FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: geocities.com

Fencing Quotations

"Swashbuckler. 1560. One who makes a noise by striking his own or his opponent's shield with a sword. A swaggering bravo or ruffian. A noisy braggadocio. The swashbuckling manners of a youth of fashion in the reign of Elizabeth I."
~ The Shorter Oxford English dictionary ~

"The entire secret of arms consists of only two things: to give, and not to receive."
~ Moliere 1671 ~

"Foil fencers talk about the techniques of fencing. Épée fencers talk about the esoterics of fencing. Sabre fencers talk about themselves."
~ Nick Evangelista 1996 ~

"If you want to find out about fencers, go up behind one as he faces a practice target. Burst a balloon behind his back. The foilist will immediately lunge at the pad. The épéeist will stand his ground, immobile but alert. The sabreur will swing round and assault you."
~ Hungarian axiom ~

"...it has been written that 'Sword is the man,' I would rather say: Man is how he behaves sword in hand."
~ Aldo Nadi 1943 ~

"Young man, you must never be touched. Otherwise, the blood now coming out of your arm may instead be spurting from your chest..."
~ Aldo Nadi 1943 ~

"Fencers only recognize fencers, potential fencers and hopeless invalids."
~ Aldo Nadi 1943 ~

"The meanes whereby men from time to time have bene preferred even to the highest degrees of greatnes and dignitie, have ever bene and are of two sortes, Armes and letters: Weapons & bookes, as may most plainly bee proved out of antique and moderne histories..."
~ Vincentio Saviolo 1595 ~

"(The fight in hot blood) appertains to all ages, and will no doubt endure until at least man has been civilized out of all manhood."
~ Ted Huber ~

"Who despises me and my praiseworthy craft
I'll hit on the head that it resounds in his heart."
~ Augustin Staidt ~

"Put up your sword, you fool, for if you kill me you will not smell any better, and if I kill you, you will smell a damn sight worse."
~ Saint-Foix, upon being challenged for informing a man "He smelled like a goat." ~

"The French duel is the most health-giving of recreations because of the open-air exercise it affords. I would rather be the hero of a French duel than a crowned and sceptred monarch."
~Mark Twain, 1880 ~

"A bullet, you see, may go anywhere, but steel's almost bound to go somewhere."
~ Dorothy Sayers, 1936 ~

"Fencing Dad says 'Don't look at the lights!'"
~ Fencing Dad (Big for Our Britches)~

"When you can score five hits that no referee can deny you, when you are so far ahead of your opponent that your supremacy is undeniable, then you will deserve your place."
~ Béla Bay, 1956 ~

"Steel true / blade straight"
~ Inscription on the gravestone of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, by Robert Louis Stevenson ~

"Gone While your tastes were keen to you,
Gone where the grey winds call to you,
By that high fencer, even Death,
Struck of the blade that no man parrieth."
~ Ezra Pound ~

"Pray you, be gentle with my scabbard here – She'll put her tongue out at you presently!"
~ Edmond Rostand ~

"You are so modest, you might blush before a sword naked."
~ Edmond Rostand ~

"But I have no gloves! A pity too! I had one – the last one of an old pair – and lost that. Very careless of me. Some Gentleman offered me an impertinence. I left it – in his face."
~ Edmond Rostand ~

"Dragoon, n. A soldier who combines dash and steadiness in so equal measure that he makes his advances on foot and his retreats on horseback."
~ Ambrose Bierce (1842 - ca. 1914) ~

"Duel, n. A formal ceremony preliminary to the reconciliation of two enemies. Great skill is necessary to its satisfactory observance; if awkwardly performed the most unexpected and deplorable consequences sometimes ensue. A long time ago a man lost his life in a duel.

~ Ambrose Bierce (1842 - ca. 1914) ~

That dueling's a gentlemanly vice
I hold; and wish that it had been my lot
To live my life out in some favored spot-
Some country where it is considered nice
To split a rival like a fish, or slice
A husband like a spud, or with a shot
Bring down a debtor doubled in a knot
And ready to be put upon the ice.
Some miscreants there are, whom I do long
To shoot, or stab, or in some such way reclaim
The scurvy rogues to better lives and manners,
I seem to see them now - a mighty throng.
It looks as if to challenge me they came,
Jauntily marching with brass bands and banners!
Xamba Q. Dar."

"Redder's Lick: The stroke which one often receives in endeavouring to part combatants."
~ John Jamieson's Etymological Scottish Dictionary 1808 ~

"I tried to sit him down, think things through,
But swashbuck-a-lin' in Brook-a-lyn is all he wanna do."
~ Fun Lovin' Criminals 2001 ~

"Go ahead, wear white after Labour Day, we dare you!"
~ The University of Calgary Fencing Club 2002 ~

"The sword is one of the few implements that can penetrate both the imagination of man, and his vital organs."
~ The University of Calgary Fencing Club 2003 ~

"I scream, you scream, we all scream for escrime!"
~ The University of Calgary Fencing Club 2002 ~

"Tournament Weird: The general condition of nervous energy, fatigue, and absent-mindedness afflicting fencers immediately preceding, during, and immediately following competition. As in: 'I think Vanessa has gone a bit tournament weird!'"
~ The University of Calgary Fencing Club 2003 ~

"In Germany, students join fraternities to drink beer and participate in a centuries-old form of ritualistic combat. In Canada students join frats to drink beer. Try something new! Join the U of C Fencing Club!"
~ The University of Calgary Fencing Club 2002 ~

"If you can't hit your friends with swords, who can you hit?"
~ The University of Calgary Fencing Club 2002 ~

"Keep distance, extend your arm, take control of the opponent's blade."
~ Domokos Laszlo ~

"Notwithstanding all the assistance listed above, there are sure to be lacunae, mistakes, and other shortcomings in this book. As any past fencer will quickly recognize, such errors are solely the responsibility and fault of... the referee."
~ Richard Cohen, 2002 ~

"Real sharpness comes without effort."
~ Li Mu Bai, from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon ~

"Calligraphy is so similar to fencing."
~ Yu Shu Lien, from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon ~

"Logic is like the sword--those who appeal to it shall perish by it."
~ Samuel Butler ~

"Let none presume to tell me that the pen is preferable to the sword."
~ Miguel de Cervantes ~

"He who lives by the sword, will eventually be wiped out by some bastard with a sawn off shotgun."
~ Steady Eddy ~

"There has been opposition to every innovation in the history of man, with the possible exception of the sword."
~ Benjamin Dana ~

"If you ain't never pick up the sword, you ain't never have to worry about fallin' on it."
~ Meldrick Lewis ~

T"he pen is mightier than the sword, until it runs out of ink."
~ Anonymous ~

"Those who beat their swords into ploughshares may one day find themselves ruled by those of us who kept their swords."
~ Unknown ~

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: polevaultpower.com

TRACK AND FIELD

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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: golftoday.com

GOLF QUOTES

Politicians and Royalty
The Royal and Ancient game has long been popular with those in high office

Golf is a game kings and presidents play when they get tired of running countries.
- Charles Price

Golf always makes me so damned angry.
- King George V

When I look on my life and try to decide out of what I have got most actual pleasure, I have no doubt at all saying that I have got more out of golf than anything else.
- British Minister Lord Barbazon of Tara

Men trifle with their business and their politics but never trifle with their games. It brings truth home to them. They cannot pretend they have won when they have lost nor that they had a magnificent drive when they foozled it. The Englishman is at his best on the links and at his worst in the Cabinet.
- George Bernard Shaw

While, on the whole, playing through the green is the part most trying to the temper, putting is that most trying to the nerves. There is always the hope that a bad drive may be redeemed by a fine approach shot, or that a 'foozle' with the brassy may be balanced by some brilliant performance with the iron. But when the stage of putting-out has been reached no further illusions are possible.
- British Prime Minister Earl Balfour

Playing the game I have learned the meaning of humility. It has given me an understanding of the futility of human effort.
- Israeli Foreign Minister Abba Eban

In 1587 golf's first famous woman player [Mary Queen of Scots] was convicted and beheaded. Women's golf went into something of a decline after that.
- Rhonda Glenn

With a fine sea view and a clear course in front of him, the golfer may be excused if he regards golf, even though it be indifferent golf, as the true and adequate end of man's existence.
- British Prime Minister Earl Balfour

Golf is the only game where the worst player gets the best of it. He obtains more out of it as regards both exercise and enjoyment, for the good player gets worried over the slightest mistake, whereas the poor player makes too many mistakes to worry about them.
- British Prime Minister David Lloyd George)

Golf is to me what his Sabine farm was to the poet Horace - a solace and an inspiration.
- British Prime Minister Ramsay MacDonald

Golf seems to me an arduous way to go for a walk. I prefer to take the dogs out.
- H.R.H. Princess Anne

Golf has so many virtues; it is not too strenuous; it is healthy; it can be played, anyhow in our climate, practically the whole year round. It has so many advantages over all other games that it must endure and prosper.
- British Minister Lord Barbazon of Tara (1952)

I am quite certain that there has never been a greater addition to the lighter side of civilisation than that supplied by the game of golf.
- British Prime Minister Earl Balfour

I was playing once with the King of Samoa. I asked him what his handicap was. "Six wives," he said.
- Jack Redmond

As General Eisenhower discovered, it is easier to end the Cold War or stamp out poverty than to master this devilish pastime.
- James Reston

I like going there for golf. America is one vast golf course today.
- The Duke of Windsor (formerly King Edward VIII)

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: jimpoz.com

GOLF QUOTE
We Justices must confront what is indeed an awesome responsibility. It has been rendered the solemn duty of the Supreme Court of the United States, laid upon it by Congress in pursuance of the Federal Government's power "[t]o regulate Commerce with foreign Nations, and among the several States," to decide What Is Golf. I am sure that the Framers of the Constitution, aware of the 1457 edict of King James II of Scotland prohibiting golf because it interfered with the practice of archery, fully expected that sooner or later the paths of golf and government, the law and the links, would once again cross, and that the judges of this august Court would some day have to wrestle with that age-old jurisprudential question, for which their years of study in the law have so well prepared them: Is someone riding around a golf course from shot to shot really a golfer? The answer, we learn, is yes. The Court ultimately concludes, and it will henceforth be the Law of the Land, that walking is not a "fundamental" aspect of golf.
	Justice Antonin Scalia 1936—
	PGA Tour, Inc. v. Martin (00-24) Dissenting Opinion May 29, 2001

 

 

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