SPORTS QUOTES
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"I decided to cover all angles. I sent him chocolate-covered prunes and a box of Depends." -- Clemson coach Tommy Bowden on wishing a happy birthday to his father, 76-year-old Florida State coach Bobby Bowden
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"That kid grew up so far out in the country, he had to go toward town to hunt." -- Cowboys coach Bill Parcells on rookie defensive end Demarcus Ware, who's from Alabama
"That kid grew up so far out in the country, he had to go toward town to hunt." -- Cowboys coach Bill Parcells on rookie defensive end Demarcus Ware, who's from Alabama
"I don't care if you found out that he has a jet engine in his anus. He's the best that's ever been. Leave it alone." -- Daily Show host Jon Stewart, coming to the defense of cyclist Lance Armstrong after a French newspaper reported that the Texan used illegal drugs in the first of his seven consecutive Tour de France victories
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"So far, the hardest part has been trying to come up with something that rhymes with Urlacher." -- Country music star Tim McGraw, on reworking the lyrics to his hit I Like It, I Love It to coincide with the Monday Night Football halftime highlight reel
"So far, the hardest part has been trying to come up with something that rhymes with Urlacher." -- Country music star Tim McGraw, on reworking the lyrics to his hit I Like It, I Love It to coincide with the Monday Night Football halftime highlight reel
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"Because there are no fours." -- NBA long-range gunner Antoine Walker] when asked why he shoots so many threes
"Because there are no fours." -- NBA long-range gunner Antoine Walker] when asked why he shoots so many threes
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"There will be no more fighting in my house over what shoes my kids are going to wear." Tennis star Andre Agassi after switching his sneaker endorsement from Nike to Adidas. Agassi's wife Steffi Graf is a long-time Adidas wearer.
"There will be no more fighting in my house over what shoes my kids are going to wear." Tennis star Andre Agassi after switching his sneaker endorsement from Nike to Adidas. Agassi's wife Steffi Graf is a long-time Adidas wearer.
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"You know why I like talking to corporate America? It looks good on a parole application." -- Golf broadcaster (and funnyman) David Feherty on his numerous corporate golf outings
"You know why I like talking to corporate America? It looks good on a parole application." -- Golf broadcaster (and funnyman) David Feherty on his numerous corporate golf outings
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"I have spent all summer sewing collars on my tie-dyed T-shirts." -- Bill Walton, broadcaster and former NBA star, on the league's new dress code
"I have spent all summer sewing collars on my tie-dyed T-shirts." -- Bill Walton, broadcaster and former NBA star, on the league's new dress code
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"This might be the only race in the series where it takes longer to say the race name than it does to run the whole 250 miles." -- NASCAR Busch series driver Stanton Barrett on the ITT Industries, Systems Division and Goulds Pumps Salute to the Trops 250 Presented by Dodge
"This might be the only race in the series where it takes longer to say the race name than it does to run the whole 250 miles." -- NASCAR Busch series driver Stanton Barrett on the ITT Industries, Systems Division and Goulds Pumps Salute to the Trops 250 Presented by Dodge
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Philosophical differences? Well, Pop likes wine, and I drink beer. That's about it." -- Spurs GM R.C. Buford on his relationship with head coach Gregg Popovich
Philosophical differences? Well, Pop likes wine, and I drink beer. That's about it." -- Spurs GM R.C. Buford on his relationship with head coach Gregg Popovich
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"Most teams have a trophy case full of trophies. We have a case filled with Ping-Pong balls." -- Orlando Magic senior VP Pat Williams, whose team has won the NBA draft lottery three times since 1992
"Most teams have a trophy case full of trophies. We have a case filled with Ping-Pong balls." -- Orlando Magic senior VP Pat Williams, whose team has won the NBA draft lottery three times since 1992
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"My wiener has never been so exhausted." -- NASCAR's Kurt Busch after outlasting three other drivers to win the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile race at Lowe's Motor Speedway
"My wiener has never been so exhausted." -- NASCAR's Kurt Busch after outlasting three other drivers to win the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile race at Lowe's Motor Speedway
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"He goes down when the air conditioning comes on." -- Sacramento Kings coach Rick Adelman, complaining that Sonics forward Reggie Evans was flopping during their playoff series
"He goes down when the air conditioning comes on." -- Sacramento Kings coach Rick Adelman, complaining that Sonics forward Reggie Evans was flopping during their playoff series
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"It's a humbling thing being humble." -- Former Ohio State running back Maurice Clarett on seeing his stock drop as the 2005 NFL draft was approaching. The Broncos selected Clarett in the third round but eventually released him
"It's a humbling thing being humble." -- Former Ohio State running back Maurice Clarett on seeing his stock drop as the 2005 NFL draft was approaching. The Broncos selected Clarett in the third round but eventually released him
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"When you can get a discount at Denny's, it's time to retire." -- Charles Barkley, discussing the retirement of 41-year-old Karl Malone
"When you can get a discount at Denny's, it's time to retire." -- Charles Barkley, discussing the retirement of 41-year-old Karl Malone
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