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BASEBALL QUOTES
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"Sending Marge Schott to sensitivity training is like sending a pickpocket to a Rolex convention." Reilly, Rick
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"Less than a foot made the difference between a hero and a bum." Alexander, Grover Cleveland - on Tony Lazzeri, who he struck out to save the seventh and deciding game of the 1926 World Series, after Lazzeri had hit a long foul into the stands the pitch before.
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"He's a Williams type player. He bats like Ted and fields like Esther." Anonymous Press Box quote, said of Dick Stuart
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"You guys are trying to stop Musial in fifteen minutes when the National League ain't stopped him in fifteen years." Berra, Yogi - his comment at an All-Star pregame meeting designed to analyze strengths of National League batters
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"All right, you guys, look horny." Bouton, Jim - on returning from a long road trip
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"By the end of the season, I feel like a used car." Brenly, Bob
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"If you don't catch the ball, you catch the bus." Bridges, Rocky - on an inept defensive player
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Bullpen conversations cover the gambit of male bullsessions. Sex, religion, politics, sex. Full circle. Ocassionally, the game - or business - of baseball intrudes." Brosnan, Jim
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"You can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit ...." Brown, Joe
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"A curve ball that doesn't give a damn." Cannon, Jimmy - on his definition of a knuckleball
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"I knew something was wrong when the ground was moving faster than I was." Clark, Will - on the 1989 World Series earthquake
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"Elvis has a better chance of coming back than the Jays." Costas, Bob - from game 1 of the 1989 American League Championship Series
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"This guy is so old that the first time he had athlete's foot, he used Absorbine, Sr." Costas, Bob - on 45 year old Yankee pitcher Tommy John
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"That wouldn't be a Home Run in a phone booth." Caray, Harry, after a disappointing infield pop-up by a Cubs slugger
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"No umpire can see it, no batter can hit it, no pitcher would ever admit to throwing it. It is unwanted, unloved, unallowed, a UFO in horsehide, a slippery figment of the imagination. Yet, it [remains] the subject of more discussion than the miniskirt in major league dugouts." Weiskopf, Herman - after Burleigh Grimes threw the last legal spitball, September 20, 1934
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"Gene Garber is paid... for getting hitters like Pete Rose out the best way he can, and the best way Garber can is by throwing his best pitch, the change. Few players have pursued the crystallization of excellence more doggedly than Rose. He should recognize that pursuit when he sees it in others." Newman, Bruce - after Pete Rose fumes after striking out on a changeup to snap his 44-game hitting streak, August 1, 1978
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"A great catch is like watching girls go by - the last one you see is always the prettiest." Gibson, Bob
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"I don't want to throw him nothin'. Maybe he'll just get tired of waitin' and leave.." Gomez, Vernon "Lefty" - preparing to pitch to Jimmy Foxx, answering his catcher Bill Dickey's question: "What do you want to throw him?"
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"Yeah, and we're missing a little geography and arithmetic around here, too!" Herzog, Whitey - on poor "chemistry" in St Louis in 1980
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"It's a little like watching Mario Andretti park a car." Kiner, Ralph - as an announcer describing Phil Niekro's knuckleball
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"I used to be so bad my bat would close its eyes when I came up." Koosman, Jerry
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"People who write that spring training not being necessary have never tried to throw a baseball." Koufax, Sandy
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"According to the Sporting News, over the last four years, Wade Boggs hit .800 with women in scoring position." Letterman, David - on the Wade Boggs-Margo Adams affair
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"I'm going to Radio Shack to buy one of those headsets like the broadcasters use. It seems as soon as you put one on, you get 100 times smarter." Leyva, Nick - Phiiles manager, on becoming tired of criticism from the TV booth
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"See that? That cement head is thinking more about that girl than today's game. Remember, this son. One percent of ballplayers are leaders of men. The other 99 percent are followers of women." McGraw, Jon - to a rookie after spotting a player ogling a woman in the stands
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"You clowns can go on What's My Line in full uniforms and stump the panel." Meyer, Billy - manager of the Pirates, addressing his team after they had lost another of the 112 games they were to lose in 1952
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"It's ridiculous that we are gathered here tonight to honor a man who made more than 7,000 outs." Prince, Bob - the Pirate announcer at Stan Musial's retirement dinner
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"The batter still hits a grounder. But in this case the first bounce is 360 feet away." Quisinberry, Dan - as a Kansas City Royal on what happens when his sinker isn't working
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"Old-timers weekends and airplane landings are alike. If you can walk away from them, they're successful." Casey, Stengel, manager
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"Cardinal rule for all hitters with two strikes on them: Never trust the umpire!." Smith, Robert -Quoted by William Safire and Leonard Safir in Words of Wisdom
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