FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: dailyprincetonian.com

Image: austinchronicle.com
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SPORTS HUMOR
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New 'sports' alter meaning of 'athlete'
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Click here to view ===> SPORT THIS!!!
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References to:
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Lim Yo-Hwan
Phil Hellmuth
Claudia Wavra
Suresh Joachim
Greg Maddux
David Wells
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: listafterlist.com

TENNIS HUMOR
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You Might be a Tennis Player if...
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Click here to view ===> HUMOR
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source:octanecreative.com

SPORTS FANATICS HECKLES \ INSULTS
Politically correct statements to squash a heckling rival sports fan
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An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
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Dumber than a box of hair.
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A few peas short of a casserole.
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Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box.
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One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
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One taco short of a combination plate.
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All foam, no beer.
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Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
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As smart as bait.
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Forgot to pay his brain bill.
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If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
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Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
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Surfing in Nebraska.
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Too much yardage between the goal posts.
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: octanecreative.com

SPORTSMEN'S QUOTES \ HUMOR
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Camper’s Complaints
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These are actual comments left on Forest Service registration sheets and comment cards by backpackers completing wilderness camping trips:
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"A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call."
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"Escalators would help on steep uphill sections."
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"Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness."
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"Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands."
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"Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use walking sticks are more likely to chase animals."
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"All the mile markers are missing this year."
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"Found a smoldering cigarette left by a horse."
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"Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill."
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"Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests."
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"Please pave the trails so they can be plowed of snow in the winter."
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"Chairlifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them."
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"The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals."
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"Reflectors need to be placed on trees every 50 feet so people can hike at night with flashlights."
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"Need more signs to keep area pristine."
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"A McDonald's would be nice at the trailhead."
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"The places where trails do not exist are not well marked."
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"Too many rocks in the mountains."
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: nj.com

Image: daylife.com
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BASEBALL QUOTES
Quotes by and about the Rays' manager, Joe Maddon
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Click here to view ===> QUOTES
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: bleacherreport.com

COLLEGE FOOTBALL SAYINGS
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Click here to view ===> HUMOR
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: examiner.com

BADMINTON QUOTES
Quotes by a 9-time badminton champion about his sport
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3-Minute Interview: Ben Lee
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Click here to view ===> QUOTES
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: detroitcurlingclub.com

CURLING HUMOR
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TEN COMMANDMENTS OF A CURLER
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1. Thou shalt have no other game before me, for I am the roarin’ game which was in the beginning (even in the stone age), is now and ever shall be.
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2. Come not upon the ice with the old house broom.
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3. Thou canst not quicken the pace of a dying rock with last year’s broom. Thou shalt learn thy turns both the out and the in, for the skip will not hold him guiltless who throweth the wrong turn.
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4. Plan not a running shot when thou art asked for a guard, lest thou raise thine own shot, so sending they skip up in the air; such play getteth his goat, queereth his game, causeth him to swallow his tobacco and revely thee openly.
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5. Thou shalt hearken diligently to the defeated skip when his voice is lifted up in lamentation against the punk ice, and thou shalt not turn thy face from him when he blameth his third man. Even so shalt thou secure a listener against the day of thine own defeat.
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6. Thou shalt not strew straws off thy broom in the path of thine own or thine adversary’s rock, neither shalt thou expectorate in front of them causing them to halt in their course.
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7. Thou shalt have no discourse with thine adversary while his foot is in the hack and his hand is on the rock, but if thou wilt, thou canst pray for him.
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8. Thou shalt not push nor kick a rock into the house from begind stealthily, for the opposing skip will know of a surety and his anger will be kindled against thee and he will rise up in righteous indignation against thee and smite thee even with the edge of the broom handle and thrust thee hence from the sight of curlers, and the days of thy curling shall be ended, for this is an unpardonable sin.
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9. Thou shat not covet thy neighbour’s rocks nor his new broom, nor his lead player, neither shalt thou flich from him his third man, who is his mainstay and a wall of defense in the day of battle.
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10. And when thou cometh to the last end and have won the game, and hast still one rock to play, and then played with great dilberation thy rock gambols playfully down the ice, sailing around the guard and through the port and wicks thine adversary’s rock into the house, so that it counts him the end and the game and thou cometh down the ice with fear and trembling and art hailed by the enemy as a good sport ad a curler, and by thine own side with groans and murmurings, and thou hast peddled the game away, thou shalt receive the proferred hand of thine adversary with a smile even though thou may wish it were his neck.
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: olympicjokes.com

Image: scottfertig.com
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OLYMPIC SPORTS HUMOR
Humor by Jay Leno about the Winter Olympics, 2002
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The Olympics are under way! The opening ceremonies were tonight. Why does the parade have to be three hours long, though? These are athletes – come on, pick it up a little, jog, run in there!
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The Olympics have started! It was exciting to see the opening ceremony – there were 77 nations in all that came walking through. The line was so big it was like the line at the Department of Motor Vehicles here in L.A.!
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There were 77 countries represented in the Parade of Nations, including India. There was one person on the Indian team, one person, and India has a billion people! Think of the pressure that guy must be under!
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Mexico brought four competitors to the games. Good luck getting them to go home after the games.
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Did you see Sweden walk in? There's something you don't see here in L.A. – natural blondes!
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There were over 1,000 security guards at the ceremony tonight – and that was just to keep Tonya Harding out!
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There are more troops in Salt Lake City than there are in Afghanistan. This is true. Can you believe that? Hey, why do we have to compete? We've got the men there, let's just take all the medals!
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The wind was bad today, they had to cancel some of the ski-jumping practice. The wind was so bad that it would blow your face back and you'd look like Greta Van Susteren.
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It was so windy that Katie Couric had to be tied down to Al Roker!
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They have five-foot snow drifts out there – do you think we'll ever see Bob Costas again?
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I think the strangest event is the biathlon. That involves skiing and guns. How do you practice that? Do you go skiing during a weekday when there's no one around?
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Over a quarter million condoms will be handed out at the Olympics. I don't want to know what event that's for!
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There was one embarrassing moment during the ceremony when the Germans came walking in. They kept on walking and they now occupy Idaho and Montana.
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A member of the Pakistan team has defected – he can now be found at the downtown Salt Lake City 7-Eleven!
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There was a big snowstorm in Salt Lake City last night. Visibility got down around zero. I guess that’s why those skating judges couldn’t see anything!
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A lot of people were upset about that. I think it was quite obvious that the Canadians should have won. People were upset, even the Mormons were cursing. Even Don King was saying, "Fixed!”
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The female hockey team won today! Forty women with sticks and missing teeth. More commonly called - Kentucky!
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There was a surprise in curling today – people watched! Curling is like the Al Gore of sports.
Women like curling though. They get to see men pushing brooms.
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