FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: therussler.tripod.com

SPORTS QUOTES


Mike Ditka: A big factor in the game was the number of points scored.

Nick Zito: A lot of horses get distracted. It's just human nature.

Ray French: And he's got the icepack on his groin there, so it's possibly not the old shoulder injury..
sportscaster: And later on, it's the Syracuse Orangemen against the Indiana Hoosiers from Hawaii.

Bill Derne: And now, coming into the game is the five-ton junior from Canton, Ohio.

Frank Herzog: And Referee Richie Powers called the loose bowel foul on Johnson.

Kenny Dalgeish: As I say, if we score more goals than them, then we'll win.

John Sleightholme: As Phil DeGlenville said, each game is unique, and this one is no different to any other.

David Thompson: Ball handling and dribbling are my strongest weaknesses.

Bill Parcells: Concentration-wise, we're having trouble crossing the line mentally from a toughness standpoint..

Sportscaster: Dallas uses its second timeout to stop the clock.

Diane Sawyer: Do you think the Pirates would have a better chance of beating the Rams than the Patriots do?

Jerry Coleman: Enos Cabell started here with the Astros. And before that he was with the Orioles.

Jerry Coleman: Eric Show will be oh for ten if that pop fly comes down.

Phil Watson to reporters: Gentlemen, I have nothing to say. Any questions?

Vince Ferragamo: He never relinquishes my disbelief.

Don King: He speaks English, Spanish, and he's bilingual too.

Sportscaster: Here's Hodge on the breakaway! He's all by himself. He shoots. And Hodge missed the goal! He'll be thinking about that one for a while! Just look at the expression on Hodge's stick!

Marty Noble: How come you're wearing argyle socks?
Randy Myers: I'm not. I got these at Woolworth's.

Vince Ferragamo: How they arrived at their conclusions behooves me.

Commentator: Howard Kahn, a lecturer at Edinburgh's Heriot Watt University, has studied the matter intently and says he's figured out why Scottish soccer teams can't seem to win World Cup and other competitions. They're not good players.

John Daly: I couldn't care less about all those fiction stories about what happened in the year 1500 or 1600. Half of them aren't even true.

Vince Ferragamo: I don't like to look back in retrospect.

Casey Stengel: I got a little concerned yesterday in the first three innings when I saw the three players I had gotten rid of, and I said when I lost nine what am I going to do and when I had a couple of my players I thought so great of that did not do so good up to the sixth inning I was more confused but I finally had to go and call on a young man from Baltimore that we don't own and the Yankees don't own him, and he is doing pretty good, and I would actually have to tell you that I think we are more the Greta Garbo type now from success.

Magic Johnson: I only know how to play two ways and that's reckless and abandon.

Zane Smith: I'm not blind to hearing what everybody else hears.

Mike Greenwell: I'm a four-wheel-drive-pickup kind of guy, and so is my wife.

Miniature golfer: I'm winning so bad!

Jimmy Hill: If England are going to win this match, they're going to have to score a goal.

Reporter: Is the team having a morale problem?
Danny Ozark: Morality at this time isn't a factor.

Reporter to Don Larsen, who had just pitched a perfect game: Is that the best game you ever pitched?

Frank Frisch: It's a beautiful day for a night game.

Sportscaster: It's now 1 to 1, an exact reversal of the score on Saturday.

Lex, of "The Lex And Terry Show": It's the biggest low the Cowboys have suffered.

Jerry Coleman: Larry Lintz steals second standing up. He slid, but he didn't have to.

Sportscaster: Last night one of the Maverick's (basketball team's) heavy hitters returned to the court.

Don's friend: My friend Don, a minor league umpire, is used to being heckled by fans. But imagine his surprise when he was rushing to umpire an exhibition game at Coors Field in Denver. After a long search for a place to change clothes, Don finally located a room with a neatly lettered sign: "Dressing Room, Umpires Only." As he was about to go in, however, he inspected the sign more closely. Below the printed legend was the same message . . . printed in Braille.

Darryl Dawkins: Nothing means nothing, but it isn't really nothing because nothing is something that isn't.

Barry Switzer: Our goal is to score 27 points. If we can get two touchdowns and three field goals, we've got our 27 points.

Jerry Coleman: Pete Rose has three thousand hits and three thousand fourteen overall.

Johnny Logan: Rome wasn't born in a day.

Jack Kraft: That was the nail that broke the coffin's back.

Brian Marwood: That's twice now he has got between himself and the goal.

Curt Gowdy: The Baltimore Colts are a bright young team. It seems as if they have their future ahead of them.

Sportscaster: The coach said the team might be a big factor in the game.

Sportscaster: The extra point is no good!
Robert Scott: Then it isn't an extra point, is it?

Gerry Fraley: The Rangers dropped out of the lead June 16 with a loss that will be forever remembered as the forgettable debut of lefthander Matt Perisho.

Dizzy Dean: The series is already won, but I don't know by which team.

Sportscaster: These two teams are mirror images of themselves.

Sam Quevares: They can say what they want, but playoff hockey is a whole other ballgame.

Harvey Kuenn: They had us with the walls to our back.

Sportscaster: They may have regained all 40 yards. In fact, they may have.

Kevin Appier: Things started to snowplow.

David Coleman: This evening is a very different evening from the morning we had this morning.

Jerry Coleman: Those amateur umpires are certainly flexing their fangs tonight.

The Russler: To what do you attribute last night's loss?
Dale Neal: To the fact that they scored more points than we did.

Vince Sculley: Today, Pittsburgh beat the Pirates, 6 to 6!

Bill Peterson: We are not going to be any three-clouds-and-a-yard-of-dust team.

Tim Raynor: We got that first down by the nose of our chinny-chin-chin.

Larry Breck: We only have one person to blame, and that's each other.

reporter: What contract terms do you think Fernando Valenzuela would settle for?
Tommy Lasorda: He wants Texas back.

Reporter: What did you think about the collective bargaining proposal?
Gary Payton, making $2,700,000 per year: People would have to cut their lifestyle, and they'd live like penny-pinchers.

Reporter: What do you think of Tiger Woods?
Sandy Lyle: I don't know. I've never played there.

Bryant Reeves: What happens to me next year will happen to me no matter what happens.

Casey Stengel: When a fielder gets the pitcher in trouble, the pitcher has to pitch himself out of the slump he isn't in.

Clayton Williams: When I played football, we were small, but we were slow. Our record was five and five; we lost five games at home and five on the road

Keith Whitmire, Dallas Morning News: While letting Plano East roll up 365 yards of offense, North Garland only prevented a bigger route [sic] by pouncing on the six turnovers.

reporter: Who do you think is the number one player of all time?
Johnny Logan: I'd have to go with the immoral Babe Ruth.

Reporter: Will you be rooting for the American League or National League in the All Star Game?
Bob Dole: Probably.

Reporter: Would you quit baseball if the Yankees lose the series to the Pirates?
Casey Stengel: Well, I have given that thought a lot of thinking lately and last night, well--I finally made up my mind.
Reporter: Which way?
Casey Stengel: I made up my mind both ways.

Sam Quevares: You can throw anything in our house, but we'll just let it roll off our backs.

Sparky Anderson: You don't have enough smarts to straighten this out. This is unstraightable.

Casey Stengel: You have to remember that this team came up slow, but fast.