FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: community.foxsports.com

Image: mathematical.behavioral.sciences.googlepages.com
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SPORTS QUOTES
Quotes of the Week

(8/27 - 9/9) Sep 09, 2006

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"Certainly I like the fact that he's not playing, but I don't like the fact that he's not playing for that reason." - Yankees manager Joe Torre on Red Sox slugger David Ortiz; Ortiz missed eight games after suffering from heart palpitations

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"It sounds like we're talking about the war front -- reinforcements." - Red Sox infielder Mark Loretta commenting on the team's recent injury woes; Boston at one point had seven key players on the disabled list and was also missing Ortiz, Manny Ramirez and Wily Mo Pena.

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"We both spoke and I wasn't the first. I held his shirt but don't you think it is a provocation to say that 'if you want my shirt I will give it you afterwards'?...I replied to Zidane that I would prefer his sister, that is true. I brought up his sister and that wasn't a nice thing, that is true." - Italy defender Marco Materazzi on the exchange that earned him a head butt from French midfielder Zinedine Zidane near the end of the World Cup's final match.

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"We're tired of there being a double standard on the whistle...We're tired of it, and it's showing...Players are becoming frustrated, and we expect -- no, we demand -- that we get the same calls as the other team...We demand that we get the same hand-checks, that we get the same cheap calls that go against us. Am I whining? No. I'm stating a fact." - Detroit Shock coach Bill Laimbeer, whining about the officiating after his team fell to the Sacramento Monarchs in Game Three of the best-of-five WNBA finals; the Shock was called for five more fouls than the Monarchs in Game Three.

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"I was scared because a grown man hit me. I thought it was a player at first just hitting me from behind and I turned around and it was a coach." - Stockton Bears youth player Brian Wood, who was flattened by an opposing coach last Saturday; the 13 year old Wood had just been penalized for a late hit on the coach's son.

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"I'll panic if my kid flunks math." - Detroit Tigers manager Jim Leyland when asked at what point he will start worrying about the team's poor play.

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"Today, they want to be stars. They don't want to be great players. We wanted to be great players." - New NBA Hall of Famer Charles Barkley commenting on the mindset of today's NBA players during his induction speech on Friday (Fox Sports)

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: modernspectator.com

Image: lh6.google.com

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SPORTS QUOTES

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“I’m sure you guys are going to eat this up a lot more than I am." California Angel pitcher Jered Weaver speaks to the press after losing to the Dodgers who failed to produce a single hit.
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"After the game is before the game." German soccer legend Sepp Herberger was a poet of the game.

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"Soccer is like chess, only without the dice." German soccer player Lukas Podolski apparently summed up the game, “Fussball ist wie Schach, nur ohne Würfel.”
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“It’s like taking a fighter jet down to tree level, popping the canopy, turning upside down, then going down to road level and touching your helmet on the pavement.” Mark Miller, a competitor at the Tourist Trophy motorcycle race in the Isle of Man, describes the experience of one of the last true road races.
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"Schweinsteiger comes in like a rat off a drainpipe." ESPN soccer analyst Tommy Smyth struggles to describe the swiftness and authority of Bastian Schweinsteiger’s goal in Germany’s 3-2 victory over Portugal in the Euro 2008 quarterfinals.
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"As the Prime Minister I have to be balanced and collected but on Thursday night I wanted to kill." Polish Prime Minister Donald Tusk reacts violently to the referee’s decision in the Poland v Austia Euro 2008 match, which led to a lst minute goal for Austria. Poland was eliminated from the tournament.

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"We get to 3km to go. This is where the final hill starts. The other guys know I will beat them in the sprint, so it is up to them to attack me.... This is where I switch into rage mode." Cyclist David Millar describes a disappointing sprint at the Giro D’Italia on his blog.
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"I've had a couple of meetings with the Glazers.... They've got balls, I can tell you." Manchester United Manager Sir Alex Ferguson said that Malcom Glazer, the American owner of the team, would fight against Real Madrid, the team trying to buy United superstar Cristiano Ronaldo.
“I’ve had a couple of meetings with the Glazers,” he said, “Their attitude is ‘to hell with them [Real]’. They would sit a player in the stand. There’s absolutely no doubt about it. They’d do it just to prove a point and not to give in to these people. They’ve got balls, I can tell you. I’ve been delighted with them in that respect.”
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"I know you're going to say, Well betting's all about pitching and stuff like that -- I didn't care who was pitching for me or who was pitching for the opposition." Pete Rose said he bet about $2,000 on every Reds’ game, no matter the circumstances, while he was manager. Does this make him seem even dumber?
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"[Paolo] Bettini pulled off one of his typical defying-the-laws-of-physics moments...…while making a right-hander that was much sharper than he expected and instead of hitting the curb and body slamming the wall as any mere mortal racing cyclist would he hopped onto the curb contorted his body and twisted his bike and nonchalantly slid off the pavement back into the peloton. INCREDIBLE.” Read cyclist David Millar’s excellent Giro d’Italia blog.
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"Cricket, like every sport, is an activity and the dream of an activity, badged with random ideals, aspirations, and memories."—James Wood, in his New Yorker review of Joseph O’Neill’s new novel Netherland.
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“My mistake.” Charles Barkley forgets to pay $400,000 gambling debt.
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"Sorry, Pats" The Boston Herald apologizes for story alleging the Patriots taped the Rams’ walkthrough at Super Bowl XXXVI. Check the comments 385 and counting.
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"That’s a sign of a misspent youth."Barack Obama comments on his pool-playing abilities. He redeemed himself in a West Virginia pool hall after a terrible day of bowling.
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"I think it is very unfortunate that the NFL has already started its 'nothing new' spin before watching the tapes... Let's see where the evidence leads." Senator Arlen Specter criticizes NFL commissioner Roger Goodell over the New England Patriots spy tapes.
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"The seeded model looked like a playoff, and we don't think a playoff is in the best interest of college football." If it walks like a duck… Big East commissioner Mike Tranghese rejects a seeded tournament to determine a national champion in college football. The BCS committee decided that the current system, despite widespread public opposition, has functioned sucessfully.
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"Ronaldo said he is not good in the head and that he is going through psychological problems because of his recent [knee] surgery." Brazilian police inspector Carlos Augusto Nogueira told media about his conversation with Ronaldo after the AC Milan striker was involved in an altercation with three transvestite prostitutes. Ronaldo was allegedly angry when he discovered that the trio, whom he had taken to a hotel room, were not women.
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"We know he is fertile, but he has no interest in mares." Dr. Nobuo Tsunoda, the director of the Shadai Stallion Station in Japan, explains the problem with breeding War Emblem, winner of the 2002 Kentucky Derby.
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"The sports agent business has become so corrupt -- I would not encourage anyone to try to become an agent right now." David Falk, who represents eight NBA players including Elton Brand, Sam Cassell, maligns the industry (via True Hoop).

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: dooyoo.co.uk

Image: amazon.com

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SOCCER INSULTS AND MISQUOTES

by soccer managers and commentators

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Most football fans are likely to attribute Gordon Strachan, current Celtic FC manager with this quality, here are some memorable quotes or probably better named ‘Strachanisms’:

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*Gordon Strachan on Wayne Rooney (after he had been called up to the England Squad for the first time):“Its an incredible rise to stardom. At 17 you're more likely to get a call from Michael Jackson than Sven Goran Eriksson.”

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*Reporter: Gordon, Do you think James Beattie deserves to be in the England squad?

*Strachan: I dont care, I'm Scottish

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(When asked about an AWOL Delgado)

*Strachan: I've got more important things to think about. I've got a yogurt to finish by today, the expiry date is today. That can be my priority rather than Agustin Delgado.

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*Reporter: Bang, there goes your unbeaten run. Can you take it?

*Strachan: No, I'm just going to crumble like a wreck. I'll go home, become an alcoholic and maybe! jump of a bridge. Umm, I think I can take it, yeah."

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*Reporter: There's no negative vibes or negative feelings here?

*Strachan: Apart from yourself, we're all quite positive round here. I'm going to whack you over the head with a big stick, down negative man, down.

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*Reporter: You don't take losing lightly, do you Gordon?

*Strachan: I don't take stupid comments lightly either.

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*Reporter: So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough were better than you today?

*Strachan: What areas? Mainly that big green one out there....

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Ron Atkinson will always be remembered for his sometimes controversial but generally hilarious quotes whilst as a football manager and then as a commentator.

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“You can see the ball go past them, or the man, but you'll never see both man and ball go past at the same time. So if the ball goes past, the man won't, or if the man goes past they'll take the ball.”

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“On another night, they'd have won 2-2” (commenting on a Valencia-Liverpool Match)

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“Well, Clive, it's all about the two M's - movement and positioning.”

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"The substitute is about to come on - he's a player who was left out of the starting line-up today. There were others as well."

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"The game has gone rather scrappy as both sides realise they could win this match or lose it or draw it even."

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The biggest mouth in football today is Jose Mourinho, he can be funny, serious, angry, philosophical, humble and arrogant normally within the same interview/press conference. One thing is for certain he is never shy of a word or two and here are some of the more funnier of them.

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Talking about Arsene Wenger’s comments regarding Chelsea FC.“I think he is one of these people who is a voyeur. He likes to watch other people. There are some guys who, when they are at home, have a big telescope to see what happens in other families. He speaks, speaks, speaks about Chelsea.”

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Talking about Manchester United, after Chelsea had won the league title. "I saw their players and manager go for a lap of honour after losing to us in their last home game. In Portugal if you do this, they throw bottles at you!”

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“Everybody was waiting for Chelsea not to win every game and one day when we lose there will be a holiday in the country. But we are ready for that. “

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“We have top players and, sorry if I'm arrogant, we have a top manager.”

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“Please don't call me arrogant, but I'm European champion and I think I'm a special one.”

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“Anyone can be clever, the trick is not to think the other guy is stupid.”

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: whatquote.com

Image: i.cdn.turner.com

TENNIS QUOTES

by John McEnroe
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“If you believe that [Anna Kournikova's claim that she is a virgin], I've never questioned a call in my life.”
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This taught me a lesson, but I'm not sure what it is.
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You are the pits of the world! Vultures! Trash!
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“Now I get docked 10 to 20 per cent (of my appearance fee) if I don't yell at some people and break at least one racquet.”

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: experiencefestival.com

Image: canoe.ca

TRACK AND FIELD QUOTES

Ben Johnson athlete - Quotes

"Don't tell me I cheated the system because that's [expletive]," he says. "I didn't get treated fairly by the system. They cast me out and they were jealous because I turned in the fastest time ever run by a human and it was impossible at the time."

"We're not friends, never been, never will. Carl Lewis could never beat me on the track or off."

"We need to show good faith for the young kids, the next generation coming up. Today, I tell the kids don't use drugs, because it's bad for you."

"I did something good in my life. My mom and dad saw me run faster than any human, and that's it. Better than a gold medal."

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Editor's Note: So, Ben, can you tell us how you really feel?

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: stuff.co.nz

SOCCER QUOTES
Topless Women's Soccer

KICK-OFF: The girls were body painted with the shirts of their national soccer teams and played one day before the national teams' Euro 2008 match in Vienna. Whether it has any bearing on tonight's (NZ time) crunch Euro 2008 match between the two countries is debatable but Austria drew first blood early today when their topless women's football team beat Germany 10-5.
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The traditional swapping of shirts afterwards was not an option as the six-a-side teams wore nothing but thongs, with the national colours painted on to their bare skin.
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The football may not have been of the highest quality but that did not temper the enthusiasm of a mostly male crowd boosted by a sizeable media presence only too happy to desert Euro 2008 training for an hour or two.
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The match was organised by a chat room website.
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Austria were delighted with a victory they hoped would be a morale-booster for their male counterparts but was not without its serious side.
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"I hope our men will take heart from that tomorrow. We played pretty hard, we even had some injuries, like I for example broke my toe nail," 29-year-old bank employee Doris Fastenmeir said.
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The Germans took defeat sportingly and joined their opponents for alcopops and dancing at a beach club alongside the Danube.
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"I was supposed to hold the balls but I really have no idea how to do that," said German keeper Jana Bach.
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"Maybe it is because I am not all that much into soccer. I am more into shoes to be honest."
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The verdict of the onlookers?
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"They might have to work on their technique a bit but it was definitely a rather pleasant game to watch and a very nice version of the 'beautiful game'," said Rolf Hansen from Berlin.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: pga.com

LPGA 2008 WINNER, INBEE PARK

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GOLF NEWS

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At age 19, Park becomes youngest winner of U.S. Women's Open

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Inbee Park woke up in the middle of the night 10 years ago when she heard cheering from the living room of her tiny apartment outside Seoul.

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Her parents were up at 3:00 a.m. to watch Se Ri Pak become the first South Korean and the youngest winner of the 1998 U.S. Women's Open.

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The 9-year-old girl sat down with them to watch, half asleep, but definitely paying attention.

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"When she made a putt, they were screaming," Park said. "So I really could not sleep."

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Two days later, she placed her tiny hands around a golf club for the first time.

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On Sunday, Park wrapped hands around the biggest trophy in women's golf, capturing the U.S. Women's Open at Interlachen with nearly flawless golf over the final 10 holes as everyone else melted away.

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"I didn't know anything about golf back then, but I was watching her," Park said. "It was very impressive for a little girl. I just thought that I could do it, too."

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Two weeks shy of her 20th birthday, Park replaced Pak as the youngest U.S. Women's Open champion. She pulled away with crucial putts on three straight holes -- two birdies and one par -- early on the back nine and added a final birdie for a 2-under 71 and a four-shot victory over Helen Alfredsson.

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Park was the only player in the final nine groups to break par. She finished at 9-under 283 and earned $585,000, then got soaked at the end of a sunny afternoon when Jeong Jang and I.K. Kim rushed onto the green and doused her with beer.

"Really, I can't believe I just did this, especially with all these big names on the trophy that have been very, very successful with the golf," Park said, gazing at the silver championship trophy. "Hopefully, I'll put a couple of my names on there. It will be great."

FUNNYS SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: olympicjobs.com

GOLF JUNIOR LEAGUE TRAINING

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Image: rcga.org

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GOLF NEWS

Business News

One for all, and all for golf
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Lee Elder broke the colour barrier at Augusta National

Just 25 years ago, Lee Elder broke the colour barrier at Augusta National, becoming the first black man to compete in the Masters. Only in recent years have many private clubs have started opening their doors to minorities.
Women too, have been treated as if they were second-class citizens, discouraged from playing on weekends and assigned to play instead on 'Ladies Days' - even in the post-Title IX era.

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Thankfully, the face of golf has changed dramatically over the last decade. Minorities and women have more opportunities in the game than ever before. Greater social awareness, gender equity and a young, multi-ethnic star named Tiger Woods have helped make golf more accessible and more diverse.

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Best of all minorities and women are taking leadership roles in the game. But opening up the game has also made it less financially elitist, and as such, golf has become the game of the masses.
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Greater social awareness, gender equity and a young, multi-ethnic star named Tiger Woods have helped make golf more accessible and more diverse. The recent 2000 PGA Merchandise Show in Orlando, Florida attracted more than 50,000 attendees from 78 countries buying products and services from 1,600 exhibitors. The show was spread out over 670,0000 net square feet at the Colossal Orange County Convention Centre.

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The show has grown from 5,000 visitors 25 years ago. This year's eclectic mix of visitors included 70s rocker Alice Cooper and NASCAR champion Dale Jarrett as well as professional golfers Phil Esposito and Jim McMahon.

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Although changes are taking place on the golf course, not much happens by way of new fangled inventions in the golf world. New balls and new clubs make their entrances but the shape and size stay the same so to capitalize on the emergence of new players - manufacturers are entering the e-commerce market.

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Golf balls are a $1.5 billion (US) business worldwide. By 2004, online sporting goods are expected to reach $4 billion, according to one study. But that would still represent only 5.2 percent percent of the $77 billion sporting goods industry.

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Anybody who is somebody in the multi-billion dollar business of golf-related products attends these conventions - in much the same way as anybody at all can be found on the links these days.