FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: See body of message

Image: benstillermovies.info

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GOLF QUOTES \ HUMOR

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Plot Summary for the Golf Movie Happy Gilmore:

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Happy Gilmore is a rowdy boy, who was raised by his grandmother. He wants to be a hockey player but isn't because of one thing, he can't skate.
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When his grandmother's house is foreclosed cause of her failure to pay her taxes, and she's placed in a retirement home, Happy must try and find a way to make some money. One day while at a driving range, he discovers that he can hit a golf ball a hundred feet, so the range pro, convinces him to try being a pro golfer.
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Reluctant at first, because he considers himself a hockey player, but when he learns he can make a lot of money, he gives it a try and surprisingly, in addition to his amazing driving ability, his antics have made him the darling of the crowd.
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Shooter McGavin the tournament leader, thinks that Happy's an embarrassment and is jealous that he is stealing his spotlight, tries to get him thrown out or get him to quit.
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Written by rcs0411@yahoo.com
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Happy Gilmore Movie Trailer:
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Click here to view ===> HAPPY GILMORE TRAILER
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Happy Gilmore Movie Quotes:
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Happy Gilmore: Where are you going with those clubs, punk?
[pushes young caddy to the ground]

Happy's Waterbury Caddy: Mr. Gilmore, I'm your caddy!

Happy Gilmore: Oh, I'm sorry about that. Let me carry these, alright, they were my grandfather's, they're pretty old.

Happy's Waterbury Caddy: Well, what should I do then?

Happy Gilmore: I don't know. Why don't you just watch me, and make sure I don't do anything stupid. Okay?

Starter #1: Mr. Gilmore, Mr. Lafferty will be teeing off now.

Happy Gilmore: Alright, good luck, buddy.

Happy's Waterbury Caddy: Get out the way.
[crowd laughs]

Happy Gilmore: [to caddy] Where were you on that one, dipshit?
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Click here to view ===> MOVIE QUOTES
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Source: imdb.com
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Video source: youtube.com
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Bonus entry: Golf Slang
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The blogger's presentation begins here:
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Sure, there’s probably a lot of slang out there that we haven’t heard but it’s safe to say, we’ve heard our share of comments, jabs and otherwise general golf course smack talk. Here are our thoughts on what’s good, what’s bad and what’s just plain ugly (and not in that particular order).
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The Please Stop:
These include the old, the tired, the lame and just general golf sayings we’d be happy to never hear again:
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•Let the big dog eat – 1989 called. It wants its Ping Eye 2 persimmon woods back. Plus, rolling one up to the 150 marker on a 300 yard hole is not “letting the big dog eat”.
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•Go in the hole! – Yes, please continue to yell this lame old tidbit at every swing Tiger takes between now and the end of time. Seriously. Security! Please remove this oaf from the premises.
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•Members bounce – ah yes, a good bounce is a ‘members’ bounce! Hilarious! Yeah…not really. .
•Beach – that’s the best we’ve come up with for a large collection of sand? A beach? Again, uninspired and lame.
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•Snowman – Ok, an 8 looks like a cute little snowman. Enough with the Sesame Street humor. .
•I’ve seen a better swing on a set of dog’s balls – now that’s a quality, well thought out jab at a crappy golf swing. Bravo. 10 pts for originality and grossness!
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•The Condom – safe but didn’t feel very good.
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•Run like an open sore! – kinda gross, kinda clever…it’s a keeper!
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•Junior Prom – all lip and no hole. Yes, we know…..another classy one.
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The Good:
These include the clever, the interesting and the unique and they represent a new breed of golf slang:
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•Beat it Like a Rented Mule! – good advice for one’s playing partner while standing on the tee of a reachable par 5.
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•More Rudder Right! – or left, depending on the situation but after a playing partner launches one towards the tree tops, a quick “more rudder right” can be pretty funny.
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•I hope my swinging doesn’t bother your talking! – pretty self explanatory and can easily get the the chatter to stop.
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•Get it Close! – must be used at the appropriate time i.e., when your playing partner pretty much as a gimme putt but feels the need to mark and line it up like it’s a putt for the US Open trophy.
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•I don’t even go that far on vacation! – to be used only after you’ve out-driven the entire group.
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•Cuban – a putt left short but needed “one more revolution”. Get it? One more revolution? Pretty funny…
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•Osama Bin Laden – going from one bunker to another. Again, mildly amusing and a keeper.
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•Bill O’ Reilly – a tee shot that is right of right.
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Source: downlowtooslow.com
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: shoping-advices.com

Image: ioffer.com

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FOOTBALL QUOTES

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Knute Rockne Quotes

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“I’ve found that prayers work best when you have big players.”

“It isn’t necessary to see a good tackle. You can hear it.”

“One loss is good for the soul, too many losses is not good fpr the coach.”
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Click here to view ===> KNUTE ROCKNE QUOTES
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: irishexaminer.com

Image: andypacino.com

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SOCCER QUOTES

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Top Ten Soccer Quotes of 2010

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"You know when you’ve got a noisy neighbour and they keep the radio on all the time? You can complain to the council, you can bang on their wall, you can go to their door, but they still keep their music on. So what do you do? You get used to it."
— Another one for the Alex Ferguson annals but Man City still have the volume up.
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"In the first half we were like the Dog and Duck, in the second half we were like Real Madrid. One minute I was pulling pints and collecting subs, the next I was on a luxury coach. At full time I was at them like an irritated Jack Russell who can’t quite get the mutt out of the hole — and they deserved that."
— Ian Holloway is more than welcome to stay in the Premier League as long as he wants.
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Click here to view ===> SOCCER QUOTES
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: community.elearners.com

Image: 123nonstop.com

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SPORTS TRIVIA

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7 College Athletes Who Became Celebrities

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Click here to view ===> COLLEGE ATHLETES WHO BECAME CELEBRITIES

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: thehockeynews.com

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HOCKEY QUOTES

Website presents its 10 top hockey quotes of 2010

“He was yelling pretty urgently. There’s different pitches of yell and he was screaming.” Jarome Iginla on Sidney Crosby calling for the puck prior to scoring the overtime game-winner in the gold medal game at the 2010 Olympics.

Click here to view ===> TOP TEN HOCKEY QUOTES 2010

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: espn.co.uk

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SPORTS QUOTES

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"To lose two tournaments in a row 6-0 6-1, 6-0 6-0, it's really to scratch the head and to think what the hell am I doing?"
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For us, the answer is simple - Dinara Safina should stop prolonging the inevitable and just open up a bagel shop
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Click here to view ===> SPORTS QUOTES
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: squidoo.com

Image: cafepress.com
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EXERCISE QUOTES
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Click here to view ===> EXERCISE QUOTES ON T-SHIRTS
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: funnybaseballcards.tumblr.com

Image: shoponline2011.com

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BASEBALL HUMOR \ TRIVIA

Blogger presents, along with humorous comments, sports cards from his collection.

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Funny Baseball Cards

Hey, I'm Dave, and this blog is about my expensive scraps of cardboard.

Background Check

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Angels in the Outfield

I’ve heard that Billy was unaware the photographer was lining him up under the halo at Angel Stadium, but that’s probably just as well… I think he played second backup outfielder, so this card may be the most famous aspect of his career.
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200th Post!

I know what you’re thinking: “He’s no Goose Gossage!”


The back reads: “When his days of playing chicken are over, his ambition he says is to get into managing… probably a pizza parlor.”

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A Match Made in Heaven

Johnson & Wood… perhaps not as good as Bong & Puffer, but still admirable.

Ting Tang Walla Walla Bing Bang

Tang was injured after an opposing pitcher accidentally hit him in the face with the ball while he was sliding into second, fracturing several bones and requiring surgery. But now he gets to wear a cool mask!

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Napoleon Complex

Fleer later clarified that Hrabosky was not a dwarf.

Cigarettes, rams?

There’s actually another Brett Butts potentially making his rounds to the bigs as well.

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Future Astro?

“Every male in my family has a first name that starts with H. I guess they were running out of possibilities, so I was named Houston.”

— Houston Summers

Keep in mind, this is not the R&B singer of the same name who gouged out his own eye with a fork after unsuccessfully attempting to leap out of a hotel window. Different guy.

Finally, a Legible Signature!

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Dropping A Duce

Useful Trivia: In early 2006, Duce filed a police report saying he lost a bracelet that may have been worth around $100,000 at a strip club in S.C. one Saturday morning.

… We’ve all been there, right?!

It's My Party

Sad day…

But let us not forget this one of Glenn’s.

Nerdy Glasses and Mustaches: Round Two

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Some of you may remember a little side-collection I posted back in 2009. Well, I’ve added quite a bit more to it since, and Round Three is still to come!

Ken “Digger” Phelps later became a color commentator for the Diamondbacks… but try not to confuse him with fellow sports analyst “Digger” Phelps.

Adrian is now a gym teacher at a middle school in Georgia.

Tom would sometimes secretly trade uniforms with his twin brother Tim while the two were in spring training for the Tigers.

Paul used to stare down every batter he struck out.

Greg’s nickname was “Pee Wee!”

The Braves later traded Craig to Toronto for Luis Leal, but neither player ended up playing a single game for their new teams

Tony’s daughter was a beauty queen.

“Wilson owned and operated a gas station in Conroe, Texas north of Houston. He was once famously told that he needed to improve his mechanics (meaning baseball skills) and replied by saying, ‘Why, I just gave all [of my] mechanics a raise!
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Voodoos and Cocks

Fun Fact: There existed a long-running urban legend that Pedro put a voodoo hex on the Reds after they traded him in ‘79.

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