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National Lampoon: "If you want to take long walks, take long walks. If you want to hit things with sticks, hit things with sticks. But there's no excuse for combining the two and putting the results on TV. Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns."
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Unknown: "Gone golfin'... be back dark thirty."
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Chi Chi Rodriguez: "A golf ball is like a clock. Always hit it at 6 o'clock and make it go toward 12 o'clock. But make sure you're in the same time zone."
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A. P. Herbert: "Men who would face torture without a word become blasphemous at the short fourteenth. It is clear that the game of golf may well be included in that category of intolerable provocations which may legally excuse or mitigate behavior not otherwise excusable."
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Eric Linklater: "All I've got against it is that it takes you so far from the clubhouse."
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Robert Browning: "The trouble that most of us find with the modern matched sets of clubs is that they don't really seem to know any more about the game than the old ones did."
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Chi Chi Rodriguez: "After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye."
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Paul O'Neil: "Golf is essentially an exercise in masochism conducted out-of-doors."
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Chi Chi Rodriguez: "Trevino is in a league by himself. We don't even count him. We figure when you come in second, you're a winner."
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Percey Boomer: "If you wish to hide your character, do not play golf."
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Ron Green, Charlotte Observer : "When you hear someone shout "You da man," if he ain't shouting at Arnold Palmer, then it ain't da man."
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Lon Hinkle: "Golf is golf. You hit the ball, you go find it. Then you hit it again."
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Isabelle Beisiegel, remarking on her chances of qualifying for the men's tour: "The ball doesn't know if it is a man or a woman who is hitting it."
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Tommy Bolt, toward the end of one of his infamous high-volume, temperamental, club-throwing rounds, asked his caddie for a club recommendation for a shot of about 155 yards. His caddie said: "I'd say either a 3-iron or a wedge, sire." "A 3-iron or a wedge?" asked Bolt. "What kind of stupid choice is that?" "Those are the only two clubs you have left, sir." said the caddie.
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Nick Faldo, after winning a million dollars in a golf tournament, was feeling generous when he asked his wife if there was anything she'd like to have. She said "A divorce." He replied, "I wasn't thinking of anything quite that expensive."
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Lee Trevino, who had been struck by lighting while playing golf previously, commenting on why he immediately stops playing when rain and lightning are present: "When God wants to play through. I let him play through."
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