FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: dayo.info

Scuba Diving Quotes and Anecdotes
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The following is an ever increasing list of humorous statements made by us and our students over the years.
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Open Water:
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I can't swim
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My regulator is not working very well (tank is turned off)
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I know my body!!!!! (Student's response to instructions on how to clear ones ears upon descending)
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Which fin is left and which is the right one?
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Responding to question: 'How do you swim underwater?'
Student's Response: With my regulator in my mouth...
(correct answer being 'Slow & Steady')
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Responding to question: 'What do you do if you find yourself out of air and no buddy around?'
Student's Response: Switch to my snorkel...
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Can I be certified by this evening, I'm leaving for Cozumel tomorrow
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My buddy Mike showed me how to use his scuba gear. How much of a discount can I get?
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This is my primary second stage and this yellow one is my squid (meant octopus)
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While in area springs, in the water, in full scuba gear and tanks, doing training dives, we are often asked by bystanders: Are you scuba diving?
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Instructor to a student getting an inhaler out of the bag: So you just forgot to tell me you have asthma?
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Instructor to students on their first dive in area lakes, springs and ocean: Welcome to the foodchain folks, you are no longer on the top!
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Instructor to students on their first lake or spring dive in Florida:
I haven't seen an alligator here since last week, and it was only 10' long.
If the gator gets close, get next to it and smile so I can get a picture.
Don't pet the gators.
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Instructor to students about to dive in a lake with friendly and harmless turtles that like to be fed: Watch out for the killer snapping turtles. If you see one, FREEZE and hope they don't bite!!!
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Instructor to students: I'm sorry, but no matter what you think you read, I'm not going to carry all your gear around for you, ask the divemaster for help.
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Divemaster to students: I'm sorry, but I don't care what the instructor said, I'm not going to carry all your gear around for you, ask the divemaster intern for help.
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Divemaster Intern to students: No problem, I will be happy to carry all your gear around for you.
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Technical Divers:
What is a lift bag?
What does buoyancy mean?
Why can't I just do all my decompression at 15 feet like all the others divers do?
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Cavern/Cave Divers:
I am claustrophobic
I'm not really comfortable in the water...
Was I meant to hook up my long hose on my regulator?
Student shows up with a full face mask. Reason: he can't stand water on his face...