GOLF QUOTES
President Gerald Ford: "I know I'm getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators."
Will Rogers: "Income Tax has made more liars out of the American people than Golf."
Tommy Bolt: "Putting allows the touchy golfer two to four opportunities to blow a gasket in the short space of two to forty feet."
Julius Boros: "Retire to what? I'm a golfer and a fisherman. I've got no place to retire to."
Jimmy Demaret: "Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at."
P.J. O'Rourke: "Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick."
Lee Trevino: "If you're caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron."
Arnold Palmer: "What other people may find in poetry or art museums, I find in the flight of a good drive."
Pete Dye: "The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top."
Phyllis Diller: "The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing."
Unknown: "Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour."
Renton Laidlaw: "He certainly didn't appear as cool as he looked."
Samuel Johnson: "A game in which you claim the privileges of age, and retain the playthings of childhood."
Henry Longhurst: "They say "practice" makes perfect " Of course, it doesn't. For the vast majority of golfers it merely consolidates imperfection."
Peter Jacobsen: "One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. No matter what you shoot - the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin all over again and make yourself into something."
Horace G. Hutchinson: "If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is."
Will Rogers: "I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies."
"Silk Stockings" TV Show: "The people who gave us golf and called it a game are the same people who gave us bag pipes and called it music."
Val Doonican: "Golf is like an 18-year-old girl with big boobs. You know it's wrong but you can't keep away from her."
Unknown: "Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.
Abba Eban: "Playing the game I have learned the meaning of humility. It has given me an understanding of futility of the human effort."
Peter Aliss: "He used to be fairly indecisive, but now he's not so certain."
Phil Blackmar: "Golf isn't like other sports where you can take a player out if he's having a bad day. You have to play the whole game."
Gerald Ford: "I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose."
Jim Bishop: "Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun."
Harry Toscano: "I'm hitting the woods just great, but I'm having a terrible time getting out of them."
President Gerald Ford: "I know I'm getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators."
Will Rogers: "Income Tax has made more liars out of the American people than Golf."
Tommy Bolt: "Putting allows the touchy golfer two to four opportunities to blow a gasket in the short space of two to forty feet."
Julius Boros: "Retire to what? I'm a golfer and a fisherman. I've got no place to retire to."
Jimmy Demaret: "Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at."
P.J. O'Rourke: "Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick."
Lee Trevino: "If you're caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron."
Arnold Palmer: "What other people may find in poetry or art museums, I find in the flight of a good drive."
Pete Dye: "The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top."
Phyllis Diller: "The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing."
Unknown: "Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour."
Renton Laidlaw: "He certainly didn't appear as cool as he looked."
Samuel Johnson: "A game in which you claim the privileges of age, and retain the playthings of childhood."
Henry Longhurst: "They say "practice" makes perfect " Of course, it doesn't. For the vast majority of golfers it merely consolidates imperfection."
Peter Jacobsen: "One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. No matter what you shoot - the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin all over again and make yourself into something."
Horace G. Hutchinson: "If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is."
Will Rogers: "I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies."
"Silk Stockings" TV Show: "The people who gave us golf and called it a game are the same people who gave us bag pipes and called it music."
Val Doonican: "Golf is like an 18-year-old girl with big boobs. You know it's wrong but you can't keep away from her."
Unknown: "Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.
Abba Eban: "Playing the game I have learned the meaning of humility. It has given me an understanding of futility of the human effort."
Peter Aliss: "He used to be fairly indecisive, but now he's not so certain."
Phil Blackmar: "Golf isn't like other sports where you can take a player out if he's having a bad day. You have to play the whole game."
Gerald Ford: "I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose."
Jim Bishop: "Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun."
Harry Toscano: "I'm hitting the woods just great, but I'm having a terrible time getting out of them."
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