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BASEBALL QUOTES
Excerpts from Baseball Digest, Sept, 2000 by George Vass
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ON MANAGERS
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Chuck Tanner, admitting to his always upbeat attitude even while managing losing teams in Pittsburgh, Chicago, Oakland and Atlanta:
"People make light of my optimistic outlook, such as, if I were captain of the Titanic, I would tell my passengers we were stopping for ice."
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When Lou Boudreau was guiding the Cleveland Indians, he called for reliever Red Embree to pitch to Ted Williams of the Boston Red Sox. Embree asked whether he should pitch Williams low.
"Yeah, you can pitch him low, but as soon as you throw the ball run and hide behind second base," Boudreau suggested.
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According to general manager Eddie Robinson, the Atlanta Braves were seeking a "fiery, enthusiastic" type to be their next manager after a disappointing 1975 season.
When Robinson announced the hiring of Dave Bristol, reporters asked the new manager whether he was fiery.
"I guess so," Bristol replied. "I've been fired three times."
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Dictatorial John McGraw didn't like his New York Giants players confiding too freely to sportswriters.
Rogers Hornsby recalled that a rookie was so terrified of antagonizing McGraw that when a writer asked, "Are you married?" he replied, "You'd better ask Mr. McGraw."
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SOME STENGELESE
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On Paul Waner, the Pittsburgh Pirates Hall of Fame outfielder who was not averse to taking a sip more often than now and then in the days of Prohibition:
"He had to be a very graceful player because he could slide without breaking the bottle on his hip."
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As manager of the Dodgers, to pitcher Walter "Boom Boom" Beck who was kicking an ice bucket after being lifted from the game:
"Stop that. If you break a toe, I won't be able to get anything for you."
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As manager of the woeful expansion New York Mets:
"It's like I used to tell my barber. Shave and a haircut, but don't cut my throat. 1 may want to do that myself."
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About star Cubs second baseman Billy Herman's unorthodox batting stance:
"He's an unusual hitter. Sometimes he stands straight up, and sometimes his head is so close to the plate that he looks like John the Baptist." (The prophet whose severed head the Princess Salome carried about on a platter)."
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ON PLAYERS
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Pittsburgh Pirates manager Danny Murtaugh, whose first baseman Dick Stuart was appropriately nicknamed Dr. Strange-glove, upon hearing the public address announcement at Forbes Field that anyone interfering with a ball in play would be ejected from the ballpark:
"I hope Dick Stuart doesn't think that means him."
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After first baseman Zeke Bonura was traded by the White Sox to Washington in 1938, Chicago manager Jimmy Dykes scorned changing the signs for the first series against the Senators:
"Why should we? He couldn't remember them when he was with us."
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However, lumbering Bonura stole home against his old team after he saw Dykes swipe a dugout mosquito with his scorecard because:
"I saw Dykes give the sign to steal, and I forgot I wasn't on his team anymore."
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Hall of Fame pitcher Dizzy Dean on why he quit school after the third grade:
"I only went to the third grade because my father only went to the fourth and I didn't want to pass him."
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Los Angeles Dodgers pitcher Fernando Valenzuela explaining his habit of rolling his eyes skyward when delivering a pitch:
"I don't want to see the hits going past me."
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ON UMPIRING
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After a controversial call that went against their White Sox, Chicago fans were really giving it to umpire Red Ormsby. A woman in a firstbase box screamed,:
"You blind bum! If you were my husband, I'd give you poison." Ormsby turned toward her, bowed politely, and retorted, "Madam, if you were my wife, I'd take it!"
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Along the same lines, another American League umpire, Al Forman, admitted to getting mail from critics of his work.
"I occasionally get birthday cards from fans," Forman said. "But it's often the same message. They hope it's my last."
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During a dispute with Philadelphia Phillies catcher Andy Seminick, umpire Jocko Conlan retorted,
"When you first came into the league you were a lousy catcher and a lousy umpire. You're a good catcher now, but your umpiring is worse."
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Veteran umpire Larry Goetz, while having lunch with his boss, Warren Giles, and pitcher-turned-broadcaster Waite Hoyt, put on glasses to check the menu.
"You got a lot of nerve putting on cheaters to see something with the league president sitting right here," teased Hoyt.
"I got a lot of nerve," Goetz replied, "or I wouldn't be in this business."
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Asked why he had ejected mild-mannered Pie Traynor from a game, umpire Bill Klem replied that the Pittsburgh Pirates third baseman was not feeling well.
Since Traynor looked just fine, Klem was pressed to explain further.
"Well that was what he told me," Klem said.
"He came up to me like the perfect gentlemen he is and said, `Mr. Klem, I'm sick and tired of your decisions.'
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ON ROOKIES
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Baltimore Orioles manager Earl Weaver, about demoting outfielder Drunge Hazewood to the minors after he baited .583 in spring training in 1980:
"I've never cut a guy hitting that high before. But he was making the rest of us look bad with that average."
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Cleveland sportswriter Gordon Cobbledick, on strikeout-prone slugger Dave Nicholson's fielding technique:
"He is improving in tie outfield. To be sure, he hasn't caught a ball yet, but he's getting closer to them."
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Among the highly-touted youngsters of pre-World War II days was outfielder Lou Novikoff of the Chicago Cubs. Novikoff, called the Mad Russian, one day made a great steal of third base. Unfortunately the bases were loaded at the time. Asked why he had taken off, Novikoff explained.
"I couldn't resist. I had such a great jump on the pitcher."
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When future Hall of Famer Red Ruffing came up to the Boston Red Sox in the mid-1920s he was put in the bullpen. He was eating a sandwich when called on to relieve against the New York Yankees.
"Who do they have coming up?" he asked.
The reply: "Ruth, Gehrig and Meusel."
Ruffing carefully laid down the sandwich, and cautioned his bullpen mates,
"Don't touch it! I'll be right back."
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