FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: usoc.org

TRACK AND FIELD

Lewis, Carl

The Short List

Five-time Olympian (1980, '84, '88, '92, '96)
Won 10 Olympic medals (nine gold, one silver), with the nine gold medals tying him for first place on the all-time U.S. list with swimmer Mark Spitz
Matched track & field legend Jessie Owens' record by winning four gold medals at the 1984 Olympic Games - long jump, 100m, 200m, and the 4x100 relay
At the 1996 Atlanta Games at the age of 35, his crowning achievement was winning the gold in the long jump NCAA Champion at the University of Houston

Did You Know?
World Athlete of the Year: 1982-84
World Athlete of the Decade: 1980s
Olympic Athlete of the Century
1981 Sullivan Award Winner (USA Amatuer Athlete of the Year)
Once held a 65-meet winning streak - 46 outdoors and 19 indoors
Emulated Bob Beamon and Jessie Owens
Sponsors have included Nike, GM and Panasonic
Currently pursuing an acting and modeling career
His fourth consecutive gold medal in the long jump in 1996 made him just the second Olympian ever (along with Al Oerter) to win the same event in four straight Olympic Games

It's Every Day

Not surprisingly, Lewis has lived by a very strict diet and workout plan for most of his life, calling them his fountain of youth. On his official website, Lewis lists in detail which foods he sticks to, and what workouts give him the best results. He says, "Your body is your temple. nourish it properly to ensure its longevity."

Quote

Said SI's Rick Reilly about Lewis' 1996 Olympic feat, "You try to give a man a gold watch, and he steals your gold medal instead. You ask him to pass the torch, and he sets your Olympics on fire."

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sports_quotes.blogse.nl

MUHAMMAD ALI BOXING QUOTES

"Silence is golden when you can't think of a good answer."

"Champions aren't made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them - a desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have last-minute stamina, they have to be a little faster, they have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill."

"Before I get in the ring, I'd have already won or lost it out on the road. The real part is won or lost somewhere far away from witnesses - behind the lines, in the gym and out there on the road before I dance under those lights."

"Now you see me, now you don't. George thinks he will, but I know he won't!" Muhammad Ali taunting George Foreman

"...a fighter can condition his body to go hard certain rounds, then to coast certain rounds."

"You may talk about Sweden, you may talk about Rome, but Rockville Center's Floyd Patterson's home. A lot of people said that Floyd couldn't fight, but you should have seen him on the comeback night."

"Old age is just a record of one's whole life."

"Wars of nations are fought to change maps. But wars of poverty are fought to map change."

"We have one life; it soon will be past; what we do for God is all that will last."

"Wisdom is knowing when you can't be wise."

"To be able to give away riches is mandatory if you wish to possess them. This is the only way that you will be truly rich."

"It isn't the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it's the pebble in your shoe."

"Float like a butterfly. Sting like a bee. Your hands can't hit what your eyes can't see."

"My way of joking is to tell the truth. That's the funniest joke in the world."

"Love is a net that catches hearts like a fish."

"If you even dream of beating me you'd better wake up and apologize."

"Frazier is so ugly he should donate his face to the US Bureau of Wild Life."

"I'm the most recognized and loved man that ever lived cuz there weren't no satellites when Jesus and Moses were around, so people far away in the villages didn't know about them."

"All I want now is to be a nice, clean gentleman. I've proved my point. Now I'm going to set an example for all the nice boys and girls. I'm through talking." Muhammad Ali meeting with reporters on the morning after the Sonny Liston fight.

"I know where I'm going and I know the truth, and I don't have to be what you want me to be. I'm free to be what I want."

"A rooster crows only when it sees the light. Put him in the dark and he'll never crow. I have seen the light and I'm crowing."

"LaLaLand gossips say Joe Frazier ain't happy with his characterization in movie Ali. Sez he should have been consulted since he has a memory and Ali doesn't." (Blackie Sherrod, The Dallas Morning News)

"Rivers, ponds, lakes and streams — they all have different names, but they all contain water. Just as religions do — they all contain truths."

"I'm a Muslim. I've been a Muslim for 20 years. . . . You know me. I'm a boxer. I've been called the greatest. People recognize me for being a boxer and a man of truth. I wouldn't be here representing Islam if it were terrorist. . . . I think all people should know the truth, come to recognize the truth. Islam is peace." Muhammad Ali speaking on September 21, 2001 at a fundraiser for victims of the WTC and Pentagon attacks.

"Prejudice comes from being in the dark; sunlight disinfects it."

"I'm so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and was in bed before the room was dark."

"People don't realize what they had till it's gone. Like President Kennedy - nobody like him. Like The Beatles, there will never be anything like them. Like my man, Elvis Presley - I was the Elvis of boxing.''

"It's hard to be humble, when you're as great as I am."

"That all you got, George?" What Ali whispered into George Foreman's ear in a late round clinch during the Rumble in the Jungle.

"It's lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges, and I believed in myself."

"It's not bragging if you can back it up."

"I am America. I am the part you won't recognize, but get used to me. Black, confident, cocky -- my name, not yours. My religion, not yours. My goals, my own. Get used to me."

"The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life."

"I'm a baaaadd man!"

"Eat your words! Eat your words! I am the greatest." Muhammad Ali shouting at reporters who had dismissed him as a loudmouth and a fake before his fight with Sonny Liston.

"I figured that if I said it enough, I would convince the world that I really was the greatest."

"Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth."

"The man who has no imagination has no wings."

"Cassius Clay is a slave name. I didn't choose it, and I didn't want it. I am Muhammad Ali, a free name - it means beloved of God - and I insist people use it when speaking to me and of me.''

"What's my name, fool? What's my name?" What Ali kept yelling while winning a 1967 decision against Ernie Terrell, who had insisted on calling him Cassius Clay.

"I wish people would love everybody else the way they love me. It would be a better world." Muhammad Ali (from Healing, a Journal of Tolerance and Understanding)

"He was like God - God with a custard pie up his sleeve.'' Joseph D. O'Brian describing Muhammad Ali.

"I've seen George Foreman shadow boxing and the shadow won."
Muhammad Ali.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: geocities.com

SCUBA DIVING HUMOR

Potential Dive Buddies to Avoid

by Sandy Lindsey

Choosing the right diving buddy can be a more important decision than choosing your first through third spouses, your career path (a.k.a. dead-end job) and in many cases, even more important that the selection of your diving vacation destination. The following guidelines should take some of the stress out of this complex decision-making process, and help you learn what to avoid:

Mr. I Can Maintain Perfect Bouyancy Longer Than You Can

He's arrogant, he's irritating, and worst of all he's usually right.

Mr. I Bet I Can Maintain Perfect Bouyancy Longer than You Can

Same as above, only he's so sure of himself that he wants to take your money in what he views as a "sucker bet."

The Ruthless Spearfisherman

He's going to catch a fish no matter how long it takes. And will rouse you from the developing mental haze caused by the lack of oxygen in your tank with the tip of his loaded spear gun to make you continue the hunt.

The Diving Stud

He uses enough hairspray to dive in the strongest currents, yet not have a hair out of place. One more spritz and he'll be toxic to the entire marine environment around him.

Mr. Perpetual Optimist

So constantly cheerful, even on days when the seas are 6-8, he can see the bright side of being seasick on an overcrowded dive boat, from which, for obvious reasons, you aren't permitted to dive off of that day. One day you know that the stress is going to get to you and you're going to burst a blood-vessel and throw him overboard without his equipment.

The Pseudo-Diver

He wears all the right dive clothes, owns all the right dive gear...and it ends right there. He possesses no diving skills whatsoever. In his opinion that's what you're for. NOTE: This relationship can work if he owns a Nikonos V that you've lusted over but can't afford, will pay for your gear, buys beer afterwards, and doesn't take it personally if you leave him on board the dive boat.

The Ex-Con

Warning: One should not consider a diving partner who has more than two felony convictions, no matter what his skills underwater.

Just Got Out of the State Hospital

One step above the ex-con, he was smart enough to fake insanity and get sentenced to cushier surroundings. At least you hope he was faking...

The Cola Junkie

"What do you mean we don't have any sugar and caffeine left on board!" His hands shake too much to set up his equipment properly.

The Neighbors Recently Certified Ten-Year-Old Ki

You may be tempted to tell yourself that since he's young, you can mold him to your diving ways. Don't share this naive thought with him. You'll only get a lot of laughter and receive a clipped, "Yeah, right" before he returns his fixated attention to his handheld electronic game.

The Ozzy Osbourne Fan

I'm sure you know what he likes to do with the live lobster he catches. Leave him back on land where he can content himself with bats.

Lastly, never, ever consider a diving partner who has been on America's Most Wanted, Unsolved Mysteries or any show featuring people talking about their UFO experiences.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: notable-quotes.com

QUOTES ON SCUBA DIVING

As a diver you are weightless and can move in all directions. You approach the freedom of a bird as you move in three dimensions in a fluid environment.

DENNIS GRAVER, Scuba Diving

SCUBA diving is sensual. To breathe underwater is one of the most fascinating and peculiar sensations imaginable. Breathing becomes a rhythmic melody of inhalations and exhalations. The cracks and pops of fish and crustaceans harmonize with the rhythmic chiming of the bubbles as you exhale. Soon, lungs act as bellows, controlling your buoyancy as you achieve weightlessness. And, as in your dreams, you are flying. Combine these otherworldly stimuli and you surrender completely to the sanctuary of the underwater world.

TEC CLARK, forward, Karen Berger's Scuba Diving

Scuba diving is very much a black and white world in terms of the laws and rules one must abide by. It comes down to clear-cut physics. If the laws are broken, severe penalties are exacted, including paralysis or even death.

CARLOS EYLES, The Blue Edge

Scuba diving is itself a hazardous sport. To do it without any training is tantamount to playing Russian roulette with a loaded revolver.

ROBERT F. BURGESS, The Cave Divers

Tropical coral reefs are to SCUBA diving what alpine peaks are to backpacking. Reefs are the highlights, the places where equipment manufacturers strut their stuff, and photographers shoot magazine covers.

KAREN BERGER, Scuba Diving

SCUBA diving is not considered a good exercise for aerobic conditioning. If SCUBA divers do everything "right," by maintaining neutral buoyancy, drifting with currents, and breathing slowly and deeply while underwater, they should expend less energy than when resting on land.

MICHAEL STRAUSS, Diving Science

Scuba diving, from the beginning, had an air of dangerous allure. Every landlocked schoolboy knew of its intriguing hazards: the bends, which caused a diver's veins to fizz with carbonated blood until he died a ghastly, percolating death; and rapture of the deep, which took away his reason, filled his heart with false contentment, and drew him down into the ocean gloom.

STEPHEN HARRIGAN, Water and Light

Most of the problems in scuba diving come from ourselves.

JIM CROCKETT, The Why-To of Scuba Diving

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: uk.reuters.com

TRACK AND FIELD - LONG JUMP

Bob Beamon's jump still inspires new generation

Fri Mar 14, 2008

By John Mehaffey

LONDON (Reuters) - Every day, Olympic long jump champion Dwight Phillips watches a tape of the extraordinary leap into the future with which Bob Beamon took the world record into the stratosphere.

"I watch it every day as part of my motivation," Phillips told a teleconference hosted by the U.S. Olympic committee in the build-up to the Beijing Games. "I watch it everywhere. I've watched it a thousand times."

Beamon's record of 8.90 metres, set at the 1968 Mexico City Olympics, lasted 23 years. It is possibly the greatest Olympic track and field record; it is indisputably the most spectacular.

"I can't believe it's 40 years," Beamon told the teleconference. "It was an incredible day. It was one of the few times in my life that I felt I was going to be a champion.

"I had an incredible spirit of life, if it snowed, if it rained, whatever, I was basically prepared to jump in any kind of weather."

Beamon graduated from a troubled childhood in New York City into the turbulent 1960s as an athlete of rare gifts.

KEY ISSUE

In the thin air of Mexico City he trained over 100 meters with Tommie Smith and John Carlos, who were to stun the world when they bowed their heads and raised their right fists in the black power salute after finishing first and third in the 200 metres final.

"I came to Mexico probably running 10.4 (seconds) and I worked with the great Tommie Smith and John Carlos and I could probably have run 10.00, 10.05, 10.06," he said.

"That was a key issue for me. What I did was learn the technique with being with the great ones."

Beamon was almost eliminated in the preliminary rounds, fouling the first of his three jumps. Team mate Ralph Boston, the 1960 Olympic gold medallist, intervened.

"He told me to move it (the starting mark) back a couple of feet," Beamon said. "If I hadn't listened to him I probably would not have made the final."

Rain threatened on October 18, the day of the final, and the first three jumpers fouled. Beamon was fourth and the first sign that something extraordinary was in prospect was the height he reached through the air. He hit the sand with such force that he bounced out of the pit and officials called for a steel tape to check the distance.

GREAT MILESTONE

For several minutes, Beamon waited and then, when the metric distance was flashed on the scoreboard, he had to wait some more until Boston converted it into 29 feet 1-1/2 inches. It bettered the previous mark held by Boston and Igor Ter-Ovanesyan of the Soviet Union by 21-3/4 inches.

American Mike Powell, who set the current record of 8.95 metres in Tokyo in August 1991, is still the only other jumper to reach 8.90 metres.

"Even 40 years later athletes like myself are still trying to reach that great milestone of 29 feet," said Phillips, who won bronze at last year's world championships. "I think in 2060 they will still be remembering this great athlete."

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: richardpettinger.com

OFF TOPIC: SPORTS REFERENCES HIGHLIGHTED

Funny University Application Letter
A funny but real application to an American college

I have many students who wish me to help write their personal statements for British universities. This seems such a breath of fresh air, after all the attempts of students to make themselves look good.

This is an actual essay written by a college applicant to New York University. The author was accepted and is now attending NYU.

=============================

IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION:

ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON?

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I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the areas of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently.

Occasionally, I treated water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and god like trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am as expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a ghow and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400.

My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven.

I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin.

I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to college.

PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE

Life is an endless struggle, full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

Time may be a great healer but it's also a lousy beautician.

Brain cells come and go but fat cells live forever.

Life not only begins at forty it begin to show.

You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.

It is bad to suppress laugher; it goes back down and spreads to your hips.

Age is important only if you're cheese and wine.

The only time a woman wishes that she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby.

Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but he/she can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source; news.yahoo.com

BOY'S LACROSSE TEAM PENALIZED FOR INVITING GIRL TO PROM!

Sports Humor

ANN ARBOR, Mich. - Thirteen members of a high school lacrosse team have been disciplined for baring their bottoms on which was written a prom invitation from one player to a girl.

Carolyn Campbell, a senior at Huron High School, accepted the invitation to go to the prom with fellow senior Kristoff Wennersten.

The varsity lacrosse players displayed the question, "Will You Go To The Prom With Me? Yes or No?" on their bottoms, which they bared during a junior varsity game last Thursday.

Officials suspended the 13 players for an undetermined number of games and ordered them to perform 20 hours of community service. They also were suspended from school for one day.

"Inappropriate is inappropriate," school athletic director Dottie Davis told The Ann Arbor News. "It disrespects women, and that's the clear message we need to have the students understand — what may be fun to them isn't necessarily fun to everyone else."

Campbell accepted the invitation by patting the back of the player who displayed the word "Yes."

"People get pretty creative with prom. Anyone who's done anything has been pretty outlandish," she said. "This is pretty epic, I would say. I didn't think it would become this big of a deal."

Wennersten said he understood the decision to discipline him and his teammates, adding, "I enjoyed every bit of it."