FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: irishtimes.com

EURO 2008 SPORTS QUOTES
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"I am not superstitious - it brings bad luck."
- French coach Raymond Domenech before the Dutch game, during which his players walked under several ladders and ran over a dozen black cats.
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Bill O'Herlihy : "Right gentlemen, what do you make of Group B?
Graeme Souness : "It looks a bit like World War II, Bill." - Well, in fairness, with Germany, Austria and Poland .
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"They're useless . . . they're rubbish! Apart from Ballack they haven't got a single player playing for a top club in Europe, not one - they're all playing for Mickey Mouse teams. These guys will get hockeyed when they play one of the good sides . . . they'll get killed, Bill."
- So much for never writing off the Germans . . . Dunphy previews the final.
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"We have now given out yellow vests to all our staff who have to work on or cross the tracks in Basle."
- A Swiss railway spokesman after Dutch fans followed a worker - in an orange bib - on to the tracks after mistaking him for a fellow fan.
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"He's absolutely indispensable. But so are all the others."
- French coach Domenech on Karim Benzema.
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"Croatia were a little bit tippy tappy for me".
- From now we'll call him Graeme "Tippy Tappy" Souness.
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"He's like six foot four of blancmange . . . more Swiss Toni than Luca Toni."
- Mark Lawrenson on the hapless Italian striker.
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"He is the king of offside."
- Portuguese coach Luiz Felipe Scolari's tribute to Ruud van Nistelrooy.
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Eamon Dunphy : "The Dutch look good but they haven't played a proper team yet."
Liam Brady : "They beat Italy 3-0 and France 4-1, the World Cup finalists! What do you mean by a proper team?"
Dunphy : "Sweden!"
Brady : (Speechless).
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"They haven't a prayer of reaching the final."
- Dunphy cracks up a the notion of the Germans progressing to the final day.
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"I would rather have my prostate gland expand to the size of a pumpkin than watch France win Euro 2008."
- London Times columnist Rod Liddle provides us with a delightful image as he rules out supporting Les Bleus in the championships.
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"For each goal I'll present two beautiful chicks - watch the guys react."
- Moscow socialite Pyotr Listerman offering the Russian players a bit of a pre-tournament incentive. Having scored three Roman Pavlyuchenko, presumably, went home to six freshly hatched birds.
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"With the greatest respect to women, football is the most beautiful thing in the world."
- Croatia boss Slaven Bilic on the love of his life.
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"In 2004, a miracle happened, but maybe it happens once every 30 years. You can't have it every week or it wouldn't be a miracle."
- Greek coach Otto Rehhagel on his side's chances of retaining their European title. Zilch, as it proved.
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"I want to play for Real Madrid, but only if it is true they are eager to pay me and Manchester United what they have been saying they will. It is important to send a message."
- Cristiano Ronaldo, obviously fully focused on Portugal's campaign ahead.
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"The defender was literally - literally! - up his backside."
- ITV's Andy Townsend spots Jan Koller having an uncomfortable time of it against Turkey.
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"I have never been a referee and I am not likely to become one - especially if this is the sort of abuse they receive."
- Howard Webb - not the referee, the man who's in charge of street lighting for Rotherham Borough Council. This Webb received abusive phone calls and emails from Polish fans who confused him with his namesake.
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"He's a nothing player, he's like Paul McShane on steroids - costs more but just as likely to get you shot in the head."
- Eamon Dunphy paying tribute to Spain's Sergio Ramos.
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"Czechoslovakia . . . the Republic of Czechoslovakia . . . the former Republic of Czechoslovakia."
- David Pleat struggles to identify Portugal's opponents.
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"Disastro Donadoni!"
- We don't speak Italian but we're guessing the headline in Corriere dello Sport , after Italy lost 3-0 to the Dutch, wasn't a tribute to Roberto.
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"Kroatastrophe!"
- We don't speak German but . . . the headline in Bild , after Germany lost to Croatia.
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"I'm English, without a doubt. I will never ever say I'm not English. English born and bred. I'm Turkish, though."
- Colin Kazim-Richards, the English Turk.
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"If such people attend our matches I prefer to play in front of empty seats. Our beloved president also held the scarf upside down, maybe it was the first time he's ever been to a game? It was all very pathetic."
- Polish goalkeeper Artur Boruc after president Lech Kaczynski got his and team-mate Roger Guerreiro's names wrong in an interview.