FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: thehockeynews.com

HOCKEY QUOTES
Top ten hockey quotes of the year listed by The Hockey News
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Click here to view ===> TOP 10 HOCKEY QUOTES
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: nationalpost.com

BROOKLYN DECKER (MODEL)

Image: cm1.theinsider.com

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SPORTS QUOTES

Quotes from 2008 listed by month

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"I think I lost half my fan base today."

- Tennis heartthrob Andy Roddick, on getting engaged to model Brooklyn Decker.

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"I know I have two more to go, but I ain't counting."

- Slugger Manny Ramirez, on being stuck at 498 career home runs.

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"One of the first things that came to my mind was, ‘Good thing we brought a second javelin.'"

- Richard Vance, the coach for Utah state high school javelin champion Anthony Miles, after Miles accidentally sent a javelin through the leg of a wandering photographer.

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"God has gifted me with incredible handspeed as a tool to be used. What else am I supposed to do but fight? There ain't no hand-racing competitions."

- Boxer Roy Jones Jr., on his chosen profession.

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"I'm feeling great, and I have sex almost every day. Almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday ... "

- Fitness guru Jack LaLanne, on his 93rd birthday.

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Click here to view ===> SPORTS QUOTES OF 2008

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: playerpress.com

Image: hawgtuff.net
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NFL FOOTBALL QUOTES
Quotes by John Madden
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"This guy right here is a kicker (circles the kicker) If he could throw the ball he would be a Quarterback, but he kicks the ball so he's a kicker"
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"To get more yards, it's best to move the ball from the line of scrimmage down the field."
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"They're either going to run the ball here, or they're gonna pass it"
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"The play would have been much greater if he did not make the tackle, so it was not so great."
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"If he can't hit the A hole then he's going to try to hit the B hole"
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"Well Al, to get back into this game...Daunte Culpepper and the Vikings have to get back into this game. "
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“This guy brings his load, and this guy has his load over here, and BAM, they go load to load.”
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If the quarterback throws the ball in the end zone and it is caught, that's gonna be a touchdown."
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"When a guy runs he goes faster."
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"From the waist down, Earl Campbell has the biggest legs I have ever seen on a running back."
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“I think the offense is looking for a first down on this drive”
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"Not only do you get a first down, but you get a whole new set of downs!"
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"Now here's a guy that, when he puts his glasses on, he can see better."
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"The best thing would be a touchdown and the second best thing would be a field goal."
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“Don't worry about the horse being blind, just load the wagon.”
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"Ruben Brown made that play there, well I mean he missed the guy completely but he was able to create just enough room for Thomas Jones by whiffing. The air he created on the miss gave Jones enough space to score"
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"A fumble is a fumble when he fumbles, and that my friend was a fumble!"
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“What's the toughest thing in a professional football game? It's being the mother of the quarterback.”
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“When you get mud on dirt, it turns into mud.”
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"Whenever you talk about a Mike Shanahan offense, you're always going to be talking about his offense."
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“I'm lucky. I'm the luckiest guy in the world. I never really had a job. I was a football player, then a football coach, then a football broadcaster.”
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“They talk about how hard coaches work. The hard job is a coach's wife, believe me. The job of the coach's wife, she has to be mother, father, driver, doctor, nurse, coach, everything, because the coach is out there working.”
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"His helmet flew off, that's the bad news. The good news is his head wasn't in it."
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"John Elway is an immediate cure for coach's burnout."
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"It is better to give a lick than receive one.”
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“A team should never practice on a field that is not lined. Your players have to become aware of the field's boundaries.”
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“With all his tumid boasts, he's like the sword-fish, who only wears his weapon in his mouth.”
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“The only yardstick for success our society has is being a champion. No one remembers anything else.”
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“Tell your linemen to block on this play...tell your linemen to block every play.”
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: theaustralian.news.com

Image: stamp-search.com
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SPORTS QUOTES
Excerpts of Australia's favorite sports quotes from survey by Australian News staff
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I was really enjoying my ride and just thinking how beautiful it was here and the next minute I was picking gravel out of my head."
-- Aussie equestrian rider Megan Jones.
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"You'll never make a footballer while ever your arse points to the ground."
-- England great Jack Charlton to a young Craig Johnston.
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"Big balls count."
-- Craig Mottram when asked how he can run so fast.
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"As you slide down the banister of life, you are bound to pick up a splinter or two in your arse."
-- Queensland horse trainer Vic Rail.
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"Put a Mars Bar on a good length, that should do it."
-- Ian Healy telling Shane Warne how to get Arjuna Ranatunga out of his crease.
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"Mate, if you turn the bat over you'll find instructions on the back."
-- Merv Hughes to Robin Smith.
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"I can tell you one thing. I've done this my way. I don't have anybody to blame for this win but me, and I love it."
-- Golf's John Daly.
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"Oh right, one of you blokes piss off and the rest scatter."
-- NSW cricket captain Keith Miller after noticing he had 12 players heading out to field.
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"Injuries above the neck don't count."
-- Legendary Australian football coach John Kennedy.
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"Sent off, carried off, but never backed off."
-- Australian rugby union player David Dunworth.
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"Now, David, are you going to get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?"
-- Some helpful advice from Malcolm Marshall to David Boon.
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"We had a good team on paper. Unfortunately, the game was played on grass." --- Soccer manager Brian Clough.
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"The only time an Australian walks is when his car runs out of petrol." South African cricketer Barry Richards.
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"I'm just a normal Aussie guy who likes a smoke and a drink. I wish they'd had the final between 2am and 4am. I might have won,"
-- Sydney Olympic silver medallist long jumper Jai Taurima.
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"Well, we knocked the bastard off."
-- Edmund Hillary on returning to Everest base camp.
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"A silver medal gets you as many free beers as a gold medal does."
-- Aussie shooter Russell Mark.
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"Pressure? Pressure is a Messerschmidt up your arse. Playing cricket is not."
-- Miller again.
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"I don't think I'll take the medal as the minute and a half of the race I actually won. I'll take it as the last decade of the hard slog I put in."
-- Accidental gold medallist skater Steven Bradbury, who broke his neck and required 111 stitches in separate incidents on the ice.
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: proicehockey.about.com

HOCKEY QUOTES
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Bob Clarke: A Farewell to Hockey's King of Quotes
Sunday October 22, 2006
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Hate him if you will - and many do - Bob Clarke never hesitated to speak his mind. It's a rare quality in the sports world, and it will be missed.
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Here are a few pearls from his 35-plus years as an NHL player and executive:
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"They always try to play with our minds. But that won’t work with our club. We’ve got 20 guys without brains."
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"If I hadn't learned to lay on a two-hander once in a while, I'd never have left Flin Flon."
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"Roger got cancer. That wasn't our fault. We didn't tell him to go get cancer. It's too bad that he did. We feel sorry for him, but then he went goofy on us."
- On former coach Roger Neilson, who was not allowed to resume his job when he returned from cancer treatment.
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"I don't give a crap whether he ever plays again or if I ever see him again. All he ever did was cause aggravation to our team."
– After trading former captain Eric Lindros.
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"I don't give a (expletive deleted) if nobody likes me, I could care less."
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"If you asked him the time, he'd build you a watch. You didn't dare ask him a question because you'd have to stand there and listen to him spout off for half an hour."
- On Ken Dryden, the Hall of Fame goaltender and Canadian politician.
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: blogs.suntimes.com

SPORTS TRIVIA
Non-athletes seek sports fame by winning food eating contests
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Click here to view ===> YUMMY FOR YOUR TUMMY
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: com-www.com

Image: weirdal.com
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BOWLING HUMOR
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Song: The Generic Blues
Lyrics: "Weird Al" Yankovic
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Generic Blues
by Al Yankovic
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Lyrics:
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I woke up this morning
Then I went back to bed
Said I woke up this morning
Then I went right back to bed
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Got a funny kind of feelin' like
I got broken glass in my underwear
And a herd of wild pigs
is trying to chew off my head
You know what I'm sayin
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'Well I ain't got no money
I'm just walkin' down the road
Said I ain't got no money, honey
So I'm just walking down this lonely old road
Well, I wish I could get me some money
But I forgot my automated teller code
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I was born in a paper sack in the bottom of a sewer
I had to eat dirt clods for breakfast,
my family was so poor
My daddy was a waitress,
my mama sold bathroom tiles
My brothers and sisters all hated me
'cause I was an only child
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I got the blues so bad, woo
Kinda wish I was dead
Maybe I'll blow my brains out mama
Or maybe I'll, yeah maybe
I'll just go bowlin' instead
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I'm just a no good, scum sucking,
nose picking, boot licking, sniveling,
groveling, worthless hunk of slime
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Nothing but a low-down beer bellied,
bone headed, pigeon toed, turkey necked,
weasle faced, worthless hunk of slime
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Guess I got pretty low self image
Maybe it's a chemical imbalance or something --
I should probably go and see a doctor about it
when I've got the time
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Make it talk Aw, make it talk, son,
make it talk, OK, now make it shut up
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Plagues and famine and pestilence
always seem to get me down
I always feel so miserable whenever I'm around
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I wish somebody would come along,
stick a pitchfork through my brain
I'd flush myself right down the toilet,
but I'd just clog up the drain
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I got the blues so bad
Kinda wish I was dead
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Maybe I'll blow my brains out mama
Or maybe I'll go bowling
Or I just might go bowling
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Maybe I'll just rent some shoes and go bowling
Maybe I'll join a league, enter a tournament,
put on a stupid looking shirt
and go bowling instead, Yeah
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: dailymail.co.uk

SPORTS QUOTES
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"When Rio Ferdinand went in goal, I wasn't too worried. I saw him play in goal when he was a kid and I knew he wasn't very good."
-- Harry Redknapp knew it was Portsmouth's day in the FA Cup when United defender Rio went between the sticks.
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"On Saturday morning we were driving to Old Trafford thinking it was going to be the Alamo. Now we are favourites - it's a funny old game, football."
-- Portsmouth chairman Peter Storrie.
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"I put my house, its contents, my entire wardrobe, my under garments, my socks and my shoes on the fact that he would score, and how he didn't I have no idea."
-- Inimitable Leicester boss Ian Holloway on a missed chance for Iain Hume in the goalless draw with Bristol City.
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"I trained hard up until the game but it was the end of the season and afterwards I got kidnapped. It was a very enjoyable week - from what I can remember!"
-- Wales and Wasps coach Shaun Edwards describes a lost week of celebration when he played for Ireland in rugby league at the end of his playing days.
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"I would have been doing a bit of 'porridge' myself!"
-- Roy Keane admits he would have gone to prison had Sepp Blatter's demand for some tackles to be made a criminal offence come into force while he was a player.
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"We haven't won it, we have not got to the final and we have got to get prepared. Why would we be drinking champagne?"
-- Cardiff boss Dave Jones plays down his side's shock quarter-final win at Middlesbrough, even though it handed them their first semi-final berth since they won the competition in 1927
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"We were worried about going home tonight on the plane because of the high winds. I don't think that will have any bearing because the plane will be rocking anyway."
-- More from Jones.
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"I've always believed at this time of the season you get to see people like oranges - you squeeze them and some of them tend to capitulate."
-- Watford manager Adrian Boothroyd gets fruity.
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"I'll fight them anywhere. I'll go to Russia or Las Vegas to fight them if necessary. As long as there's a ring and the referee can count to 10, I'll be all right."
-- David Haye calls out world heavyweight champion Wladimir Klitschko and co after beating Enzo Maccarinelli to confirm his dominance of the cruiserweight division.
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"No-one can replace Jonny Wilkinson."
-- Danny Cipriani, shortly after being selected by England coach Brian Ashton to do just that.
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"I have told Mike he can be the biggest, most physical, imposing scrum-half in world rugby. He thinks he already is - and he told me he is the best looking as well!"
-- Wales coach Warren Gatland prescribes a case of vanity in Mike Phillips.
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