FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: rightwingnews.com

Some Of RWN's Favorite Pro-Wrestling Quotes by John Hawkins "Sportsmanship...what a load of crap, don't preach your morality to me. Steve Austin doesn't have any mercy... you want mercy? Take your *ss to church!" -- Steve Austin "You can talk about your Psalms and your John 3:16. Well, Austin 3:16 says I just whooped your *ss." - Steve Austin "Vince Mcmahon may have bought this ring but if you get your *ss in it Stone Colds going to throw your *ss out of it" -- Steve Austin "She's had more hands on her than a doorknob" - The Bodydonnas on Sunny. "Greetings to all of our fans in Memphis! As we all know, there are two types of Elvis' - there was fat Elvis, and really fat Elvis! But the sad thing is - none of us will ever get the chance to find how fat Elvis really would have been - because, he ended up like this town -- Dead!!!!" -- Christian. "Now, speaking of sore-losers, how fitting is it that we are in the capital city of sore-losers, Buffalo, New York! Now, I'm talking, Superbowls, Stanley Cup Finals, O.J.! It 'so' doesn't get more depressing than right here." -- Christian. "To be that man, you've got to beat the man. Whoooo!" -- Ric Flair "I'm a limousine-riding, jet-flying, kiss-stealing, wheeling-dealing son of a gun, who's kissed all the girls and made them cry." -- Ric Flair "I would rather hurt a man than love a woman." -- Mick Foley / Cactus Jack "Kick him when he's down, he's easier to reach." -- Scott Hall "You don't have to yell at me, Schiavone. I'm not blind!" -- Bobby Heenan "Don't hate the player, hate the game." -- Jeff Jarrett "[Sunny] didn't make a fool out of Phineas -- God beat her to that." -- Jerry Lawler "You know, Alundra Blayze, with her looks could star in a T.V. western--if she had two more legs!" -- Jerry Lawler "You never really know a woman till you meet her in court." -- Jerry Lawler "Helen Hart is so old, she remembers when the Dead Sea was sick." -- Jerry Lawler. "Helen Hart is the only person I know with an autographed copy of the bible." -- Jerry Lawler "The only reason Jake 'The Snake' Roberts doesn't drink and drive anymore is because he is afraid he might hit a bump and spill his drink." -- Jerry Lawler. "I have balls the size of grapefruits, and come this Sunday you'll be spitting out the seeds!" -- Vince McMahon "Did your parents build you a swing facing a wall when you were a kid?" -- Roddy Piper "You'll find sympathy in the dictionary between sh*t and suicide." - Roddy Piper "I'm gonna stick your head so far up your *ss your gonna have to cut holes in your nipples to see!" -- The Rock "Let the Rock take out his magical, invisible crystal ball. He sees Edge...he sees Christian...good news, you're still WWE tag team champions - but hold on, it's a little foggy....ah there it is, clear as crystal. It's a picture of the Rock whipping both your monkey*sses all over Louisville!" -- The Rock "Yes...the Rock DOES want to retract his statement. The Big Show is NOT a jabrone....but what the Big Show IS, is a seven foot, five hundred pound, steaming, stinking, steaming, stinking pile of Grade-A monkey crap! And the Rock says this, Big Show, did the Rock call you a jabrone? You damn right he did, he called twenty others a jabrone as well, shut your mouth, and look at the Rock, read the Rock's lips - jabrone - J-A-B-R-O-N-I-X-Y-Z-A-B-C-oh, it doesn't MATTER how you spell 'jabrone!' The Rock says this, Big Show, come Royal Rumble - the Rock's Rumble - the Rock guarand*mntees to take his hand and one, by one, by d*mn one, over the top rope, the Rock guarand*mnteeing winning the Royal Rumble, the Rock, going to WrestleMania, and going out of WrestleMania...the People's Champion." -- The Rock "Now, Bad *ss, you run your mouth about Summerslam. Well, here's the situation. The Rock says this, if the Rock hits you he'll kill you. If he misses, the wind behind the punch will give you pneumonia and you'll die anyway, so the choice is yours jabroni." -- The Rock "Don't you ever, and the Rock means EVER, come at the Rock and ask him a question like that again, or else the Rock will knock your teeth so far down your throat, you'll stick a toothbrush up your *ss to brush 'em!" -- The Rock "Obviously The Rock is here. Obviously he has just checked Mankind into the Smackdown Hotel at the corner of Know your Role Blv. and Jabroni Drive." -- The Rock "You see, so the Rock says there's a little lesson to be learned here and that lesson is this. Big Show, you see, when you insult the Rock, when you insult the Great One, when you insult the People's Champion, you insult...the People. Now seeing as you've insulted the People, you've left the Rock with not one but two choices! The first choice is the Rock could go in the back, take off his $500 shirt, wait 'til Sunday and eliminate your big candy*ss to win the Royal Rumble. And then there's the...second choice. And seeing as we are here on the Rock's show SmackDown!, the Rock figured he'd just...walk down the People's Ramp - just like this...stop in the middle, just like this - inhale the electricity from the millions - of Rock's fans keep walkin', just like this...come up in the middle of the People's Ring and kick your candy*ss all over Providence." -- The Rock "...(O)n top of all that, look at this guy? I mean he's a idiot, he's 7 feet of pure idiot. You put his brain in a parakeet... zing! It'll fly backwards." -- The Rock "This crowd is letting Kurt know that he sucks. Just in case he had forgotten." -- Jim Ross "I'd hate to end your career tonight -- well, not really." -- Al Snow to the Rock & Roll Express "I don't have 30 days and 30 nights, to show you why all the hoochies say there's nothing finer than Scott Steiner, but all I need is one night to have your wife call me for the rest of her life, the big bad booty daddy, so this goes to all my freaks out there, Big Poppa Pump is your hook up, hollar if you hear me." -- Scott Steiner1` "Why put off kicking somebody's *ss next week when I can do it right now." -- The Undertaker "It doesn't make you bad losing to Rob Van Dam... it just makes you like everybody else." -- Rob Van Dam "This leg will be known as Christmas, and this leg will be known as New Year's! So ladies, why don't you all come visit the Big Valbowski between the holidays?" -- Val Venis "Win if you can, lose if you must, but ALWAYS cheat!" -- Jesse Ventura

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