FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: independent.co.uk

Image: michaeltyson.com

.

SPORTS QUOTES

.

Vicious attacks and noble brats: quotes of the year
Compiled by Chris Maume Friday, 20 December 2002
.

January
This is me fighting my demons, my way of saying: 'Look, I am sorry for giving into the temptations. I have abused the privileged life I've had, and if this match is anything, it is me paying my debt.'
Niall Quinn, footballer, announcing that his £1m testimonial proceeds would go to charity.

.
It's really embarrassing. I'm Chelsea through and through.
Paul Haines, who suffered a head injury playing in goal for Swindon Supermarine and came to in hospital believing he was Fabien Barthez.

.
So my wife and I can make love in a different room every night.
Bobby George, darts player, on why his £2.5m Essex mansion has 18 bedrooms.

.
There are some bloody good balti places in Birmingham.
Ron Atkinson on why the Midlands is a better national stadium option than Wembley.

.
Mine's at home finishing the ironing and washing-up.
Robbie Earle, asked what he thought about the television show Footballers' Wives.

.
I am a prostitute.
David Sheepshanks, Ipswich chairman, favours the Uefa Cup having a group stage, in order to boost income.

.
I am not a role model or Mr Politically Correct.
Mike Tyson.

.
February
You could tell he was a goalie because he was so good with his hands.
Alicia Douvall, tabloid kiss-and-tell girl, after a night with Barthez.

.
Martin [Johnson] is not a player who purposely goes out on the pitch to be violent and cause damage to other players, other than in the true spirit of the game.
Neil Back on the England rugby union captain.

.
The only place that will be more secure will be the White House.
Al Mansell, president of the Utah Senate, on security at Salt Lake City for the Winter Olympic Games.

.
Take your brother's skateboard. Rope it to the back of your mother's car and then ask her to drive it at 80mph round the M25.
Alex Coomber, before winning an Olympic skeleton bronze medal, on what the event feels like.

.
I'm not Mother Teresa. I'm not Charles Manson either. Just treat me equal.
Mike Tyson at his licence hearing before the Nevada State Athletic Commission.

.
The hospitality industry has been down since September 11th and this would be a boost for our economy.
Michael Brown, vice-president of Washington DC's Boxing and Wrestling Commission, on why it approved a boxing licence for Tyson.

.
I'm prepared to fight him in any country but I want him to seek help. They might have to put him in a muzzle. I'm a fighter, not a biter.
Lennox Lewis on Tyson.

.
There haven't been any.
Graeme Hick, asked who is the best coach he has worked with.

.
March
I was contacted and told what to do by people from the other side.
Johann Mühlegg, cross-country skiing champion who said he defected to Spain from Germany because aliens told him to.

.
Fash the Cash, Fash the Bash. I've been called the lot. I just thank God I wasn't named Hunt.
John Fashanu.

.
I can't do anything that would ridicule my perception.
Chris Eubank on why he did not accept a nomination for the Rear of the Year award.

.
Terry Biddlecombe says he's Linford Christie without the balls.
Henrietta Knight, trainer of Gold Cup winner, the gelding Best Mate.

.
He has a work ethic which has meant a change in attitude for us all. I didn't realise there were two 7.30s in a day.
Budge Pountney, Northampton captain, on coach Wayne Smith.

.
I prefer to live one day as a lion, instead of 10 years like a rabbit.
Lorenzo Amoruso, the Rangers captain, not Mussolini.

.
Ben was too cool to get old ... He was a beautiful work of art, a classic sculpture.
Adam Hollioake, at the memorial service for his brother, Ben.

.
In my mind I'd no reason to get it checked. I didn't think I was doing anything wrong.
Alain Baxter, stripped of his Olympic skiing medal after testing positive for methamphetamines in a nasal inhaler.

.
It's the usual refrain. Have you ever heard of anyone responding to a positive case differently?
Dick Pound, head of the World Anti-Doping Agency.

.
April
Crap.
Tony McCoy's response to those who consider him the most effective jump jockey in history.

.
He's an overrated bum.
Julius Long, after losing to Audley Harrison.

.
I'm fed up with football, football every time I open a newspaper. I feel cricket should be back where it belongs, as our No 1 sport.
Michael Soper, chairman of Surrey County Cricket Club.

.
He represents something for every woman – father, husband, footballer, icon. In a word, he's the ultimate hero.
Marie O'Riordan, editor of Marie Claire, on David Beckham becoming the first man to appear on the magazine's cover.

.
She is a highly patriotic woman who regards it as her duty to watch fixtures where England is on TV, just as she watches any Royal occasion. It is part of her belief in her country. He thought she wanted to watch the England-Albania match because she wanted to ogle the men on the pitch.
Mr David Whitehouse, QC, defending Zena Burton, who killed her boyfriend by strangling him with an aerial flex because he would not let her watch the football. She was given a three-year community rehabilitation order.

.
May
He reminds you of Hitler.
Ken Bates, Chelsea chairman, on Adam Crozier, the Football Association chief executive.

.
Having an orgasm is like running up the stairs.
Lewis on why he gives up sex three weeks before a fight.

.
Forget the championship. There is no chance to stop Michael.
Gerhard Berger, BMW's motor sport director, on Michael Schumacher and the Formula One world title race.

.
It's disgusting. You suspect that if they can find a reason not to promote Rotherham then they will.
Mike Schmidt, player-coach of Rotherham RUFC, who were not promoted despite finishing top of National Division One.

.
I didn't rate you as a player, I don't rate you as a manager and I don't rate you as a person. You're a f***ing w****r and you can stick your World Cup up your arse.
Roy Keane to the Republic of Ireland manager, Mick McCarthy, during the row that led to his being sent home.

.
June
I don't regret what I said, but at the same time I agree that Mick had to send me home.
Keane.

.
Oh, I'd have sent him home all right, but I'd have shot him first.
Brian Clough, Keane's former manager.

.
I'm just happy that Lennox didn't kill me in there.
Mike Tyson, after defeat in Memphis.

.
We burn referees like that at the stake.
Paolo Maldini, Italy defender, on Graham Poll, after his side's game against Croatia.

.
F*** You.
Headline in the Argentinian paper Olé after defeat to England.

.
I don't feel like a hero. That is someone who wins wars.
Sven Goran Eriksson, England manager, after the win over Denmark.

.
That gentleman will never set foot in Perugia again... Let him go back to Korea and earn 100 lire per month.
Luciano Gaucci, Perugia president, on the club's Korean international Ahn Jung-Hwan, whose golden goal put out Italy.

.
If the Italians speak of corruption it's because they are accustomed to practising it.
Byron Moreno, Ecuadorean referee, after Italians claimed that he was paid off for their game against South Korea.

.
July
I'd rather buy a Bob the Builder CD for my two-year-old son.
Jason McAteer, asked if he was going to buy Roy Keane's autobiography.

.
It would be wrong for me to sit at ringside watching a guy with brain damage that could kill him.
Dr Ray Monsell, who resigned from the British Boxing Board of Control following the decision to re-license Wayne McCullough.

.
My mum hits harder... I'm off down the pub now. Maybe I'll get a couple of fights down there.
Dominic Negus, Audley Harrison's latest victim.

.
August
I could have been a god, but people only allow you to get so far in this country.
Linford Christie.

.
It's a billion-pound business – but, if I had a kebab shop, I wouldn't let them run it.
Theo Paphitis, Millwall chairman, after the Football League lost its case against ITV Digital.

.
Reluctantly, I am giving the asylum back to the lunatics.
Keith Harris on leaving the Football League.

.
September
A goalkeeper should never be beaten from that distance.
David Seaman, on Ronaldinho's 47-yard World Cup goal, shortly before conceding a 43-yarder from Chelsea's Gianfranco Zola.

.
If Pete had worked as hard as [Andre] Agassi he would have won 24 Grand Slam titles, not 13.
Peter Fisher, Sampras's first coach.

.
I never try to make a right decision. I make a decision and then try to make it right.
Martin O'Neill, Celtic manager.

.
October
We got a European butt-whipping.
Curtis Strange, losing Ryder Cup captain.

.
Will Arsenal have to field nine men when they play Chelsea – or Pete Sampras have two strings cut from his racket when he meets Tim Henman?
Patrick Head of Williams, on F1 'handicapping' proposals.

.
Audley has got to stop fighting dead bodies.
Henry Cooper.

.
Some girls will do anything for attention.
Ulrika Jonsson, after a streak at the National Television Awards.

.
November
I'm in one piece now, and that's the way I intend to stay.
Adrian Maguire, jockey, announces his retirement.

.
A football team is like a beautiful woman. When you do not tell her so, she forgets she is beautiful.
Arsène 'Swiss Tony' Wenger, Arsenal manager.

.
Australia haven't seen the best of English cricket in a long while and it's up to us to put that right.
Nasser Hussain, England cricket captain. However...
I anticipate them wanting to beat us 5-0, them being completely cut-throat. They will show us no mercy at all.
Hussain again.

.
Maybe I could come back in a veterans' race.
Dermot Browne, former jockey and trainer, on his 20-year ban from racing.

.
It won't happen.
Alex Ferguson on the idea that he will retire without having won any further honours.

.
December
Sometimes it is good to bury your ego in Siberia and put your personal ambitions aside for the well-being of the whole team.
Yevgeny Kafelnikov, after giving up his berth to play the last rubber of the Davis Cup final.

.
He's one of the first players I have seen sent off without any tackling at all.
Wenger on Sol Campbell's red card against Southampton.