"Manute Bol is so skinny they save money on road trips. They just fax him from city to city."


--Woody Allen

"Rebound by one of the big guys … Divac, I think … Hands off to one of the little guards … The big guy with the beard passes off to the little lefty … Boy, I'm having trouble with these names."
--Legendary Boston radio announcer Johnny Most, calling a McDonald's Open game between the Celtics and Jugoplastika Split of Croatia

"When you lose a 'must' game, it wasn't a 'must' game."
--Danny Whelan, New York Knicks trainer

"What do you have when you have an agent buried up to his neck in sand? Not enough sand."
--Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager

"Don't you ever pass?"
--Bob Cousy, after teammate Bill Sharman's length-of-the-court attempted pass to him swishes through the net for a basket during the 1957 NBA All-Star Game in Boston Garden

"He doesn't shine them … he sends them through a car wash."
--Lynn Shackelford, former UCLA forward, describing the size-22 shoes worn by eight-time All-Star Bob Lanier

"If that guy makes a turnover, we're gonna be in deep trouble."
--Former Dallas Mavericks executive Rick Sund, on a Mavericks halftime show featuring a man juggling chainsaws

"I'm not talking any more. That's it. No more words. It's over. Wanna know the deal? Mum is the word here. My game talks and conversation walks. It's just that I'm basically a quiet guy who keeps to himself. I don't like to talk."
--Edgar Jones, vowing not to speak to the media anymore, a promise he was unable to keep even as he was making it

"If I could look into the future, I wouldn't be sitting here talking to you doorknobs. I'd be out investing in the stock market."
--Former Celtics great Kevin McHale, when asked to assess his team's prospect in an upcoming season

"I was just getting acquainted with the wood. I wanted to see if it was maple or pine."
--Former Los Angeles Lakers forward Kurt Rambis, after a period of play in which he was kicked in the head, knocked to the floor and shoved out of bounds

"I knew it was time to retire when I was driving down the lane and got called for a three-second violation."
--Johnny Kerr, former NBA player and coach

"Sport is the only profession I know of that when you retire you have to go to work."
--Earl Monroe

"I was thinking I was going to be a rich man until the government stepped in and took it all."
--Australian-born Luc Longley, on NBA salaries and U.S. taxes

"We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads.
Our heads weigh more."
--Vlade Divac, explaining why he reported to Lakers training camp 15 pounds heavier

"It's one thing to hear about it from your coach, but when your wife tells you it stinks,
you tend to work on it."
--Orlando Woolridge, on a deficiency in his game

"A man has to know his limitations and I don't have any."
--Edgar Jones

"If we stay free of injuries, we'll be in contention to be a healthy team."
--Chris Morris, while with the New Jersey Nets in 1993

"I told him,'Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?'
He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care."
--Utah Jazz President Frank Layden, on a former player

"Nobody fights with Jerry because you know the price would be too high. You might come out the winner, at his age, you might even lick him, but you'd lose an eye, an arm, your testicles in the process, everything would be gone."
--Utah Jazz President Frank Layden, on head coach Jerry Sloan

BASKETBALL QUOTES