SPECIAL EDITORIAL NOTE FROM SPORTS_NUT, 2/26/2011
.
Welcome to the retirement edition of Funny Sports Quotes.
.
The Funny Sports Quotes blog was created in 11/2007 after I could see I could become a blogger very easily using Google's 3-step process for creating a blog online.
.
For me, like most, work is not my idea of a fun experience, so I had to choose the topic that I would most enjoy pursuing and that, for me, was finding and posting funny sports quotes for entertaining and, in some cases, educating an audience on facets of sports even the most ardent sports fans may not have been aware of.
.
At the same time, I decided to compile a database of funny sports quotes that sports fans and quote fans could visit for "one-stop" shopping, thereby helping them to avoid the need to search elsewhere for sports quotes.
.
So, from 11/2007 until 2/2011. I have compiled quotes on the Funny Sports Quotes blog and its sister blog, FSQuotes, that is accessible only from the Funny Sports Quotes blog.
.
As of 2/26/2011, I believe I have achieved my objective first set in 11/2007, which signals for me the end of my funny sports quotes database project.
.
Kindly note that I have already made the last post (SI Swimsuit) to the blog, shut off further entries to Comments, and I will shut off the email address sports.quotes@gmail.com on 03/14/2011.
.
Also note that many features previously cited on this page have been removed, so that a bare-bones FSQ remains for your future reference.
.
I do hope that my venture was successful in bringing a smile to your face or a skip to your step, since that was all FSQ was created for, your entertainment and pleasure.
.
In closing, I wish you and yours, Godspeed!
.
=====================

Sunday, May 25, 2008

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: abc.net.au


Memorable quotes
The best sporting quotes of the year tell their own story of 2005.
[ Includes Track and Field Sports ]

Cricket
"I don't remember much of it, to be honest. I don't even remember shaking the prime minister's hand." - England's Kevin Pietersen after overdoing the Ashes celebrations.

"We are the number one side in the world and they are number two. I am not too worried about this series - we have just been outplayed." - Beaten Australian skipper Ricky Ponting (Pictured).

"I'd never make a decent celebrity. I'm ugly, I'm overweight, but I'm happy." - Ashes hero Freddie Flintoff.

"I dedicate this century to my father. My first hundred is the most memorable one but this one has been very emotional." - India's Sachin Tendulkar on hitting a record 35th Test century. His father died during the 1999 World Cup in England.

"I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to facing Brett Lee again. He bowls at 95mph so enjoyment is not the word I would use." - Flintoff on preparing to take on the Australian fast bowler.


Football
"Jamie Carragher came up to me before the penalties and asked me if I remembered the final in 1984, and Bruce Grobbelaar. So he was the inspiration."- Liverpool goalkeeper Jerzy Dudek after his goalline antics confused AC Milan and helped the Reds take the Champions League on a penalty shoot-out after a dramatic night in Istanbul.

"It was a goal that came from the moon - from the Anfield stands." - Chelsea coach Jose Mourinho after his side were undone by Liverpool in the Champions League semi-finals.

"This is nothing against Sir Alex whatsoever. After the game on Wednesday we were together in my office and we spoke and drank wine. Unfortunately, it was a very bad bottle of wine and he was complaining, so when we go to Old Tafford for the second leg, on my birthday, I will take a beautiful bottle of Portuguese wine." - Mourinho again.

"Not only have I lost my dad but we've all lost a wonderful man." - Calum Best paying tribute to father George, the Manchester United legend, who died in November.

"Today we had extraordinary weather conditions, but this stadium was only completed just before the finals and we did not have time to Test the roof." - Horst Schmidt, the vice-president of the 2006 World Cup organising committee, after a hole appeared in the roof at the 188-million-euro-stadium at Frankfurt during the Confederations Cup.

"After that game I was as low as a snake's belly." - England's Rio Ferdinand after the World Cup defeat by Northern Ireland.

"The next time we're going to have to bring our own team of gardeners." - Lille coach Claude Puel after the poor state of the pitch at the Stade de France in Paris.


Tennis
"I amaze myself how incredibly I use my talent to win. Those who followed me when I was a youngster knew I had the potential, but I don't think anybody thought it would be this extreme." - Roger Federer on his continued dominance of the men's game.

"I Hope he gets bored or something." - Andy Roddick, after losing a second successive Wimbledon final to Federer, on his plans to eventually beat the world number one.

"Some people have some problems with the dress code. Maybe I wear short skirts but I pray five times a day and do the things that other Muslims do." - India's Sania Mirza, a Muslim, after a fatwah was declared against her by fundamentalists who objected to her sexy on-court image.

"I've never taken a banned drug like that French paper reported. Since I was banned two years ago, I've never thought of repeating the same thing again." - Argentina's Mariano Puerta who allegedly failed a drugs test at the French Open, an accusation he vehemently denies. Puerta served an earlier nine-month doping ban in 2003.


Athletics
"This is really for me. Anyone can think what they want. I knew I was capable of doing it." - Britain's Paula Radcliffe, winner of the women's world championship marathon, on banishing the demons of Athens, where she failed to complete both the marathon or 10,000 metres.

"I had a baby son on Monday and I'm going to call him Helsinki." - Kenyan Benjamin Limo after winning the men's 5000 metres.

"You will not see me with a javelin again unless you come to Samoa and I catch you a fish."- Samoan shot putter Shaka Sola missed his flight to the world athletics championships, but instead competed in the javelin event. He finished last.

"It was kind of cool when I was seven years old but I think they would get a bit of a shock if I did it now apart from the fact the bed might break." - Olympic and world 100m champion Justin Gatlin on his belief that he was Superman as a child - much to the fury of his parents.

"To my mind we are not far from being a good side. If I could use a cricket analogy it is the difference at the moment of being caught at first slip and edging just wide of first slip. I will enjoy seeing how that can be translated into French." - Former Wallabies coach Eddie Jones after defeat against France in Marseille.

Rugby Union
"People say we are devaluing the the All Black shirt. Well we are not, we are being logical and doing the right thing." - Graham Henry, the All Blacks coach, defending his decision to change his line-up wholesale for the November Test against Ireland one week after the win against Wales.

"Was I speared? I think so. Slam-dunked is probably the expression which sums it up best." - Ireland centre Brian O'Driscoll after the infamous tackle by Tana Umaga and Keven Mealamu in the first minute of the first Test between the All Blacks and the British and Irish Lions in Christchurch.

"If I carried all that sort of stuff on my shoulders going into a game, I wouldn't be able to get out there." - Umaga insisting the incident is in the past.


Golf
"Everything was fine until I walked on to the first tee." - Seve Ballesteros after hitting a shot into the trees at the first hole of his opening round in the Madrid Open.

"To get to 10 already this soon in my career, it's very exciting to hopefully look forward to some good years in my 30's and hopefully into my 40's. Jack took 25 years to win all 18 of his. You know it's going to take an entire career. It's not going to happen overnight." - Tiger Woods targetting Nicklaus's Majors record.


Formula One
"Until a few years ago, I thought I would be a go-kart mechanic." - Formula One world champion Fernando Alonso.

"When I was asked to go faster my reply was a very short one." - Jenson Button after his BAR team told him to step on the gas at the British Grand Prix.

"Why should I quit? I am still having a lot of fun and feel super fit." - Deposed world champion Michael Schumacher.


Racing
"I have ridden a horse before who suffered a heart attack while I was on board and I have to say this looks reminiscent of that. The legs go, they wobble and then they go down. As I saw him go down I knew I was seeing a dead horse and I just wanted it to be over as quickly as possible." - Henrietta Knight, the trainer of triple Cheltenham Gold Cup winner Best Mate, after the horse collapsed and died on the Exeter course in November.

"Horses are not cars. You can't compare him to previous Arc winners but he has done it today. He is not a police horse." - Andre Fabre, trainer of Prix de l'Arc de Triomphe winner Hurricane Run.


Cycling
"Vive le Tour. Forever." - Lance Armstrong after winning a seventh consecutive Tour de France.

"I am happy with the way my career went and I am happy with the way it ended There is no way I can go back there (France). I would be crazy, so why don't we all just say I am not going back." - Armstrong was accused of using EPO by French sports daily L'Equipe in an article which showed details of 1999 drugs tests. The American has denied the allegations.


Miscellaneous
"I give myself a B. It's not an A because I didn't knock him out. But I did win it." - Jermain Taylor after retaining his middleweight world title against Bernard Hopkins.

"It is not destiny, it is 25 guys pulling together. We are just a bunch of dogs going out there every day fighting and doing the right things." - Chicago White Sox reliever Bobby Jenks after the World Series win which ended an 88-year drought between championships and erasing the stigma of the 1919 'Black Sox' betting scandal.

"I have been building that up for the final and now I am world champion I don't know what I feel." - Malaysia's Nicol David after winning the world title.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: hubpages.com

Image: santoki.files.wordpress.com
.

GOLF QUOTES about politicians

On Golf and Politics "Golf is like life in a lot of ways. All the biggest wounds are self-inflicted." - Bill Clinton

"I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last round of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, a moose, and an elk." - Gerald Ford

"One thing you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the president." - Lyndon Johnson

"I like going there for golf. America is one vast golf course." - King Edward VIII

"The best thing about Eisenhower's presidency was his Jeffersonian conviction that there should be as little government and as much golf as possible." - Alistair Cooke

"Some of worship in churches, some in synagogues, some on golf courses." - Fmr. IL Gov. Adlai Stevenson

"If I had my way, any man found guilty of golf would be ineligible for office of trust in the United States." - H.L. Mencken

"It does look like a very good exercise. But what is the little white ball for?" - Ulysses S. Grant, teasing one of his officers after he swung and missed the ball completely

"I know I'm getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators...either that, or fewer people are watching me play." - Gerald Ford

"I call upon these nations to do everything they can to stop these terrorist killings. Thank you. Now watch this drive." - George W. Bush

"The Englishmen is at his best on the links and at his worst in the Cabinet." - George Bernard Shaw

"Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-equipped for the purpose." - Winston Churchill

"I've never played golf in my life. So I couldn't possibly have fired a ball on the Independence golfcourse and hit anybody on the head." - Harry Truman

"Golf is an ineffectual attempt to put an elusive ball into an obscure hole with implements ill-adapted to the purpose." - Woodrow Wilson

"In golf, you keep your head down and follow through. In the vice-presidency, you keep your head up and follow through. It's a big difference." - Fmr. Vice President Dan Quayle

"Dan would rather play golf than have sex any day." - Marilyn Quayle

"I don't have any handicap. I'm all handicap." - Lyndon Johnson

"I did not see the sense in chasing a little white ball around a field." - Presient Calvin Coolidge

"Golf in the interest of health and good manners. It promotes self-restraint and affords a chance to play the man and act the gentleman." - President William Howard Taft

"I knew he threw it, but what could I say?" - Pro golfer Sam Snead, after seeing President Richard Nixon toss his ball from the rough onto the fairway

"The problem with golf is that I have to deal with a humiliation factor." - George W. Bush

"If I swung the gavel the way I swing that golf club, the nation would be in one helluva mess." - Fmr. House Speaker Tip O'Neill

"The great thing about gold is that even the bad days are wonderful." - Bill Clinton

"Mr. Agnew, I think you have a slight swing in your flaw." - Pro golfer Jimmy Demaret to Vice President Spiro T. Agnew

"The difference between golf and politics is that in golf, you can't improve your lie." - Former CA Gov. George Deukmejian

"It's true that my predecessor did not object, as I do, to pictures of one's golf skill in action. But neither, on the other hand, did he ever bean a Secret Serviceman." - John Kennedy

"It's amazing how many people beat you at golf now that you're no longer president." - George H.W. Bush

"My golf-loving friend Bob Hope asked me what my handicap was. So I told him- the Congress." - Ronald Reagan

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: news.bbc.co.uk

Quotes of the week
August, 2005

He took a knock on the ankle - but we played some Bob Marley reggae music and he was fine. That lad is so laid-back it's not true! Southampton boss Harry Redknapp on the magic sponge alternative that assisted Kenwyne Jones, inspiring him to score the winner at Sheffield Wednesday.

As far as his shoulder is concerned he is going to be OK. He didn't have any trouble lifting up a can of beer anyway. Chairman of selectors David Graveney gives Andrew Flintoff the all-clear for Old Trafford.

I thought if Rembrandt can do it, why can't I? Former England wicket-keeper Jack Russell is very modest about his painting skills.

Look at the prickly little fella down the road at Chelsea. He wants to win everything and we can learn from that. If there were two flies crawling up the wall he'd be desperate to back the winner. QPR manager Ian Holloway is modelling himself on Jose Mourinho.

When my wife first saw Marc for the first time, she said he was a fine specimen of a man. She says I have nothing to worry about, but I think she wants me to buy her a QPR shirt with his name on the back for Christmas. Holloway on his new 6ft 5in Danish striker Marc Nygaard.

Kate at the Rangers? You Moss be joking
Anybody who is a QPR fan is welcome at Loftus Road. I'd be happy for him to turn up for a kickabout, just so long as he brings that Kate Moss with him - she's absolutely lovely. Holloway has plans to make his wife jealous by inviting QPR fan Pete Doherty and his girlfriend to Loftus Road.

My friends keep taking the mickey out of me - they call me Paula. Maybe I should start nodding my head on the home straight! British 400m runner Tim Benjamin on the long socks he wears to help with circulation. Sadly they didn't help him win a medal at the World Championships.

I hate draws - draws kill you. Sheffield Wednesday manager Paul Sturrock after the Owls were held 1-1 by Hull at Hillsborough.

I'm over the moon to have drawn after the way we played in the second half, because we were mullered. Hull boss Peter Taylor is slightly happier with a point apiece.

I thought it was a bit high - he nearly took my willy off. You would probably expect that from Bob but there you go. Inverness player Ross Tokely complains about a challenge on him by Rangers defender Bob Malcolm in the 1-0 defeat.

Taxi for Teddy
It's almost like he has Dr Who's Tardis because he always turns up on time.West Ham boss Alan Pardew on the impeccable time-keeping of Teddy Sheringham.

The Aussies were telling me the patch I've got over my ear didn't do much for my street cred - and they are right! Andrew Strauss on the 'ear patch' he had to wear after being struck by a Brett Lee bouncer. Strauss had the last laugh by going on to score a century.

Are you in a library or what?! Manchester City boss Stuart Pearce has a pop at the hushed City of Manchester crowd.





Get trade secrets for amazing burgers. Watch "Cooking with Tyler Florence" on AOL Food.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: footy-boots.com

SOCCER INSULTS

football_insultsIn anticipation of the start of the new season on 11 August, here at Footy-Boots HQ, we have been thinking back to one of the more humorous aspects of football that really helps to spice up the beautiful game… the comical insult.

Here's the top 15 football related insults, as featured on The Times Newspaper's website, where they have a Top 50 sports insults.

15 "Football is all right as a game for rough girls but is hardly suitable for delicate boys."
Oscar Wilde makes a fair comment - years before anyone started diving to win free kicks.

14 "Hijo de puta."
Early in his career with Real Madrid, David Beckham gets into trouble for calling a linesman a son of a whore in Spanish and receives a redcard. Beckham later said (in English): "I didn't realise what I had said was that bad. I had heard a few of my team-mates say the same before me."

13 "I'm not as nice as all that. In fact, I swore only last week."
Gary Lineker is not above self-mockery.

12 "Alan Shearer, he's boring isn't he? We call him Mary Poppins."
Freddy Shepherd, the chairman of Newcastle United, doesn't sound too convinced of the worth of a man he had paid £15 million to sign.

11 "I don't think heading a ball has got anything to do with it, footballers are stupid enough anyway."
A Premier League spokesman in 1995 comments on a report that brain cells are damaged by heading balls.

10 "Everyone thinks they have the prettiest wife at home."
Arsene Wenger's reply to Sir Alex Ferguson in 2002 when the United manager claims his side had been the best team in the Premiership.

9 "He cannot kick with his left foot, he cannot head a ball, he cannot tackle and he doesn't score many goals. Apart from that he's all right."
George Best sums up the many talents of David Beckham.

8 "Stone me! We've had cocaine, bribery and Arsenal scoring two goals at home. But just when you thought there were no surprises left in football, Vinnie Jones turns out to be an international player."
Jimmy Greaves is shocked when the Wimbledon hard man is selected for his first cap, of eight, for Wales.

7 "Somebody compared him to Billy McNeil, but I don't remember Billy being crap."
Tommy Docherty, the legendary football coach, on Rangers' Italian flop Lorenzo Amoruso in 2000.

6 "If David Seaman's dad had worn a condom, we'd still be in the World Cup."
A harsh but possibly fair assessment of England's defeat to Brazil in the 2002 World Cup by the comedian Nick Hancock.

5 "Only if there's an outbreak of bubonic plague."
Giovanni Trapattoni gives a blunt answer when asked if he will select Paolo Di Canio for his Italy World Cup squad in 2004.

4 "The local girls are far uglier than the ones in Belgrade. Our women are far prettier and they don't drink as much beer."
Georgi Hristov, of Macedonia, spoils his relationship with the locals when describing women at his new football club in Barnsley.

3 "He covers every blade of grass, but that's only because his first touch is crap."
Dave Jones, the football manager, is honest about Carlton Palmer's skills.

2 "You were a crap player, you are a crap manager. The only reason I have any dealings with you is that somehow you are manager of my country and you're not even Irish, you English ****. You can stick it up your bollocks."
What Roy Keane allegedly said to Mick McCarthy, the Ireland manager, that got him sent home from the 2002 World Cup. Keane is now a responsible Premier League manager.

1 Whatever Marco Materazzi said about Zinedine Zidane's sister or his mother or terrorism. No one is quite sure what the Italy defender actually said during the 2006 World Cup final, but Materazzi's insult riled Zidane so much that he headbutted him in the chest and was sent off.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sport-quotes.blogspot.com


Image: mlb.imageg.net
.
HANK AARON QUOTES

"Can I smoke now without someone taking my picture"?

"Didn't come up here to read. Came up here to hit".

"Guessing what the pitcher is going to throw is eighty percent of being a successful hitter. The other twenty percent is just execution".

"I can't recall a day this year or last when I did not hear the name of Babe Ruth".

"I don't feel right unless I have a sport to play or at least a way to work up a sweat".

"I don't see pitches down the middle anymore - not even in batting practice".

"I looked for the same pitch my whole career, a breaking ball. All of the time. I never worried about the fastball. They couldn't throw it past me, none of them".

"I never doubted my ability, but when you hear all your life you're inferior, it makes you wonder if the other guys have something you've never seen before. If they do, I'm still looking for it".

"I never smile when I have a bat in my hands. That's when you've got to be serious. When I get out on the field, nothing's a joke to me. I don't feel like I should walk around with a smile on my face".

"I'm hoping someday that some kid, black or white, will hit more home runs than myself. Whoever it is, I'd be pulling for him".

"Last year, I was sort of a kid and I was a little scared, I ain't scared any more".

"My motto was always to keep swinging. Whether I was in a slump or feeling badly or having trouble off the field, the only thing to do was keep swinging".

"On the field, blacks have been able to be super giants. But, once our playing days are over, this is the end of it and we go back to the back of the bus again".

"Roger Maris lost his hair the season he hit sixty-one, I still have all my hair, but when it's over, I'm going home to Mobile and fish for a long time".

"You can only milk a cow so long, then you're left holding the pail".

"You got to play a hundred and fifty games a year, so pick your spots. You can miss two games a month; so pick the days you're gonna be hurt, or you're gonna rest or you're gonna have a drink or two. The rest of the time, be on that field".

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ source: chicagotribune.com

Image: upload.wikimedia.org

.

SPORTS TRIVIA \ QUOTES \ FANATICS

.
A-list celebrities have always been sports fans

The Mets always drew heavyweight stars in Los Angeles. Gooden vs. Valenzuela on a Friday night attracted the A list, from Frank Sinatra to Cary Grant. They weren't there to be seen, but to watch and, often, meet the players.

Most celebrities fawn over athletes. The bigger the star, the harder the famous fall. They lose all their cachet around the players. The star you are eager to meet is likely dying to meet a ballplayer.

It was true then (Elizabeth Taylor-Ralph Kiner) and now (Alyssa Milano-Brad Penny, Barry Zito, Carl Pavano).Billy Joel was already Piano Man famous when he entered the Yankees' clubhouse in 1977 and went up to Reggie Jackson. "Hi, Reggie, I'm Billy Joel," the singer said. Reggie, totally unimpressed, barked, "Yeah, man, what do you want?" There was only one star in Reggie's constellation and it wasn't Joel, who, clearly deflated, walked away.

Perhaps that is why Joel, who morphed into a Mets fan in 1986 during the World Series, stayed in the stands (with Christie Brinkley on his arm) and lip-synced his own songs as they were played between innings.

The Mets were naturals for the show biz crowd, many of whom had New York roots. Comedian Buddy Hackett spitting popcorn in the press box, Cary Grant with actress Dyan Cannon. It was humorous seeing the debonair movie star eating a hot dog.

In the MLB inner sanctum, Lee Mazzilli had more zing than a Hollywood star because he was a ballplayer.Sinatra visited manager Tommy Lasorda before a game with the Mets, though no one in the press corps (except me) was clamoring to meet Ol' Blue Eyes.

Sinatra scowled as he exited Lasorda's office. Sinatra was a longtime devotee to big leaguers. He ran with Joe DiMaggio until the two had a falling out involving Marilyn Monroe.

Stars who are fans of the teams are harder to find. Topping that list has to be the Lakers' No. 1 celebrity fan, Jack Nicholson, who is there for the franchise, not any one individual player. Nicholson shoots his movies around Lakers games and reportedly banned Boston Celtics merchandise from the movie set when he filmed "The Departed" in Boston.

Baseball fan Richard Nixon was a frequent visitor to Mets [and Yankee] games after his presidency. At about the same time, kooky Mets pitcher Sid Fernandez was infatuated with a Super Soaker machine gun.

Fernandez used to annoyingly squirt unsuspecting teammates and one night, with Nixon in the clubhouse, Nixon's lone Secret Service agent didn't seem to notice the "weapon" in El Sid's locker and the visit proceeded without incident.

President Ronald Reagan was engaging. He showed up in Baltimore and security cleared out most of the press box, but Reagan spoke to a few reporters anyway. Turns out, the pens and pads were not as dangerous as the G-men thought.

In training for Robert Redford's movie 'The Natural,' Robert Duvall stood around the batting cage at Shea talking to players. He was rehearsing his role as a sport writer for the movie. When approached by reporters, Duvall refused to speak. An actor playing a reporter who had no comment. Just great.Reporters are generally unimpressed by the luminaries. They get in the way.

Squiggy of "Laverne and Shirley" used to hang around Joe Torre's office on deadline and the writers hoped the manager would have given him the boot. [Torre himself was star struck. He was invited to Sinatra's house one year to watch the Academy Awards].And being famous in one sport does nothing for you around ballplayers.

Bobby Knight, before he was Bob, was nobody in Mets spring training and Bill Murray, of Saturday Night Live fame, melted like a child in the clubhouse around the players.I recall two major exceptions to the "who cares who they are rule."

Entertainment Tonight's Mary Hart in the broadcast booth. Eye candy. And Bruce Springsteen, a frequent visitor to Yankee Stadium. A guy from a Jersey paper nearly fell out of the box gawking at him.The Boss didn't notice.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: runofplay.com

Greatest April Fools' Day Tricks in Football History

Radio broadcasters from an honest age.

April Fools' Day is one of my favorite holidays, probably because it's the one day of the year when I don't have to apologize for deviousness and petty cruelty. In football, the first day of April is traditionally a time for pranks and hoaxes (see: La Liga and the 39th game), and over the years there have been some pretty elaborate stunts. Some of my favorites include…

Roberto Baggio attacks Marcelo Lippi (1999) — No one remembers this now, but ten years ago Roberto Baggio was languishing at Inter, where his coach, Marcelo Lippi, consistently left him off the team despite his generally impressive form. Some enterprising fabulist stepped in, invented a story about a drunken Baggio slugging Lippi on the training pitch, and managed to land the hoax on the fledgling Yahoo! Sports site before the truth was discovered.

Maradona impregnates Madonna (1989) — I'm not sure whether anyone really believed this one, but then again, in 1989, was there anything you wouldn't believe about these two? A TV station in Naples had a bit of fun inventing a secret romance between the two superstars, even going so far as to allege that they were expecting a baby. However, the broadcasters were forced to issue an on-air apology the next day, reportedly after their hoax failed to impress Maradona's friends in the Camorra.

Pele and the Orphanage (1988) — It's almost too awful to imagine, but in 1988 a deeply evil individual arranged an April 1 visit for Pele at the Orphanage of the Sacred Redeemer in São Paulo, home to nearly 400 children. The only problem was that he didn't tell Pele, who was in Japan filming a commercial for a line of luxury wristwatches at the time. 400 sorrowful orphans lined up under a "Welcome, Pele" banner later, you had what must be the least funny April Fools' Day prank of all time.

Paul Newman buys Forest Green Rovers (1981) — On April 2, 1981, local papers around the Cotswolds reported that Paul Newman was in talks to buy the tiny Nailsworth-based Forest Green Rovers, then playing in the Hellenic League. The actor and salad dressing king, described as a massive soccer fan, reportedly planned to use his large personal fortune to move the club up the table. Sadly for Rovers fans, it was all a lie—one that apparently originated with rival fans from Harrow Hill AFC.

Johnny Rep dies in a helicopter crash (1977) — I'm not sure I understand the Dutch sense of humor. Johnny Rep was supposedly so delighted when he saw his own death reported on an Amsterdam news show that he immediately called the station with a comment. It soon emerged that Rep's international teammates van Hanegem and Robbie Rensenbrink were behind the hoax, and Rep famously got his revenge by arranging a helicopter tour for the entire team when they trained in Sardinia later that year.

 
 




Get trade secrets for amazing burgers. Watch "Cooking with Tyler Florence" on AOL Food.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ source: xylophone.blog.co.uk

CRICKET QUOTES

“I tend to think that cricket is the greatest thing that God ever created on earth - certainly greater than sex, although sex isn't too bad either”Harold Pinter

To think of playing cricket for hard cash! Money and gentility would ruin any pastime under the sun. ~Mary Russell Mitford, 1823

I cannot for the life of me see why the umpires, the only two people on a cricket field who are not going to get grass stains on their knees, are the only two people allowed to wear dark trousers. ~Katharine Whitehorn

“Cricket civilizes people and creates good gentlemen I want everyone to play cricket in Zimbabwe; I want ours to be a nation of gentlemen”Robert Mugabe

Cricket needs brightening up a bit. My solution is to let players drink at the beginning of the game, not after. It always works in our picnic matches." - Paul Hogan

"I didn't drop my pants and moon the crowd; I just went a little bit over the top. I carried on like a pork chop, but the bottom line was I didn't do anything wrong." - Shane War ne on his balcony celebrations after the win at Trent Bridge in 1997

"They might as well bulldoze Lord's. I'll never go there again." - Unnamed MCC member after a vote to admit women to the 211-year old club

"A very small crowd here today. I can count the people on one hand. Can't be more than 30." - Michael Abrahamson, SABC.

"I knocked his helmet straight off his head." It went to pieces and blood came out ... I thought it was brains coming out. I think he was pretty happy to be alive." - Jeff Thomso n talking of the first time he bowled to New Zealand's Martin Crowe

"Welcome to Worcester where we have just seen Barry Richards hit one of Basil D'Oliveira's balls clean out of the ground." - Brian Johnston