibility and fault of... the referee."
~ Richard Cohen, 2002 ~

"Real sharpness comes without effort."
~ Li Mu Bai, from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon ~

"Calligraphy is so similar to fencing."
~ Yu Shu Lien, from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon ~

"Logic is like the sword--those who appeal to it shall perish by it."
~ Samuel Butler ~

"Let none presume to tell me that the pen is preferable to the sword."
~ Miguel de Cervantes ~

"He who lives by the sword, will eventually be wiped out by some bastard with a sawn off shotgun."
~ Steady Eddy ~

"There has been opposition to every innovation in the history of man, with the possible exception of the sword."
~ Benjamin Dana ~

"If you ain't never pick up the sword, you ain't never have to worry about fallin' on it."
~ Meldrick Lewis ~

T"he pen is mightier than the sword, until it runs out of ink."
~ Anonymous ~

"Those who beat their swords into ploughshares may one day find themselves ruled by those of us who kept their swords."
~ Unknown ~



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