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H.G. Wells: "The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law."
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A. A. Milne: "Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad."
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Burt Shotten: "Any game where a man 60 can beat a man 30 ain't no game."
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Robin Williams: "Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it."
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Peter Andrews: "There is one thing in this world that is dumber than playing golf. That is watching someone else playing golf. What do you actually get to see? Thirty-seven guys in polyester slacks squinting at the sun. Doesn't that set your blood racing?"
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Bob Hope: "If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him."
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P.G. Wodenhouse: "Golf, like measles, should be caught young."
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Raymond Floyd: "They call it golf because all of the other four-letter words were taken."
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Chris Codiroli: "My handicap? Woods and irons."
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Chi Chi Rodriguez: "I never pray to God to make a putt. I pray to God to help me react good if I miss a putt."
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Paul Gallico: "If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out."
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Ben Crenshaw: "I'm about five inches from being an outstanding golfer. That's the distance my left ear is from my right."
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Ted Ray: "Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can't play it."
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Lee Trevino: "There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray."
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Michael Green: "Golf balls are attracted to water as unerringly as the eye of a middle-aged man to a female bosom."
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Bob Hope: "Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on grass."
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Lee Trevino: "My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch."
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Steve Sax: "You can't call it a sport. You don't run, jump, you don't shoot, you don't pass. All you have to do is buy some clothes that don't match."
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Tim Allen: "Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you're tired and most of your balls are missing."
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Lee Trevino, describing how he was one under during a tournament : "One under a tree, one under a bush, one under the water."
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Bob Hope: "I'll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105."
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