SPECIAL EDITORIAL NOTE FROM SPORTS_NUT, 2/26/2011
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Welcome to the retirement edition of Funny Sports Quotes.
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The Funny Sports Quotes blog was created in 11/2007 after I could see I could become a blogger very easily using Google's 3-step process for creating a blog online.
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For me, like most, work is not my idea of a fun experience, so I had to choose the topic that I would most enjoy pursuing and that, for me, was finding and posting funny sports quotes for entertaining and, in some cases, educating an audience on facets of sports even the most ardent sports fans may not have been aware of.
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At the same time, I decided to compile a database of funny sports quotes that sports fans and quote fans could visit for "one-stop" shopping, thereby helping them to avoid the need to search elsewhere for sports quotes.
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So, from 11/2007 until 2/2011. I have compiled quotes on the Funny Sports Quotes blog and its sister blog, FSQuotes, that is accessible only from the Funny Sports Quotes blog.
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As of 2/26/2011, I believe I have achieved my objective first set in 11/2007, which signals for me the end of my funny sports quotes database project.
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Kindly note that I have already made the last post (SI Swimsuit) to the blog, shut off further entries to Comments, and I will shut off the email address sports.quotes@gmail.com on 03/14/2011.
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Also note that many features previously cited on this page have been removed, so that a bare-bones FSQ remains for your future reference.
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I do hope that my venture was successful in bringing a smile to your face or a skip to your step, since that was all FSQ was created for, your entertainment and pleasure.
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In closing, I wish you and yours, Godspeed!
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Monday, September 1, 2008

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: quotationcollection.com

Image: coolchaser.com
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SPORTS QUOTES
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There are no office hours for champions.
-Paul Dietzel
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I can reach a kid who doesn’t have any ability as long as he doesn’t know it.
-Bear Bryant
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I can't stand a ballplayer who plays in fear.
-Red Auerbach
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What I'm looking for is a running back who can carry the ball twenty times on Saturday and then show up at practice Monday without a lawyer, doctor, or agent.
-Lou Holtz
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That's fine - people can call me arrogant, cocky, whatever. At least they're not calling us losers anymore. If people like you too much, it's probably because they're beating you.
-Steve Spurrier
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Russell's first law: you must make the other player do what you want him to do.
-Bill Russell
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Remember that basketball is a game of habits. If you make the other guy deviate from his habits, you've got him.
-Bill Russell
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If you do anything in any way, whenever or wherever, that I think is detrimental to the good of this basketball team, to the school, or to yourself, I'll handle it as I see fit.
-Bobby Knight
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If you see players who hate practice, their coach isn't doing a very good job.
-Bill Walsh
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Football doesn't build character. It eliminates the weak ones.
-Darrell Royal
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You don't win with X's and O's. What you win with is people.
-Joe Gibbs
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It always amazes me that spectators want to coach, coaches want to officiate, and officials just want to watch the game.
-Lou Holtz
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If I was murdered as soon as practice is over, there would be so many suspects among the players that they wouldn't even try to investigate.
-Lou Holtz
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What's Lou Holtz talking about, Alan? ; -D
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: philly.com

BASEBALL QUOTES
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Ozzie for president
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If managers were rewarded more for colorful quotes than victories, Ozzie Guillen would have a lifetime contract.The Chicago White Sox skipper was at his quotable best again Saturday night when his team was pounded by the Boston Red Sox in a way that resembled a pasting it took last season at Fenway Park.
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"The only difference between this night and last year was that last year was a triple-X movie," Guillen said. "Right now, it's just PG-13."
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Guillen also had this to say when he ordered an intentional walk to 5-foot-7 Red Sox second baseman Dustin Pedroia, who went 4 for 4 for the second consecutive game.
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"I never thought I would [intentionally] walk a jockey," he said. "I must be the worst manager ever in the history of baseball right now, walking a guy that just came from being on top of Big Brown to beating the White Sox."
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: bbs.buccaneers.com

NFL QUOTES
Quotes by and about John Madden on a Bucs forum
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Why is it that Madden sounds like he's about to die when doing broadcasts, but during his Outback and Tinactin commercials, he sounds like he's on a turbocharged caffine rush?
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Yogi taught him all that he could. (About Madden from a forum post)
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He is the Yogi Berra of football. "Cash, it's just like money!" (About Madden again)
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Could be worse, could be Boomer in the booth. Ill never forget"Now youll notice in order for him to pass, he has to throw the ball" when commenting on a fumble (Madden beats out Boomer)
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Jerry Glanville was no slouch either with the commentary.
Glanville referring to Jerry Rice after his knee was BADLY injured in '97 (?) I think. Vs. the Bucs here at the Old Sombrero.
"Looks like he's got a li'l hitch in his get-a-long"
Or wasn't it "hitch in his giddyap"?
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One Madden point I NEVER agreed with, "The Bucs look like 9 points. They will score 9 points against a good "D", and they'll score 9 points against a bad "D"."
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I never listen to the tv guys if the Bears are playing. I just turn the volume down and turn on the hometown call on the radio. Madden doesn't bother me that much though. Being a Cub fan I had to put up with Harry Caray's last few years, so I'm kind of use to senseless jibberish.
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Madden quotes cited on the forum:
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- "I'm sure that if a team didn't lose any yards for penalties, there would be a lot more penalties."
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-"The reason a team has a defense is to stop the other team's offense. And the reason a team has an offense is to score points, so really the reason there is a defense is to make sure the other team doesn't put up a lot of points. BAM!"
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-"the purpose of eyebrows is to keep sweat, dirt, and debris out of your eyes. That is why mine look like a poorly groomed hedgegrow." (as he circles his brow on the telestrater)
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-The key to the Atlanta defense is that they play well...on defense." - John Madden during the 1999 Super Bowl
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-If I stop by on thanksgiving, can I get some left over Turkey parts?
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: pwwew.net

Image: thegazz.com
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WRESTLING INSULTS
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GO, JERRY!
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Jerry "The King" Lawler Quotes:
Click here to view ===> INSULTS!
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Sunday, August 31, 2008

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: footiemad.com

Image: soccerrefereementors.com
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SOCCER QUOTES
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Click here to view ===> SOCCER
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: nomarsgirl4ever.tripod.com

WRESTLING INSULTS
Insults by Chris Jericho
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Thanks Stephanie, you're the breast... I mean best!"
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"When hell freezes over and platypuses fly out of my butt."
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"Well Stephanie, I'd like to thank you for giving me such a kind Christmas gift, but unfortunately I didn't get you any gifts. But then again, what can you get for the girl whose had everyone."
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"Welcome to Stephanie is naked!!! Seriously Stephanie, you don't have to act embarrassed about what just happened. It's not as though three quarters of the locker room hasn't seen you undressed already anyway!!!"
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"Your dad was on the road night after night while your mom was all alone, and you wonder why you and your brother look nothing alike."
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: nomarsgirl4ever.tripod.com

Image: blog.mainstreamshore.com
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WRESTLING INSULTS
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Ivory: Jerry, you are a pervert.
Jerry Lawler: Yeah, and your point is?
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"I asked Sunny if she would ever consider dating you. She said she would rather give birth to a porcupine on fire."
-Jerry Lawler
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"I'm gonna stick your head so far up your ass your gonna have to cut holes in your nipples to see!"
- The Rock
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Helen Hart is the only person I know with an autographed copy of the bible."
-Jerry Lawler
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"Don't take this ass-whippin' personally."
-A.P.A T-shirt
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"Matt Hardy's quicker than a hiccup."
-J.R.
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You gotta eat lightning and crap thunder!"
-Shane McMahon
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If charisma were rain, Blackman would be a desert."
Jerry Lawler
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"Crash Holly's so short, you can see his feet on his driver's license photo."
- Jerry Lawler
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Christian: "So are you in?"
Angle: "Six man elimination table match with Booker T and The Dudleyz? You bet your sweet asses I'm in!"
Edge: "Did he just say sweet asses?"
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"Now, Bad Ass, you run your mouth about Summerslam. Well, here's the situation. The Rock says this, if the Rock hits you he'll kill you. If he misses, the wind behind the punch will give you pneumonia and you'll die anyway, so the choice is yours jabroni."
-The Rock
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"Hey, I drank milk that was a DAY past the expiration date. Now THAT is Extreme!"
- Kurt Angle
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"I wasn't surprised at all. In fact, I thought, why stop there? Why not add the Big Show, or Chris Jericho, or the whole state of Nebraska for that matter? And don't you think a wrestling ring is a little old school, Lilian? Why not put the match in a shark tank, with real live sharks? Hungry sharks! And the only way to beat your opponent is to stuff him down a shark's throat, and pin the shark. Wouldn't that be a hoot?"
~ Kurt Angle
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Hardy Boys, Boyz with a Z. Is that Z supposed to scare us or something?"
-Christian
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He's the game all right."
- Edge
"Yeah if the game is pin the tail on the two faced reekazoid."
-Christian
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"Kurt Angle, you think you're really special because you've cashed in on the services of one Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley, a two dollar no, a fifty cent no, buy two get one free does any one have change for a nickel skank ass slut?"
-The Rock
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"Take a little walk down Know You Role Boulevard, hang that right on Jabroni Drive, and then proceed to check your Aunt Jemima no-pancake-havin' ass directly into the Smackdown Hotel!" -The Rock
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When David killed Goliath, Mae Young called the cops.
-Jerry Lawler
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"And ladies my bazooka is locked, cocked and ready to unload."
-Triple H
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: prosportsdaily.com

Image: alanstudt.com
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BASKETBALL INSULTS
Quotes by Michael Jordan
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Famous MJ Quotes and Sayings (Critique on Teammates)
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"We're beating a lot of poor teams. So what? We won a lot of games last year, too. Will Horace and Bill still be playing at this level in the playoffs...Can Pip keep it up?"
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"I hate being out there with those garbagemen. They don't get you the ball."
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"They've got no idea what it's all about. The white guys, they work hard, but they don't have the talent. And the rest of them? Who knows what to expect? They're not good for much of anything."
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"I know what's gonna happen. We'll wait until the last minute and then they'll say something like they couldn't get a deal done because of the cap or somebody pulled out at the last minute. It happens here all the time. I don't know why I'm surprised every year."
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"He can't do anything with the ball. Don't give it to him."
- Michael yelling at Paxson who passed the ball to Perdue
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"You ever hear of a guy, six-eleven maybe and two hundred sixty pounds, a guy big and fat like that and he can't get but two rebounds, if that many, running all over the damn court and he gets two rebounds? Big guy like that and he gets one rebound. Can't even stick his **** into people and get more than that...Big, fat, fat guy. One rebound in three games. Power forward. Maybe they should call it powerless forward."
- Michael ripping Stacey King a new one
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"He was scared in there and panicking. He just lost it when Stockton scored."
- Michael on B.J. Armstrong's mental fragility
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"...I call them 'the Looney Tunes.' Physically, they were the best. Mentally, they weren't even close."
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"He's scared. He's got no heart...Nobody told me that. If I had spoken up, he wouldn't have been here."
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"It's a hell of a lot easier to make Earl Monroe look good than it is Brad Sellers."
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"I hope there's a jumpshot in there."
- Michael to Stacey King who was walking into the locker room with a box
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"They don't need a ticket to watch you sitting on the bench. They can go to your house for that." - Michael to Charles Davis who was sorting through his tickets for his family and friends
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"Give me the ******* ball."
- Michael to Doug Collins who drew up a play for Dave Corzine
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"I hate when I have to read that in the papers the next day, that I couldn't do something. It wasn't my fault."
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"You're an idiot. You've screwed up every play we ever ran. You're too stupid to even remember the plays. We ought to get rid of you."
- Michael to Horace Grant
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"If you [pass the ball to Bill Cartwright], you'll never get the ball from me."
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"We're not winning because of talent. We're just beating bad teams."
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"Headache tonight, Scottie?"
- Michael asks Scottie, while showing him his 2-for-16 line
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"It's probably a twelve-day. He needs two days to wake up."
- Michael on a ten-day contract teammate
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"Five more years and I'm out of here. I'm marking these days on a calendar, like I'm in jail. I'm tired of being used by this organization, by the league, by the writers, by everyone."
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"They're not interested in winning. They just want to sell tickets, which they can do because of me. They won't make any deals to make us better. And this Kukoc thing. I hate that. They're spending all their time chasing this guy."
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"If I were a general manager, we'd be a better team."
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"Will Vanderbilt. He doesn't deserve to be named after a Big Ten school."
- Michael on Will Perdue
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"I want to prove the critics wrong...I want to see some serious moves from management, which I really haven't seen that much of yet, and I want to see more serious attitudes from my teammates this year when it comes to the playoffs. In the past, it's been more or less a joking thing, sort of a 'Well, we're here, so let's have a good time.'"
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"I'm sure everything will be fine if we win, but if we start losing, I'm shooting."
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"I know what I would do if I were coach. I'd determine our strengths and weaknesses and utilize them. And it's pretty clear what our strength is."
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"Your boy doesn't want to play. I'm tired of bailing his *** out."
- Michael yelling at Jim Cleamons about Dennis Hopson
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"I don't know about trading a 24 year-old guy for a 34 year-old guy."
- Michael questioning the Oakley trade
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"He's causing me too many turnovers."
- Michael on Cartwright's inability to catch
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"Why the hell don't you ever set a pick like that in a game?"
- Michael yelling at Perdue after also hitting Perdue upside his head (led to the institution of the private curtain for practices)
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You know the deal, Mike! Your ex-teammates cited
above said "Yo Ma Ma"! ;-)
Question? What do you think of the ex-Mrs. Jordan's
"in-your-face" jumper? ;-)
One final thing, your ex-teammates want to know why
you never invited them to watch you play a Double-A
baseball game? ;-)
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Relax, Mike, with Chamberlain, you're the greatest I
ever saw on a basketball court!
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But, Mike, don't be so mean to the peons!!!
Remember Double-A!!!
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