SPECIAL EDITORIAL NOTE FROM SPORTS_NUT, 2/26/2011
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Welcome to the retirement edition of Funny Sports Quotes.
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The Funny Sports Quotes blog was created in 11/2007 after I could see I could become a blogger very easily using Google's 3-step process for creating a blog online.
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For me, like most, work is not my idea of a fun experience, so I had to choose the topic that I would most enjoy pursuing and that, for me, was finding and posting funny sports quotes for entertaining and, in some cases, educating an audience on facets of sports even the most ardent sports fans may not have been aware of.
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At the same time, I decided to compile a database of funny sports quotes that sports fans and quote fans could visit for "one-stop" shopping, thereby helping them to avoid the need to search elsewhere for sports quotes.
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So, from 11/2007 until 2/2011. I have compiled quotes on the Funny Sports Quotes blog and its sister blog, FSQuotes, that is accessible only from the Funny Sports Quotes blog.
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As of 2/26/2011, I believe I have achieved my objective first set in 11/2007, which signals for me the end of my funny sports quotes database project.
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Kindly note that I have already made the last post (SI Swimsuit) to the blog, shut off further entries to Comments, and I will shut off the email address sports.quotes@gmail.com on 03/14/2011.
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Also note that many features previously cited on this page have been removed, so that a bare-bones FSQ remains for your future reference.
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I do hope that my venture was successful in bringing a smile to your face or a skip to your step, since that was all FSQ was created for, your entertainment and pleasure.
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In closing, I wish you and yours, Godspeed!
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Monday, May 19, 2008

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: dontquotme.com


Ten Most Popular Winter Olympics Quotes


Starting on Feb. 10, athletes from around the world will gather in
Torino, Italy to compete in the 2006 Winter Games. They will focus on winning medals for their countries in cold weather sports, such as skiing, skating, snowboarding, bobsleigh, luge, curling and ice hockey.

The first Winter Olympics was held in 1924. Initially, the winter
competitions were held in the same year as the Summer Games. That
changed in 1994 with the Lillehammer Olympics. The winter competitions are now staggered apart from the Summer Games, giving us Olympic competitions to watch every two years.

Here are some quotes by Winter Olympians:

"Winning doesn't always mean being first. Winning means you're doing
better than you've ever done before."
— Bonnie Blair, speed skater

(About the 1998 Olympics) "I didn't lose the gold. I won the silver."
— Michelle Kwan, figure skater

"The only disability in life is a bad attitude."
— Scott Hamilton, figure skater

"The first thing is to love your sport. Never do it to please someone
else. It has to be yours."
— Peggy Fleming, figure skater

"That's the thing with the Olympic Games: it's one day; it's a
minute-and-a-half, and if everything's right, you win, and if it isn't,
you don't. It's not what life is all about."
— Phil Mahre, skier

"I didn't get into skating to be famous. It's not a sport you get
famous at. If I wanted to be famous, I would have stuck with hockey."
— Eric Heiden, speed skater

"Pain is short-lived, but pride lasts a lifetime."
— Elvis Stojko, figure skater

"The worst thing is to be paralyzed by fear. It's better to fall
trying. Then you learn what to do so you don't fall again."
— Brian Boitano, figure skater

"The best and fastest way to learn a sport is to watch and imitate a
champion."
— Jean-Claude Killy, skier

"Ever since I was a kid I wanted to be on snow. For Christmas, all I
ever wanted was a snowboard."
— Ross Powers

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: therussler.tripod.com

SPORTS QUOTES


Mike Ditka: A big factor in the game was the number of points scored.

Nick Zito: A lot of horses get distracted. It's just human nature.

Ray French: And he's got the icepack on his groin there, so it's possibly not the old shoulder injury..
sportscaster: And later on, it's the Syracuse Orangemen against the Indiana Hoosiers from Hawaii.
Bill Derne: And now, coming into the game is the five-ton junior from Canton, Ohio.
Frank Herzog: And Referee Richie Powers called the loose bowel foul on Johnson.
Kenny Dalgeish: As I say, if we score more goals than them, then we'll win.

John Sleightholme: As Phil DeGlenville said, each game is unique, and this one is no different to any other.

David Thompson: Ball handling and dribbling are my strongest weaknesses.

Bill Parcells: Concentration-wise, we're having trouble crossing the line mentally from a toughness standpoint..

Sportscaster: Dallas uses its second timeout to stop the clock.

Diane Sawyer: Do you think the Pirates would have a better chance of beating the Rams than the Patriots do?

Jerry Coleman: Enos Cabell started here with the Astros. And before that he was with the Orioles.

Jerry Coleman: Eric Show will be oh for ten if that pop fly comes down.

Phil Watson to reporters: Gentlemen, I have nothing to say. Any questions?

Vince Ferragamo: He never relinquishes my disbelief.

Don King: He speaks English, Spanish, and he's bilingual too.

Sportscaster: Here's Hodge on the breakaway! He's all by himself. He shoots. And Hodge missed the goal! He'll be thinking about that one for a while! Just look at the expression on Hodge's stick!

Marty Noble: How come you're wearing argyle socks?
Randy Myers: I'm not. I got these at Woolworth's.

Vince Ferragamo: How they arrived at their conclusions behooves me.

Commentator: Howard Kahn, a lecturer at Edinburgh's Heriot Watt University, has studied the matter intently and says he's figured out why Scottish soccer teams can't seem to win World Cup and other competitions. They're not good players.

John Daly: I couldn't care less about all those fiction stories about what happened in the year 1500 or 1600. Half of them aren't even true.

Vince Ferragamo: I don't like to look back in retrospect.

Casey Stengel: I got a little concerned yesterday in the first three innings when I saw the three players I had gotten rid of, and I said when I lost nine what am I going to do and when I had a couple of my players I thought so great of that did not do so good up to the sixth inning I was more confused but I finally had to go and call on a young man from Baltimore that we don't own and the Yankees don't own him, and he is doing pretty good, and I would actually have to tell you that I think we are more the Greta Garbo type now from success.
Magic Johnson: I only know how to play two ways and that's reckless and abandon.
Zane Smith: I'm not blind to hearing what everybody else hears.

Mike Greenwell: I'm a four-wheel-drive-pickup kind of guy, and so is my wife.
Miniature golfer: I'm winning so bad!

Jimmy Hill: If England are going to win this match, they're going to have to score a goal.

Reporter: Is the team having a morale problem?
Danny Ozark: Morality at this time isn't a factor.

Reporter to Don Larsen, who had just pitched a perfect game: Is that the best game you ever pitched?

Frank Frisch: It's a beautiful day for a night game.

Sportscaster: It's now 1 to 1, an exact reversal of the score on Saturday.

Lex, of "The Lex And Terry Show": It's the biggest low the Cowboys have suffered.

Jerry Coleman: Larry Lintz steals second standing up. He slid, but he didn't have to.

Sportscaster: Last night one of the Maverick's (basketball team's) heavy hitters returned to the court.

Don's friend: My friend Don, a minor league umpire, is used to being heckled by fans. But imagine his surprise when he was rushing to umpire an exhibition game at Coors Field in Denver. After a long search for a place to change clothes, Don finally located a room with a neatly lettered sign: "Dressing Room, Umpires Only." As he was about to go in, however, he inspected the sign more closely. Below the printed legend was the same message . . . printed in Braille.

Darryl Dawkins: Nothing means nothing, but it isn't really nothing because nothing is something that isn't.

Barry Switzer: Our goal is to score 27 points. If we can get two touchdowns and three field goals, we've got our 27 points.

Jerry Coleman: Pete Rose has three thousand hits and three thousand fourteen overall.

Johnny Logan: Rome wasn't born in a day.

Jack Kraft: That was the nail that broke the coffin's back.

Brian Marwood: That's twice now he has got between himself and the goal.

Curt Gowdy: The Baltimore Colts are a bright young team. It seems as if they have their future ahead of them.

Sportscaster: The coach said the team might be a big factor in the game.
Sportscaster: The extra point is no good!
Robert Scott: Then it isn't an extra point, is it?
Gerry Fraley: The Rangers dropped out of the lead June 16 with a loss that will be forever remembered as the forgettable debut of lefthander Matt Perisho.
Dizzy Dean: The series is already won, but I don't know by which team.

Sportscaster: These two teams are mirror images of themselves.
Sam Quevares: They can say what they want, but playoff hockey is a whole other ballgame.

Harvey Kuenn: They had us with the walls to our back.

Sportscaster: They may have regained all 40 yards. In fact, they may have.

Kevin Appier: Things started to snowplow.

David Coleman: This evening is a very different evening from the morning we had this morning.

Jerry Coleman: Those amateur umpires are certainly flexing their fangs tonight.

The Russler: To what do you attribute last night's loss?
Dale Neal: To the fact that they scored more points than we did.

Vince Sculley: Today, Pittsburgh beat the Pirates, 6 to 6!

Bill Peterson: We are not going to be any three-clouds-and-a-yard-of-dust team.
Tim Raynor: We got that first down by the nose of our chinny-chin-chin.

Larry Breck: We only have one person to blame, and that's each other.

reporter: What contract terms do you think Fernando Valenzuela would settle for?
Tommy Lasorda: He wants Texas back.

Reporter: What did you think about the collective bargaining proposal?
Gary Payton, making $2,700,000 per year: People would have to cut their lifestyle, and they'd live like penny-pinchers.

Reporter: What do you think of Tiger Woods?
Sandy Lyle: I don't know. I've never played there.

Bryant Reeves: What happens to me next year will happen to me no matter what happens.

Casey Stengel: When a fielder gets the pitcher in trouble, the pitcher has to pitch himself out of the slump he isn't in.

Clayton Williams: When I played football, we were small, but we were slow. Our record was five and five; we lost five games at home and five on the road

Keith Whitmire, Dallas Morning News: While letting Plano East roll up 365 yards of offense, North Garland only prevented a bigger route [sic] by pouncing on the six turnovers.

reporter: Who do you think is the number one player of all time?
Johnny Logan: I'd have to go with the immoral Babe Ruth.

Reporter: Will you be rooting for the American League or National League in the All Star Game?
Bob Dole: Probably.

Reporter: Would you quit baseball if the Yankees lose the series to the Pirates?
Casey Stengel: Well, I have given that thought a lot of thinking lately and last night, well--I finally made up my mind.
Reporter: Which way?
Casey Stengel: I made up my mind both ways.

Sam Quevares: You can throw anything in our house, but we'll just let it roll off our backs.

Sparky Anderson: You don't have enough smarts to straighten this out. This is unstraightable.

Casey Stengel: You have to remember that this team came up slow, but fast.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: web1.chicagonet.net

Sports Quotes

"I take my hand off to him."
Mike Tyson, after losing to Lennox Lewis.

"Are we now at the point where this is a must-win situation?"
Jim Gray, NBC, to Lakers guard Kobe Bryant, before Game 7 of the NBA Western Conference Finals.

"I guess I'll fade off into bolivian"
Mike Tyson

"We were killing ourselves in the foot."
Michael Jordan

"No, it wasn't a wake up call, but it certainly opened our eyes."
Emmet Smith

"All four of the five Bulls starters have scored."
Jim Durham

"He had three guys double-teaming him."
Johnny "Red" Kerr

"We accomplished the two-peat."
Scotty Pippen

"It would have been worse if we hadn't blocked the kick after Toronto's second touchdown."
Alex Delvecchio, after 13-0 defeat in a hockey game.

"Moving from Wales to Italy is like moving to a different country."
Ian Rush

"If at first you don't succeed... So much for skydiving."
Henry Youngman

"If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?"
Steven Wright

"Monica Seles: I'd hate to be next door to her on her wedding night."
Peter Ustinov

"If women were meant to play football, God would have put their tits somewhere else."
Gordon Sinclair.

"The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down."
Rita Rudner.

"If she gets the jitters now, then she isn't the great champion that she is."
Max Robertson

"The Bears have to make Randall Cunningham beat them in order to win."
Tom Thayer

"You can almost hear the silence as they battle it out."
Dan Maskell

"McEnroe has got to sit down and work out where he stands."
Fred Perry

"It's quite clear that Virginia Wade is thriving on the pressure now that the pressure on her to do well is off."
Harry Carpenter

"When Martina is tense it helps her relax."
Dan Maskell

"These ball boys are marvelous. You don't even notice them. There's a left handed one over there. I noticed him earlier."
Max Robertson

"We haven't had any more rain since it stopped raining."
Harry Carpenter

"She comes from a tennis playing family. Her father's a dentist."
BBC 2

"Chip Hooper is such a big man that it is sometimes difficult to see where he is on the court."
Mark Cox

"Ian Rush, deadly ten times out of ten, but that wasn't one of them."
Peter Jones

"You'll be hoping that this run of injuries will stop earlier than itstarted."
Andrew Gidley

"Oh, he had an eternity to play that ball, but he took too long over it."
Martin Tyler

"The boys' feet have been up in the clouds since the win."
Alan Buckley

"I'm not going to make it a target but it's something to aim for."
Steve Coppell

"We are really quite lucky this year because Christmas falls on Christmas Day."
Bobby Gould

"And Ritchie has now scored 11 goals, exactly double the number he scored last season."
Alan Parry

"The only thing I have in common with George Best is that we came from the same place, play for the same club and were discovered by the same man."
Norman Whiteside

"If you stand still there is only one way to go, and that's backwards."
Peter Shilton

"And the line up for the final of the women's 400 meter hurdles includes three Russians, two East Germans, a Pole, a Swede and a Frenchman."
David Coleman

"I'm concentrating so much I don't know what I'm doing half the time."
Mark Kaylor

"He used to be fairly indecisive, but now he's not so certain."
Peter Alliss

"A racing horse is not like a machine. It has to be tuned up like a racing car."
Chris Pool

"The Sri Lankan team have lost their heads, literally."
Gamine Goonasena

"Congratulations on breaking my record. I always thought the record would stand until it was broken."
Yogi Berra, to Johnny Bench

"The only reason we're 7-0 is because we've won all seven of our games."
David Garcia

"Most one-run games are lost, not won."
Gene Mauch

"I'd rather be beaten up by two nuns than caught dead in a pair of figure skates"
Bradan Welch

"My career started slowly and then tapered off."
Gary McCord

"The safest place would be in the fairway."
Joe Garagiola, on the best place for spectators to stand during a celebrity golf tournament

"They are 3 types of people, people who know how to count and people who don't know how to count."
Dharma

Sunday, May 18, 2008

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: famous-sports-quotes.com

Mark Twain said, "Golf is a good walk spoiled."
Golf Phenom Tiger Woods is walking and laughing all the way to the bank. I think he likes his long walks.

I get to play golf for a living. What more can you ask for - getting paid for doing what you love.
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I love to play golf, and that's my arena. And you can characterize it and describe it however you want, but I have a love and a passion for getting that ball in the hole and beating those guys.
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I want to be what I've always wanted to be: dominant.
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I'm addicted. I'm addicted to golf.
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I'm aware if I'm playing at my best I'm tough to beat. And I enjoy that.
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picture of Tiger WoodsI'm not as far along as Jack Nicklaus was at this age, but I'm trying.
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If money titles meant anything, I'd play more tournaments. The only thing that means a lot to me is winning. If I have more wins than anybody else and win more majors than anybody else in the same year, then it's been a good year.
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If you are given a chance to be a role model, I think you should always take it because you can influence a person's life in a positive light, and that's what I want to do. That's what it's all about.
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It will always be the ball and me.
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Michael left because of the Bulls' management, not because he'd lost his love of playing the game.
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My main focus is on my game.
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You can always become better.
—

And I don't cook, either. Not as long as they still deliver pizza.
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As a kid, I might have been psycho, I guess, but I used to throw golf balls in the trees and try and somehow make par from them. I thought that was fun.
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Don't force your kids into sports. I never was. To this day, my dad has never asked me to go play golf. I ask him. It's the child's desire to play that matters, not the parent's desire to have the child play. Fun. Keep it fun.
—

Green and black go well together, don't they?
—

Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.
—

I did envisage being this successful as a player, but not all the hysteria around it off the golf course.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: caaws.ca

SPORTS QUOTES BY WOMEN

What changes when a woman becomes an athlete. Everything. - Mariah Burton Nelson

We play because we love the game, we love each other and we love to win. - Mia Hamm

If you are looking only to win you've lost the entire reason for sport. - Claire Carver-Dais

The only person who can stop you from reaching your goals is you. - Jackie Joyner-Kersee

A winner's strongest muscle is her heart. - Cassie Campbell

"What drives me most is the passion I have for the sport. That's why I do it." - Myriam Bédard

"I started golfing when women were supposed to know more about a cook stove than a niblick." - Ada Mackenzie

"It means using your unique abilities in a set of circumstances that you do not choose. In life, as in sports, we seldom get to choose our own circumstances." - Silken Laumann

'You have to have a real love of your sport to carry you through all the bad times…you must have a commitment to work hard and to never give up." - Nancy Greene

"I wasn't sure I could make it, but I wasn't so sure Florence Chadwick could make it either. " - Marilyn Bell on swimming Lake Ontario

"Never give up and continue to challenge yourself, expand your horizons and try new things." -Charmaine Crooks (advice to young women)

"It's a huge reason we don't have enough kids playing sports, because they get too competitive too soon. At this age, everyone should get to play...The only way you learn the skills and get better… is to play." - Penny Werthner

"If you can react the same way to winning and losing, that's a big accomplishment..." - Chris Evert Lloyd

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: leaguelineup.com

Baseball Quotes

"No one has ever drowned in sweat." Clete Boyer

"A man once told me to walk with the Lord. I'd rather walk with the bases loaded." Ken Singleton

"Ballplayers who are first to the dining room are usually last in batting averages." Jimmy Cannon

"Every season has its peaks and valleys. What you have to try to do is eliminate the Grand Canyon." Andy Van Slyke

"There are only two places in this league. First place and no place." Tom Seaver

"I played my best everyday. You never know when someone may be seeing you play for the first time." Joe DiMaggio

When asked why he got married in a ballpark: "My wife said she wanted a big diamond." Mookie Wilson

"When I began playing the game, baseball was as gentlemanly as a kick in the crotch." Ty Cobb
"Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward." Vernon Law

"The space between the white lines-that's my office. That's where I conduct my business." Early Wynn

"Natural grass is a wonderful thing for little bugs and sinkerball pitchers." Dan Quisenberry

"I don't want to get to know the other guys too well. I might like them, and then I might not want to throw at them." Sal Maglie

"You can't do anything about yesterday tomorrow" Manny Trillo

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: wikipedia.com

NATIONAL FOOTBAL LEAGUE QUOTES
Wellington Mara, NFL Hall of Fame \ Owner, New York Giants
Besides his contributions to football, Mara was known for being a devout Catholic that often attended the traditional Tridentine Mass, and a champion of Pro-Life causes. He also served as a Lieutenant Commander during World War II for the Navy in both the Atlantic and Pacific. That period during the war would be Mara's only prolonged time away from the Giants.

The Wilson football used in NFL games prior to the AFL merger (1941-69) was nicknamed "THE DUKE" after Mara. For the 2006 season and beyond, a new version of "THE DUKE" will be used in NFL games.
He was enshrined in the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1997.
Quotes
"This team was referred to as the worst team ever to win the home-field advantage in the National Football League. And today, on our field of painted mud, we proved we're the worst team ever to win the NFC championship. In two weeks, we're going to try to become the worst team ever to win the Super Bowl." — Remarks following Giants' NFC Championship, January 14, 2001 [1]

In a rare response to a sportswriter, frustrated with poor performance from the also-ran Giants of the 1970s, asking, "What can you expect from an Irishman named Wellington, whose father was a bookmaker?" Mara later said:

"I'll tell you what you can expect—you can expect anything he says or writes may be repeated aloud in your own home in front of your own children. You can believe that he was taught to love and respect all mankind, but to fear no man. And you could believe that his abiding ambitions were to pass onto his family the true richness of the inheritance he received from his father, the bookmaker: the knowledge and love and fear of God and second to give you (our fans and our coach) a Super Bowl winner"

Saturday, May 17, 2008

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: skidinsideways.com




"After all, golf is only a game," said Millicent. Women say these things without thinking. It does not mean that there is a kink in their character. They simply don't realise what they are saying.
P.G. Wodehouse, Order by Golf, 1922

When I putt, my emotions collide like tectonic plates. It's left my memory circuits full of scars that won't heal.
Mac O'Grady

That son of a bitch was able to hole a putt over 60 feet of peanut brittle.
Lloyd Mangrum, about Bobby Locke

Golf is not, on the whole, a game for realists. By its exactitudes of measurements it invites the attention of perfectionists.
Heywood Hale Broun

Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?
Bob Hope

His driving is unbelievable. I don't go that far on my holidays.
Ian Baker-Finch, on John Daly

John certainly gives it a good hit, doesn't he? My Sunday best is a Wednesday afternoon compared to him. Nick Faldo, on John Daly

I never pray to God to make a putt. I pray to God to help me react good if I miss a putt.
Chi Chi Rodriguez

Golf seems to me an arduous way to go for a walk. I prefer to take the dogs out.
Princess Anne of Great Britain

One minute you're bleeding. The next minute you're hemorrhaging. The next minute you're painting the Mona Lisa.
Mac O'Grady, describing a typical round of golf

If you wish to hide your character, do not play golf.
Percey Boomer

Yeah, after each of my downhill putts.
Homero Blancas, asked if he had any uphill putts

When you hear someone shout "You da man," if he ain't shouting at Arnold Palmer, then it ain't da man.
Ron Green, Charlotte Observer

What's nice about our tour is you can't remember your bad shots.
Bob Bruce, about the senior tour

Golf is golf. You hit the ball, you go find it. Then you hit it again.
Lon Hinkle