SPECIAL EDITORIAL NOTE FROM SPORTS_NUT, 2/26/2011
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Welcome to the retirement edition of Funny Sports Quotes.
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The Funny Sports Quotes blog was created in 11/2007 after I could see I could become a blogger very easily using Google's 3-step process for creating a blog online.
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For me, like most, work is not my idea of a fun experience, so I had to choose the topic that I would most enjoy pursuing and that, for me, was finding and posting funny sports quotes for entertaining and, in some cases, educating an audience on facets of sports even the most ardent sports fans may not have been aware of.
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At the same time, I decided to compile a database of funny sports quotes that sports fans and quote fans could visit for "one-stop" shopping, thereby helping them to avoid the need to search elsewhere for sports quotes.
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So, from 11/2007 until 2/2011. I have compiled quotes on the Funny Sports Quotes blog and its sister blog, FSQuotes, that is accessible only from the Funny Sports Quotes blog.
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As of 2/26/2011, I believe I have achieved my objective first set in 11/2007, which signals for me the end of my funny sports quotes database project.
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Kindly note that I have already made the last post (SI Swimsuit) to the blog, shut off further entries to Comments, and I will shut off the email address sports.quotes@gmail.com on 03/14/2011.
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Also note that many features previously cited on this page have been removed, so that a bare-bones FSQ remains for your future reference.
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I do hope that my venture was successful in bringing a smile to your face or a skip to your step, since that was all FSQ was created for, your entertainment and pleasure.
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In closing, I wish you and yours, Godspeed!
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Tuesday, April 8, 2008

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: twainquotes.com

BOXING

A round consists of only 3 minutes; then the men retire to their corners and sit down and lean their heads back against a post and gasp and pant like fishes, while one man fans them with a fan, another with a table-cloth, another rubs their legs and sponges off their faces and shoulders and blows sprays of water in their faces from his own mouth. Only one minute is allowed for this; then time is called and they jump up and go to fighting again. It is absorbingly interesting.

- Letter to Olivia Clemens, 1/4/1894 from Mark Twain

 
 




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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sayings.funnyjunkz.com

MARTIAL ARTS

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.

- Dave Barry

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: rightwingnews.com



Some Of RWN's Favorite Pro-Wrestling Quotes
by John Hawkins

"Sportsmanship...what a load of crap, don't preach your morality to me. Steve Austin doesn't have any mercy... you want mercy? Take your *ss to church!" -- Steve Austin


"You can talk about your Psalms and your John 3:16. Well, Austin 3:16 says I just whooped your *ss." - Steve Austin


"Vince Mcmahon may have bought this ring but if you get your *ss in it Stone Colds going to throw your *ss out of it" -- Steve Austin


"She's had more hands on her than a doorknob" - The Bodydonnas on Sunny.


"Greetings to all of our fans in Memphis! As we all know, there are two types of Elvis' - there was fat Elvis, and really fat Elvis! But the sad thing is - none of us will ever get the chance to find how fat Elvis really would have been - because, he ended up like this town -- Dead!!!!" -- Christian.


"Now, speaking of sore-losers, how fitting is it that we are in the capital city of sore-losers, Buffalo, New York! Now, I'm talking, Superbowls, Stanley Cup Finals, O.J.! It 'so' doesn't get more depressing than right here." -- Christian.


"To be that man, you've got to beat the man. Whoooo!" -- Ric Flair


"I'm a limousine-riding, jet-flying, kiss-stealing, wheeling-dealing son of a gun, who's kissed all the girls and made them cry." -- Ric Flair


"I would rather hurt a man than love a woman." -- Mick Foley / Cactus Jack


"Kick him when he's down, he's easier to reach." -- Scott Hall


"You don't have to yell at me, Schiavone. I'm not blind!" -- Bobby Heenan


"Don't hate the player, hate the game." -- Jeff Jarrett


"[Sunny] didn't make a fool out of Phineas -- God beat her to that." -- Jerry Lawler

"You know, Alundra Blayze, with her looks could star in a T.V. western--if she had two more legs!" -- Jerry Lawler

"You never really know a woman till you meet her in court." -- Jerry Lawler

"Helen Hart is so old, she remembers when the Dead Sea was sick." -- Jerry Lawler.

"Helen Hart is the only person I know with an autographed copy of the bible." -- Jerry Lawler

"The only reason Jake 'The Snake' Roberts doesn't drink and drive anymore is because he is afraid he might hit a bump and spill his drink." -- Jerry Lawler.

"I have balls the size of grapefruits, and come this Sunday you'll be spitting out the seeds!" -- Vince McMahon


"Did your parents build you a swing facing a wall when you were a kid?" -- Roddy Piper

"You'll find sympathy in the dictionary between sh*t and suicide." - Roddy Piper

"I'm gonna stick your head so far up your *ss your gonna have to cut holes in your nipples to see!" -- The Rock


"Let the Rock take out his magical, invisible crystal ball. He sees Edge...he sees Christian...good news, you're still WWE tag team champions - but hold on, it's a little foggy....ah there it is, clear as crystal. It's a picture of the Rock whipping both your monkey*sses all over Louisville!" -- The Rock


"Yes...the Rock DOES want to retract his statement. The Big Show is NOT a jabrone....but what the Big Show IS, is a seven foot, five hundred pound, steaming, stinking, steaming, stinking pile of Grade-A monkey crap! And the Rock says this, Big Show, did the Rock call you a jabrone? You damn right he did, he called twenty others a jabrone as well, shut your mouth, and look at the Rock, read the Rock's lips - jabrone - J-A-B-R-O-N-I-X-Y-Z-A-B-C-oh, it doesn't MATTER how you spell 'jabrone!' The Rock says this, Big Show, come Royal Rumble - the Rock's Rumble - the Rock guarand*mntees to take his hand and one, by one, by d*mn one, over the top rope, the Rock guarand*mnteeing winning the Royal Rumble, the Rock, going to WrestleMania, and going out of WrestleMania...the People's Champion." -- The Rock


"Now, Bad *ss, you run your mouth about Summerslam. Well, here's the situation. The Rock says this, if the Rock hits you he'll kill you. If he misses, the wind behind the punch will give you pneumonia and you'll die anyway, so the choice is yours jabroni." -- The Rock


"Don't you ever, and the Rock means EVER, come at the Rock and ask him a question like that again, or else the Rock will knock your teeth so far down your throat, you'll stick a toothbrush up your *ss to brush 'em!" -- The Rock


"Obviously The Rock is here. Obviously he has just checked Mankind into the Smackdown Hotel at the corner of Know your Role Blv. and Jabroni Drive." -- The Rock


"You see, so the Rock says there's a little lesson to be learned here and that lesson is this. Big Show, you see, when you insult the Rock, when you insult the Great One, when you insult the People's Champion, you insult...the People. Now seeing as you've insulted the People, you've left the Rock with not one but two choices! The first choice is the Rock could go in the back, take off his $500 shirt, wait 'til Sunday and eliminate your big candy*ss to win the Royal Rumble. And then there's the...second choice. And seeing as we are here on the Rock's show SmackDown!, the Rock figured he'd just...walk down the People's Ramp - just like this...stop in the middle, just like this - inhale the electricity from the millions - of Rock's fans keep walkin', just like this...come up in the middle of the People's Ring and kick your candy*ss all over Providence." -- The Rock


"...(O)n top of all that, look at this guy? I mean he's a idiot, he's 7 feet of pure idiot. You put his brain in a parakeet... zing! It'll fly backwards." -- The Rock

"This crowd is letting Kurt know that he sucks. Just in case he had forgotten." -- Jim Ross


"I'd hate to end your career tonight -- well, not really." -- Al Snow to the Rock & Roll Express


"I don't have 30 days and 30 nights, to show you why all the hoochies say there's nothing finer than Scott Steiner, but all I need is one night to have your wife call me for the rest of her life, the big bad booty daddy, so this goes to all my freaks out there, Big Poppa Pump is your hook up, hollar if you hear me." -- Scott Steiner1`


"Why put off kicking somebody's *ss next week when I can do it right now." -- The Undertaker


"It doesn't make you bad losing to Rob Van Dam... it just makes you like everybody else." -- Rob Van Dam


"This leg will be known as Christmas, and this leg will be known as New Year's! So ladies, why don't you all come visit the Big Valbowski between the holidays?" -- Val Venis


"Win if you can, lose if you must, but ALWAYS cheat!" -- Jesse Ventura

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: workinghumor.com


GOLF ONE-LINERS
Golf quotes by and about Bov Hope
I never kick my ball in the rough or improve my lie in a sand trap. For that I have a caddie.

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: yaledailynews.com

What's What & Who's Who: Fencing


Published Thursday, November 15, 2007

The nitty gritty

A collegiate fencing match is split into three divisions, with three fencers assigned to each division. Each of these three divisions corresponds with a different weapon, and each contestant in a given division fences against every opponent in that division to make for a total of up to 27 bouts.
Each match is fought to five touches or three minutes, whichever comes first. If the fencer steps off the strip that designates the playing field, the other player wins a point.
If the bout is tied, fencers go into a one-minute sudden-death overtime — the first person to score wins. The referee tosses a coin to determine which fencer will have "priority." If no one scores in the overtime, the person who won the priority coin toss automatically wins the bout.
Choose your weapon wisely
Sabre: modeled after historical cavalry weapons. With a sabre, the fencer targets the area from the waist up. A fencer can score by either slashing or stabbing his opponent — i.e., both the side and the tip of the blade can be used to score. Right-of-way rule applies in sabre fencing, which means that only the fencer who is on the attack can score. This designation is determined by the referee.
Foil: a practice weapon. Fencers can only score with the point of the sword. The target area is the torso, and the right-of-way rule applies.
Epee: The target area is the entire body, and whoever first hits the opponent with the tip of the sword is awarded the point. There is no right-of-way rule. If the two fencers hit one another at the same time, they both receive a point.
It's electric!
A cord is run through the fencer's jacket, into the weapon, down into a floor cord and then out to a box. When a fencer scores a point, a light on the box turns on.
How passe: wearing white after Labor Day
The fencing uniform is entirely white and consists of capri-length knickers, knee-high socks, underarm protectors, a thick jacket, a face mask and a bib to protect the neck, and gloves. Women also wear breast plates and men wear cups. The material for the uniform is thick enough to protect the fencer from bruises.
For foil and sabre, the fencer wears a special metal jacket made of a different conductive material so that the referee can determine when someone scores. The sabre jacket is full length and the foil jacket is a vest. A colored light goes off when a fencer hits inside the target area, and the light turns white when the fencer hits outside the target area.
"Opa!"
"We yell a lot in fencing — it's definitely an obnoxious sport," Rebecca Moss '10 said. Everyone on the team does a different "victory dance" when he scores a point, and the most prevalent cheer from the sidelines is "Opa!" which means "joy" in Greek.
Moss admits that she might have the most annoying cheer when she scores a point. "I clench my left fist, crouch down and scream 'Yes, yes, yes!'" she said.
Talking smack
Fencers act aggressively toward one another and will often mock their opponents after scoring a point, but athletes can be carded for unsportsmanlike contact. At the end of a bout, fencers are required to salute their opponents and shake hands.
Begging for a point
When a point is debatable, fencers will turn around and scream at the ref to convince him they are the rightful winners.
Swordsman stereotypes
Epee: attracts more patient people because the entire body is a target. The Yale team jokes that athletes attracted to this type are "slow," because there are not as many rules.
Foil: attracts elite, intellectual fencers who can memorize the many rules of this type of fighting.
Sabre: aggressive and impatient athletes. These fencers are normally intense and eccentric.
Walk-ons
The team holds tryouts every year and allows two walk-ons to join. The walk-ons do not initially start in matches, but they usually work their way up to play.


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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sports.aol.com


Athlete Hit by Javelin Angry Over Incident

[ Track and Field Sport ]
The New York Times
Posted: 2008-02-16 08:59:25
On Friday the 13th in July, Tero Pitkamaki of Finland, one of the world's best at what he does, rumbled forward and released his javelin during a Golden League meet in Rome. It sailed far off target to the left, and nearly 80 meters away it landed in the back of an unsuspecting long jumper, Salim Sdiri of France.




Sdiri shouted and twisted. He grabbed at the javelin protruding from his body, then released his grip and dropped to the ground as officials and athletes rushed to him. Pitkamaki watched from afar and cradled his head in his hands.

Seven months later, Sdiri is still coping with the freakish injury. "I won't hide that there were many times when I've had a hard time sleeping," Sdiri, 29, said in an interview with the French radio station RTL this week. "Everything runs through your head."

Danielle Desmier, his coach for the last nine years, has tried to stay patient. "You never know with this kind of accident how people will react," Desmier said in a telephone interview this week. "You had to give him the time, the time to get himself back together, the time to get back his desire to jump."

Sdiri has not jumped in competition since the accident, which left him with internal injuries to his liver and right kidney, caused him to lose 15 pounds of muscle mass and prevented him from training until December. But he says the desire is back, if not the confidence or explosive strength, and on Saturday and Sunday he plans to take part in the French indoor track and field championships in Bordeaux.

Sdiri's goal for the weekend is to get over the stage fright and to let his competitive juices flow again. His goal for the year is to qualify for the Beijing Olympics. Sdiri, the father of a 2-year-old son, was good enough before his accident to finish fifth at the world championships in 2005.

Sdiri paid a price for an unusual combination of negligence, but he was also fortunate when one considers what might have happened if Pitkamaki's javelin had struck him a bit higher.

"It's very fortunate that Salim is alive," Pitkamaki said last summer. "And I should thank all the Gods for that."

Sdiri's gratitude does not extend to Pitkamaki. He resents Pitkamaki's failure to rush to his aid. He resents that, while visibly affected by the accident, Pitkamaki did not stop competing that night, throwing three more times. Pitkamaki sought out Sdiri to apologize at his hotel in Rome, but he resents that Pitkamaki has not maintained contact with him during his convalescence.








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