Golf Quotes
Here are some pertinent, funny and deep quotes from the world of golf.
" I think I fail a bit less than everyone else." Jack Nicklaus
"That's life. The older you get, the tougher it is to score." Bob Hope
"It's difficult to excel at something you don't truly enjoy." Jack Nicklaus
"Do I have to know rules and all that crap? then forget it." John Daly
"So in the summer of 1968, a young golfer from Texas experienced something that would forever change his life. Not only did I fall in love with formal tournament competition, but I was enraptured with so many other facets of the game; the different courses, the people, the history and traditions." Ben Crenshaw.
"This place [Augusta National] rejects me like a skin transplant." Lee Travino
"The fairways were so narrow you had to walk down them single file." Sam Snead
"How about a little noise. How do you expect a man to putt?" Babe Ruth
I still sweat. My guts are still grinding out there. Sometimes I have enough cotton in my mouth to knit a sweater." Lee Travino
"You've got to be rich to have a swing like that." Bob Hope
"There are no maladies in my golf game. My golf game stinks." Jack Nicklaus
"Until you play it, St. Andrews looks like the sort of real estate you couldn't give away." Sam Snead
"My best score ever is 103, but I've only been playing 15 years." Alex Karras
"Never give golf an ultimatum unless you're prepared to lose." Abigail Van Buren
"What a shame to waste those great shots on the practice tee." Walter Lippman
"It is impossible to imagine Gothe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf." Henry Louis Mencken
"When Tiger was six months old, he would sit in our garage, watching me hit balls into a net. He had been assimilating his golf swing. When he got out of the high chair, he had a golf swing." Earl Woods
"All I've got against golf is it takes you so far from the clubhouse." Eric Linklater
"Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?" Bob Hope
"My God, he looks like he's beating a chicken." Byron Nelson referring to Jack Lemon
"If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out." Paul Gallico
"Every shot counts. The three-foot putt is just as important as the 300 yard drive." Henry Cotton
"No one has ever conquered this game. One week out there and you are God, next time you are the devil. but it does keep you coming back.: Juli Inkster
"Is\t is the constant and undying hope for improvement that makes golf so exquisitely worth playing." Bernard Darwin
Concentrate, play your game and don't be afraid to win." Amy Strum Alcott
"It's not enough to swing at the ball. You've got to loosen your girdle and really let the ball have it." Babe Didrikson
"I don't think he's in any sort of slump right now. I mean, I aspire to be in his slumps." Hal Sutton on tiger Woods, before the 2004 Ryder cup
"If I had cleared the trees and drove the green, it would've been a great shot." Sam Snead
"Faith sir, she looks like the Old Course." Tom Morris
"Golf will grow so long as it's fun." Tom Watson
"By the time you get to your ball, if you don't know what to do with it, try another sport." Julius Boros
"Golf is very much like a love affair, if you don't take it seriously, it's no fun, if you do, it breaks your heart. Don't break your heart but flirt with the possibility." Louise Suggs
"Rhythm is best expressed in any swing directed at a cigar stump or a dandelion." Grantland Rice
"Swinging at daisies is like playing electric guitar with a tennis racket: if it were that easy, we could all be Jerry Garcia. The ball changes everything." Michael Bamberger
"Swing hard in case you hit it." Dan Marino
"Practice puts brains in your muscles." Sam Snead
"Golf without Jones would be like France without Paris- leaderless, lightless and lonely." Herbert Warren Wind about Bobby Jones
"I miss. I miss. I miss. I make." Seve Ballesterous describing his four putt at Augusta's No. 16 in 1988
"To be truthful, I think golfers are overpaid. It's unreal, and I have trouble dealing with the guilt sometime." Colin Montgomerie
"The number eighteen is symbolically meaningful because it is the numerical equivalent of the Hebrew word chai, which means life." From To the Links
"The game embarrasses you until you feel inadequate." Ben Crenshaw
"I'm working as hard as I can to get my life and my cash to run out at the same time. IF I can just die after lunch Tuesday, everything would be perfect." Doug Sanders, former golf professional
"The trouble that most of find with the modern matched sets of clubs is that they don't really seem to know any more abou the game than the old ones did!" Robert Browning
"Papa, trust your swing." Note written by ten-year-old Qass Singh pinned to Vijay Singh's golf bag during the 2000 U.S.Masters (which Singh won)
"one of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. No matter what you shoot, the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin all over again and make yourself into something." Peter Jacobsen
"Take nine strokes off your score. Skip the last hole." Bob Hope
"I'm a golfaholic. And all the counseling in the world wouldn't help me." Lee Travino
"I don't want to be the best black player in the world or the best Asian player. I want to be the best golfer ever." Tiger Woods
"Years ago I had a 1-iron I could hit 260 yards through a doorway. Now I can hit it through the keyhole." Lee Travino
"Golf is tougher than my first wife." Ken Green
"I realized if I was going to be in this {pro golf} for the long haul, I needed to relax and enjoy the struggle, enjoy the moment" Ryan Moore
"The one stroke marks the difference between fame and oblivion." Samuel Parrish
"Golf is like solitaire. When you cheat, you cheat only yourself." Tony Lema
"Make friends with your caddie and the game will make friends with you." Stephen Potter
"Forget your opponents; always play against par." Sam Snead"
"I'm Playing like Tarzan - and scoring like Jane." Chi Chi Rodriguez
"Golf is an insurmountable game in which one attempts to put an insignificant ball into an obscure hole with an absurd weapon." Harry B. Trout
"Golfers should not fail to realize that is is a game of great traditions, of high ideals of sportsmanship, one in which a strict adherence to the rules is essential. Francis Quimet
"I don't know why golf has been my life for the past 30 years. It has been a burning passion for me. It's not the money. It's just being with these guys, playing the game." Dana Quigley
"Most golfers prepare for disaster. A good golfer prepares for success." Bob Toski
"The arc of your swing doesn't have a thing to do with the size of your heart." Carol Mann
"It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place this world is when one is playing golf." Robert Lynd
"Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postpones to riper years, the results may be serious." P.G. Wodehouse
"Golf is a fascinating game. it has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I cant play it." Ted Ray
"It's easy to see golf not as a game at all but as some whey-faced, nineteenth-century Presbyterian minister's fever dream of exorcism achieved through ritual and self-mortification." Bruce McCall
"If profanity had an influence on the golf flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is." Horace G. Hutchinson
"What other people may find in poetry or art museums, I find in the flight of a good drive." Arnold Palmer
"Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick." P.J. O'Rourke
"Golf gives you an insight into human nature, your own as well as your opponent's." Grantland Rice
"If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business." Joey Adams
"Man blames fate for other accidents but feels personally responsible for a hole in one." Martha Beckman
"When I die, Bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit." Anonymous
"In baseball you hit your home run over the right field fence, the left field fence, the center field fence. Nobody cares. In golf everything has got to be right over second base." Ken Harrelson
"If I can hit a curveball, why can't I hit a ball that is standing still on a course?" Larry Nelson
"Golf balls are attracted to water as unerringly as the eye of a middle-aged man to a female bosom." Micheal Green
"If your opponent is playing several shots in vain attempt to extricate himself from a bunker, do not stand near him and audibly count his strokes. It would be justifiable homicide if he wound up his pitiable exhibition by applying his niblick to your head." Harry Vardon
"Real golfers, no matter what the provocation, never strike a caddie with the driver. The sand wedge is far more effective." Huxtable Pippey
A passion, an obsession, a romance, a nice acquaintanceship with trees, sand, and water." Bob Ryan
"Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course." Lee Travino
"They call it golf because all of the other four letter words were taken." Raymond Floyd
"When someone has a bad day like that on the golf course, you say, Greg, you look good, you look fantastic. I like your shoes, I like your pants, I like your.....well, the hats okay. I mean, you need to keep it light instead they say, Greg, what's next? Suicide? Alcoholism? Drugs? Bill Murray on the media's bludgeoning of Greg Norman after his 1996 Masters loss
" I love it. I don't know if I love it as much as Arnold Palmer, but I think I am close. I can't wait to get up in the mornings because I know I am going out to play golf. The game has been very good to me. Much has been said about when I am going to retire but i never will." Lee Travino
"I love it [practicing in Texas]. You can find anything. You can practice rain, you can practice wind, you can practice on hard pan, you can practice on lush gold courses, you can find all the conditions you will ever encounter in Texas." Tom Kite
"The first thing a television viewer realizes when watching a golf tournament is how the sport tends to make one inclined to whisper and avoid sudden movements such as walking to the refrigerator during a possible birdie putt." Peter Alfano
"[Jack Nicklaus] was the first to bring in course management. he could go to a course and tell you within one stroke what was going to win. He used to set his sights on that because he could shoot it. He was the only player I know who, if he decided he wanted to win a tournament, could go out and do it. no one will ever be as popular as Arnold Palmer and no one will ever come close to Jack as a player." Lee Travino
"You're looking up. that's your problem." Graffiti on the underside of the roof of cart 47 at Sea Scape Golf Course, Kitty Hawk, North Carolina
"When I play my best golf, I feel as if I'm in a fog, standing back watching the earth in orbit with a golf club in my hands." Mickey Wright
"A hole in one is amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass though on its way to the hole." Mac O'Grady
"Don't be in such a hurry. That little white ball isn't going to run away from you." Patty Berg
"Retire to what? I'm a golfer and a fisherman. I've got no place to retire to." Julius Boros
"Putting allows the touchy golfer two to four opportunities to blow a gasket in the short space of two to forty feet." Tommy Bolt
"Golf is not a game of good shots. It's a game of bad shots." Ben Hogan
"I get to play golf for a living. What more can you ask for- getting paid for doing what you love." Tiger Woods
"The secret of golf is to turn three shots into two." Bobby Jones
"Golf is a puzzle without an answer. I've played the game for 40 years and I still haven't the slightest idea how to play." Gary Player
"When Lee and Jack win, it's good for golf. When I win, it is better." Chi Chi Rodriguez
"I'm not out there just to be dancing around. I expect to win every time I tee up." Lee Travino
"Golf is more fun than walking naked in a strange place, but not much." Buddy Hacket
"He who owns he fastest golf cart never has a bad lie." Mickey Mantle
"A good deal of unnecessarily bad golf is played in this world." Harry Vardon
"Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anyone who owns hideous clothing." Dave Barry
"Don Quixote would understand golf. It is the impossible dream" Jim Murray
"When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income" Chi Chi Rodriguez
"It is nothing new or original to say that golf is played one stroke at a time. But it took me many years to realize it" Bobby Jones
"If a course needs to be in great condition to be played effectively, then the design strategy is flawed" Tom Watson
"Arnold Palmer has what I call an "Eisenhower smile". Those two men, they'd smile and their whole faces would look so pleasant; it was like they were smiling all over" Byron Nelson
"I did envisage being this successful as a player, but not all the hysteria around it off the golf course" Tiger Woods
"I played with Tiger Woods and I probably felt like you would be out there with me. Tiger is getting it by me about 50 or 60 yards, so it makes you feel inferior with your ability to hit the ball." Greg Norman
"There isn't a flaw in his golf or his makeup. He will win more majors than Arnold Palmer and me combined. Somebody is going to dust my records. it might as well be Tiger, because he's such a great kid." Jack Nicklaus
"I see no reason why Tiger Woods won't become a great player. Man, can he smoke some shots. A little refinement on Tigers short game and there'll be nothing. He's already pretty darn imposing." Corey Pavin
"They say 'practice makes perfect." Of course, it doesn't. For the vast majority of golfers it merely consolidates imperfection" Henry Longhurst
"I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles." G.K.Chesterson
"Golf is like life in a lot of ways-all the biggest wounds are self inflicted." Bill Clinton
"Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated." Arnold Palmer
"I don't exaggerate- i just remember big." Chi Chi Rodriguez
"If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate." Tom Watson
"Golf is not a game of great shots. Its a game of the most misses. The people who win make the smallest mistakes." Gene Littler
"Resolve never to quit, never to give up, no matter what the situation." Jack Nicklaus
"There is no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies." Anonymous
"(Golf) satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening- and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented." Arnold Palmer
"When its breezy, hit it easy." Davis Love Jr.
"Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture." Winston Churchill
"Focus on remedies, not faults." Jack Nicklaus
"I find golf very relaxing. It's a way to get away from work and get outside. It's a lot of fun, and once you get going it's almost kind of addictive." Bill Gates
"Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result." Tommy Armour
"No other game combines the wonder of nature with the discipline of sport in such carefully planned ways. A great golf course both frees and challenges a golfer's mind" Tom Watson
"There is no such thing as a natural touch. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls." Lee Travino
"I like trying to win. That's what golf is all about" Jack Nicklaus
"The only reason I ever played golf in the first place was so I could afford to hunt and fish." Sam Snead
"Coverage of golf's most prestigious tournament was filled with odes to Augusta, plus numerous shots of the picture postcard setting, bees pollinating and what the host called "azaleas screaming at you and dogwoods whispering to you." Peter Alfano
"Too many times, it happens so fast, we lose our passion for glory. Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past, you must fight just to keep them alive." D. Hale
"Golf is an exercise in Scottish pointlessness for people who are no longer able to throw telephone poles at each other." Florence King
"Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun." Jim Bishop
"When the British Open is in s Scotland, there's something special about it. And when it's at St. Andrews, it's even greater." Jack Nicklaus
"Golf is a wonderful exercise. You can stand on your feet for hours, watching somebody else putt." Will Rodgers
"Golf is not sacred, and there is no use getting so gosh-darned solemn about it." Don Herold
"I don't know if I'll ever do it again or not, but frankly I don't really care." Jack Nicklaus on his sixth Masters
"He doesn't have a wife, he doesn't have a girlfriend, so the only people he has to call on is me." Earl woods commenting about Tiger after the masters in 1997
"The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf" Bertrand Russell
"Golf is assuredly a mystifying game. It would seem that if a person has hit a golf ball correctly a thousand times, he should be able to duplicate the performance at will. But this is certainly not the case." Bobby Jones
"The person I fear the most in the last two rounds is myself." Tom Watson
" These greens are so fast I have to hold the putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow." - Sam Snead
" For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball."- Dave Berry
" I look into their eyes, shake their hands, pat their back and wish them luck, but I am thinking, " I am going to bury you.' - Seve Ballesteros
"The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf- its almost a law." - H.G.Wells
" Talking about golf is always boring. (Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball; only the part where you drive the cart.)" - Dave Berry
" I would like to see the fairways more narrow. Then everyone would have to play from the rough, not just me." - Seve Ballesteros
"Each Shot is important" - Gary Player
" I cant hit a ball more than 200 yards. I have no butt. You need a butt if you're going to hit a golf ball." - Dennis Quaid
"I don't like to watch golf on television because I can't stand people who whisper." - David Brenner
"The safest place would be in the fairway." -Joe Garagiola
" Somewhere along the line I'll be recognized as one of the top players in the Nicklaus era. That's all I want to be remembered for." - Lee Travino
" Many men are more faithful to their golf partners than to their wives and have stuck with them longer." - John Updike
"The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flagstick on top." - Pete Dye
"At 15 we put down my bag to hunt for a ball, found the ball, lost the bag." - Lee Travino
"Hitting a tree in west Texas is stranger than getting a hole in one." - Mancil Davis
"Sam Snead will fly anywhere in my plane with me. Sam's not as worried about the danger as he is about saving money." - Arnold Palmer
" You can talk to a fade but a hook won't listen." -Lee Travino
"Golf is the hardest game in the world. there is now way you can ever get it. Just when you think you do, the game jumps up and puts you in your place." -Ben Crenshaw
"Golf is a better game played downhill." -Jack Nicklaus
"Through the years of experience I have found that air offers less resistance than dirt."- Jack Nicklaus
'If there's a golf course in heaven, I hope it's like Augustan National. I just don't want an early tee time." - Gary Player
"Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half inch course...the space between your ears." - Bobby Jones
"Thinking instead of acting is the number-one golf disease." Sam Snead
"The worst advice in golf is, "Keep your head down.' - Patty Sheehan
"One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President." -Lyndon B. Johnson
"The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life." Chi Chi Rodriguez
"When you fall in love with golf, you seldom fall easy. It's obsession at first sight." -Thomas Boswell
Here are some pertinent, funny and deep quotes from the world of golf.
" I think I fail a bit less than everyone else." Jack Nicklaus
"That's life. The older you get, the tougher it is to score." Bob Hope
"It's difficult to excel at something you don't truly enjoy." Jack Nicklaus
"Do I have to know rules and all that crap? then forget it." John Daly
"So in the summer of 1968, a young golfer from Texas experienced something that would forever change his life. Not only did I fall in love with formal tournament competition, but I was enraptured with so many other facets of the game; the different courses, the people, the history and traditions." Ben Crenshaw.
"This place [Augusta National] rejects me like a skin transplant." Lee Travino
"The fairways were so narrow you had to walk down them single file." Sam Snead
"How about a little noise. How do you expect a man to putt?" Babe Ruth
I still sweat. My guts are still grinding out there. Sometimes I have enough cotton in my mouth to knit a sweater." Lee Travino
"You've got to be rich to have a swing like that." Bob Hope
"There are no maladies in my golf game. My golf game stinks." Jack Nicklaus
"Until you play it, St. Andrews looks like the sort of real estate you couldn't give away." Sam Snead
"My best score ever is 103, but I've only been playing 15 years." Alex Karras
"Never give golf an ultimatum unless you're prepared to lose." Abigail Van Buren
"What a shame to waste those great shots on the practice tee." Walter Lippman
"It is impossible to imagine Gothe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf." Henry Louis Mencken
"When Tiger was six months old, he would sit in our garage, watching me hit balls into a net. He had been assimilating his golf swing. When he got out of the high chair, he had a golf swing." Earl Woods
"All I've got against golf is it takes you so far from the clubhouse." Eric Linklater
"Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?" Bob Hope
"My God, he looks like he's beating a chicken." Byron Nelson referring to Jack Lemon
"If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out." Paul Gallico
"Every shot counts. The three-foot putt is just as important as the 300 yard drive." Henry Cotton
"No one has ever conquered this game. One week out there and you are God, next time you are the devil. but it does keep you coming back.: Juli Inkster
"Is\t is the constant and undying hope for improvement that makes golf so exquisitely worth playing." Bernard Darwin
Concentrate, play your game and don't be afraid to win." Amy Strum Alcott
"It's not enough to swing at the ball. You've got to loosen your girdle and really let the ball have it." Babe Didrikson
"I don't think he's in any sort of slump right now. I mean, I aspire to be in his slumps." Hal Sutton on tiger Woods, before the 2004 Ryder cup
"If I had cleared the trees and drove the green, it would've been a great shot." Sam Snead
"Faith sir, she looks like the Old Course." Tom Morris
"Golf will grow so long as it's fun." Tom Watson
"By the time you get to your ball, if you don't know what to do with it, try another sport." Julius Boros
"Golf is very much like a love affair, if you don't take it seriously, it's no fun, if you do, it breaks your heart. Don't break your heart but flirt with the possibility." Louise Suggs
"Rhythm is best expressed in any swing directed at a cigar stump or a dandelion." Grantland Rice
"Swinging at daisies is like playing electric guitar with a tennis racket: if it were that easy, we could all be Jerry Garcia. The ball changes everything." Michael Bamberger
"Swing hard in case you hit it." Dan Marino
"Practice puts brains in your muscles." Sam Snead
"Golf without Jones would be like France without Paris- leaderless, lightless and lonely." Herbert Warren Wind about Bobby Jones
"I miss. I miss. I miss. I make." Seve Ballesterous describing his four putt at Augusta's No. 16 in 1988
"To be truthful, I think golfers are overpaid. It's unreal, and I have trouble dealing with the guilt sometime." Colin Montgomerie
"The number eighteen is symbolically meaningful because it is the numerical equivalent of the Hebrew word chai, which means life." From To the Links
"The game embarrasses you until you feel inadequate." Ben Crenshaw
"I'm working as hard as I can to get my life and my cash to run out at the same time. IF I can just die after lunch Tuesday, everything would be perfect." Doug Sanders, former golf professional
"The trouble that most of find with the modern matched sets of clubs is that they don't really seem to know any more abou the game than the old ones did!" Robert Browning
"Papa, trust your swing." Note written by ten-year-old Qass Singh pinned to Vijay Singh's golf bag during the 2000 U.S.Masters (which Singh won)
"one of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. No matter what you shoot, the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin all over again and make yourself into something." Peter Jacobsen
"Take nine strokes off your score. Skip the last hole." Bob Hope
"I'm a golfaholic. And all the counseling in the world wouldn't help me." Lee Travino
"I don't want to be the best black player in the world or the best Asian player. I want to be the best golfer ever." Tiger Woods
"Years ago I had a 1-iron I could hit 260 yards through a doorway. Now I can hit it through the keyhole." Lee Travino
"Golf is tougher than my first wife." Ken Green
"I realized if I was going to be in this {pro golf} for the long haul, I needed to relax and enjoy the struggle, enjoy the moment" Ryan Moore
"The one stroke marks the difference between fame and oblivion." Samuel Parrish
"Golf is like solitaire. When you cheat, you cheat only yourself." Tony Lema
"Make friends with your caddie and the game will make friends with you." Stephen Potter
"Forget your opponents; always play against par." Sam Snead"
"I'm Playing like Tarzan - and scoring like Jane." Chi Chi Rodriguez
"Golf is an insurmountable game in which one attempts to put an insignificant ball into an obscure hole with an absurd weapon." Harry B. Trout
"Golfers should not fail to realize that is is a game of great traditions, of high ideals of sportsmanship, one in which a strict adherence to the rules is essential. Francis Quimet
"I don't know why golf has been my life for the past 30 years. It has been a burning passion for me. It's not the money. It's just being with these guys, playing the game." Dana Quigley
"Most golfers prepare for disaster. A good golfer prepares for success." Bob Toski
"The arc of your swing doesn't have a thing to do with the size of your heart." Carol Mann
"It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place this world is when one is playing golf." Robert Lynd
"Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postpones to riper years, the results may be serious." P.G. Wodehouse
"Golf is a fascinating game. it has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I cant play it." Ted Ray
"It's easy to see golf not as a game at all but as some whey-faced, nineteenth-century Presbyterian minister's fever dream of exorcism achieved through ritual and self-mortification." Bruce McCall
"If profanity had an influence on the golf flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is." Horace G. Hutchinson
"What other people may find in poetry or art museums, I find in the flight of a good drive." Arnold Palmer
"Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick." P.J. O'Rourke
"Golf gives you an insight into human nature, your own as well as your opponent's." Grantland Rice
"If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business." Joey Adams
"Man blames fate for other accidents but feels personally responsible for a hole in one." Martha Beckman
"When I die, Bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit." Anonymous
"In baseball you hit your home run over the right field fence, the left field fence, the center field fence. Nobody cares. In golf everything has got to be right over second base." Ken Harrelson
"If I can hit a curveball, why can't I hit a ball that is standing still on a course?" Larry Nelson
"Golf balls are attracted to water as unerringly as the eye of a middle-aged man to a female bosom." Micheal Green
"If your opponent is playing several shots in vain attempt to extricate himself from a bunker, do not stand near him and audibly count his strokes. It would be justifiable homicide if he wound up his pitiable exhibition by applying his niblick to your head." Harry Vardon
"Real golfers, no matter what the provocation, never strike a caddie with the driver. The sand wedge is far more effective." Huxtable Pippey
A passion, an obsession, a romance, a nice acquaintanceship with trees, sand, and water." Bob Ryan
"Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course." Lee Travino
"They call it golf because all of the other four letter words were taken." Raymond Floyd
"When someone has a bad day like that on the golf course, you say, Greg, you look good, you look fantastic. I like your shoes, I like your pants, I like your.....well, the hats okay. I mean, you need to keep it light instead they say, Greg, what's next? Suicide? Alcoholism? Drugs? Bill Murray on the media's bludgeoning of Greg Norman after his 1996 Masters loss
" I love it. I don't know if I love it as much as Arnold Palmer, but I think I am close. I can't wait to get up in the mornings because I know I am going out to play golf. The game has been very good to me. Much has been said about when I am going to retire but i never will." Lee Travino
"I love it [practicing in Texas]. You can find anything. You can practice rain, you can practice wind, you can practice on hard pan, you can practice on lush gold courses, you can find all the conditions you will ever encounter in Texas." Tom Kite
"The first thing a television viewer realizes when watching a golf tournament is how the sport tends to make one inclined to whisper and avoid sudden movements such as walking to the refrigerator during a possible birdie putt." Peter Alfano
"[Jack Nicklaus] was the first to bring in course management. he could go to a course and tell you within one stroke what was going to win. He used to set his sights on that because he could shoot it. He was the only player I know who, if he decided he wanted to win a tournament, could go out and do it. no one will ever be as popular as Arnold Palmer and no one will ever come close to Jack as a player." Lee Travino
"You're looking up. that's your problem." Graffiti on the underside of the roof of cart 47 at Sea Scape Golf Course, Kitty Hawk, North Carolina
"When I play my best golf, I feel as if I'm in a fog, standing back watching the earth in orbit with a golf club in my hands." Mickey Wright
"A hole in one is amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass though on its way to the hole." Mac O'Grady
"Don't be in such a hurry. That little white ball isn't going to run away from you." Patty Berg
"Retire to what? I'm a golfer and a fisherman. I've got no place to retire to." Julius Boros
"Putting allows the touchy golfer two to four opportunities to blow a gasket in the short space of two to forty feet." Tommy Bolt
"Golf is not a game of good shots. It's a game of bad shots." Ben Hogan
"I get to play golf for a living. What more can you ask for- getting paid for doing what you love." Tiger Woods
"The secret of golf is to turn three shots into two." Bobby Jones
"Golf is a puzzle without an answer. I've played the game for 40 years and I still haven't the slightest idea how to play." Gary Player
"When Lee and Jack win, it's good for golf. When I win, it is better." Chi Chi Rodriguez
"I'm not out there just to be dancing around. I expect to win every time I tee up." Lee Travino
"Golf is more fun than walking naked in a strange place, but not much." Buddy Hacket
"He who owns he fastest golf cart never has a bad lie." Mickey Mantle
"A good deal of unnecessarily bad golf is played in this world." Harry Vardon
"Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anyone who owns hideous clothing." Dave Barry
"Don Quixote would understand golf. It is the impossible dream" Jim Murray
"When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income" Chi Chi Rodriguez
"It is nothing new or original to say that golf is played one stroke at a time. But it took me many years to realize it" Bobby Jones
"If a course needs to be in great condition to be played effectively, then the design strategy is flawed" Tom Watson
"Arnold Palmer has what I call an "Eisenhower smile". Those two men, they'd smile and their whole faces would look so pleasant; it was like they were smiling all over" Byron Nelson
"I did envisage being this successful as a player, but not all the hysteria around it off the golf course" Tiger Woods
"I played with Tiger Woods and I probably felt like you would be out there with me. Tiger is getting it by me about 50 or 60 yards, so it makes you feel inferior with your ability to hit the ball." Greg Norman
"There isn't a flaw in his golf or his makeup. He will win more majors than Arnold Palmer and me combined. Somebody is going to dust my records. it might as well be Tiger, because he's such a great kid." Jack Nicklaus
"I see no reason why Tiger Woods won't become a great player. Man, can he smoke some shots. A little refinement on Tigers short game and there'll be nothing. He's already pretty darn imposing." Corey Pavin
"They say 'practice makes perfect." Of course, it doesn't. For the vast majority of golfers it merely consolidates imperfection" Henry Longhurst
"I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles." G.K.Chesterson
"Golf is like life in a lot of ways-all the biggest wounds are self inflicted." Bill Clinton
"Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated." Arnold Palmer
"I don't exaggerate- i just remember big." Chi Chi Rodriguez
"If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate." Tom Watson
"Golf is not a game of great shots. Its a game of the most misses. The people who win make the smallest mistakes." Gene Littler
"Resolve never to quit, never to give up, no matter what the situation." Jack Nicklaus
"There is no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies." Anonymous
"(Golf) satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening- and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented." Arnold Palmer
"When its breezy, hit it easy." Davis Love Jr.
"Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture." Winston Churchill
"Focus on remedies, not faults." Jack Nicklaus
"I find golf very relaxing. It's a way to get away from work and get outside. It's a lot of fun, and once you get going it's almost kind of addictive." Bill Gates
"Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result." Tommy Armour
"No other game combines the wonder of nature with the discipline of sport in such carefully planned ways. A great golf course both frees and challenges a golfer's mind" Tom Watson
"There is no such thing as a natural touch. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls." Lee Travino
"I like trying to win. That's what golf is all about" Jack Nicklaus
"The only reason I ever played golf in the first place was so I could afford to hunt and fish." Sam Snead
"Coverage of golf's most prestigious tournament was filled with odes to Augusta, plus numerous shots of the picture postcard setting, bees pollinating and what the host called "azaleas screaming at you and dogwoods whispering to you." Peter Alfano
"Too many times, it happens so fast, we lose our passion for glory. Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past, you must fight just to keep them alive." D. Hale
"Golf is an exercise in Scottish pointlessness for people who are no longer able to throw telephone poles at each other." Florence King
"Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun." Jim Bishop
"When the British Open is in s Scotland, there's something special about it. And when it's at St. Andrews, it's even greater." Jack Nicklaus
"Golf is a wonderful exercise. You can stand on your feet for hours, watching somebody else putt." Will Rodgers
"Golf is not sacred, and there is no use getting so gosh-darned solemn about it." Don Herold
"I don't know if I'll ever do it again or not, but frankly I don't really care." Jack Nicklaus on his sixth Masters
"He doesn't have a wife, he doesn't have a girlfriend, so the only people he has to call on is me." Earl woods commenting about Tiger after the masters in 1997
"The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf" Bertrand Russell
"Golf is assuredly a mystifying game. It would seem that if a person has hit a golf ball correctly a thousand times, he should be able to duplicate the performance at will. But this is certainly not the case." Bobby Jones
"The person I fear the most in the last two rounds is myself." Tom Watson
" These greens are so fast I have to hold the putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow." - Sam Snead
" For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball."- Dave Berry
" I look into their eyes, shake their hands, pat their back and wish them luck, but I am thinking, " I am going to bury you.' - Seve Ballesteros
"The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf- its almost a law." - H.G.Wells
" Talking about golf is always boring. (Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball; only the part where you drive the cart.)" - Dave Berry
" I would like to see the fairways more narrow. Then everyone would have to play from the rough, not just me." - Seve Ballesteros
"Each Shot is important" - Gary Player
" I cant hit a ball more than 200 yards. I have no butt. You need a butt if you're going to hit a golf ball." - Dennis Quaid
"I don't like to watch golf on television because I can't stand people who whisper." - David Brenner
"The safest place would be in the fairway." -Joe Garagiola
" Somewhere along the line I'll be recognized as one of the top players in the Nicklaus era. That's all I want to be remembered for." - Lee Travino
" Many men are more faithful to their golf partners than to their wives and have stuck with them longer." - John Updike
"The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flagstick on top." - Pete Dye
"At 15 we put down my bag to hunt for a ball, found the ball, lost the bag." - Lee Travino
"Hitting a tree in west Texas is stranger than getting a hole in one." - Mancil Davis
"Sam Snead will fly anywhere in my plane with me. Sam's not as worried about the danger as he is about saving money." - Arnold Palmer
" You can talk to a fade but a hook won't listen." -Lee Travino
"Golf is the hardest game in the world. there is now way you can ever get it. Just when you think you do, the game jumps up and puts you in your place." -Ben Crenshaw
"Golf is a better game played downhill." -Jack Nicklaus
"Through the years of experience I have found that air offers less resistance than dirt."- Jack Nicklaus
'If there's a golf course in heaven, I hope it's like Augustan National. I just don't want an early tee time." - Gary Player
"Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half inch course...the space between your ears." - Bobby Jones
"Thinking instead of acting is the number-one golf disease." Sam Snead
"The worst advice in golf is, "Keep your head down.' - Patty Sheehan
"One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President." -Lyndon B. Johnson
"The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life." Chi Chi Rodriguez
"When you fall in love with golf, you seldom fall easy. It's obsession at first sight." -Thomas Boswell
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