FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: ffbookmarks.com

BASEBALL QUOTES

Charles Bricker: "Being named manager of the Seattle Mariners is like becoming the head chef at McDonalds."

Rob Woolf, agent: "When I negotiated Bob Stanley's contract with the Red Sox, we had statistics demonstrating he was the third-best pitcher in the league. They had a chart showing he was the sixth-best pitcher on the Red Sox."

Joe Dugan, 1917 Philadelphia Athletics bonus baby: "My father looked at the money, then glanced at my seven brothers and sisters. He couldn't contain himself. He said, "For five hundred dollars you can take the whole family."

Joe Torre: "What's everyone blaming me for? Blame Felix. I wouldn't have hit into the double-plays if he hadn't hit singles."

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Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: ffbookmarks.com

BASEBALL QUOTES

• Gene Geiselmann, Cardinals Trainer, on a homerun hit by Juan Gonzales: "The ball went further than I ever went on vacation as a kid."

• Casey Stengel, on Satchel Paige: "He threw the ball as far from the bat and as close to the plate as possible
• Mickey Rivers: "I don't get upset over things I can't control, because if I can't control them there's no use getting upset. And I don't get upset over the things I can control, because if I can control them there's no use in getting upset."

• Lee Allen, on Pepper Martin: "A chunky, unshaven hobo who ran the bases like a beserk locomotive, slept in the raw, and swore at pitchers in his sleep."

• Pete Rose, to Tony Perez: "How can anyone as slow as you pull a muscle?"
• Jack Aker, Cleveland pitching coach, on the proliferation of homeruns: "It's the underground nuclear testing. Because of that, all gravity is leaving the earth. And so are the baseballs."
• Norman Cousins: At a Dodger baseball game in Los Angeles, I asked Will Durant if he was ninety-four or ninety-five. "Ninety-four," he said. "You don't think I'd be doing anything as foolish as this if I were ninety-five, do you?"
• Reggie Jackson: "When you take a pitch and line it somewhere, it's like you've thought of something and put it with beautiful clarity."
• Waite Hoyte, to Robert Creamer: "All the lies about Ruth are true."
• Chet Brewer, on Josh Gibson: "He could hit any pitch to any field. The only way to pitch to him was to throw the ball low and behind him."
• Alan Bannister, on Rod Carew: "He's the only guy I know who can go four for three."
• Rudy May, on George Brett: "The only way to pitch him is inside, so you force him to pull the ball. That way the line drive won't hit you."
• Jim Frey, Royals manager, on his hitting advice to George Brett, I tell him: "Attaway to hit, George."
• Leo Durocher: "If you don't win, you're going to get fired. If you do win, you've only put off the day you're going to be fired."

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Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: ffbookmarks.com

BASEBALL QUOTES

John Lowenstein: "Sure, I screwed up that sacrifice bunt, but look at it this way. I'm a better bunter than a billion Chinese. Those poor suckers can't bunt at all."

Thomas Boswell: "Cheating is baseball's oldest profession. No other game is so rich in skullduggery, so suited to it or so proud of it."

Gene Green, to pitcher Jim Brosnan: "I don't mind catching your fastball at all. Naturally, I'd want to have a glove on in case you might be having an especially good day."

Tim McCarver: "I remember one time going out to the mound to talk with Bob Gibson. He told me to get back behind the batter, that the only thing I knew about pitching was that it was hard to hit."

Unknown: "Don Stanhouse holds the ball so long he appears to be hoping the batter will fall victim to some crippling disease."

Fresco Thompson, on Babe Herman: "He wore a glove for one reason: it was a league custom. The glove would last him a minimum of six years because it rarely made contact with the ball."

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Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: ffbookmarks.com

BASEBALL QUOTES

1. Bob Uecker: "Anybody with ability can play in the big leagues. But to be able to trick people year in and year out, the way I did, I think that was a much greater feat."
2. Casey Stengel: "I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks during batting practice."

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Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: ffbookmarks.com

BASEBALL QUOTE

Mike Penner, Los Angeles Times:

"There's nothing wrong with the Little League World Series that locking out the adults couldn't cure."

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Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: baseballprospectus.com

BASEBALL QUOTES

LOU PINIELLA IS THE VILLAIN OF THIS AFTER-SCHOOL SPECIAL

"It was like, 'You don't hit for enough power. We want you to hit for power. And for you to be able to stay on this team, you're going to have to hit for power. I hit 12 to 13 home runs every year in the minor leagues, and now all of sudden my major league manager is telling me we want more power out of you."
—Shane Monahan, former Mariner, on pressure to do steroids.

"In locker rooms, you kind of look at your teammates and go, 'Well, he's on it, he's on it, well, he might be on it...' And it is kind of like you don't really say anything. You don't go up to somebody and say, 'Hey, are you taking steroids?' They'll slap you."
—Monahan

"There were two or three guys. You'd go up to them and say, 'Hey, I need some greenies. What is it going to take?' Well, it might be 100 bucks here. It is a jersey here, or a dozen baseballs and two bats. And you'd give it to him."
—Monahan

"If Senator Mitchell wants to brush that off, then basically they have accomplished nothing. Almost everybody takes greenies. I was in the locker room for two years with the Mariners, and I'll be honest with you: The only person that I didn't see take greenies was Dan Wilson. He was a big Christian guy, big moral guy. He just didn't believe in the stuff."
—Monahan (Mike Fish, ESPN.com)

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Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.