"Golf is a game, perverse; one day you score much better, the next time it's much worse." - C.E., 8/1/05
"I do think the competition for the golf dollar is starting to heat up in my neck of the woods, which is a good thing." - R.A., 5/24/04
"You've just one problem. You stand too close to the ball--after you've hit it." - Sam Snead
"I'm hitting the woods just great, but I'm having a terrible time getting out of them." - Harry Tofcano
"When it's breezy, hit it easy." - Davis Love, Jr.
"You can't go into a shop and buy a good game of golf." - Sam Snead
"Played eighteen holes with a client last Saturday. Got my ass kicked. Now I can send him his invoice." - Ingo Stroup
"If some players took a fork to their mouths the way they take the club back, they'd starve to death." - Sam Snead
"There are no short hitters on the tour anymore—just long and unbelievably long." - Sam Snead
"Golf got complicated when I had to wear shoes and begin thinking about what I was doing." - Sam Snead
"When the path ahead of you is uphill, surrounded by rough spots, hazards and obstacles: use a pitching wedge." - Lee Bracken
"I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool." - George Brett
"One hundred years of experience had demonstrated that the game is temporary insanity practiced in a pasture."
- Dave Kindred
- Dave Kindred
"I'm gambling that when we get into the next life, Saint Peter will look at us and ask, "Golfer?" And when we nod, he will step aside and say, "Go right in; you've suffered enough." One warning, if you do go in and the first thing you see is a par 3 surrounded by water, it ain't heaven."
- Jim Murray
- Jim Murray
"It's the most humbling sport ever. It's like a lousy lover. It's like some guy who's never there when you need him. Every once in a while, he comes and makes you feel like heaven on earth.. And then the moment you say, 'I really need this,' he's gone." - Dinah Shore
"Playing golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture." - Sir Winston Churchill
"Golf is, in part, a game; but only in part. It is also in part a religion, a fever, a vice, a mirage, a frenzy, a fear, an abscess, a joy, a thrill, a pest, a disease, an uplift, a brooding, a melancholy, a dream of yesterday, and a hope for tomorrow." - New York Tribune (1916)
"By the time you get to your ball, if you don't know what to do with it, try another sport." - Julius Boros, a U.S. Open and PGA champion
"If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot." - Old Saying
"Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a 7 to do that." - Jim Murray
"Frankly, I don't like their selection of argyle here at all."-Comment overheard in an up-scale pro-shop.
"Baffling late-life discovery: Golfers wear those awful clothes on purpose."
- Herb Caen
- Herb Caen
"I miss. I miss. I miss. I make." - Seve Ballesteros' description of his four-putt at No. 16 at Augusta in 1988.
"Watching the Masters on CBS is like attending a church service. Announcers speak in hushed, pious tones, as if to convince us that something of great meaning and historical importance is taking place. What we are actually seeing is grown men hitting little balls with sticks." - Tom Gilmore
"He's hit it fat.... It will probably be short.... It just hit the front edge of the green.... It's got no chance.... It's rolling toward the cup.... Well I'll be damned!" - Jimmy Demaret
"Swing hard in case you hit it." - Dan Marino
"My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered." - Lord Robertson
"There's something I call the 'television effect'. Golfers watch the U.S. National Tournament at the Augusta [Georgia] golf course, one of the world's great courses. The course has been styled to appear perfect for a TV show, although it doesn't look that good for the rest of the year. But golfers around the country see that magnificent-looking course, and then pressure their local golf course managers to replicate the Augusta course even though the local climate, soils, and native plants may not be at all like those in the Southeast." - Michael Alexander, chair of the Sierra Club's Presidio Task Force in San Francisco, California (Environmental Health Perspectives, August 1998)
"Go play golf. Go to the golf course. Hit the ball. Find the ball, repeat until the ball is in the hole. Have fun. The end." - Chuck Hogan
"Samuel Ryder, the originial patron of the Ryder Cup, was buried with his 5-iron, the only sensible thing to do with any golf club, really." - Bernie Lincicome, Chicago Tribune
"Just you wait -- it's going to be hailing golf balls the size of basketballs before long!" - Dan Gluesenkamp
"To play golf you need goofy pants and a fat ass." - Happy Gilmore
"Real pressure in golf is playing for $10 when you've only got $5 in your pocket." - Lee Trevino
"Never break your putter and your driver in the same round or you're dead." - Tommy Bolt
"Golf is typical capitalist lunacy." - George Bernard Shaw
"Unfortunately, the suit is so stiff, I can't do this with two hands, but I'm going to try a little sand-trap shot here." - Alan Shepard, Apollo 14 Commander January 31 - February 9, 1971, Astronaut, Amateur Golfer during his golf shot on the moon.
"Got more dirt than ball. Here we go again." - Alan Shepard, Apollo 14 Commander, Astronaut, Amateur Golfer preparing to take another swing for a golf moon shot.
"Miles and miles and miles." - Alan Shepard, Apollo 14, after connecting with his second golf ball on the moon.
"He topped and buried it on the first swing. I assume that the six-iron was snuck on board." - Jones talking about Alan Shepard's Apollo 14 lunar golf game.
"Because of the suit I was wearing, I couldn't make a good pivot on the swing. And I had to hit the ball with one hand." - Alan Shepard talking about his moon shot.
"The suit was so clumsy, being pressurized, it was impossible to get two hands comfortably on the handle and it's impossible to make any kind of a turn. It was kind of a one-handed chili-dip." - Alan Shepard talking about his moon shot to Ottawa Golf magazine.
"Then I thought, with the same clubhead speed, the ball's going to go at least six times as far. There's absolutely no drag, so if you do happen to spin it, it won't slice or hook 'cause there's no atmosphere to make it turn." - Alan Shepard talking about his moon shot to Ottawa Golf magazine.
"G is for Green, that's constructed to roll In every direction away from the hole." - Richard Armour, Golf Is a Four-Letter Word.
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