GOLF QUOTES
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
Tiger Woods
"If your opponent is playing several shots in vain attempts to extricate himself from a bunker, do not stand near him and audibly count his strokes. It would be justifiable homicide if he wound up his pitiable exhibition by applying his niblick to your head."
Harry Vardon
"Real golfers, no matter what the provocation, never strike a caddie with the driver. The sand wedge is far more effective."
Huxtable Pippey
"I'm a golfaholic, no question about that. Counseling wouldn't help me. They'd have to put me in prison, and then I'd talk the warden into building a hole or two and teach him how to play."
Lee Trevino
"A passion, an obsession, a romance, a nice acquaintanceship with trees, sand, and water."
Bob Ryan
"If you call on God to improve the results of a shot while it is still in motion, you are using "an outside agency" and subject to appropriate penalties under the rules of golf."
Henry Longhurst
"Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result."
Tommy Armour
"Golf is the cruelest of sports. Like life, it's unfair. It's a harlot. A trollop. It leads you on. It never lives up to its promises.... It's a boulevard of broken dreams. It plays with men. And runs off with the butcher."
Jim Murray
"Golf is an open exhibition of overweening ambition, courage deflated by stupidity, skill scoured by a whiff of arrogance."
Alistair Cooke
"Golf is not a game, it's bondage. It was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins."
"When it's breezy, hit it easy."
Davis Love, Jr.
"Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course."
Lee Trevino
"I've spent most of my life golfing... the rest I've just wasted."
Author Unknown
"Golf is good for the soul. You get so mad at yourself you forget to hate your enemies."
Will Rogers
"The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise."
Roger Simon
"It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf."
H. L. Mencken
"Play it as it lies" is one of the fundamental dictates of golf. The other is "Wear it if it clashes."
Henry Beard
"I just hope I don't have to explain all the times I've used His name in vain when I get up there."
Bob Hope, about his golf.
"Golf is an ideal diversion but a ruinous disease."
B.C. Forbes
"If I can hit a curveball, why can't I hit a ball that is standing still on a course?"
Larry Nelson
"I can airmail the golf ball, but sometimes I don't put the right address on it."
Jim Dent
"It is more satisfying to be a bad player at golf. The worse you play, the better you remember the occasional good shot."
Nubar Gulbenkian
"Some of us worship in churches, some in synagogues, some on golf courses."
Adlai Stevenson
"When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit."
Author Unknown
"If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business."
Joey Adams
"Love and putting are mysteries for the philosopher to solve. Both subjects are beyond golfers."
Tommy Armour
"The sport of choice for the urban poor is basketball. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling. The sport of choice for front-line workers is football. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball. The sport of choice for middle management is tennis. The sport of choice for corporate officers is golf. Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become."
Author Unknown
"Golf gives you an insight into human nature, your own as well as your opponent's."
Grantland Rice
"I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles."
G.K. Chesterton
"Putting allows the touchy golfer two to four opportunities to blow a gasket in the short space of two to forty feet."
Tommy Bolt
"Retire to what? I'm a golfer and a fisherman. I've got no place to retire to."
Julius Boros
"Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick."
P.J. O'Rourke
"What other people may find in poetry or art museums, I find in the flight of a good drive."
Arnold Palmer
"Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour."
Author Unknown
"He certainly didn't appear as cool as he looked."
Renton Laidlaw
"A game in which you claim the privileges of age, and retain the play things of childhood."
Samuel Johnson
"They say 'practice' makes perfect." Of course, it doesn't. For the vast majority of golfers it merely consolidates imperfection."
Henry Longhurst
"One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. No matter what you shoot - the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin all over again and make yourself into something."
Peter Jacobsen
"Golf has probably kept more people sane than psychiatrists have."
Harvey Penick
"It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place this world is when one is playing golf."
Robert Lynd
"Eighteen holes of match or medal play will teach you more about your foe than will 18 years of dealing with him across a desk."
Grantland Rice
"Pinero has missed the putt. I wonder what he is thinking is Spanish."
Renton Laidlaw
"Forget your opponents; always play against par."
Sam Snead
"I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies."
Will Rogers
"Golf is like an 18-year-old girl with big boobs. You know it's wrong but you can't keep away from her."
Val Doonican
"Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic."
Author Unknown
"Playing the game I have learned the meaning of humility. It has given me an understanding of futility of the human effort."
Abba Eban
"He used to be fairly indecisive, but now he's not so certain."
Peter Aliss
"Golf isn't like other sports where you can take a player out if he's having a bad day. You have to play the whole game."
Phil Blackmar
"It's easy to see golf not as a game at all but as some whey-faced, nineteenth-century Presbyterian minister's fever dream of exorcism achieved through ritual and self-mortification."
Bruce McCall
"Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And it took a seven to do that."
Jim Murray
"I'd play every day if I could. It's cheaper than a shrink and there are no telephones on my golf cart."
Brent Musburger
"The number of shots taken by an opponent who is out of sight is equal to the square root of the sum of the number of curses heard plus the number of swishes."
Michael Green
"The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law."
H.G. Wells
"Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad."
A. A. Milne
"The least thing upsets him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of butterflies in the adjoining meadows."
P.G. Wodehouse
"Any game where a man 60 can beat a man 30 ain't no game."
Burt Shotten
"Golf is not just an exercise; it's an adventure, a romance... a Shakespeare play in which disaster and comedy are intertwined."
Harold Segall
"The worst club in my bag is my brain."
Chris Perry
"There is one thing in this world that is dumber than playing golf. That is watching someone else playing golf. What do you actually get to see? Thirty-seven guys in polyester slacks squinting at the sun. Doesn't that set your blood racing?"
Peter Andrews
"One thing about golf is you don't know why you play bad and why you play good."
George Archer
"Golf, like measles, should be caught young."
P.G. Wodenhouse
"Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness."
William Wordsworth
"The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things."
John Updike
"Even God has to practice his putting."
Author Unknown
"When I putt, my emotions collide like tectonic plates. It's left my memory circuits full of scars that won't heal."
Mac O'Grady
"Golf is not, on the whole, a game for realists. By its exactitudes of measurements it invites the attention of perfectionists."
Heywood Hale Broun
"Baseball players quit playing and they take up golf. Basketball players quit, take up golf. Football players quit, take up golf. What are we supposed to take up when we quit?"
George Archer
"A golf course outside a big town serves an excellent purpose in that it segregates, as though a concentration camp, all the idle and idiot well-to-do."
Osbert Sitwell
"Born to golf. Forced to work."
Author Unknown
"Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?"
Bob Hope
"His driving is unbelievable. I don't go that far on my holidays."
Ian Baker-Finch, on John Daly
"I never pray to God to make a putt. I pray to God to help me react good if I miss a putt."
Chi Chi Rodriguez
"Golf seems to me an arduous way to go for a walk. I prefer to take the dogs out."
Princess Anne of Great Britain
"If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out."
Paul Gallico
"I'm about five inches from being an outstanding golfer. That's the distance my left ear is from my right."
Ben Crenshaw
"Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can't play it."
Ted Ray
"There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray."
Lee Trevino
"John certainly gives it a good hit, doesn't he? My Sunday best is a Wednesday afternoon compared to him."
Nick Faldo, on John Daly
"Golf balls are attracted to water as unerringly as the eye of a middle-aged man to a female bosom."
Michael Green
"Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on grass."
Bob Hope
"My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch."
Lee Trevino
"In golf, you keep your head down and follow through. In the vice presidency, you keep your head up and follow through. It's a big difference."
Vice President Dan Quayle
"You can't call it a sport. You don't run, jump, you don't shoot, you don't pass. All you have to do is buy some clothes that don't match."
Steve Sax
"Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you're tired and most of your balls are missing."
Tim Allen
"One under a tree, one under a bush, one under the water."
Lee Trevino, describing how he was one under during a tournament .
"I'll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105."
Bob Hope
"If you want to take long walks, take long walks. If you want to hit things with sticks, hit things with sticks. But there's no excuse for combining the two and putting the results on TV. Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns."
National Lampoon
"Gone golfin'... be back dark thirty."
Author Unknown
"A golf ball is like a clock. Always hit it at 6 o'clock and make it go toward 12 o'clock . But make sure you're in the same time zone."
Chi Chi Rodriguez
"Golf is the cruelest game, because eventually it will drag you out in front of the whole school, take your lunch money and slap you around."
Rick Reilly
"The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life."
Chi Chi Rodriguez
"Find a man with both feet firmly on the ground and you've found a man about to make a difficult putt."
Fletcher Knebel
"May thy ball lie in green pastures... and not in still waters."
Author Unknown
"A golf course is nothing but a pool room moved outdoors."
Barry Fitzgerald
"I don't like watching golf on TV. I can't stand whispering."
David Brenner
"One almost expects one of the players to peer into the monitor and politely request viewers to refrain from munching so loudly on cheese and crackers while the golfers are trying to reach the greens."
Pete Alfano
"Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. A dinner without wine."
Jim Murray
"Men who would face torture without a word become blasphemous at the short fourteenth. It is clear that the game of golf may well be included in that category of intolerable provocations which may legally excuse or mitigate behavior not otherwise excusable."
A. P. Herbert
"All I've got against it is that it takes you so far from the clubhouse."
Eric Linklater
"After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye."
Chi Chi Rodriguez
"Who watches golf on TV? Who calls eight friends over and gets a keg of beer? Landscapers, I guess. They sit around the TV, yelling, "Will you look at that golf path? Pure pea gravel."
Jeff Cesario
"Trevino is in a league by himself. We don't even count him. We figure when you come in second, you're a winner."
Chi Chi Rodriguez
"One minute you're bleeding. The next minute you're hemorrhaging. The next minute you're painting the Mona Lisa."
Mac O'Grady, describing a typical round of golf.
"My body is here, but my mind has already teed off."
Author Unknown
"If you wish to hide your character, do not play golf."
Percey Boomer
Homero Blancas, asked if he had any uphill putts "Yeah, after each of my downhill putts."
"When you hear someone shout "You da man," if he ain't shouting at Arnold Palmer, then it ain't da man."
Ron Green, Charlotte Observer
"What's nice about our tour is you can't remember your bad shots."
Bob Bruce, about the Champions Tour
"Golf is golf. You hit the ball, you go find it. Then you hit it again."
Lon Hinkle
"I'm a golfer, not an athlete."
Lee Westwood
Bev Norwood, British Open historian, challenging the ascertations that Ben Curtis is the most obscure British Open winner:
"That honor would have to go to David "Deacon" Brown, who won at Musselburgh , Scotland , in 1886. Brown was the town chimney sweep and a pretty good golfer. Because they had an odd number of players that year, tournament officials sought out Brown-who was diligently working and covered with soot- to fill out the pairing. They gave him a bath and clean clothes and he shot 79-78 to win by two strokes over Willie Campbell."
"I was a better player at 50 than I was at 30."
Sam Snead
"The most important shot in golf is the next one."
Ben Hogan
"If you want to hit it farther, hit it better."
Jack Nicklaus
"The ball doesn't know if it is a man or a woman who is hitting it."
Isabelle Beisiegel, remarking on her chances of qualifying for the men's tour.
Tommy Bolt, toward the end of one of his infamous high-volume, temperamental, club-throwing rounds, asked his caddie for a club recommendation for a shot of about 155 yards.
His caddie said: "I'd say either a 3-iron or a wedge, sir."
"A 3-iron or a wedge?" asked Bolt.
"What kind of stupid choice is that?"
"Those are the only two clubs you have left, sir." said the caddie.
Dicky Pride, commenting to a spectator after his concentration was broken by the spectator's cell phone ringing:
"Excuse me sir, I'm working here. If you have to work, would you please go to your office."
Nick Faldo, after winning a million dollars in a golf tournament, was feeling generous when he asked his wife if there was anything she'd like to have.
She said "A divorce."
He replied, "I wasn't thinking of anything quite that expensive."
Lee Trevino, who had been struck by lighting while playing golf previously, commenting on why he immediately stops playing when rain and lightning are present:
"When God wants to play through. I let him play through."
Lyndon Johnson, while visiting The Masters golf tournament was asked by a spectator what his handicap was.
Johnson replied "Congress."
"You really know your way around a course. What's your secret?" Nicklaus replied: "The holes are numbered."
Jack Nicklaus, responding to a reporters question.
Tiger Woods
"If your opponent is playing several shots in vain attempts to extricate himself from a bunker, do not stand near him and audibly count his strokes. It would be justifiable homicide if he wound up his pitiable exhibition by applying his niblick to your head."
Harry Vardon
"Real golfers, no matter what the provocation, never strike a caddie with the driver. The sand wedge is far more effective."
Huxtable Pippey
"I'm a golfaholic, no question about that. Counseling wouldn't help me. They'd have to put me in prison, and then I'd talk the warden into building a hole or two and teach him how to play."
Lee Trevino
"A passion, an obsession, a romance, a nice acquaintanceship with trees, sand, and water."
Bob Ryan
"If you call on God to improve the results of a shot while it is still in motion, you are using "an outside agency" and subject to appropriate penalties under the rules of golf."
Henry Longhurst
"Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result."
Tommy Armour
"Golf is the cruelest of sports. Like life, it's unfair. It's a harlot. A trollop. It leads you on. It never lives up to its promises.... It's a boulevard of broken dreams. It plays with men. And runs off with the butcher."
Jim Murray
"Golf is an open exhibition of overweening ambition, courage deflated by stupidity, skill scoured by a whiff of arrogance."
Alistair Cooke
"Golf is not a game, it's bondage. It was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins."
"When it's breezy, hit it easy."
Davis Love, Jr.
"Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course."
Lee Trevino
"I've spent most of my life golfing... the rest I've just wasted."
Author Unknown
"Golf is good for the soul. You get so mad at yourself you forget to hate your enemies."
Will Rogers
"The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise."
Roger Simon
"It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf."
H. L. Mencken
"Play it as it lies" is one of the fundamental dictates of golf. The other is "Wear it if it clashes."
Henry Beard
"I just hope I don't have to explain all the times I've used His name in vain when I get up there."
Bob Hope, about his golf.
"Golf is an ideal diversion but a ruinous disease."
B.C. Forbes
"If I can hit a curveball, why can't I hit a ball that is standing still on a course?"
Larry Nelson
"I can airmail the golf ball, but sometimes I don't put the right address on it."
Jim Dent
"It is more satisfying to be a bad player at golf. The worse you play, the better you remember the occasional good shot."
Nubar Gulbenkian
"Some of us worship in churches, some in synagogues, some on golf courses."
Adlai Stevenson
"When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit."
Author Unknown
"If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business."
Joey Adams
"Love and putting are mysteries for the philosopher to solve. Both subjects are beyond golfers."
Tommy Armour
"The sport of choice for the urban poor is basketball. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling. The sport of choice for front-line workers is football. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball. The sport of choice for middle management is tennis. The sport of choice for corporate officers is golf. Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become."
Author Unknown
"Golf gives you an insight into human nature, your own as well as your opponent's."
Grantland Rice
"I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles."
G.K. Chesterton
"Putting allows the touchy golfer two to four opportunities to blow a gasket in the short space of two to forty feet."
Tommy Bolt
"Retire to what? I'm a golfer and a fisherman. I've got no place to retire to."
Julius Boros
"Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick."
P.J. O'Rourke
"What other people may find in poetry or art museums, I find in the flight of a good drive."
Arnold Palmer
"Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour."
Author Unknown
"He certainly didn't appear as cool as he looked."
Renton Laidlaw
"A game in which you claim the privileges of age, and retain the play things of childhood."
Samuel Johnson
"They say 'practice' makes perfect." Of course, it doesn't. For the vast majority of golfers it merely consolidates imperfection."
Henry Longhurst
"One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. No matter what you shoot - the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin all over again and make yourself into something."
Peter Jacobsen
"Golf has probably kept more people sane than psychiatrists have."
Harvey Penick
"It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place this world is when one is playing golf."
Robert Lynd
"Eighteen holes of match or medal play will teach you more about your foe than will 18 years of dealing with him across a desk."
Grantland Rice
"Pinero has missed the putt. I wonder what he is thinking is Spanish."
Renton Laidlaw
"Forget your opponents; always play against par."
Sam Snead
"I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies."
Will Rogers
"Golf is like an 18-year-old girl with big boobs. You know it's wrong but you can't keep away from her."
Val Doonican
"Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic."
Author Unknown
"Playing the game I have learned the meaning of humility. It has given me an understanding of futility of the human effort."
Abba Eban
"He used to be fairly indecisive, but now he's not so certain."
Peter Aliss
"Golf isn't like other sports where you can take a player out if he's having a bad day. You have to play the whole game."
Phil Blackmar
"It's easy to see golf not as a game at all but as some whey-faced, nineteenth-century Presbyterian minister's fever dream of exorcism achieved through ritual and self-mortification."
Bruce McCall
"Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And it took a seven to do that."
Jim Murray
"I'd play every day if I could. It's cheaper than a shrink and there are no telephones on my golf cart."
Brent Musburger
"The number of shots taken by an opponent who is out of sight is equal to the square root of the sum of the number of curses heard plus the number of swishes."
Michael Green
"The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law."
H.G. Wells
"Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad."
A. A. Milne
"The least thing upsets him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of butterflies in the adjoining meadows."
P.G. Wodehouse
"Any game where a man 60 can beat a man 30 ain't no game."
Burt Shotten
"Golf is not just an exercise; it's an adventure, a romance... a Shakespeare play in which disaster and comedy are intertwined."
Harold Segall
"The worst club in my bag is my brain."
Chris Perry
"There is one thing in this world that is dumber than playing golf. That is watching someone else playing golf. What do you actually get to see? Thirty-seven guys in polyester slacks squinting at the sun. Doesn't that set your blood racing?"
Peter Andrews
"One thing about golf is you don't know why you play bad and why you play good."
George Archer
"Golf, like measles, should be caught young."
P.G. Wodenhouse
"Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness."
William Wordsworth
"The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things."
John Updike
"Even God has to practice his putting."
Author Unknown
"When I putt, my emotions collide like tectonic plates. It's left my memory circuits full of scars that won't heal."
Mac O'Grady
"Golf is not, on the whole, a game for realists. By its exactitudes of measurements it invites the attention of perfectionists."
Heywood Hale Broun
"Baseball players quit playing and they take up golf. Basketball players quit, take up golf. Football players quit, take up golf. What are we supposed to take up when we quit?"
George Archer
"A golf course outside a big town serves an excellent purpose in that it segregates, as though a concentration camp, all the idle and idiot well-to-do."
Osbert Sitwell
"Born to golf. Forced to work."
Author Unknown
"Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?"
Bob Hope
"His driving is unbelievable. I don't go that far on my holidays."
Ian Baker-Finch, on John Daly
"I never pray to God to make a putt. I pray to God to help me react good if I miss a putt."
Chi Chi Rodriguez
"Golf seems to me an arduous way to go for a walk. I prefer to take the dogs out."
Princess Anne of Great Britain
"If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out."
Paul Gallico
"I'm about five inches from being an outstanding golfer. That's the distance my left ear is from my right."
Ben Crenshaw
"Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can't play it."
Ted Ray
"There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray."
Lee Trevino
"John certainly gives it a good hit, doesn't he? My Sunday best is a Wednesday afternoon compared to him."
Nick Faldo, on John Daly
"Golf balls are attracted to water as unerringly as the eye of a middle-aged man to a female bosom."
Michael Green
"Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on grass."
Bob Hope
"My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch."
Lee Trevino
"In golf, you keep your head down and follow through. In the vice presidency, you keep your head up and follow through. It's a big difference."
Vice President Dan Quayle
"You can't call it a sport. You don't run, jump, you don't shoot, you don't pass. All you have to do is buy some clothes that don't match."
Steve Sax
"Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you're tired and most of your balls are missing."
Tim Allen
"One under a tree, one under a bush, one under the water."
Lee Trevino, describing how he was one under during a tournament .
"I'll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105."
Bob Hope
"If you want to take long walks, take long walks. If you want to hit things with sticks, hit things with sticks. But there's no excuse for combining the two and putting the results on TV. Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns."
National Lampoon
"Gone golfin'... be back dark thirty."
Author Unknown
"A golf ball is like a clock. Always hit it at 6 o'clock and make it go toward 12 o'clock . But make sure you're in the same time zone."
Chi Chi Rodriguez
"Golf is the cruelest game, because eventually it will drag you out in front of the whole school, take your lunch money and slap you around."
Rick Reilly
"The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life."
Chi Chi Rodriguez
"Find a man with both feet firmly on the ground and you've found a man about to make a difficult putt."
Fletcher Knebel
"May thy ball lie in green pastures... and not in still waters."
Author Unknown
"A golf course is nothing but a pool room moved outdoors."
Barry Fitzgerald
"I don't like watching golf on TV. I can't stand whispering."
David Brenner
"One almost expects one of the players to peer into the monitor and politely request viewers to refrain from munching so loudly on cheese and crackers while the golfers are trying to reach the greens."
Pete Alfano
"Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. A dinner without wine."
Jim Murray
"Men who would face torture without a word become blasphemous at the short fourteenth. It is clear that the game of golf may well be included in that category of intolerable provocations which may legally excuse or mitigate behavior not otherwise excusable."
A. P. Herbert
"All I've got against it is that it takes you so far from the clubhouse."
Eric Linklater
"After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye."
Chi Chi Rodriguez
"Who watches golf on TV? Who calls eight friends over and gets a keg of beer? Landscapers, I guess. They sit around the TV, yelling, "Will you look at that golf path? Pure pea gravel."
Jeff Cesario
"Trevino is in a league by himself. We don't even count him. We figure when you come in second, you're a winner."
Chi Chi Rodriguez
"One minute you're bleeding. The next minute you're hemorrhaging. The next minute you're painting the Mona Lisa."
Mac O'Grady, describing a typical round of golf.
"My body is here, but my mind has already teed off."
Author Unknown
"If you wish to hide your character, do not play golf."
Percey Boomer
Homero Blancas, asked if he had any uphill putts "Yeah, after each of my downhill putts."
"When you hear someone shout "You da man," if he ain't shouting at Arnold Palmer, then it ain't da man."
Ron Green, Charlotte Observer
"What's nice about our tour is you can't remember your bad shots."
Bob Bruce, about the Champions Tour
"Golf is golf. You hit the ball, you go find it. Then you hit it again."
Lon Hinkle
"I'm a golfer, not an athlete."
Lee Westwood
Bev Norwood, British Open historian, challenging the ascertations that Ben Curtis is the most obscure British Open winner:
"That honor would have to go to David "Deacon" Brown, who won at Musselburgh , Scotland , in 1886. Brown was the town chimney sweep and a pretty good golfer. Because they had an odd number of players that year, tournament officials sought out Brown-who was diligently working and covered with soot- to fill out the pairing. They gave him a bath and clean clothes and he shot 79-78 to win by two strokes over Willie Campbell."
"I was a better player at 50 than I was at 30."
Sam Snead
"The most important shot in golf is the next one."
Ben Hogan
"If you want to hit it farther, hit it better."
Jack Nicklaus
"The ball doesn't know if it is a man or a woman who is hitting it."
Isabelle Beisiegel, remarking on her chances of qualifying for the men's tour.
Tommy Bolt, toward the end of one of his infamous high-volume, temperamental, club-throwing rounds, asked his caddie for a club recommendation for a shot of about 155 yards.
His caddie said: "I'd say either a 3-iron or a wedge, sir."
"A 3-iron or a wedge?" asked Bolt.
"What kind of stupid choice is that?"
"Those are the only two clubs you have left, sir." said the caddie.
Dicky Pride, commenting to a spectator after his concentration was broken by the spectator's cell phone ringing:
"Excuse me sir, I'm working here. If you have to work, would you please go to your office."
Nick Faldo, after winning a million dollars in a golf tournament, was feeling generous when he asked his wife if there was anything she'd like to have.
She said "A divorce."
He replied, "I wasn't thinking of anything quite that expensive."
Lee Trevino, who had been struck by lighting while playing golf previously, commenting on why he immediately stops playing when rain and lightning are present:
"When God wants to play through. I let him play through."
Lyndon Johnson, while visiting The Masters golf tournament was asked by a spectator what his handicap was.
Johnson replied "Congress."
"You really know your way around a course. What's your secret?" Nicklaus replied: "The holes are numbered."
Jack Nicklaus, responding to a reporters question.
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