SPORTS QUOTES
Shooting from the Lip
Compiled by Bruce Arthur
“Steve Nash Sarcastically Asks Shaq To Slow Down.” — Headline from theonion.com, on fast-paced Phoenix’s acquisition of the plodding Shaquille O’Neal.
“Philip Rabinowitz, who died recently at age 104, once set a record in the 100-metre, uh, dash for men over 100. Rabinowitz hit the tape in 30.86, breaking the old record and four ribs.” — Scott Ostler, of the San Francisco Chronicle.
“If you took the goals out of it, I think it was pretty even.” — West Ham soccer manager Alan Curbishley, after Chelsea drilled West Ham 4-0.
“I guess you date Jessica Simpson, that makes you fearless.” — Dallas Cowboys quarterback and current Jessica Simpson boyfriend Tony Romo, on meeting two of her former boyfriends, singer John Mayer and comedian Dane Cook, at Cosmopolitan’s Fun Fearless Male of the Year Awards.
“Seems she couldn’t keep that racket down.” — Marc Tandan of the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, on an Australian tennis club banning a 9-year-old girl for grunting too loudly.
“In the wake of Tuesday’s retirement announcements, the NFL Network is airing 30 hours of Brett Favre programming, and Warren Sapp is getting a couple hours on the Food Network.” — Comedian Torben Rolfsen, of The Vancouver Province’s Live@Five blog.
“I hope Dwight Howard is at the Olympics in China. Not to play basketball, but to fight a never-ending battle for truth, justice and the American way.” — Ostler again, on the Orlando Magic centre whose new nickname is Superman.
“The Knicks don’t even have a point guard — coach Isiah Thomas runs a Microsoft Excel program just before tip-off and picks out the 10 most likely plays in which his team might get fouled.” — Syndicated columnist Norman Chad, on the sad state of New York hoops.
“Budget director blew most of your campaign funds betting on the Knicks.” — From David Letterman’s Top 10 Signs Your Presidential Campaign Is In Trouble.
“Don’t worry. If he strikes out too many times this season, Cubs fans will be more than willing to give him theirs.” — Reggie Hayes of the Fort Wayne News-Sentinel, on Chicago Cubs outfielder Alfonso Soriano breaking his middle finger.
“She could be adopted by Britney Spears and be better off. I want my 16-year-old daughter to have an enormous phone bill, a case of the giggles and to be pissed off at me for killing her first three boyfriends.” — Golf commentator and wit David Feherty, on the mistreatment of Michelle Wie.
“Is that a compliment?” — Feherty, on being called the funniest man in golf.
The Count300+ The number of pounds Sports Illustrated is reporting Oakland Raiders quarterback JaMarcus Russell is rumoured to weigh. The sophomore pivot is expected to take over the Raiders' starting job this year, but if he truly has been “ballooning” to that weight in the off-season, his career could be in jeopardy. Russell was said to also have “weight issues” in college. InsideBayArea.com, meanwhile, reports that no one has seen Russell this off-season to know if the weight gain rumours are true or not.
Theatre of the Absurd
Referee sent into hiding after lookalike attacked
Italian referee Mauro Bergonzi was sent into hiding by police after thugs tried to attack someone he looked like, the head of the country's referees' association has said.
Bergonzi awarded two contentious penalties in Napoli's 3-1 win over Juventus in October.
"A dangerous incident happened. A group of people encircled someone they thought was a referee, they tried to abduct him and continually punch him. The only thing was he just looked like the referee," Cesare Gussoni told Friday's La Repubblica newspaper.
"He was a bank manager, poor thing, and he managed to reveal this at the end to save himself from more blows. On the advice of the police, the referee was forced to live under protection and went to another province for two weeks."
Former leading referee Pierluigi Collina, who now appoints officials for Italian games, has been sent bullets in the post and has been given a police escort as supporters' anger grows following a number of controversial decisions this season.
Italy still remembers the 2006 match-fixing scandal, where Juve were demoted and other clubs had points deducted after being found guilty of procuring favourable referees for some matches.
Meanwhile, Bulgarian referee Valeri Petrovski is recovering in hospital after being beaten up near his home in Sofia, police said Friday.
"I was in the car, waiting for my wife, when two men attacked me with baseball bats and knuckledusters," Petrovski told reporters.
The 43-year-old Petrovski, considered one of the country's leading referees, began officiating matches in the Bulgarian top division in 1996.
Police said the incident was under investigation but did not confirm the attack was soccer related.
— Reuters © 2008
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