SPECIAL EDITORIAL NOTE FROM SPORTS_NUT, 2/26/2011
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Welcome to the retirement edition of Funny Sports Quotes.
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The Funny Sports Quotes blog was created in 11/2007 after I could see I could become a blogger very easily using Google's 3-step process for creating a blog online.
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For me, like most, work is not my idea of a fun experience, so I had to choose the topic that I would most enjoy pursuing and that, for me, was finding and posting funny sports quotes for entertaining and, in some cases, educating an audience on facets of sports even the most ardent sports fans may not have been aware of.
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At the same time, I decided to compile a database of funny sports quotes that sports fans and quote fans could visit for "one-stop" shopping, thereby helping them to avoid the need to search elsewhere for sports quotes.
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So, from 11/2007 until 2/2011. I have compiled quotes on the Funny Sports Quotes blog and its sister blog, FSQuotes, that is accessible only from the Funny Sports Quotes blog.
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As of 2/26/2011, I believe I have achieved my objective first set in 11/2007, which signals for me the end of my funny sports quotes database project.
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Kindly note that I have already made the last post (SI Swimsuit) to the blog, shut off further entries to Comments, and I will shut off the email address sports.quotes@gmail.com on 03/14/2011.
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Also note that many features previously cited on this page have been removed, so that a bare-bones FSQ remains for your future reference.
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I do hope that my venture was successful in bringing a smile to your face or a skip to your step, since that was all FSQ was created for, your entertainment and pleasure.
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In closing, I wish you and yours, Godspeed!
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Thursday, September 3, 2009

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: tabletennis.gr

Image: chinadaily.com.cn
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TABLE TENNIS TRIVIA
Most intesresting table tennis trivia:
Most popular sports participation game in the world
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More table tennis trivia:
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The difference between ping-pong and table tennis is that "Ping-Pong" is a trademark belonging to JJaques &Son in Britain and to Parker Bros in the US, so it's only ping-pong if you're using their kit.
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Click here to view ===> EVEN MORE TABLE TENNIS TRIVIA
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: footballoutsiders.com

Image: ams.cern.ch

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NFL FOOTBALL QUOTES
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SO IT LOOKED LIKE INFINITE JEST?
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"It looked like a phonebook with a binder around it. I was like 'I know I'm in for a hurting right now.'"
-- Rookie Patriots defensive lineman Ron Brace on the size of the Patriots' playbook
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"I'm getting a headache trying to read this, but I know I've got to do it. It's my job now. I don't have to worry about class. I have to worry about the playbook. That's my history right there I've got to learn."
-- Brace (NFL Nation Blog)
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WHY DID THE GHOST GO TO THE BAR?
FOR THE BOOS."BOOOOOO!!"
-- The crowd at Invesco Field in response to Kyle Orton's performance during the team's scrimmage (Colorado Springs Gazette)
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NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE THREE B'S
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"You know what they say about the media, just use the five B's. Be brief, brother, be brief."
-- Redskins coach Jim Zorn giving his players advice on how to deal with the media
(The Official Blog of Chris Cooley)
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OR LIKE ASKING WHEN THE LAST TIME THE BILLS WERE RELEVENT
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"Asking about an offensive lineman's weight is like asking a woman's age."
-- Bills offensive tackle Langston Walker, responding to a question asking if he had lost weight (Bills.com)
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WNBA: YOU GOT NEXT
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"I've always thought the game was an attractive game, but we all know when you get the kind of pressure we're in, in these economic times, and then you have an economic model that really doesn't work, then it's not surprising to see it stop play."
-- Dallas Cowboys and AFL team owner Jerry Jones discussing the demise of the Arena Football League (Sports Illustrated)
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Wednesday, September 2, 2009

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: findarticles.com

Image: imagecache5.art.com
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BASEBALL QUOTES
Excerpts from Baseball Digest, Sept, 2000 by George Vass
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ON MANAGERS
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Chuck Tanner, admitting to his always upbeat attitude even while managing losing teams in Pittsburgh, Chicago, Oakland and Atlanta:
"People make light of my optimistic outlook, such as, if I were captain of the Titanic, I would tell my passengers we were stopping for ice."
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When Lou Boudreau was guiding the Cleveland Indians, he called for reliever Red Embree to pitch to Ted Williams of the Boston Red Sox. Embree asked whether he should pitch Williams low.
"Yeah, you can pitch him low, but as soon as you throw the ball run and hide behind second base," Boudreau suggested.
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According to general manager Eddie Robinson, the Atlanta Braves were seeking a "fiery, enthusiastic" type to be their next manager after a disappointing 1975 season.
When Robinson announced the hiring of Dave Bristol, reporters asked the new manager whether he was fiery.
"I guess so," Bristol replied. "I've been fired three times."
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Dictatorial John McGraw didn't like his New York Giants players confiding too freely to sportswriters.
Rogers Hornsby recalled that a rookie was so terrified of antagonizing McGraw that when a writer asked, "Are you married?" he replied, "You'd better ask Mr. McGraw."
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SOME STENGELESE
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On Paul Waner, the Pittsburgh Pirates Hall of Fame outfielder who was not averse to taking a sip more often than now and then in the days of Prohibition:
"He had to be a very graceful player because he could slide without breaking the bottle on his hip."
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As manager of the Dodgers, to pitcher Walter "Boom Boom" Beck who was kicking an ice bucket after being lifted from the game:
"Stop that. If you break a toe, I won't be able to get anything for you."
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As manager of the woeful expansion New York Mets:
"It's like I used to tell my barber. Shave and a haircut, but don't cut my throat. 1 may want to do that myself."
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About star Cubs second baseman Billy Herman's unorthodox batting stance:
"He's an unusual hitter. Sometimes he stands straight up, and sometimes his head is so close to the plate that he looks like John the Baptist." (The prophet whose severed head the Princess Salome carried about on a platter)."
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ON PLAYERS
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Pittsburgh Pirates manager Danny Murtaugh, whose first baseman Dick Stuart was appropriately nicknamed Dr. Strange-glove, upon hearing the public address announcement at Forbes Field that anyone interfering with a ball in play would be ejected from the ballpark:
"I hope Dick Stuart doesn't think that means him."
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After first baseman Zeke Bonura was traded by the White Sox to Washington in 1938, Chicago manager Jimmy Dykes scorned changing the signs for the first series against the Senators:
"Why should we? He couldn't remember them when he was with us."
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However, lumbering Bonura stole home against his old team after he saw Dykes swipe a dugout mosquito with his scorecard because:
"I saw Dykes give the sign to steal, and I forgot I wasn't on his team anymore."
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Hall of Fame pitcher Dizzy Dean on why he quit school after the third grade:
"I only went to the third grade because my father only went to the fourth and I didn't want to pass him."
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Los Angeles Dodgers pitcher Fernando Valenzuela explaining his habit of rolling his eyes skyward when delivering a pitch:
"I don't want to see the hits going past me."
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ON UMPIRING
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After a controversial call that went against their White Sox, Chicago fans were really giving it to umpire Red Ormsby. A woman in a firstbase box screamed,:
"You blind bum! If you were my husband, I'd give you poison." Ormsby turned toward her, bowed politely, and retorted, "Madam, if you were my wife, I'd take it!"
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Along the same lines, another American League umpire, Al Forman, admitted to getting mail from critics of his work.
"I occasionally get birthday cards from fans," Forman said. "But it's often the same message. They hope it's my last."
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During a dispute with Philadelphia Phillies catcher Andy Seminick, umpire Jocko Conlan retorted,
"When you first came into the league you were a lousy catcher and a lousy umpire. You're a good catcher now, but your umpiring is worse."
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Veteran umpire Larry Goetz, while having lunch with his boss, Warren Giles, and pitcher-turned-broadcaster Waite Hoyt, put on glasses to check the menu.
"You got a lot of nerve putting on cheaters to see something with the league president sitting right here," teased Hoyt.
"I got a lot of nerve," Goetz replied, "or I wouldn't be in this business."
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Asked why he had ejected mild-mannered Pie Traynor from a game, umpire Bill Klem replied that the Pittsburgh Pirates third baseman was not feeling well.
Since Traynor looked just fine, Klem was pressed to explain further.
"Well that was what he told me," Klem said.
"He came up to me like the perfect gentlemen he is and said, `Mr. Klem, I'm sick and tired of your decisions.'
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ON ROOKIES
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Baltimore Orioles manager Earl Weaver, about demoting outfielder Drunge Hazewood to the minors after he baited .583 in spring training in 1980:
"I've never cut a guy hitting that high before. But he was making the rest of us look bad with that average."
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Cleveland sportswriter Gordon Cobbledick, on strikeout-prone slugger Dave Nicholson's fielding technique:
"He is improving in tie outfield. To be sure, he hasn't caught a ball yet, but he's getting closer to them."
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Among the highly-touted youngsters of pre-World War II days was outfielder Lou Novikoff of the Chicago Cubs. Novikoff, called the Mad Russian, one day made a great steal of third base. Unfortunately the bases were loaded at the time. Asked why he had taken off, Novikoff explained.
"I couldn't resist. I had such a great jump on the pitcher."
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When future Hall of Famer Red Ruffing came up to the Boston Red Sox in the mid-1920s he was put in the bullpen. He was eating a sandwich when called on to relieve against the New York Yankees.
"Who do they have coming up?" he asked.
The reply: "Ruth, Gehrig and Meusel."
Ruffing carefully laid down the sandwich, and cautioned his bullpen mates,
"Don't touch it! I'll be right back."
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Monday, August 31, 2009

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: cbssports.com

SPORTS HUMOR
A national sports writer gives as good as he gets in hate mail confrontations
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Click here to view ===> HATE MAIL HECKLES
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: See body of message


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HOCKEY QUOTES
Quotes about the most dominating NHL player ever, Wayne Gretzky
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Source:
Uncle John's Bathroom Reader
Sports Spectacular
by the Bathroom Reader's Institute
Publisher: Bathroom Reader's Press
Ashland, Oregon
ISBN 978-1-60710--034-8
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"Some guys play hockey. Gretzky plays 40-mph chess."
- Journalist Lowell Cohn
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"Gretzky's got more friends in the media than the
guy running the free buffet."
- Journalist Fan Bickley
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'"The only way you can check Gretzky is to hit
him while he is standing still singing the national
anthem."
- Boston G. M. Harry Sindin
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: yahoo.com

Image: assets.sbnation.com
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NFL FOOTBALL QUOTES
Quotes by and about Brett Favre's latest decision to return to the NFL
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Click here to view ===> I MEANT RE-TIRE MY SUV!
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: askmen.com

SPORTS TRIVIA \ HUMOR
Askmen.com survey identifies the 10 worst sports logos
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Click here to view ===> 10 WORST SPORTS LOGOS
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: fullthrottle.cranialcavity.net

Image: a.espncdn.com
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NASCAR \ AUTO RACING QUOTES
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"If I have a love-hate relationship with Martinsville, then we're missing the love part of the equation."
- Tony Stewart
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"If I died right now, my life would be complete."
- Tony Stewart, after winning the Allstate 400.
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"There are seven winners of the Monaco Grand Prix on the starting line today, and four of them are Michael Schumacher."
- Murray Walker
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"Do you think you'll be driving a race car for the rest of your life?"
- Bob Nodolf, who was Matt Kenseth's driver education teacher in high school, relating a story that Kenseth once got scolded by his English teacher for skipping an English class.
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"With two laps to go then the action will begin, unless this is the action, which it is."
- Murray Walker
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"I'd like to say I'm ready to kick ass and show the guys how it's done. But I'm not here to prove anything about being a woman. I'm here to drive a race car and try to win a race."
- Lyn St. James
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"When I raced a car last it was at a time when sex was safe and racing was dangerous. Now, it's the other way round."
- Hans Stuck
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"I'm about 15 pounds heavier. I've got highlights in my hair."
- Tony Stewart on what's changed since his 2002 championship
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"That's baloney, man. That's what's wrong with America now. Every time somebody screws up, we tell them it's all right. You don't pay your bills? You can file bankruptcy. You kill somebody? Spend 10 years in jail, and we'll let you out. That's what's wrong with society now, man. If you do the crime, do the time. If you had the guts to do it, have the guts to take your punishment."
- crew chief Michael McSwain, telling the Richmond Times-Dispatch he was tired of hearing competitors whining after being caught cheating.
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"I love this kind of racing, (but) these guys sure change their personalities in race mode. They're like Doberman pinschers with a hand grenade in their mouths."
- road racer Boris Said speaking of NEXTEL Cup drivers.
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"I feel like I got a pile of cattle chasing my ass, and I'm peddling as hard as I can to stay in front of 'em. I'm looking behind me driving like hell."
- Rusty Wallace, prior to the July race at Pocono on being in the top 10 in points.
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"If you don't cheat, you look like an idiot; if you cheat and don't get caught, you look like a hero; if you cheat and get caught, you look like a dope. Put me where I belong."
- Darrell Waltrip
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"The crashes people remember, but drivers remember the near misses."
- Mario Andretti
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"When I started racing my father told me, 'Cristiano, nobody has three balls but some people have two very good ones."'
- Cristiano Da Matta
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"I closed my eyes, held my breath and then everything went black."
- Richard Petty - (About his 1988 Daytona accident)
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"The winner ain't the one with the fastest car, it's the one who refuses to lose."
- Dale Earnhardt
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"I make jokes about the fact that as a neuro-surgeon I shouldn't be required at a motor race because the drivers don't have any brains.... otherwise they wouldn't race."
- Syd Watkins - Formula One Chief Medical Officer
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"Dear Lord baby Jesus, we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Dominos, KFC and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to say thank you for my family. My two sons, Walker and Texas Ranger, or TR as we call him. And of course my red hot smokin' wife, Carley, who is a stone cold fox."
- Ricky Bobby saying grace in "Talladega Nights"
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"Be born rich."
- Janet Guthrie's advice on succeeding in racing
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"Moonshiners put more time, energy, thought, and love into their cars than any racer ever will. Lose on the track, and you go home. Lose with a load of whiskey, and you go to jail."
- Junior Johnson, NASCAR legend, and one time whiskey runner.
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"It's his life, not mine. I'm sure if James Hylton could do it, I could. But I've got better sense."
- Junior Johnson, on Hylton attempting to make the 2007 Daytona 500 field
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"Oh, what a basket of junk," it drives like a station wagon, an old station wagon, like an old Oldsmobile station wagon, green with wood panel trim on the sides."
- Tony Stewart Speaking of the Car of Tomorrow
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"The astronauts got nothing on me."
- Cale Yarborough after getting together with Sam McQuagg in the final stages of the 1965 Southern 500. Yarborough went sailing over the wall and remark was made to ABC's Chris Economaki after scrambling back over the wall unhurt.
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"The competition, of course, is No. 1. Dale Earnhardt Jr., we have to remember, is Dale Earnhardt Jr. He could sell a chocolate popsicle to a woman in a white dress. It's easy. ... Kyle Busch, he wouldn't be able to sell a favorite candy bar to a kid, I guess."
- Kyle Busch, on whether marketing and sponsor demographics play a role in his search for a new team.
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"It was all about winning today because we want those extra 10 bonus points. If you're solidly in the top 10 right now -- settling for second, you might as well kiss your aunt with a hairy mustache. That's generally not something you really care about."
- Tony Stewart Comment after winning the 2007 Watkins Glen event.
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"That's the way race people are. If they think anybody's got money, we're all hookers."
- Kyle Petty
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"He's got a 10-foot ego, and a four-foot body, and it ain't working too good right now."
- Mike Bliss after being punted by Bobby Hamilton Jr.
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"Robby's got a little problem going faster under caution than he does under green."
- Jeff Gordon on Robby Gordon
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"Racing is dangerous, but I've been in a lot worse situations as a pipe fitter."
- Neil Bonnett
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"There are certain guys who you can race with, and they'll race you hard and clean. "[Earnhardt Sr.] is not one of those guys."
- Ricky Rudd about Dale Earnhardt Sr's driving style
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"There have been other tracks that separated the men from the boys. This is the track that will separate the brave from the weak after the boys are gone."
- Driver Jimmy Thompson speaking about Daytona International Speedway
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"I jumped out of the car to address this thing, knowing I had to address it right then or run from Cale [Yarborough] the rest of my life. And with that, Cale went to beating on my fist with his nose."
- Bobby Allison Speaking about the famous fight ending the 1979 Daytona 500
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"When I first came down here, I was accepted but I can't say why. I would say a lot of people were scared of me as I didn't care whether I was upside down or not."
- A.J. Foyt on his acceptance when first entering NASCAR
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"You've got to have at least two a day, or you're going to have bad luck. I think the most I ever had was 27 in one weekend. That was over a four-day weekend for a late model show; a little bit of competitive eating going on."
- Darian Grubb Talking about Martinsville Hot Dogs.
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