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FITNESS AND NUTRITION HUMOR
The Great Big List of Calorie-Free Foods
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Ever wish there were foods you could eat that didn't contain any calories? Wish no longer. These foods can be eaten guilt-free.
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It's a little known fact (or in most cases, wishful thinking) that some foods can, in certain situations, go from being fattening no-no's to being totally calorie-free simply by mangling your perspective. Here's a list of those foods and situations.
It's a little known fact (or in most cases, wishful thinking) that some foods can, in certain situations, go from being fattening no-no's to being totally calorie-free simply by mangling your perspective. Here's a list of those foods and situations.
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1. Anything sampled when preparing food - If you're taste-testing, those tastes are calorie-free. If you're cooking for someone else and aren't going to be having any yourself, those tastes actually have negative calories and can help you lose weight.
1. Anything sampled when preparing food - If you're taste-testing, those tastes are calorie-free. If you're cooking for someone else and aren't going to be having any yourself, those tastes actually have negative calories and can help you lose weight.
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2. Anything eaten off someone else's plate doesn't count. If you can get it when they're not looking, that's negative calories again.
2. Anything eaten off someone else's plate doesn't count. If you can get it when they're not looking, that's negative calories again.
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3. Food "rescued" from the floor - When the "3 second rule" is in effect (i.e. it's still good if it's only been on the floor 3 seconds or less), that snack has zero calories. Plus, if you have to race your dog to it and you win, you're allowed another bite from the original undropped item for free.
3. Food "rescued" from the floor - When the "3 second rule" is in effect (i.e. it's still good if it's only been on the floor 3 seconds or less), that snack has zero calories. Plus, if you have to race your dog to it and you win, you're allowed another bite from the original undropped item for free.
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4. Out of necessity, food that is eaten on the day of the expiration date has no calories. After all, we don't want that triple-chocolate fudge cake to go to waist... I mean waste.
4. Out of necessity, food that is eaten on the day of the expiration date has no calories. After all, we don't want that triple-chocolate fudge cake to go to waist... I mean waste.
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5. Anything eaten on your birthday, a friend's birthday or a family member's birthday has no calories. This includes family and friends whom you haven't spoken to or mentioned in years.
5. Anything eaten on your birthday, a friend's birthday or a family member's birthday has no calories. This includes family and friends whom you haven't spoken to or mentioned in years.
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6. Foods that you've never tasted before are calorie free. If you don't recognize it, eat it guilt-free. If you can't even pronounce the name, that's negative calories.
6. Foods that you've never tasted before are calorie free. If you don't recognize it, eat it guilt-free. If you can't even pronounce the name, that's negative calories.
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7. If you live in an Italian family, your fifth and sixth helpings are calorie-free. Besides, "You're too skinny, you need to eat more."
7. If you live in an Italian family, your fifth and sixth helpings are calorie-free. Besides, "You're too skinny, you need to eat more."
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8. The calories of any leftover foods will be added to the total of the day you originally started eating them on. This means the calories from the leftover pie you eat on Wednesday only count on Tuesday, the day you originally started the pie. And who cares about yesterday?
8. The calories of any leftover foods will be added to the total of the day you originally started eating them on. This means the calories from the leftover pie you eat on Wednesday only count on Tuesday, the day you originally started the pie. And who cares about yesterday?
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9. If you can eat it through a straw, it has no calories. For example, if you can get a piece of spaghetti through a straw, you deserve it.
9. If you can eat it through a straw, it has no calories. For example, if you can get a piece of spaghetti through a straw, you deserve it.
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10. Anything that contains the word "free" in it has to be calorie-free because advertisers would never lie or try to sell you a product that would make you fat. This principle also applies to the words "lite" and "reduced."
10. Anything that contains the word "free" in it has to be calorie-free because advertisers would never lie or try to sell you a product that would make you fat. This principle also applies to the words "lite" and "reduced."
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11. The last item or bite on any plate has no calories. For instance, the last cookie? No calories. The last slice of pizza? No calories. The last box of donuts? No calories.
11. The last item or bite on any plate has no calories. For instance, the last cookie? No calories. The last slice of pizza? No calories. The last box of donuts? No calories.
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If you put all of these calorie-free foods into your diet, you will have great success in watching your waistline - it will be way out in front of you where you can see it!
If you put all of these calorie-free foods into your diet, you will have great success in watching your waistline - it will be way out in front of you where you can see it!
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