"DOLLAR BILL" BRADLEY
SPORTS HUMOR
The losing team
2006
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Unlike Republicans, there are few Democrat athletes.
Former New York Knicks forward Bill Bradley is one of the only famous athletes to run as a Democratic candidate for president.
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Pittsburgh Steelers Hall of Famer Lynn Swann is running for governor of Pennsylvania. Naturally, Swann is a Republican. He's a Republican even though he's African-American, and only a small percentage of Republicans are black. But, you see, that doesn't matter, because almost all athletic politicians are Republicans.
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How do we explain this?
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The Democrats are always fighting the characterization that they're wimpy. Maybe that's because all the sports guys who run for office are Republicans.
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Bill Bradley is about the only famous athlete of the recent past to run for office as a Democrat. The Democrats thought they finally had another one in Bill Richardson, the governor of New Mexico, who'd been a baseball player in school. Then it turned out he'd lied about his baseball credentials. The Democrats don't even make good ringers.
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The Republicans just keep churning out manly sports stars. President Ford, of course, was an outstanding football player. So was Jack Kemp, who was the vice presidential candidate on the GOP ticket in 1996. J.C. Watts and Steve Largent are football players turned congressmen. Tom Osborne, the former University of Nebraska coach, is in the House now, running for Cornhusker governor. And Sen. George Allen of Virginia, a possible presidential candidate, is both an ex-quarterback and the son of a famous football coach. Pedigree.
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But it's not just football. Jim Bunning, the baseball Hall of Famer, is the junior senator from Kentucky. Jim Ryun, the last great American miler, is a Kansas congressman. Dennis Hastert, the Speaker of the House, was a wrestling coach. Grunt. The former Colorado senator Ben Nighthorse Campbell was captain of the U.S. Judo team. And let us not forget a certain bodybuilder who is the governor of Cal-ee-for-nee-ah.
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Good grief, Charles Barkley even periodically makes noises about running for governor of Alabama as a Republican.
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Aren't there even any Democratic bench warmers?
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When the Republicans do make inroads into blue states, they do it with football players. Bob Ehrlich, the governor of Maryland, and Don Carlieri, the governor of Rhode Island, were Ivy League players.
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And when a Democrat Ivy Leaguer does something athletic, everybody laughs at him. Remember John Kerry -- windsurfing?
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And what are the Kennedys famous for? Touch football. Touch! The Republicans play tackle, man.
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The Republicans even have the sidelines covered. Both Mississippi senators were college cheerleaders. So was Rick Perry, the governor of Texas, and, for that matter, so was a former Texas governor who moved on to lead cheers elsewhere. "Mission accomplished!" Give me a G, give me an O, give me a P, give me a G-O-P.
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It goes deep, too. Dwight Eisenhower was a West Point football player. Ronald Reagan was a baseball announcer, and his most famous acting role was as a football star. George Bush the elder was a fine first baseman.
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Even Richard Nixon played football at Whittier College. I interviewed him once. You know what Nixon most wanted to talk about? Bowling. He was very proud that he had bowling alleys built in the White House.
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Yeah, and then Jimmy Carter took them out.
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It's plain to me that if the Democrats ever want to get back in power, they gotta nominate some jocks and start kicking some butt.
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Image: i.a.cnn.net
1 comment:
Bill Richardson played in the Cape Cod Baseball League in the late 60's. He was told that he had been scouted and drafted by a major league team. The info made it into the team's program, and the story was born. Richardson never capitilized on it set the record straight last year.
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