SPORTS QUOTES
The King Of The Sports Page
The thing about Jim Murray is that he lived “happily” but somebody ran off with his “ever after.” It’s like the guy who’s ahead all night at the poker and then ends up bumming cab money home. Or the champ who’s untouched for 14 rounds and then gets KO’d by a pool-hall left you could see coming from Toledo.
Murray is a 750 word column, and 600 of those are laughs and toasts. How many sportswriters do you know who once tossed them back with Bogie? Wined and dined with Marilyn Monroe? Got mail from Brando? How many ever got mentioned in a governor’s state of the state address? Flew in Air Force One? How big is Murray? One time he couldn’t make an awards dinner so he had a sub - Bob Hope.
Murray may not be the most famous sportswriter in history. If not, he’s at least in the photo. What’s your favourite Murray line? At the Indy 500: “Gentlemen, start your coffins”? Or “[Rickey Henderson] has a strike zone the size of Hitler’s heart”? Or that UCLA coach John Wooden was “so square, he was divisible by four”? How many lines can you remember by any other sportswriter?
His life was all brass rails and roses - until this last bit, that is. The end is all wrong. The scripts got switched. They killed the laugh track, fired the gag writers and spliced in one of those teary endings you see at Cannes. In this one the guy ends up with his old typewriter and some Kodaks and not much else except a job being funny four times a week.
They say that tragedy is easy and comedy is hard. Know what’s harder? Both at once …
ARNOLD Palmer had two of them bronzed. Jack Nicklaus calls them “a breath of fresh air”. Groucho Marx liked them enough to write to him. Bobby Knight once framed one, which is something like getting Billy Graham to spring for drinks.
Since 1961, a Jim Murray column in the Los Angeles Times has been quite a wonderful thing. (He’s carried by more than 80 newspapers today and at one time was in more than 150.) Now 66, Murray has been cranking out the best written sports column this side (some say that side) of Red Smith.
But if a Smith column was like sitting around Toots Shor’s and swaping stories over a few beers, a Murray column is the floor show, a setup line and a rim shot, a corner of the sports section where a fighter doesn’t get beaten up, he becomes “sort of a complicated blood clot.” Where golfers are not athletes, they’re “outdoor pool sharks.” And where Indy is not just a dangerous car race, it’s “the run for the lilies.”
In press boxes Murray would mumble and fuss that he had no angle, sigh heavily and then, when he had finished his column, no matter how good it was, he would always slide back in his chair and say, “Well, fooled ‘em again.”
Murray must have fooled all he people all the time, because in one stretch of 16 years he won the National Sportswriter of the Year award 14 times, including 12 years in a row …Marilyn Monroe and Murray were having dinner at a Sunset Boulevard restaurant. This was not exactly an AP news flash. Murray was Time magazine’s Hollywood’s reporter from 1950 to ‘53 and you could throw a bucket of birdseed in any direction at Chasen’s and not hit anybody who didn’t know him. He had played poker with John Wayne (”he was lousy”), kibitzed with Jack Benny (who gave him an inscribe, solid-gold money clip) and golfed with Bing Crosby (Crosby sent him clippings and column ideas.)
On this particular night, somewhere around dessert, Monroe started looking as if she’d swallowed her napkin. “What’s wrong?” Murray asked.“Jim,” she said, “would you mind if I left with someone else?”“Not as long as you introduce me”“O.K.” She waved to a man across the room, who, sheepishly, made his way to the table. “Jim, I would like you to meet Joe DiMaggio…”
Murray was always a sucker for a pretty face, And in those days, in a town with pink stucco houses and restaurants shaped like brown derbies, every nightclub window was filled with pretty faces. One night, Murray and a cohort were entertaining two of them when Jim went to call his best friend.
The friend had good news.“You know that girl over at the Five Seventy Five Club that you’re always saying melts your heart? The one who plays the piano?”“Yeah so?” Murray said.“If you can get over here in the next five minutes, she said she’d like to meet you.”
Murray threw $2 on the table, grabbed his coat and headed for the door. Outside his nightclub buddy caught up with him.“I’m coming too” he said.“Why?” Murray asked.“Because those two girls were mad enough to kill one of us, and it wasn’t going to be you.”
Murray married the girl at the piano, Gerry Brown and theirs was a 38 year old date. Folks say they’ve never seen two people carry on so …
It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I was supposed to die first….,” he wrote in his column on April 3, 1984. “I had my speech all ready. I was going to look into her eyes and tell her something I should have long ago. I was going to tell her : ‘It was a privilege just to have known you.’ I never got to say it. But it was so true.
Toward the end, because of the treatments, Gerry wore a wig. One day, on the way to Palm Springs, they stopped at a coffee shop and for some reason, she wanted a milkshake, the first she’d had since high school. They sat there and had a few laughs. And when they’d stopped laughing, Gery tipped her wig cockeyed for a few more laughs.
Two nights later she got up in the middle of the night and fell; she faded into a coma and stayed there from January through March.
Four times a week Murray would write his column, get an interview at lunch and then spend the rest of his time at the hospital at Gerry’s bedside. Sitting down at the typewriter with sorrow staring back at him was de rigeur for Murray. Through it all - his blindness, the death of his son, Ricky, Gerry’s death - the show went on.
“I have sat down and attempted humour with a broken heart,” he says, “I’ve sat down and attempted humour with every facet of my life in utter chaos ….Carmen was announced. Carmen will be sung.”
What was hard was trying to write over those infernal voices, trying to forget the doctor’s voice on the phone. The first X-rays showed the cancer hadn’t spread. But there had been a mix-up at the radiology clinic, just like in the movies. What in fact had happened was just the opposite. “Sorry,” the doctor said. “The cancer has metastasized”.The cancer has metastasized.“The most terrible collection of syllables in the english language,” Murray says.
Gerry died on April 1. That figures. You write punch lines your whole life, and then the last joke is on you …
When this moving tribute by a former colleague and longtime admirer, Rick Reilly was published, Jim Murray was America’s premier sports columnist, a man who left ‘em laughing even as he endured unthinkable losses - April 21, 1986.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: community.foxsports.com
AMERICAN FOOTBALL HUMOR \ LINGO \ JARGON
Football terms explained for dummies
Hey...it's four months (ok, if 120 days sounds closer, use that instead of months) until the first football game.
Four months until we get a glimpse of Steve Spurrier throwing his visor to the turf.
Four months until we see if Joe Pa can take on a defensive tackle this year while standing on the sidelines.
Four months until we see Lee Corso tapping his Ticonderoga pencil on this GameDay desk. And yes, four months until we see another installment of Lou Holtz' locker room speech.
Are you getting crazy yet? Are you tired of baseball yet? Are you dreading the end of NBA basketball not because it's over, but because there's nothing else to watch?
Starting next week, we, the community of FOXSports.com, will be selecting our very own All-American preseason team. I'm going to post ten players for each position, with the tenth spot a write-in if you feel there's someone I missed, which I am sure there will be. You, the bloggers, get to make your choices, and the one with the most votes, gets the spot on the team. The best part is this; it will keep football fans focused all the way up to the start of football season. Are you ready?
In the meantime, it's Spring, and we may be a bit rusty on our knowledge of football terms. The following football terms will be explained in case you forgot them during your Winter hibernation.
OG: Offensive guard. The lineman nobody notices unless he is called for off-sides or holding. Then all eyes are on him.
OT: Offensive tackle. The guy responsible for a quarterback's blind spot, and most likely, the player with the most tribal tats on his arms.
C: Center. The smartest guy on the field, and the heart of any offense. He's also the guy who will move the ball a couple of inches closer to him as soon as the ball is put in play for reasons unknown. See- moral victory.
TE: Tight end. A player who can both block and catch and runs north-to-south with linebackers hanging on to him for dear life. Can crush cornerbacks with his bare hands. The guy too big and slow to make the WR position, and too good of hands to be in the LB position.
WR: Wide receiver. A deer. Usually has 10 karat diamond studs in his ears. Showoff. And future Diva.
QB: Quarterback. The guy who loves to play football, but if he gets touched after he throws the ball, will immediately demand a flag be thrown because he got his jersey wrinkled. The player who gets laid the most.
RB: Running back. The guy who runs with the ball and fumbles it in the endzone after going over the top of the line while performing a somersault. Usually has 5 karat diamond studs in his ears. Is the guy who is second to the QB in terms of getting laid.
NG/NT: Nose guard/nose tackle. The guy who either lines up opposite the center, or guard, depending on which guy scares him more. The guy with the most bars on his facemask, thus ensuring a great grip for any offensive lineman holding him. Has an identity crisis because NG and NT are the same thing.
DT: Defensive tackle. The player who lets fast running backs run by him.
DG: Defensive guard: Who?
LB: Linebacker. Has cute names like MIKE or WILL and is responsible for covering the linemen's misses on running backs, sacking the quarterback, and getting into the most fights. Future serial killer.
CB: Cornerback. Fastest guy on the team, but usually gets pushed around on the line from WR's who are a foot taller than him. The best trash-talking occurs between the CB and the WR.
FS: Free safety. He can roam around and do whatever he wants. Is usually the guy who has to cover a WR who pushed a midget CB to the ground. The guy everybody notices when the offense scores on a bomb.
SS: Strong safety. Covers the strong side (where the TE lines up) and is also a free spirit.
Everybody wants to be a safety, because football fans always ask, "where was the safety?"
DE: Defensive end. Pass rusher, and the guy who covers the DT's #### when he overcommits.
K: Kicker. Head case. Is most likely a soccer player from Iceland because he gets frozen a lot.
P: Punter. The guy with one bar on his mask. Wimp.
Blitz: What weak offensive lines allow. Another word for meet and greet the quarterback. See- Notre Dame, UCLA or any team that has "QB injuries/issues."
Coverage sack: When the quarterback gets sacked because he spent too much time scanning the field and having his nails done while looking for a receiver to throw to. A nice way to say, " You should have thrown the damn ball away."
Excessive celebration: A 15 yard penalty for being happy your team scored. A penalty that never has had any impact on the ensuing kick-off.
Trick play: What teams do when their OC just came from a high school staff position and knows his team isn't smart or strong enough to win a game by wearing down the opponent. See- WAC teams or Fiesta Bowls.
Deep thigh bruise: a fancy word to excuse a wimpy player's injury.
Overcommit: a nice explanation for a linebacker who got faked out by a running back. Another way to explain " He guessed wrong on where the running back will hit the hole."
Home field advantage: the term used by losers to explain why their team lost. See- teams that play against the SEC.
Momentum: aka Mr. Mo. What losing teams hope for when getting smacked around. A term used by sports announcers to give the losing team's TV viewers reason to keep watching the game.
Cold weather teams: A fan's lament on why other teams have an advantage when playing in sunny Florida or California. The last excuse used when another Bowl game is lost. See- Ohio State, Michigan or any team playing north of the Mason-Dixon line.
Game clock: that ticking thing in front of the quarterback which tells him how many seconds are left before he gets a penalty for delay of game. The thing that gets ignored.
Clock management: A nice way to describe a coach who can't add or subtract. A term only used when a coach wastes his time-outs, or doesn't call them when it's obvious to everyone else that it should be called. See- Les Miles or Karl Dorrell.
Two-point conversion: A play that fails 50% of the time. If it works, it's brilliant, if it fails, the coach is an ####. Another way to compensate for a ####y placekicker.
Squib: a kick that rolls on the ground and ensures the opposing team will get great field position. Used to avoid a return on the kick, but usually the squib kick gives up more yards than a regular kick-off.
On-sides kick: The most exciting play in football. Causes fans to bite nails, pull hair and generally go into cardiac arrest while the ball is batted around in the air. A game changer. See- Oregon Ducks v Oklahoma Sooners.
Stunting: a fancy word for a defensive lineman's movement away from the guy he has to block. A word to make the lineman look agile.
Cheating: when the S or LB doesn't stay in his normal position and instead joins the party in the "box" or near the line of scrimmage. A way to trick the quarterback. A way to sack the quarterback. A way to play mind games with the quarterback. Twisted fun for the D.
Box: the area which is the second line of defense. Where the bad guys are. See- Penn Sate, USC, OSU.
Jailbreak: a screen play which lets the entire pocket collapse (while the O-line runs upfield)so the quarterback looks like he will get sacked while attempting to throw upfield, but instead, dumps a pass off to his WR (who is behind the linemen) for massive amounts of yards. A play where the quarterback usually gets decked immediately after he completes the throw, but ensures a sympathy lay that night.
Special teams: More often than not, they don't look very special. They fumble kick-off returns, miss PATs and have their punts blocked. In short, they are players who don't get enough playing time so they are put on a "special team" to make themselves feel better. (Va. Tech being the exception) The guys with the clean jerseys.
The trenches: That small area between both offensive and defensive lines. The two-foot area that is the tug-o-war pit. Where football games are won. And lost. See- Hawaii.
Press conference: The place where coaches tell reporters to ^%$%^ off. The place where the best quotes and biggest gaffes are made, and idiots are exposed. See- Dennis Green, Mike Gundy, Isiah Thomas, T.O. and Ocho Cinco.
Miked up: a fun new way to listen to players while they are on the field. A recording that is 90% bleeped due to profane language or unintelligible words.
Helmet stickers: The only way for Lou Hotlz to give Notre Dame props on College Game Day. The only way for Kirk Herbstreit to express his man-crush on Ohio State and the SEC. The only way we know College Game Day is finally over for the day.
CBS: The lucky dogs who got rights for the AFC games on Sunday.
FOX: The unlucky dogs who got rights to the NFC games on Sunday.
Blast: The most boring play in football. A play designed so that the RB follows the FB usually between the 1 and 3 holes for some positive yardage. A play that lasts .2 seconds. A play that nobody is fooled by. A play usually called by coaches over the age of 65 years old. A play that usually nets 1 yard and several torn ACL's. See- Woody, Bo, John Mackay, Tom Osborne or Joe Pa.
Reverses: A trick play that usually results in loss of yardage and makes the OC look stupid.
Agent: The reason why we play $8 for a beer, $5 for a coke, and $50+ for a ticket in the end zone. See- Drew Rosenhaus, Leigh Steinberg, Scott Boras or alternative terms: shark, leech, blood####ing parasite.
Boosters: a cash cow for players and recruits. Also see- co-signers on loans, busybodies or persons of interest during an NCAA investigation.
Saban clause: Another word for "loophole" when trying to recruit out of Tuscaloosa.
Loophole: a way to get around something that you know is illegal, but haven't been busted for because the NCAA is a dinosaur. Why coaches get paid a ton. See- Saban, Meyer, Carroll.
Guts: Another word for balls. What some coaches have, and others don't. See- Les Miles, Chris Petersen, Pete Carroll, Urban Meyer, Nick Saban and Pat Hill.
Football terms explained for dummies
Hey...it's four months (ok, if 120 days sounds closer, use that instead of months) until the first football game.
Four months until we get a glimpse of Steve Spurrier throwing his visor to the turf.
Four months until we see if Joe Pa can take on a defensive tackle this year while standing on the sidelines.
Four months until we see Lee Corso tapping his Ticonderoga pencil on this GameDay desk. And yes, four months until we see another installment of Lou Holtz' locker room speech.
Are you getting crazy yet? Are you tired of baseball yet? Are you dreading the end of NBA basketball not because it's over, but because there's nothing else to watch?
Starting next week, we, the community of FOXSports.com, will be selecting our very own All-American preseason team. I'm going to post ten players for each position, with the tenth spot a write-in if you feel there's someone I missed, which I am sure there will be. You, the bloggers, get to make your choices, and the one with the most votes, gets the spot on the team. The best part is this; it will keep football fans focused all the way up to the start of football season. Are you ready?
In the meantime, it's Spring, and we may be a bit rusty on our knowledge of football terms. The following football terms will be explained in case you forgot them during your Winter hibernation.
OG: Offensive guard. The lineman nobody notices unless he is called for off-sides or holding. Then all eyes are on him.
OT: Offensive tackle. The guy responsible for a quarterback's blind spot, and most likely, the player with the most tribal tats on his arms.
C: Center. The smartest guy on the field, and the heart of any offense. He's also the guy who will move the ball a couple of inches closer to him as soon as the ball is put in play for reasons unknown. See- moral victory.
TE: Tight end. A player who can both block and catch and runs north-to-south with linebackers hanging on to him for dear life. Can crush cornerbacks with his bare hands. The guy too big and slow to make the WR position, and too good of hands to be in the LB position.
WR: Wide receiver. A deer. Usually has 10 karat diamond studs in his ears. Showoff. And future Diva.
QB: Quarterback. The guy who loves to play football, but if he gets touched after he throws the ball, will immediately demand a flag be thrown because he got his jersey wrinkled. The player who gets laid the most.
RB: Running back. The guy who runs with the ball and fumbles it in the endzone after going over the top of the line while performing a somersault. Usually has 5 karat diamond studs in his ears. Is the guy who is second to the QB in terms of getting laid.
NG/NT: Nose guard/nose tackle. The guy who either lines up opposite the center, or guard, depending on which guy scares him more. The guy with the most bars on his facemask, thus ensuring a great grip for any offensive lineman holding him. Has an identity crisis because NG and NT are the same thing.
DT: Defensive tackle. The player who lets fast running backs run by him.
DG: Defensive guard: Who?
LB: Linebacker. Has cute names like MIKE or WILL and is responsible for covering the linemen's misses on running backs, sacking the quarterback, and getting into the most fights. Future serial killer.
CB: Cornerback. Fastest guy on the team, but usually gets pushed around on the line from WR's who are a foot taller than him. The best trash-talking occurs between the CB and the WR.
FS: Free safety. He can roam around and do whatever he wants. Is usually the guy who has to cover a WR who pushed a midget CB to the ground. The guy everybody notices when the offense scores on a bomb.
SS: Strong safety. Covers the strong side (where the TE lines up) and is also a free spirit.
Everybody wants to be a safety, because football fans always ask, "where was the safety?"
DE: Defensive end. Pass rusher, and the guy who covers the DT's #### when he overcommits.
K: Kicker. Head case. Is most likely a soccer player from Iceland because he gets frozen a lot.
P: Punter. The guy with one bar on his mask. Wimp.
Blitz: What weak offensive lines allow. Another word for meet and greet the quarterback. See- Notre Dame, UCLA or any team that has "QB injuries/issues."
Coverage sack: When the quarterback gets sacked because he spent too much time scanning the field and having his nails done while looking for a receiver to throw to. A nice way to say, " You should have thrown the damn ball away."
Excessive celebration: A 15 yard penalty for being happy your team scored. A penalty that never has had any impact on the ensuing kick-off.
Trick play: What teams do when their OC just came from a high school staff position and knows his team isn't smart or strong enough to win a game by wearing down the opponent. See- WAC teams or Fiesta Bowls.
Deep thigh bruise: a fancy word to excuse a wimpy player's injury.
Overcommit: a nice explanation for a linebacker who got faked out by a running back. Another way to explain " He guessed wrong on where the running back will hit the hole."
Home field advantage: the term used by losers to explain why their team lost. See- teams that play against the SEC.
Momentum: aka Mr. Mo. What losing teams hope for when getting smacked around. A term used by sports announcers to give the losing team's TV viewers reason to keep watching the game.
Cold weather teams: A fan's lament on why other teams have an advantage when playing in sunny Florida or California. The last excuse used when another Bowl game is lost. See- Ohio State, Michigan or any team playing north of the Mason-Dixon line.
Game clock: that ticking thing in front of the quarterback which tells him how many seconds are left before he gets a penalty for delay of game. The thing that gets ignored.
Clock management: A nice way to describe a coach who can't add or subtract. A term only used when a coach wastes his time-outs, or doesn't call them when it's obvious to everyone else that it should be called. See- Les Miles or Karl Dorrell.
Two-point conversion: A play that fails 50% of the time. If it works, it's brilliant, if it fails, the coach is an ####. Another way to compensate for a ####y placekicker.
Squib: a kick that rolls on the ground and ensures the opposing team will get great field position. Used to avoid a return on the kick, but usually the squib kick gives up more yards than a regular kick-off.
On-sides kick: The most exciting play in football. Causes fans to bite nails, pull hair and generally go into cardiac arrest while the ball is batted around in the air. A game changer. See- Oregon Ducks v Oklahoma Sooners.
Stunting: a fancy word for a defensive lineman's movement away from the guy he has to block. A word to make the lineman look agile.
Cheating: when the S or LB doesn't stay in his normal position and instead joins the party in the "box" or near the line of scrimmage. A way to trick the quarterback. A way to sack the quarterback. A way to play mind games with the quarterback. Twisted fun for the D.
Box: the area which is the second line of defense. Where the bad guys are. See- Penn Sate, USC, OSU.
Jailbreak: a screen play which lets the entire pocket collapse (while the O-line runs upfield)so the quarterback looks like he will get sacked while attempting to throw upfield, but instead, dumps a pass off to his WR (who is behind the linemen) for massive amounts of yards. A play where the quarterback usually gets decked immediately after he completes the throw, but ensures a sympathy lay that night.
Special teams: More often than not, they don't look very special. They fumble kick-off returns, miss PATs and have their punts blocked. In short, they are players who don't get enough playing time so they are put on a "special team" to make themselves feel better. (Va. Tech being the exception) The guys with the clean jerseys.
The trenches: That small area between both offensive and defensive lines. The two-foot area that is the tug-o-war pit. Where football games are won. And lost. See- Hawaii.
Press conference: The place where coaches tell reporters to ^%$%^ off. The place where the best quotes and biggest gaffes are made, and idiots are exposed. See- Dennis Green, Mike Gundy, Isiah Thomas, T.O. and Ocho Cinco.
Miked up: a fun new way to listen to players while they are on the field. A recording that is 90% bleeped due to profane language or unintelligible words.
Helmet stickers: The only way for Lou Hotlz to give Notre Dame props on College Game Day. The only way for Kirk Herbstreit to express his man-crush on Ohio State and the SEC. The only way we know College Game Day is finally over for the day.
CBS: The lucky dogs who got rights for the AFC games on Sunday.
FOX: The unlucky dogs who got rights to the NFC games on Sunday.
Blast: The most boring play in football. A play designed so that the RB follows the FB usually between the 1 and 3 holes for some positive yardage. A play that lasts .2 seconds. A play that nobody is fooled by. A play usually called by coaches over the age of 65 years old. A play that usually nets 1 yard and several torn ACL's. See- Woody, Bo, John Mackay, Tom Osborne or Joe Pa.
Reverses: A trick play that usually results in loss of yardage and makes the OC look stupid.
Agent: The reason why we play $8 for a beer, $5 for a coke, and $50+ for a ticket in the end zone. See- Drew Rosenhaus, Leigh Steinberg, Scott Boras or alternative terms: shark, leech, blood####ing parasite.
Boosters: a cash cow for players and recruits. Also see- co-signers on loans, busybodies or persons of interest during an NCAA investigation.
Saban clause: Another word for "loophole" when trying to recruit out of Tuscaloosa.
Loophole: a way to get around something that you know is illegal, but haven't been busted for because the NCAA is a dinosaur. Why coaches get paid a ton. See- Saban, Meyer, Carroll.
Guts: Another word for balls. What some coaches have, and others don't. See- Les Miles, Chris Petersen, Pete Carroll, Urban Meyer, Nick Saban and Pat Hill.
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: theroar.com
Sports quotes of the week
“Some people like the Sex Pistols and some people like Beethoven, you just have your tastes.” - Former Wallabies captain ANDREW SLACK on whether rugby is the best football code.
“We do not muzzle dissent just because it might embarrass us or embarrass our friends. We hope our friendship can bear a little plain speaking.” - ACT Chief Minister JON STANHOPE on the right of people to protest China’s treatment of Tibet at the Olympic torch relay’s Australian leg in Canberra.
“Lots of taunting, like at a friendly football game.” - Australian Olympic Committee spokesman MIKE TANCRED describes the interaction between pro-China and pro-Tibet demonstrators that turned out for the Australian leg of the torch relay in Canberra.
“Where is the media manager? Who is the media manager? This is great doing an interview on a highway.” - Manly coach DES HASLER takes a shot at the club’s media manager who was nowhere to be found as the softly-spoken coach had to talk to the press over the top of passing trucks from a suburban car park.
“[I] didn’t work hard to be beaten by equipment.” - French swimmer FABIEN GILOT says he plans to switch from sponsor Arena to Speedo in order to enjoy their LZR Racer swimsuit.
“It’s a long time coming. Finally.” - American driver DANICA PATRICK after winning the Indy Japan 300 to become the first female winner in IndyCar history.
“I promised him if he won on this horse there will be man-love.” - Owner of Golden Slipper champion Sebring JAMES HAZZISEVASTOS on kissing winning jockey Glen Boss on the lips post-race.
“There’s free Bluetongue all over the Central Coast and Newcastle this afternoon.” - Ad man and owner JOHN SINGLETON shouted patrons in 19 bars to free Bluetongue beer after his horse Tuesday Joy won the $2.2m BMW at Rosehill.
“I have said it every time, I’ll come back bigger and stronger. But I’m not going to say anything this time, I’ll just try to get through this game, and if I get through it I’ll be happy.” - Injury-plagued Wests Tigers five-eighth BENJI MARSHALL anticipates this weekend’s clash against Cronulla, his first game since twinging his knee in round one.
“I’ve probably bowled the worst last over in Twenty20 history. Twenty20 is good for the game but not for the ego.” - Cricketer ANDREW SYMONDS after being belted for 17 off the final over to see his Indian Premier League team, the Deecan Chargers, lose their third straight game in the tournament.
“But you know, if someone else had a cut on their head I probably would have done it to any other player at the same time.” - Cronulla captain PAUL GALLEN says he doesn’t discriminate following his three week suspension for deliberately raking Anthony Laffranchi’s head wound in the Sharks’ loss to the Gold Coast in round three.
“When somebody told me, I was sitting there, nearly having a laugh, because they said he was the fastest in Newcastle over 40 metres - he’s now the fastest in Newcastle and Roosters.” - Sydney Roosters coach BRAD FITTLER after Newcastle’s 110kg front-rower Danny Wicks put the boot in to an already defeated side, running 60 meters to score in the dying moments of the round six heritage clash.
“I’m a Catholic. But I’m also a horse trainer.” - Sydney trainer ANTHONY CUMMINGS on his fight to prevent Catholic festival World Youth Day from taking place at Royal Randwick Racecourse in July.
“Some people like the Sex Pistols and some people like Beethoven, you just have your tastes.” - Former Wallabies captain ANDREW SLACK on whether rugby is the best football code.
“We do not muzzle dissent just because it might embarrass us or embarrass our friends. We hope our friendship can bear a little plain speaking.” - ACT Chief Minister JON STANHOPE on the right of people to protest China’s treatment of Tibet at the Olympic torch relay’s Australian leg in Canberra.
“Lots of taunting, like at a friendly football game.” - Australian Olympic Committee spokesman MIKE TANCRED describes the interaction between pro-China and pro-Tibet demonstrators that turned out for the Australian leg of the torch relay in Canberra.
“Where is the media manager? Who is the media manager? This is great doing an interview on a highway.” - Manly coach DES HASLER takes a shot at the club’s media manager who was nowhere to be found as the softly-spoken coach had to talk to the press over the top of passing trucks from a suburban car park.
“[I] didn’t work hard to be beaten by equipment.” - French swimmer FABIEN GILOT says he plans to switch from sponsor Arena to Speedo in order to enjoy their LZR Racer swimsuit.
“It’s a long time coming. Finally.” - American driver DANICA PATRICK after winning the Indy Japan 300 to become the first female winner in IndyCar history.
“I promised him if he won on this horse there will be man-love.” - Owner of Golden Slipper champion Sebring JAMES HAZZISEVASTOS on kissing winning jockey Glen Boss on the lips post-race.
“There’s free Bluetongue all over the Central Coast and Newcastle this afternoon.” - Ad man and owner JOHN SINGLETON shouted patrons in 19 bars to free Bluetongue beer after his horse Tuesday Joy won the $2.2m BMW at Rosehill.
“I have said it every time, I’ll come back bigger and stronger. But I’m not going to say anything this time, I’ll just try to get through this game, and if I get through it I’ll be happy.” - Injury-plagued Wests Tigers five-eighth BENJI MARSHALL anticipates this weekend’s clash against Cronulla, his first game since twinging his knee in round one.
“I’ve probably bowled the worst last over in Twenty20 history. Twenty20 is good for the game but not for the ego.” - Cricketer ANDREW SYMONDS after being belted for 17 off the final over to see his Indian Premier League team, the Deecan Chargers, lose their third straight game in the tournament.
“But you know, if someone else had a cut on their head I probably would have done it to any other player at the same time.” - Cronulla captain PAUL GALLEN says he doesn’t discriminate following his three week suspension for deliberately raking Anthony Laffranchi’s head wound in the Sharks’ loss to the Gold Coast in round three.
“When somebody told me, I was sitting there, nearly having a laugh, because they said he was the fastest in Newcastle over 40 metres - he’s now the fastest in Newcastle and Roosters.” - Sydney Roosters coach BRAD FITTLER after Newcastle’s 110kg front-rower Danny Wicks put the boot in to an already defeated side, running 60 meters to score in the dying moments of the round six heritage clash.
“I’m a Catholic. But I’m also a horse trainer.” - Sydney trainer ANTHONY CUMMINGS on his fight to prevent Catholic festival World Youth Day from taking place at Royal Randwick Racecourse in July.
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: markgrace.com
BASEBALL QUOTES BY MARK GRACEOn giving up a homerun to rookie David Moss in his relief pitching appearance on September 2, 2002...
"I didn't have a scouting report on him. Obviously he can hit 65 mph fastballs."
On meeting the Yankees in the World Series, October 2001...
"I've never been to Yankee Stadium. I've never played the Yankees all these years. I've always been in the National League, and, believe it or not, the Cubs have never played the Yankees in the postseason."
On his rally-starting single in the 9th inning of World Series Game 7...
"I knew I had to get on base for anything to happen. I thought to myself, a concussion heals in 30 days, right?"
On the feeling of playing in and winning a World Series, October 2001...
"If you only understood how great this is for me. It was better than anything I could've imagined. It is better than sex. But then again, I'm kind of lousy at that."
On the accuracy of his bobblehead doll, given away at Bank One Ballbark on August 18, 2001...
"I'm a pretty ugly guy, and it's a pretty ugly doll, so I think they did of good job of capturing my likeness."
On Cubs teammate Kerry Wood and his 20 strikeout game, May 5, 1998...
"He was electric. He's too young and stupid to understand what he just did. He's just a baby. He's only 20, for crying out loud."
On the 1998 Cubs,and their run to the wild-card and pennant...
"This team makes your ulcers have a baby."
On Cubs teammate Shawn Dunston...
"I owe him a lot. Nobody would know how good I was at digging balls out of the dirt if it wasn't for him and all those bad throws."
On the definition of a "slumpbuster", after being pressed by host Jim Rose in a now-infamous 2003 interview on the television show "Rome is Burning" to clarify the baseball slang term...
"A slumpbuster is when you have to take one for the team. It's finding the biggest, nastiest, fattest broad, and you put the wood to her to come out of your slump. Also known as 'jumping on a grenade for the team'."
"A slumpbuster is when you have to take one for the team. It's finding the biggest, nastiest, fattest broad, and you put the wood to her to come out of your slump. Also known as 'jumping on a grenade for the team'."
On living in the moment..
"The most important thing about playing baseball is to have fun. I'm about to start my 13th year, but I can remember my rookie season like it was yesterday. It goes fast, folks."
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: news.bbc.co.uk
Premier League quotes of the season
By Chris Charles
Kevin Keegan may have described the Premier League as "boring", but with the title race going down to the wire for the first time in years, few could dispute the 2007-08 season has given us the odd bit of excitement.
From the dramatic exit of Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho to the long-running American soap opera at Anfield, there has been plenty for fans to get their teeth into - and for players, managers and pundits to give us the benefit of their wisdom.
BBC Sport rounds up some of the more memorable quotes from the season.
THE BIG FOUR
"Just keep smiling, Alex" - "Yes dear."
"That wife of mine just bullies me, She throws me out of the door at seven o'clock every morning! So that's a definite no. Oh no, I dare not risk the wrath of that lass from the Gorbals."
Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson claims that it's his wife Cathy who stops him from retiring as he wins his latest Premier League title.
"I am not 'the Special One'. I'm the normal one. But my wife says I am special..."
Avram Grant has them rolling in the aisles in his first press conference as Chelsea manager. What is it with managers and their wives?
"My players travel more than Phileas Fogg in 'Around The World In 80 Days'. Javier Mascherano had to play a friendly for Argentina in Australia. That must have been really important."
Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez reveals his love of international football.
"I'm ready to take the blame for all the problems of English football, if that is what he wants."
The handbags come out early doors when Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger responds to Ferguson's dig about the Gunners' foreign contingent.
"If Chelsea are naive and pure then I'm Little Red Riding Hood."
Benitez agrees to disagree with Jose Mourinho's claims that Chelsea are whiter than white.
"It was the fifth minute of their usual seven minutes of injury time."
Ferguson takes exception to Arsenal's late, late equaliser against Aston Villa.
Jose Mourinho ponders his latest omelette recipe
"It is omelettes and eggs. No eggs - no omelettes! It depends on the quality of the eggs.
"In the supermarket, some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. So when the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there, you have a problem."
Do you really need to ask?
"I can't say we are the best in England but I don't think there is a team stronger than us."
Avram indulges us with a nice line in doublespeak.
"I haven't seen that. I don't know anything about it. I don't know what you're talking about."
Wenger amazingly misses the on-field spat between Arsenal team-mates Emmanuel Adebayor and Nicklas Bendtner, witnessed by the rest of the universe.
"As always I am focused on training and coaching my team." Benitez's statement - repeated at least 10 times during a press conference - after Liverpool's owners tell him to stop criticising their transfer policy.
"The fire is always ready but now it looks as though you are burned on the village green quicker than ever before."
Wenger gets fired-up about the number of managers getting the boot.
"I think if we win and Arsenal and Chelsea lose, it will be a good day!"
Fergie hopes for a miracle result when the Gunners visit Stamford Bridge.
"It must be necessary for a player to bring a gun and shoot one of our men in the box for us to get a penalty."
Man Utd assistant boss Carlos Queiroz keeps things in perspective after Cristiano Ronaldo's penalty appeal is turned down in the 2-1 defeat by Chelsea.
MANAGERS' SPECIALS
"They searched the house and took a computer away that I bought my wife two years ago - I think she learnt to turn it on four weeks ago."
Portsmouth manager Harry Redknapp comes over all PC after laying into police who raided his home during a 'football corruption' investigation.
"I don't want to comment on who or what will take over my job at Newcastle."
Former Newcastle boss Sam Allardyce, clearly not bitter about getting the old heave-ho.
"I am sure we will see pictures of Sam in his Speedos walking along a beach somewhere. That won't be a pretty sight."
Wigan boss Steve Bruce speculates on where Big Sam will pop up next... no-one wants to see that.
"I've got more points on my driving licence."
Derby manager Paul Jewell on his side's meagre total.
"Once Ashley puts some weight on he will be fantastic. At the moment he's about three-and-a-half stone - a couple of times we have put him through the letterbox!"
Aston Villa boss Martin O'Neill on what striker Ashley Young needs to keep on delivering.
What a load of pants
"I saw the celebration. Superman - super goal."
Manchester City boss Sven-Goran Eriksson on cheeky Stephen Ireland flashing his Superman pants after scoring against Sunderland.
"I was excited and it takes a lot to get me excited... ask my wife."
Roy Keane is so excited - and he just couldn't hide it - after Sunderland's opening day win over Spurs.
"If you took the goals out of it, I think it was pretty even."
West Ham boss Alan Curbishley on the unlucky 4-0 hammering by Chelsea.
"Even the chef's been out for two weeks with a hernia."
Curbishley bemoans his side's luck with injury.
"People said I was pitting my wits against Sir Alex Ferguson, but it is like using a water pistol to take on a machine gun."
Birmingham manager Alex McLeish on dodging bullets at Old Trafford.
THE RETURN OF THE MESSIAH
"It was a great result and it might stop people saying Newcastle have not won under Kevin Keegan."
After beating Fulham to earn his first win back on Tyneside.
"The only way we will get into Europe is by ferry!"
KK quickly realises it isn't going to be plain sailing.
Keegan - who writes his scripts?
"We don't have to play them every week, although it seems like we have this week."
After Newcastle's second defeat in a week against Arsenal.
"The match for them is a bit like people down south going to the theatre. They want to be entertained."
Keegan on the Geordies' passion for football, before putting on Much Ado About Nothing in his first game at St James' Park.
THE WONDER OF RONALDO
"He's six-foot something, fit as a flea, good-looking - he's got to have something wrong with him. Hopefully he's hung like a hamster - that would make us all feel better!"
Leicester manager Ian Holloway searches for a chink in the armour of the Portuguese superstar.
"He's six-foot two, brave as a lion, strong as an ox and quick as lightning. If he was good looking, you'd say he has everything."
The Adonis that is Paul Jewell gives his version.
"The one thing Cristiano Ronaldo has is pace, quick feet and a great eye for goal."
Chris Waddle pays his own unique tribute.
"I don't like to look like this, but in four or five days I will be beautiful once again."
Ronaldo may have suffered a black eye against Roma, but thankfully his ego remains unbruised.
BEST OF THE REST
"Gary Neville is the club captain but has been injured for the best part of a year now - and Giggsy's taken on the mantelpiece."
Rio Ferdinand was clearly having a hearth while describing the Man Utd captaincy.
"I must admit I suffered a bit when I first came to England. But then I realised that there was nothing to be intimidated by, everybody had two legs."
Liverpool midfielder Lucas had clearly been watching too many League of Gentlemen episodes before heading over from Brazil.
"Over 'ere - on me 'fro, son!"
"I was going to cut my hair the other week and if I had done we'd have lost 1-0, so hooray for afros."
Portsmouth goalkeeper David James on denying Michael Owen with his crazy barnet.
"Sometimes on a day off I go to the doughnut shop. When we play at home, I go there after the game and it's like a doughnut party! Everyone is eating doughnuts inside their cars - it's like a disco!"
Arsenal midfielder Cesc Fabregas turns into Homer Simpson. Have you ever been to a doughnut party? Me neither...
"Nothing surprises me in football, but if I said I was astounded that would be an understatement."
Ray Wilkins on Jose Mourinho's departure from Chelsea.
"If we're talking lookalikes, he's Toad of Toad Hall, isn't he?"
Ian Holloway on Chelsea boss Avram Grant.
"I think it's fair to say we're an improving team and a team that's getting better."
Everton skipper Phil Neville, who also feels his side have come on leaps and bounds.
"You probably think I'm Kenny Sansom!"
Little Britain star Matt Lucas on meeting Arsene Wenger, after the Frenchman admitted he had never seen the show.
"Most of the Portsmouth team are six foot plus and over."
Graham Taylor commentating on BBC Radio 5 Live.
Take it out - you don't know where it's been
"I don't know where Carlos keeps the dummy. He produces it from nowhere."
Manchester United midfielder Michael Carrick on Carlos Tevez's goal-celebration prop. Three guesses, Michael.
"I don't follow football, I just love the name Aston Villa. What suburb of Rome is Aston Villa from?"
Actor Tom Hanks on why he's a Villan at heart.
"We're moving up the table now which is hopefully the right direction."
Tottenham keeper Paul Robinson shows he's grasped the basics after Spurs beat Portsmouth.
"We are happy with the three points, but it could have been more."
Ryan Giggs after Manchester United's 2-0 win over Fulham.
"Martin Jol was literally a dead man walking at Spurs."
BBC pundit Steve Claridge, a vampire hunter in his spare time.
"I prefer to frighten people by driving around in my white Porsche with Slipknot blaring out of the windows."
Reading's American keeper Marcus Hahnemann when asked about the hoard of guns he keeps in the States.
"Had I not become a footballer, I think I would have been a virgin."
Peter Crouch's honest assessment of himself.
_____________________________________________________________
Free email, web pages, news, entertainment, weather and MORE!
Check out -------------------------------> http://wowmail.com
By Chris Charles
Kevin Keegan may have described the Premier League as "boring", but with the title race going down to the wire for the first time in years, few could dispute the 2007-08 season has given us the odd bit of excitement.
From the dramatic exit of Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho to the long-running American soap opera at Anfield, there has been plenty for fans to get their teeth into - and for players, managers and pundits to give us the benefit of their wisdom.
BBC Sport rounds up some of the more memorable quotes from the season.
THE BIG FOUR
"Just keep smiling, Alex" - "Yes dear."
"That wife of mine just bullies me, She throws me out of the door at seven o'clock every morning! So that's a definite no. Oh no, I dare not risk the wrath of that lass from the Gorbals."
Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson claims that it's his wife Cathy who stops him from retiring as he wins his latest Premier League title.
"I am not 'the Special One'. I'm the normal one. But my wife says I am special..."
Avram Grant has them rolling in the aisles in his first press conference as Chelsea manager. What is it with managers and their wives?
"My players travel more than Phileas Fogg in 'Around The World In 80 Days'. Javier Mascherano had to play a friendly for Argentina in Australia. That must have been really important."
Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez reveals his love of international football.
"I'm ready to take the blame for all the problems of English football, if that is what he wants."
The handbags come out early doors when Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger responds to Ferguson's dig about the Gunners' foreign contingent.
"If Chelsea are naive and pure then I'm Little Red Riding Hood."
Benitez agrees to disagree with Jose Mourinho's claims that Chelsea are whiter than white.
"It was the fifth minute of their usual seven minutes of injury time."
Ferguson takes exception to Arsenal's late, late equaliser against Aston Villa.
Jose Mourinho ponders his latest omelette recipe
"It is omelettes and eggs. No eggs - no omelettes! It depends on the quality of the eggs.
"In the supermarket, some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. So when the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there, you have a problem."
Do you really need to ask?
"I can't say we are the best in England but I don't think there is a team stronger than us."
Avram indulges us with a nice line in doublespeak.
"I haven't seen that. I don't know anything about it. I don't know what you're talking about."
Wenger amazingly misses the on-field spat between Arsenal team-mates Emmanuel Adebayor and Nicklas Bendtner, witnessed by the rest of the universe.
"As always I am focused on training and coaching my team." Benitez's statement - repeated at least 10 times during a press conference - after Liverpool's owners tell him to stop criticising their transfer policy.
"The fire is always ready but now it looks as though you are burned on the village green quicker than ever before."
Wenger gets fired-up about the number of managers getting the boot.
"I think if we win and Arsenal and Chelsea lose, it will be a good day!"
Fergie hopes for a miracle result when the Gunners visit Stamford Bridge.
"It must be necessary for a player to bring a gun and shoot one of our men in the box for us to get a penalty."
Man Utd assistant boss Carlos Queiroz keeps things in perspective after Cristiano Ronaldo's penalty appeal is turned down in the 2-1 defeat by Chelsea.
MANAGERS' SPECIALS
"They searched the house and took a computer away that I bought my wife two years ago - I think she learnt to turn it on four weeks ago."
Portsmouth manager Harry Redknapp comes over all PC after laying into police who raided his home during a 'football corruption' investigation.
"I don't want to comment on who or what will take over my job at Newcastle."
Former Newcastle boss Sam Allardyce, clearly not bitter about getting the old heave-ho.
"I am sure we will see pictures of Sam in his Speedos walking along a beach somewhere. That won't be a pretty sight."
Wigan boss Steve Bruce speculates on where Big Sam will pop up next... no-one wants to see that.
"I've got more points on my driving licence."
Derby manager Paul Jewell on his side's meagre total.
"Once Ashley puts some weight on he will be fantastic. At the moment he's about three-and-a-half stone - a couple of times we have put him through the letterbox!"
Aston Villa boss Martin O'Neill on what striker Ashley Young needs to keep on delivering.
What a load of pants
"I saw the celebration. Superman - super goal."
Manchester City boss Sven-Goran Eriksson on cheeky Stephen Ireland flashing his Superman pants after scoring against Sunderland.
"I was excited and it takes a lot to get me excited... ask my wife."
Roy Keane is so excited - and he just couldn't hide it - after Sunderland's opening day win over Spurs.
"If you took the goals out of it, I think it was pretty even."
West Ham boss Alan Curbishley on the unlucky 4-0 hammering by Chelsea.
"Even the chef's been out for two weeks with a hernia."
Curbishley bemoans his side's luck with injury.
"People said I was pitting my wits against Sir Alex Ferguson, but it is like using a water pistol to take on a machine gun."
Birmingham manager Alex McLeish on dodging bullets at Old Trafford.
THE RETURN OF THE MESSIAH
"It was a great result and it might stop people saying Newcastle have not won under Kevin Keegan."
After beating Fulham to earn his first win back on Tyneside.
"The only way we will get into Europe is by ferry!"
KK quickly realises it isn't going to be plain sailing.
Keegan - who writes his scripts?
"We don't have to play them every week, although it seems like we have this week."
After Newcastle's second defeat in a week against Arsenal.
"The match for them is a bit like people down south going to the theatre. They want to be entertained."
Keegan on the Geordies' passion for football, before putting on Much Ado About Nothing in his first game at St James' Park.
THE WONDER OF RONALDO
"He's six-foot something, fit as a flea, good-looking - he's got to have something wrong with him. Hopefully he's hung like a hamster - that would make us all feel better!"
Leicester manager Ian Holloway searches for a chink in the armour of the Portuguese superstar.
"He's six-foot two, brave as a lion, strong as an ox and quick as lightning. If he was good looking, you'd say he has everything."
The Adonis that is Paul Jewell gives his version.
"The one thing Cristiano Ronaldo has is pace, quick feet and a great eye for goal."
Chris Waddle pays his own unique tribute.
"I don't like to look like this, but in four or five days I will be beautiful once again."
Ronaldo may have suffered a black eye against Roma, but thankfully his ego remains unbruised.
BEST OF THE REST
"Gary Neville is the club captain but has been injured for the best part of a year now - and Giggsy's taken on the mantelpiece."
Rio Ferdinand was clearly having a hearth while describing the Man Utd captaincy.
"I must admit I suffered a bit when I first came to England. But then I realised that there was nothing to be intimidated by, everybody had two legs."
Liverpool midfielder Lucas had clearly been watching too many League of Gentlemen episodes before heading over from Brazil.
"Over 'ere - on me 'fro, son!"
"I was going to cut my hair the other week and if I had done we'd have lost 1-0, so hooray for afros."
Portsmouth goalkeeper David James on denying Michael Owen with his crazy barnet.
"Sometimes on a day off I go to the doughnut shop. When we play at home, I go there after the game and it's like a doughnut party! Everyone is eating doughnuts inside their cars - it's like a disco!"
Arsenal midfielder Cesc Fabregas turns into Homer Simpson. Have you ever been to a doughnut party? Me neither...
"Nothing surprises me in football, but if I said I was astounded that would be an understatement."
Ray Wilkins on Jose Mourinho's departure from Chelsea.
"If we're talking lookalikes, he's Toad of Toad Hall, isn't he?"
Ian Holloway on Chelsea boss Avram Grant.
"I think it's fair to say we're an improving team and a team that's getting better."
Everton skipper Phil Neville, who also feels his side have come on leaps and bounds.
"You probably think I'm Kenny Sansom!"
Little Britain star Matt Lucas on meeting Arsene Wenger, after the Frenchman admitted he had never seen the show.
"Most of the Portsmouth team are six foot plus and over."
Graham Taylor commentating on BBC Radio 5 Live.
Take it out - you don't know where it's been
"I don't know where Carlos keeps the dummy. He produces it from nowhere."
Manchester United midfielder Michael Carrick on Carlos Tevez's goal-celebration prop. Three guesses, Michael.
"I don't follow football, I just love the name Aston Villa. What suburb of Rome is Aston Villa from?"
Actor Tom Hanks on why he's a Villan at heart.
"We're moving up the table now which is hopefully the right direction."
Tottenham keeper Paul Robinson shows he's grasped the basics after Spurs beat Portsmouth.
"We are happy with the three points, but it could have been more."
Ryan Giggs after Manchester United's 2-0 win over Fulham.
"Martin Jol was literally a dead man walking at Spurs."
BBC pundit Steve Claridge, a vampire hunter in his spare time.
"I prefer to frighten people by driving around in my white Porsche with Slipknot blaring out of the windows."
Reading's American keeper Marcus Hahnemann when asked about the hoard of guns he keeps in the States.
"Had I not become a footballer, I think I would have been a virgin."
Peter Crouch's honest assessment of himself.
_____________________________________________________________
Free email, web pages, news, entertainment, weather and MORE!
Check out -------------------------------> http://wowmail.com
Monday, May 19, 2008
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: dontquotme.com
Ten Most Popular Winter Olympics Quotes
Starting on Feb. 10, athletes from around the world will gather in
Torino, Italy to compete in the 2006 Winter Games. They will focus on winning medals for their countries in cold weather sports, such as skiing, skating, snowboarding, bobsleigh, luge, curling and ice hockey.
The first Winter Olympics was held in 1924. Initially, the winter
competitions were held in the same year as the Summer Games. That
changed in 1994 with the Lillehammer Olympics. The winter competitions are now staggered apart from the Summer Games, giving us Olympic competitions to watch every two years.
Here are some quotes by Winter Olympians:
"Winning doesn't always mean being first. Winning means you're doing
better than you've ever done before."
— Bonnie Blair, speed skater
(About the 1998 Olympics) "I didn't lose the gold. I won the silver."
— Michelle Kwan, figure skater
"The only disability in life is a bad attitude."
— Scott Hamilton, figure skater
"The first thing is to love your sport. Never do it to please someone
else. It has to be yours."
— Peggy Fleming, figure skater
"That's the thing with the Olympic Games: it's one day; it's a
minute-and-a-half, and if everything's right, you win, and if it isn't,
you don't. It's not what life is all about."
— Phil Mahre, skier
"I didn't get into skating to be famous. It's not a sport you get
famous at. If I wanted to be famous, I would have stuck with hockey."
— Eric Heiden, speed skater
"Pain is short-lived, but pride lasts a lifetime."
— Elvis Stojko, figure skater
"The worst thing is to be paralyzed by fear. It's better to fall
trying. Then you learn what to do so you don't fall again."
— Brian Boitano, figure skater
"The best and fastest way to learn a sport is to watch and imitate a
champion."
— Jean-Claude Killy, skier
"Ever since I was a kid I wanted to be on snow. For Christmas, all I
ever wanted was a snowboard."
— Ross Powers
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: therussler.tripod.com
SPORTS QUOTES
Mike Ditka: A big factor in the game was the number of points scored.
Mike Ditka: A big factor in the game was the number of points scored.
Nick Zito: A lot of horses get distracted. It's just human nature.
Ray French: And he's got the icepack on his groin there, so it's possibly not the old shoulder injury..
sportscaster: And later on, it's the Syracuse Orangemen against the Indiana Hoosiers from Hawaii.
Bill Derne: And now, coming into the game is the five-ton junior from Canton, Ohio.
Frank Herzog: And Referee Richie Powers called the loose bowel foul on Johnson.
Kenny Dalgeish: As I say, if we score more goals than them, then we'll win.
John Sleightholme: As Phil DeGlenville said, each game is unique, and this one is no different to any other.
David Thompson: Ball handling and dribbling are my strongest weaknesses.
Bill Parcells: Concentration-wise, we're having trouble crossing the line mentally from a toughness standpoint..
Sportscaster: Dallas uses its second timeout to stop the clock.
Diane Sawyer: Do you think the Pirates would have a better chance of beating the Rams than the Patriots do?
Jerry Coleman: Enos Cabell started here with the Astros. And before that he was with the Orioles.
Jerry Coleman: Eric Show will be oh for ten if that pop fly comes down.
Phil Watson to reporters: Gentlemen, I have nothing to say. Any questions?
Vince Ferragamo: He never relinquishes my disbelief.
Don King: He speaks English, Spanish, and he's bilingual too.
Sportscaster: Here's Hodge on the breakaway! He's all by himself. He shoots. And Hodge missed the goal! He'll be thinking about that one for a while! Just look at the expression on Hodge's stick!
Marty Noble: How come you're wearing argyle socks?
Randy Myers: I'm not. I got these at Woolworth's.
Vince Ferragamo: How they arrived at their conclusions behooves me.
Commentator: Howard Kahn, a lecturer at Edinburgh's Heriot Watt University, has studied the matter intently and says he's figured out why Scottish soccer teams can't seem to win World Cup and other competitions. They're not good players.
John Daly: I couldn't care less about all those fiction stories about what happened in the year 1500 or 1600. Half of them aren't even true.
Vince Ferragamo: I don't like to look back in retrospect.
Casey Stengel: I got a little concerned yesterday in the first three innings when I saw the three players I had gotten rid of, and I said when I lost nine what am I going to do and when I had a couple of my players I thought so great of that did not do so good up to the sixth inning I was more confused but I finally had to go and call on a young man from Baltimore that we don't own and the Yankees don't own him, and he is doing pretty good, and I would actually have to tell you that I think we are more the Greta Garbo type now from success.
Magic Johnson: I only know how to play two ways and that's reckless and abandon.
Zane Smith: I'm not blind to hearing what everybody else hears.
Mike Greenwell: I'm a four-wheel-drive-pickup kind of guy, and so is my wife.
Mike Greenwell: I'm a four-wheel-drive-pickup kind of guy, and so is my wife.
Miniature golfer: I'm winning so bad!
Jimmy Hill: If England are going to win this match, they're going to have to score a goal.
Reporter: Is the team having a morale problem?
Danny Ozark: Morality at this time isn't a factor.
Reporter to Don Larsen, who had just pitched a perfect game: Is that the best game you ever pitched?
Frank Frisch: It's a beautiful day for a night game.
Sportscaster: It's now 1 to 1, an exact reversal of the score on Saturday.
Lex, of "The Lex And Terry Show": It's the biggest low the Cowboys have suffered.
Jerry Coleman: Larry Lintz steals second standing up. He slid, but he didn't have to.
Sportscaster: Last night one of the Maverick's (basketball team's) heavy hitters returned to the court.
Don's friend: My friend Don, a minor league umpire, is used to being heckled by fans. But imagine his surprise when he was rushing to umpire an exhibition game at Coors Field in Denver. After a long search for a place to change clothes, Don finally located a room with a neatly lettered sign: "Dressing Room, Umpires Only." As he was about to go in, however, he inspected the sign more closely. Below the printed legend was the same message . . . printed in Braille.
Darryl Dawkins: Nothing means nothing, but it isn't really nothing because nothing is something that isn't.
Barry Switzer: Our goal is to score 27 points. If we can get two touchdowns and three field goals, we've got our 27 points.
Jerry Coleman: Pete Rose has three thousand hits and three thousand fourteen overall.
Johnny Logan: Rome wasn't born in a day.
Jack Kraft: That was the nail that broke the coffin's back.
Brian Marwood: That's twice now he has got between himself and the goal.
Curt Gowdy: The Baltimore Colts are a bright young team. It seems as if they have their future ahead of them.
Sportscaster: The coach said the team might be a big factor in the game.
Sportscaster: The extra point is no good!
Robert Scott: Then it isn't an extra point, is it?
Robert Scott: Then it isn't an extra point, is it?
Gerry Fraley: The Rangers dropped out of the lead June 16 with a loss that will be forever remembered as the forgettable debut of lefthander Matt Perisho.
Dizzy Dean: The series is already won, but I don't know by which team.
Sportscaster: These two teams are mirror images of themselves.
Sportscaster: These two teams are mirror images of themselves.
Sam Quevares: They can say what they want, but playoff hockey is a whole other ballgame.
Harvey Kuenn: They had us with the walls to our back.
Sportscaster: They may have regained all 40 yards. In fact, they may have.
Kevin Appier: Things started to snowplow.
David Coleman: This evening is a very different evening from the morning we had this morning.
Jerry Coleman: Those amateur umpires are certainly flexing their fangs tonight.
The Russler: To what do you attribute last night's loss?
Dale Neal: To the fact that they scored more points than we did.
Vince Sculley: Today, Pittsburgh beat the Pirates, 6 to 6!
Bill Peterson: We are not going to be any three-clouds-and-a-yard-of-dust team.
Tim Raynor: We got that first down by the nose of our chinny-chin-chin.
Larry Breck: We only have one person to blame, and that's each other.
reporter: What contract terms do you think Fernando Valenzuela would settle for?
Tommy Lasorda: He wants Texas back.
Reporter: What did you think about the collective bargaining proposal?
Gary Payton, making $2,700,000 per year: People would have to cut their lifestyle, and they'd live like penny-pinchers.
Reporter: What do you think of Tiger Woods?
Sandy Lyle: I don't know. I've never played there.
Bryant Reeves: What happens to me next year will happen to me no matter what happens.
Casey Stengel: When a fielder gets the pitcher in trouble, the pitcher has to pitch himself out of the slump he isn't in.
Clayton Williams: When I played football, we were small, but we were slow. Our record was five and five; we lost five games at home and five on the road
Keith Whitmire, Dallas Morning News: While letting Plano East roll up 365 yards of offense, North Garland only prevented a bigger route [sic] by pouncing on the six turnovers.
reporter: Who do you think is the number one player of all time?
Johnny Logan: I'd have to go with the immoral Babe Ruth.
Reporter: Will you be rooting for the American League or National League in the All Star Game?
Bob Dole: Probably.
Reporter: Would you quit baseball if the Yankees lose the series to the Pirates?
Casey Stengel: Well, I have given that thought a lot of thinking lately and last night, well--I finally made up my mind.
Reporter: Which way?
Casey Stengel: I made up my mind both ways.
Sam Quevares: You can throw anything in our house, but we'll just let it roll off our backs.
Sparky Anderson: You don't have enough smarts to straighten this out. This is unstraightable.
Casey Stengel: You have to remember that this team came up slow, but fast.
FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: web1.chicagonet.net
Sports Quotes
"I take my hand off to him."
Mike Tyson, after losing to Lennox Lewis.
"Are we now at the point where this is a must-win situation?"
Jim Gray, NBC, to Lakers guard Kobe Bryant, before Game 7 of the NBA Western Conference Finals.
"I guess I'll fade off into bolivian"
Mike Tyson
"We were killing ourselves in the foot."
Michael Jordan
"No, it wasn't a wake up call, but it certainly opened our eyes."
Emmet Smith
"All four of the five Bulls starters have scored."
Jim Durham
"He had three guys double-teaming him."
Johnny "Red" Kerr
"We accomplished the two-peat."
Scotty Pippen
"It would have been worse if we hadn't blocked the kick after Toronto's second touchdown."
Alex Delvecchio, after 13-0 defeat in a hockey game.
"Moving from Wales to Italy is like moving to a different country."
Ian Rush
"If at first you don't succeed... So much for skydiving."
Henry Youngman
"If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?"
Steven Wright
"Monica Seles: I'd hate to be next door to her on her wedding night."
Peter Ustinov
"If women were meant to play football, God would have put their tits somewhere else."
Gordon Sinclair.
"The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down."
Rita Rudner.
"If she gets the jitters now, then she isn't the great champion that she is."
Max Robertson
"The Bears have to make Randall Cunningham beat them in order to win."
Tom Thayer
"You can almost hear the silence as they battle it out."
Dan Maskell
"McEnroe has got to sit down and work out where he stands."
Fred Perry
"It's quite clear that Virginia Wade is thriving on the pressure now that the pressure on her to do well is off."
Harry Carpenter
"When Martina is tense it helps her relax."
Dan Maskell
"These ball boys are marvelous. You don't even notice them. There's a left handed one over there. I noticed him earlier."
Max Robertson
"We haven't had any more rain since it stopped raining."
Harry Carpenter
"She comes from a tennis playing family. Her father's a dentist."
BBC 2
"Chip Hooper is such a big man that it is sometimes difficult to see where he is on the court."
Mark Cox
"Ian Rush, deadly ten times out of ten, but that wasn't one of them."
Peter Jones
"You'll be hoping that this run of injuries will stop earlier than itstarted."
Andrew Gidley
"Oh, he had an eternity to play that ball, but he took too long over it."
Martin Tyler
"The boys' feet have been up in the clouds since the win."
Alan Buckley
"I'm not going to make it a target but it's something to aim for."
Steve Coppell
"We are really quite lucky this year because Christmas falls on Christmas Day."
Bobby Gould
"And Ritchie has now scored 11 goals, exactly double the number he scored last season."
Alan Parry
"The only thing I have in common with George Best is that we came from the same place, play for the same club and were discovered by the same man."
Norman Whiteside
"If you stand still there is only one way to go, and that's backwards."
Peter Shilton
"And the line up for the final of the women's 400 meter hurdles includes three Russians, two East Germans, a Pole, a Swede and a Frenchman."
David Coleman
"I'm concentrating so much I don't know what I'm doing half the time."
Mark Kaylor
"He used to be fairly indecisive, but now he's not so certain."
Peter Alliss
"A racing horse is not like a machine. It has to be tuned up like a racing car."
Chris Pool
"The Sri Lankan team have lost their heads, literally."
Gamine Goonasena
"Congratulations on breaking my record. I always thought the record would stand until it was broken."
Yogi Berra, to Johnny Bench
"The only reason we're 7-0 is because we've won all seven of our games."
David Garcia
"Most one-run games are lost, not won."
Gene Mauch
"I'd rather be beaten up by two nuns than caught dead in a pair of figure skates"
Bradan Welch
"My career started slowly and then tapered off."
Gary McCord
"The safest place would be in the fairway."
Joe Garagiola, on the best place for spectators to stand during a celebrity golf tournament
"They are 3 types of people, people who know how to count and people who don't know how to count."
Dharma
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