SPORTS QUOTES
“In case it escaped notice, the 285-mile driving distance between Detroit and Pittsburgh is the shortest commute in a Stanley Cup Final since the NHL introduced its East-West format in 1982. It’s so close, in fact, the cops in Ohio have gone to a neutral-zone speed trap.” — Dwight Perry, in The Seattle Times.
“Sidney Crosby Pretty Excited About His Ability To Grow A Playoff Beard.” — Headline at the satirical Web site sportspickle.com.
“The Yankees, you may have heard, take turns wearing Jason Giambi’s tiger-stripped, gold-lamé thong underwear contraption as a slump-buster. The Yankees are in last place in the AL East and Giambi is still flirting with the Mendoza line, so maybe Giambi’s thong isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. That just proves the old adage, ‘The team that flosses together, losses together.’” — Scott Ostler, of the San Francisco Chronicle.
“Yankees first baseman Jason Giambi, belying his status as baseball’s second-highest-paid player this season, entered the week hitting just .191. In other words, he still puts his thong on one leg at a time.” — Perry, again.
“If you collect game-worn sports memorabilia, this is where you should draw the line.” — Ostler, again.
“The WNBA’s new slogan is ‘Expect Great.’ (Runner-up slogan: ‘Good Seats Still Available.’)” — Syndicated columnist Norman Chad, on women’s basketball.
“NFL owners are opting out of the Collective Bargaining Agreement early. Because CBAs can be convoluted, confusing and boring, let me bring this down a level everybody that can understand. Owners: Oink.” — Jeff Schultz of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.
“What is that? Is that where they dance with each other?” — San Antonio Spurs coach Gregg Popovich, when asked if he was worried about Game 1 of the Western Conference final conflicting on TV with American Idol.
“I’m going to take them out to the bullpen and count them. I’ve got a lot of time on my hands out there.” — Cincinnati Reds reliever Josh Fogg, after Ken Griffey paid back a US$1,500 debt by delivering 150,000 pennies to the clubhouse.
“One of the first things that came to my mind was, ‘Good thing we brought a second javelin.’ ” — Richard Vance, the coach for Utah state high school javelin champion Anthony Miles, after Miles accidentally sent a javelin through the leg of a wandering photographer.
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