FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: footiemad.com

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SOCCER QUOTES
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Click here to view ===> SOCCER
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: nomarsgirl4ever.tripod.com

WRESTLING INSULTS
Insults by Chris Jericho
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Thanks Stephanie, you're the breast... I mean best!"
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"When hell freezes over and platypuses fly out of my butt."
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"Well Stephanie, I'd like to thank you for giving me such a kind Christmas gift, but unfortunately I didn't get you any gifts. But then again, what can you get for the girl whose had everyone."
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"Welcome to Stephanie is naked!!! Seriously Stephanie, you don't have to act embarrassed about what just happened. It's not as though three quarters of the locker room hasn't seen you undressed already anyway!!!"
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"Your dad was on the road night after night while your mom was all alone, and you wonder why you and your brother look nothing alike."
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: nomarsgirl4ever.tripod.com

Image: blog.mainstreamshore.com
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WRESTLING INSULTS
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Ivory: Jerry, you are a pervert.
Jerry Lawler: Yeah, and your point is?
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"I asked Sunny if she would ever consider dating you. She said she would rather give birth to a porcupine on fire."
-Jerry Lawler
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"I'm gonna stick your head so far up your ass your gonna have to cut holes in your nipples to see!"
- The Rock
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Helen Hart is the only person I know with an autographed copy of the bible."
-Jerry Lawler
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"Don't take this ass-whippin' personally."
-A.P.A T-shirt
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"Matt Hardy's quicker than a hiccup."
-J.R.
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You gotta eat lightning and crap thunder!"
-Shane McMahon
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If charisma were rain, Blackman would be a desert."
Jerry Lawler
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"Crash Holly's so short, you can see his feet on his driver's license photo."
- Jerry Lawler
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Christian: "So are you in?"
Angle: "Six man elimination table match with Booker T and The Dudleyz? You bet your sweet asses I'm in!"
Edge: "Did he just say sweet asses?"
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"Now, Bad Ass, you run your mouth about Summerslam. Well, here's the situation. The Rock says this, if the Rock hits you he'll kill you. If he misses, the wind behind the punch will give you pneumonia and you'll die anyway, so the choice is yours jabroni."
-The Rock
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"Hey, I drank milk that was a DAY past the expiration date. Now THAT is Extreme!"
- Kurt Angle
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"I wasn't surprised at all. In fact, I thought, why stop there? Why not add the Big Show, or Chris Jericho, or the whole state of Nebraska for that matter? And don't you think a wrestling ring is a little old school, Lilian? Why not put the match in a shark tank, with real live sharks? Hungry sharks! And the only way to beat your opponent is to stuff him down a shark's throat, and pin the shark. Wouldn't that be a hoot?"
~ Kurt Angle
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Hardy Boys, Boyz with a Z. Is that Z supposed to scare us or something?"
-Christian
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He's the game all right."
- Edge
"Yeah if the game is pin the tail on the two faced reekazoid."
-Christian
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"Kurt Angle, you think you're really special because you've cashed in on the services of one Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley, a two dollar no, a fifty cent no, buy two get one free does any one have change for a nickel skank ass slut?"
-The Rock
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"Take a little walk down Know You Role Boulevard, hang that right on Jabroni Drive, and then proceed to check your Aunt Jemima no-pancake-havin' ass directly into the Smackdown Hotel!" -The Rock
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When David killed Goliath, Mae Young called the cops.
-Jerry Lawler
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"And ladies my bazooka is locked, cocked and ready to unload."
-Triple H
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: prosportsdaily.com

Image: alanstudt.com
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BASKETBALL INSULTS
Quotes by Michael Jordan
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Famous MJ Quotes and Sayings (Critique on Teammates)
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"We're beating a lot of poor teams. So what? We won a lot of games last year, too. Will Horace and Bill still be playing at this level in the playoffs...Can Pip keep it up?"
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"I hate being out there with those garbagemen. They don't get you the ball."
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"They've got no idea what it's all about. The white guys, they work hard, but they don't have the talent. And the rest of them? Who knows what to expect? They're not good for much of anything."
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"I know what's gonna happen. We'll wait until the last minute and then they'll say something like they couldn't get a deal done because of the cap or somebody pulled out at the last minute. It happens here all the time. I don't know why I'm surprised every year."
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"He can't do anything with the ball. Don't give it to him."
- Michael yelling at Paxson who passed the ball to Perdue
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"You ever hear of a guy, six-eleven maybe and two hundred sixty pounds, a guy big and fat like that and he can't get but two rebounds, if that many, running all over the damn court and he gets two rebounds? Big guy like that and he gets one rebound. Can't even stick his **** into people and get more than that...Big, fat, fat guy. One rebound in three games. Power forward. Maybe they should call it powerless forward."
- Michael ripping Stacey King a new one
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"He was scared in there and panicking. He just lost it when Stockton scored."
- Michael on B.J. Armstrong's mental fragility
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"...I call them 'the Looney Tunes.' Physically, they were the best. Mentally, they weren't even close."
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"He's scared. He's got no heart...Nobody told me that. If I had spoken up, he wouldn't have been here."
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"It's a hell of a lot easier to make Earl Monroe look good than it is Brad Sellers."
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"I hope there's a jumpshot in there."
- Michael to Stacey King who was walking into the locker room with a box
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"They don't need a ticket to watch you sitting on the bench. They can go to your house for that." - Michael to Charles Davis who was sorting through his tickets for his family and friends
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"Give me the ******* ball."
- Michael to Doug Collins who drew up a play for Dave Corzine
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"I hate when I have to read that in the papers the next day, that I couldn't do something. It wasn't my fault."
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"You're an idiot. You've screwed up every play we ever ran. You're too stupid to even remember the plays. We ought to get rid of you."
- Michael to Horace Grant
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"If you [pass the ball to Bill Cartwright], you'll never get the ball from me."
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"We're not winning because of talent. We're just beating bad teams."
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"Headache tonight, Scottie?"
- Michael asks Scottie, while showing him his 2-for-16 line
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"It's probably a twelve-day. He needs two days to wake up."
- Michael on a ten-day contract teammate
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"Five more years and I'm out of here. I'm marking these days on a calendar, like I'm in jail. I'm tired of being used by this organization, by the league, by the writers, by everyone."
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"They're not interested in winning. They just want to sell tickets, which they can do because of me. They won't make any deals to make us better. And this Kukoc thing. I hate that. They're spending all their time chasing this guy."
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"If I were a general manager, we'd be a better team."
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"Will Vanderbilt. He doesn't deserve to be named after a Big Ten school."
- Michael on Will Perdue
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"I want to prove the critics wrong...I want to see some serious moves from management, which I really haven't seen that much of yet, and I want to see more serious attitudes from my teammates this year when it comes to the playoffs. In the past, it's been more or less a joking thing, sort of a 'Well, we're here, so let's have a good time.'"
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"I'm sure everything will be fine if we win, but if we start losing, I'm shooting."
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"I know what I would do if I were coach. I'd determine our strengths and weaknesses and utilize them. And it's pretty clear what our strength is."
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"Your boy doesn't want to play. I'm tired of bailing his *** out."
- Michael yelling at Jim Cleamons about Dennis Hopson
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"I don't know about trading a 24 year-old guy for a 34 year-old guy."
- Michael questioning the Oakley trade
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"He's causing me too many turnovers."
- Michael on Cartwright's inability to catch
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"Why the hell don't you ever set a pick like that in a game?"
- Michael yelling at Perdue after also hitting Perdue upside his head (led to the institution of the private curtain for practices)
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You know the deal, Mike! Your ex-teammates cited
above said "Yo Ma Ma"! ;-)
Question? What do you think of the ex-Mrs. Jordan's
"in-your-face" jumper? ;-)
One final thing, your ex-teammates want to know why
you never invited them to watch you play a Double-A
baseball game? ;-)
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Relax, Mike, with Chamberlain, you're the greatest I
ever saw on a basketball court!
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But, Mike, don't be so mean to the peons!!!
Remember Double-A!!!
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: rapworlds.com

Image: wallpapers.in-world.info
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BASKETBALL QUOTES
Quotes by Charles Barkley
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I don't need to be on TV. If I had a good agent, I'd be on Temptation Island. I wanna be around a bunch of naked-ass girls. That's just good television programming
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When I was recruited at Auburn [university], they took me to a strip joint. When I saw those titties on Buffy, I knew that Auburn met my academic requirements
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"You mean to tell me they're holding our plane and soildiers hostage, and we're giving this Chinese guy a three year contract"
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After Wang ZhiZhi has a shot blocked: "He's got to bring something stronger than that. That's like bringing milk to a bar, it's not strong enough"
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To a fan in the FleetCenter in Boston: "You guys are two players away from being good again -- Bill Russell and Larry Bird."
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Before the Dream Team's game against Angola in the 1992 Olympics: "All I know about Angola is they in trouble."
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On what it means having Rick Mahorn as a teammate: "All it means is that people will say that I don’t have the biggest butt in the league anymore."
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On why he endorses Nike, even though its shoes sell for more than $100: "Hey, they don't stop selling Mercedes Benzes just because some people can't afford them, do they?"
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Barkley in response to Charles Oakley saying that 60 percent of NBA players smoke pot: "What percentage of reporters who cover the NBA smoke pot? My poll is just as scientific as his poll. I am going to say 60 percent of writers smoke pot. I just came up with a number. You don't have to have any facts...you can just throw things out there. I like that."
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On the All-Star Game: "Hell, there ain't but 15 black millionaires in the whole country & half of 'em are right here in this room."
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On the news that the NBA would allow zone defenses: "This is a great day for bad NBA players"
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"Dennis (Rodman) likes wearing a dress, I don't like wearing a dress. I tried it on a couple of times in the house, but I do it privately; I don't do it publicly."
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"Just because I can dunk a basketball doesn't mean I should raise your kids."
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On throwing an elbow at an Angolan: "Well, he might have pulled a spear on me."
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On why he didn’t attend a presidential inauguration: "They’re not my type. I like to be around low-class people, like reporters."
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When asked about his grades at Auburn, he said, "As long as I was leading the SEC in rebounding, my grades would be fine."
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His greeting to new Rocket Elmer Bennett: "Elmer? I ain't never met a brother named Elmer. I can't believe that. A brother named Elmer. I have been alive 33 years, and I ain't never met a brother named Elmer. I've heard of Elmer Fudd, but that's it. They named a fella Elmer."
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"As long as Bird is around I will only be the second-worst defensive player in basketball."
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"This is my schedule: I wake up in the morning, decide where to play golf and drink beer all day"
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"It's my big fat ass vs. their skinny legs. It's basic physics"
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They say it about brothers, but I can guarantee everybody in Finland look alike.
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How long do you think Steve Nash spent on his hair? 5 seconds? 10 seconds?
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I've been rich and poor. Being rich is better
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I can't believe we're talking about high school guys being good in the NBA when they average six points a game. I could do that right now, and I ain't touched a basketball in a couple of months
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Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is a train.
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The main thing to do is relax and let your talent do the work.
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