FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: str8hoops.wordpress.com

Nicknames for Current NBA Players

A
Sharef Abdur-Rahim – Reef
Aaron Afflalo – Afflalo Creed
LaMarcus Aldridge – L-Train, LMA
Ray Allen – Jesus, RayRay, Sugar
Rafer Alston – Skip to My Lou
Chris Anderson – The Birdman
Carmelo Anthony – Melo
Gilbert Arenas – Agent Zero, Hibachi, Gil, Nacho, Agent Arenas, The Black President
Hilton Armstrong – Hungry Hungry Hilton
Carlos Arroyo – Carlitos
Ron Artest – RonRon, TruWarrior, The Straitjacket
Kelenna Azubuike – Buike (Booky)

B
Leandro Barbosa – Leandrinho, The Brazilian Bomber, LB
Jose Juan Barea – JJ
Andrea Bargnani – Il Mago
Brent Barry – Bones
Brandon Bass – B Bass, The Animal
Maceo Baston – Wide Mouth
Tony Battie – Batman
Shane Battier – Alien Nation
Marco Belinelli – Beli
Mike Bibby – Bib
Andris Biedrins – Dre
Chauncey Billups – Mr. Big Shot
Steve Blake – Los
Andray Blatche – Bulletproof, Cabbage Blatche, Ziploc
Mark Blount – Big Basic
Matt Bonner – The Red Rocket
Andrew Bogut – Bogey, Bogues, The Bogey Man
Carlos Boozer – Booze
Chris Bosh – CB4
Elton Brand - EB, E-Beasie
Corey Brewer – The Drunken Dribbler, C-B, C-Brew
Ronnie Brewer – Brewdog
Aaron Brooks – AB
Kobe Bryant – The Black Mamba, KB-24, Kob-Me
Caron Butler – Tough Juice, Caronimo, CB3
Rasual Butler – Sual Bop
Andrew Bynum – Socks, The A-Train

C
Jose Calderon – The Ocho, Ocho Special
Marcus Camby – The Cambyman
Brian Cardinal – The Janitor, The Custodian
Matt Carroll – The Hammer
Sam Cassell – Sam I Am
Vince Carter – Vinsanity, Half-man Half-amazing, VC, Air Canada
Josh Childress – J-Chill
Nick Collison – Border Collie
Mike Conley – Money Mike
Daequan Cook – The Chef
Austin Croshere – Cro

D
Samuel Dalembert – The Haitian Sensation, D-Bert
Erick Dampier – Damp
Marquis Daniels – Quis
Baron Davis - B-Diddy, Boom Dizzle, B-Dazzled, Too Easy, The Baron
Glen Davis – Big Baby
Ricky Davis – Get Buckets, Grits N Gravy, Slick Rick, Ricky Buckets
Luol Deng – The Man from Sudan
Boris Diaw – 3D
Yakhouba Diawara – Kooba
Desagana Diop – Gana
Juan Dixon – Da Juan
Keyon Dooling – KD
Jared Dudley – Studley, Junkyard Dog
Chris Duhon – Du
Tim Duncan – The Big Fundamental, Timmay, Groundhog Day
Mike Dunleavy – The Natural
Kevin Durant – KD, K-Dog, K-Smoove, The Second Coming, The Durantula

E
Monta Ellis – The Mississippi Bullet
Francisco Elson – Geico
Reggie Evans – The Collector, The Joker

F
Jordan Farmar – J-Farm
Raymond Felton – Felts
Michael Finley - Fin
Derek Fisher – Fish, D-Fish
TJ Ford – The Little Engine, Texas Tornado
Adonal Foyle – The Cobra
Steve Francis – Stevie Franchise
Channing Frye – Buffet of Goodness

G
Dan Gadzuric – The Flying Dutchman, Big Dan
Francisco Garcia – Latin Assassin, Frank
Jorge Garbajosa – Garbo
Kevin Garnett – The Big Ticket, The Kid, KG
Pau Gasol – The Meal Ticket, Picasso, PG, Spanish Fly
Daniel Gibson – Boobie
Manu Ginobili – Gino, El Contusion, Balki Bartokomous, Obi-Wan Ginobili
Drew Gooden – The Truth (*he claims this was his before Pierce), The Big Drizzle
Ben Gordon – Gentle Ben, Madison Square Gordon, Air Gordon
Gerald Green – G-Money, Ice, High-5
Jeff Green – Green Monster, The Predator
Adrian Griffin – The Hawk
Danny Granger – Danny G

H
Richard Hamilton – Rip
Matt Harpring – The Bulldog
OThella Harrington – The Big O
Jason Hart – J-Hart
Udonis Haslem – U-D, Udominator
Spencer Hawes – Hee
Brendan Haywood – Baby Huey
Walter Herrmann – Fabio
Grant Hill – G-Money
Kirk Hinrich – Captain Kirk
Al Horford – The Dominican Stallion, Horf
Robert Horry – Big Shot Bob, Big Shot Rob
Eddie House – E-House, E-Money
Dwight Howard – D12, Thunder, Man Child, Thundercat, D-Bo
Josh Howard – J-Ho, Jo-How
Troy Hudson – T-Hud
Larry Hughes – Smooth
Kris Humpries – K-Hump, Humpty-Hump, Hump
Lindsey Hunter – The Hunter
Steven Hunter – The Postman

I
Andre Iguodala – AI 2.0, Iggy
Zydrunas Ilgauskus – Big Z, The Riddler, The Wall
Allen Iverson – AI, The Answer, Jewelz, Me Myself and Iverson, The Third Degree, Bubba Chuck
Royal Ivey – Cheese

J
Jarett Jack – JJ
Luke Jackson – Cool Hand Luke
Steven Jackson – Action, Captain Jack
Jerome James – Big Snacks
Lebron James – King James, Bron Bron, LBJ, The Chosen One
Mike James – Pit Bull
Sarunas Jasikevicius - Jazzy Cabbages
Al Jefferson – Big Al
Richard Jefferson – RJ
Yi Jianlian – The Chairman
Joe Johnson – Joe Cool, JJ
Damon Jones – The Specialist, DJ
Eddie Jones – EJ
Fred Jones – Indiana Jones

K
Chris Kaman – The Caveman, Shaggy, The Zombie, Crazy Clown
Jason Kapono – Jay-K
Jason Kidd – J-Kidd, Mr. Triple Double, Ason Kidd
Andrei Kirilenko – AK-47
Linas Kleiza – The Menace, TV-L
Kyle Korver – K2, K-Squared
Nenad Krstic – Curly, Ballistic Krstic

L
Acie Law – Captain Clutch
David Lee – Da White Howard
Rashard Lewis – Young Fella, Sweet Lew

M
Mark Madsen – The Mad Dog
Jamal Magloire – The Big Cat
Stephon Marbury – Starbury
Shawn Marion – The Matrix
Kenyon Martin – K-Mart, Bad Ass Yellow Boy, Sir Dunks-A-Lot
Kevin Martin – Kid N Play, K-Mart, K-Money
Donyell Marshall – D-Marsh, Yell
Desmond Mason- The Cowboy, D-Mase
Jason Maxiell – J-Max, Mad Max
Antonio McDyess – Dice
Tracy McGrady – T-Mac
Jeff McInnis – McNasty, J-Mac, The Maestro
Darius Miles – D-Miles, The Punisher
Darko Milicic – Donny Darko, The Human Victory Cigar
Andre Miller – The Penguin
Yao Ming – The Dynasty, The Wall, The Great Wall, Shaqie Chan
Cuttino Mobley – Cat
Nazr Mohammed – The Prophet
Jamario Moon - The Screwdriver, Super Jamario, Apollo 33
Adam Morrison – Stache, Pornstache, Mo, Ammo
Alonzo Mourning – Zo
Ronald Murray – Flip
Dikembe Mutombo – Mt Mutombo

N
Bostjan Nachbar – Boki
Eduardo Najera – The Flying Mexican
Steve Nash – Nashty, Hair Canada, Captain Canada
Juan Carlos Navarro – La Bomba
Jameer Nelson – Lightning
Rasho Nesterovic – ShoSho
Joakim Noah – Dr. No, The Noble One
Andres Nocioni – Chapu, Noch, The Glue Factory
Dirk Nowitzki – Diggler, Batman

O
Fabricio Oberto – Fabio
Lamar Odom – The Goods, Odominator
Emeka Okafor – EO-50, Blackula
Mehmet Okur – Memo, Money Man
Jermaine O'Neal – JO
Shaquille O'Neal – Shaq, The Diesel, Shaq-Fu, Big Aristotle, Wilt Chamberneezy, Officer Shaq, Big Daddy, The Big Baryshnikov, Dr. Shaq, The Big Cactus
Travis Outlaw – Trout

P
Anthony Parker – AP
Tony Parker – TP, Mr. Longoria
Ruben Patterson - The Kobe Stopper, The Nanny Stopper
Chris Paul – CP3
Oleksiy Pecherov – The White Hole
Kendrick Perkins – Perk, Swamp Thang
Morris Peterson – Mo-Pete, MP3
Paul Pierce – The Truth, P-Sqaured
Mickael Pietrus – MP2, Air France
Eric Piatkowski – The Polish Rifle
James Posey – The X-Factor
Tayshaun Prince – Prince of The Palace, Tay
Joel Pryzbilla – The Vanilla Gorilla, Ghostface

R
Vladimir Radmanovic – Radman
Zach Randolph – Z-Bo
Michael Redd – Redd Hot, Silky
JJ Reddick – The Poet
Luke Ridnour – Frodo, The Mop, Cool Hand Luke, Lucky Luke
Jason Richardson – J-Rich
Quentin Richardson – Q-Rich
Nate Robinson – Nate The Great
Sergio Rodriguez – Spanish Chocolate
Malik Rose – Shaq of The NAC
Quinton Ross – Q-Ross
Brandon Roy – The Natural, The Golden Boy, B-Roy, The Blade
Kareem Rush – K-Rush

S
John Salmons – Buck
Brian Scalabrine – Veal, Scal, The Ginger Ninja
Mouhamed Sene – Flavor Flav
Bobby Simmons – Chinese Food
Craig Smith – Cookie, Cookie Monster, Jax, The Rhino
Josh Smith – J-Smoove
J.R. Smith – The Prodigy
Eric Snow – E-Snow, The Snowman
Darius Songalia - Gypsy Number 9
Jerry Stackhouse – Stack
DeShawn Stevenson - The Lock Smith, Poppa Smurf
Amare Stoudamire – Stat
Rodney Stuckey – RS3, Hot Rod
Robert Swift – Big Redhead
Stromile Swift – Stro
Wally Szczerbiak – Wally World

T
Sebastian Telfair – Bassy, Seabass, 2 Fast 2 Furious, Seba
Jason Terry – JT, The Jet
Eton Thomas – Uncle Eton
Kenny Thomas - K9
Kurt Thomas – Dirty
Tim Thomas – T-Tom
Tyrus Thomas – Free Money, TNT, T-Time
Alando Tucker – Doe
Hedo Turkoglu – Glu, Turk, Turkey Glue

V
Anderson Varejao – Wild Thing, Sideshow Bob
Charlie Villanueva – Skillanueva, CV, CV3, C-Elite, Big Smooth

W
Dwyane Wade – D-Wade, Flash
Antoine Walker – 'Toine, Employee #8, A & W
Ben Wallace – Big Ben, Beast from The East, The Body
Gerald Wallace – G-Force, Crash
Rasheed Wallace – Sheed, Roscoe
Luke Walton – Little Wheats
Hakim Warrick – Hak, Helicopter
Martell Webster – The Definition
Bonzi Wells – The Bonz
David West – D-West, The X-Factor, DX
Aaron Williams – A-Train
Deron Williams – D-Will, Kingpin, Slick, D-Nasty
Jason Williams – J-Dub, J-Will, White Chocolate
Julian Wright – Ju-Ju, Raptor

Y
Nick Young – Bean Burrito, The City

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: thinkexist.com

 

BASEBALL:  MICKEY RIVERS' QUOTES

 

He's so ugly he should have to wear an oxygen mask.

 

These guys are so old they're eligible for meals on wheels.

 

I'm going to double my limit.

 

I don't get upset over things I can control, because if I can control

them there's no sense in getting upset. And I don't get upset over 

things I can't control, because if I can't control them there's no

sense in getting upset.

 

What was the name of that dog on 'Rin Tin Tin'?

 

He's so ugly. When you walked by him, your pants wrinkle.

He made fly balls curve foul.

 

The first thing you do when you get out to center field is

put up your finger and check the wind chill factor."

 

 

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: ffbookmarks.com

 

GOLF QUOTES

President Gerald Ford:  "I know I'm getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators."


Will Rogers:  "Income Tax has made more liars out of the American people than Golf."

Tommy Bolt:  "Putting allows the touchy golfer two to four opportunities to blow a gasket in the short space of two to forty feet."

Julius Boros:  "Retire to what? I'm a golfer and a fisherman. I've got no place to retire to."

Jimmy Demaret:  "Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at."

P.J. O'Rourke:  "Golf combines two favorite American pastimes:  taking long walks and hitting things with a stick."

Lee Trevino:  "If you're caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron.  Not even God can hit a 1-iron."

Arnold Palmer:  "What other people may find in poetry or art museums, I find in the flight of a good drive."

Pete Dye:  "The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top."

Phyllis Diller:  "The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing."

Unknown:  "Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan.  Today it's called the PGA Tour."

Renton Laidlaw:  "He certainly didn't appear as cool as he looked."

Samuel Johnson:  "A game in which you claim the privileges of age, and retain the playthings of childhood."

Henry Longhurst:  "They say "practice" makes perfect " Of course, it doesn't. For the vast majority of golfers it merely consolidates imperfection."

Peter Jacobsen:  "One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life.  No matter what you shoot - the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin all over again and make yourself into something."

Horace G. Hutchinson:  "If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is."

Will Rogers:  "I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf.  I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies."

"Silk Stockings" TV Show:  "The people who gave us golf and called it a game are the same people who gave us bag pipes and called it music."

Val Doonican:  "Golf is like an 18-year-old girl with big boobs.  You know it's wrong but you can't keep away from her."

Unknown:  "Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.

Abba Eban:  "Playing the game I have learned the meaning of humility.  It has given me an understanding of futility of the human effort."

Peter Aliss:  "He used to be fairly indecisive, but now he's not so certain."

Phil Blackmar:  "Golf isn't like other sports where you can take a player out if he's having a bad day.  You have to play the whole game."

Gerald Ford:  "I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose."

Jim Bishop:  "Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun."

Harry Toscano:  "I'm hitting the woods just great, but I'm having a terrible time getting out of them."

 

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: scuba.about.com

 

   SCUBA DIVING

The Great Ones - Jacques Cousteau

Diving into the unknown Jacques-Yves Cousteau (1910-1997) opened up more of the Earth's surface to human endeavor than any other explorer in history. That's a big statement. But the ocean, covering more than three-fifths of the Earth surface, is a big place. Through his books, films, and undersea explorations, the French explorer, inventor, photographer, and filmmaker brought the oceans and all their life into the world's living rooms. He didn't merely go on expeditions; his life was an expedition. Travel log: The converted 66-foot minesweeper called the Calypso burnished Cousteau in the public mind. He overcame the age-old problem of funding his projects by transforming the boat into a self-sustaining media attraction. For decades, Cousteau and his first wife, Simone, sailed the world demonstrating the latest in undersea technology and shedding light on the mystery of the ocean floor. The Calypso's motto: We must go and see for ourselves. Early adventures: Cousteau was in his early 20s when he first began exploring the sea. As a French naval officer during World War II, he filmed his travels to the South Pacific, notably an encounter with pearl divers who searched for oysters wearing peculiar-looking goggles. He also helped salvage marble columns from a 2,000-year-old Roman wreck off the coast of Tunisia. For the history books: Thank Cousteau on your next dive: He helped to develop the very first self-contained underwater breathing apparatus, or "SCUBA" gear, setting divers free to explore to depths of 100 feet and beyond. Before Cousteau, the only options available for undersea exploration were the diving bell and the helmeted diving suit, which were expensive and burdensome equipment that severely restricted an explorer's movements. His 1953 book, The Silent World, a first-person account detailing the development and promise of scuba diving, made Cousteau a worldwide celebrity, and his first films won prizes at the Cannes Film Festival. In the 1960s, he set out to prove that humans could live and work on the ocean floor--specifically, on the continental shelf, a submerged ledge that extends from the coast of all the continents to depths of some 600 feet. A 1963 expedition called Conshelf II sent five men to live for a month 35 feet below the surface of the Red Sea in a pressurized submersible dubbed Starfish House. The dwelling boasted many creature comforts, including air-conditioning, Plexiglas windows with views of the local flora and fauna, and gourmet meals washed down with cognac. For Conshelf III in 1965, Cousteau assembled a fleet of 12 support ships in the Mediterranean. Half a dozen so-called oceanauts, including his son Philippe, descended 330 feet, nine times deeper than the Conshelf II expedition. Words to live by: "From birth," Cousteau once wrote, "man carries the weight of gravity on his shoulders. He is bolted to the earth. But man has only to sink beneath the surface and he is free. Buoyed by water, we can fly in any direction--up, down, sideways--by merely flipping his hand. Underwater, man becomes an archangel."

 

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: jscms.jm.columbia.edu

Premiere bowling takes the sport beyond its blue-collar roots

A man bowls at 300 New York beside a go-go dancer. (Photo by Lawrence Delevingne)

A man bowls at 300 New York on a recent Friday night. (Photo by Lawrence Delevingne)

A promotional picture of 300 New York. (Photo courtesy of 300 New York)

A promotional picture of 300 New York. (Photo courtesy of 300 New York)

On a recent Friday night, Club 300 in New York City was jumping.

The disc jockey played the latest Jay-Z and Pharrell dance hits as orange, green and blue lights flashed from flat screens on the VIP lounge wall. Waitresses in tight black dresses weaved through young professionals, delivering $250 bottles of Grey Goose vodka to private tables. Go-go dancers in fishnet stockings and high-heel shoes danced on elevated platforms between the lanes. 10-pin lanes, that is.

It's not how most people picture a bowling alley.

"We are a nightclub that just happens to have bowling lanes," said Mark Ruffolo, assistant general manager at 300 New York, a "premier bowling center" at Chelsea Piers in Manhattan. "It's not a bowling alley; it's a venue."

Premier bowling centers such as Club 300 are reshaping notions of the beer and smoke-filled alleys of generations past. Part cocktail lounge, part bistro and part nightclub, these stylish entertainment centers have opened in dozens of cities nationwide. National chains such as 300 and Lucky Strike and local establishments such as RedPin in Oklahoma City cater to a young, trendy clientele, resurrecting interest–-albeit casual–-in a sport that has lost status since its peak in the late 1970s.

"I grew up bowling in the country, where it was serious--old men with the name-tags on teams," said Sarah Rosenfeld while playing a game with friends at 300. "It smelled musty, like the Big Lebowski," the 23-year-old from Pennsylvania Dutch Country said. "This is like a club."

Named after the score of a perfect bowling game, 300 has other locations in Atlanta, Austin, Dallas, Long Island and San Jose. They are all big (60,000 square feet on average), upscale ($12 to $14 cocktails) and geared toward a young, hip crowd. "Strikingly different" is the chain's slogan.

Like other trendy bowling lounges, 300 New York is expensive. Beers cost as much as $8, lanes are between $8 and $12 per hour, shoe rentals are $6 and a hamburger is $10. The VIP area, "Club 300," has Cristal Champagne for $575 a bottle; Grey Goose is the cheapest option at $250.

The 35 or more premiere bowling centers that have opened during the last eight years represent less than 10 percent of approximately 5,500 American alleys, but they are an important source of expansion in an American industry that is worth $6 billion.

"It's a niche market. They go after an upscale crowd," said Sandy Hansell, a top bowling-alley broker and industry expert. "They cater to a 21- to 35-year-old, young party crowd that doesn't mind spending the big bucks."

Lucky Strike Lanes is the largest player in the upscale bowling market with 17 locations and at least one more planned. Lucky Strike Hollywood, the chain's first location, opened in 2003.

Like all its "lounges," Lucky Strike's Washington, D.C., venue is known as much for its bar and dining as its bowling. Bouncers at the entrance turn away people in baggy clothing and sports jerseys; patrons eat warm Brie and toast appetizers; and the work of emerging artists is displayed on the walls.

"It's really good socially," said Mahsa Saeedpour, a 26-year-old from Arlington, Va. "You can bowl, but you can get cocktails and the food is not greasy bar food at all."

She added, "You can make a whole night out of it."

Like Lucky Strike, RedPin Restaurant and Bowling Lounge in Oklahoma City styles itself as the area's "newest upscale entertainment experience." Opened in 2007, RedPin's menu features grilled Ahi tuna salad and Black Angus hot dogs; drinks include pomegranate martinis and mojitos.

"It's not at all like a traditional bowling alley," said Jay Wolfe, RedPin's general manager. "It's a one-of-a-kind bar, lounge and restaurant."

RedPin relies on casual bowlers, although Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights cater to league play on six of the venue's 10 lanes.

For the past 27 years, league bowling has declined as casual bowling has increased. In 2006, 66 million people bowled at least once and 45 million people bowled twice, according to the U.S. Bowling Congress, the sport's national governing body. In 1979-1980, roughly nine million people bowled at least once a week; today, 2.7 million do.

"The league part hasn't happened yet," said Mark Miller, a U.S. Bowling Congress spokesman, explaining that the casual bowlers who dominate upscale lounges have mostly not joined organized teams. "But it gets people in the door."

According to Hansell, the bowling broker, "boutique bowling," another name for the upscale trend, is not the only driver of the bowling industry renaissance. "Family entertainment centers" represent most new bowling venues, including national chains like Dave & Busters and Gameworks.

"The majority of newly constructed facilities combine bowling with a range of other recreational activities," according to a 2008 industry overview written by Hansell's company, Sandy Hansell & Associates. "Laser tag, go-karts, bumper cars, expanded video game arcades, climbing walls, redemption, glow miniature golf, and similar activities" create family entertainment centers.

While 300 fashions itself on a Friday and Saturday image, the chain does cater to other groups. On weekdays, companies hold functions and league bowlers come in at night. Weekend daytimes are dominated by children's birthday parities.

Most premiere bowling centers, however, are more focused on the adult lounge atmosphere. A television commercial for 300 New York sums up the culture of the trend.

"It's not an upscale club or a trendy bar or even a hot new bistro. It's all that and more rolled into one incredible place," the sexy female voice says over images of a young woman walking down a red carpet, through a chic bar and restaurant, and finally ditching her heels for a pair of red and black bowling shoes.

"Just don't forget to bowl."

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: usatoday.com

MEDIA DAY QUOTES  (SUPER BOWL XLII)

New York Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress on predicting his team will win 23-17: "My high school basketball number was 23," and his Giants number is 17. New England Patriots fullback Heath Evans on why he might invest in a Dunkin' Donuts franchise: "Well, I just love doughnuts. My mother loves coffee." Patriots linebacker Mike Vrabel on coach Bill Belichick's hoodie: "That's his little security blanket. He has got that pouch, and he keeps all his stuff in it. You would like to see what's inside that pouch, I bet." Giants fullback Brandon Jacobs, 6-4, 264 pounds, on food: "I really don't eat that much. I eat like a bird." Wideout Wes Welker on differences between playing last year with the 6-10 Miami Dolphins and this year with the 18-0 Patriots: "Weather. Women. Wins."

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