FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: dayo.info

Scuba Diving Quotes and Anecdotes
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The following is an ever increasing list of humorous statements made by us and our students over the years.
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Open Water:
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I can't swim
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My regulator is not working very well (tank is turned off)
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I know my body!!!!! (Student's response to instructions on how to clear ones ears upon descending)
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Which fin is left and which is the right one?
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Responding to question: 'How do you swim underwater?'
Student's Response: With my regulator in my mouth...
(correct answer being 'Slow & Steady')
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Responding to question: 'What do you do if you find yourself out of air and no buddy around?'
Student's Response: Switch to my snorkel...
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Can I be certified by this evening, I'm leaving for Cozumel tomorrow
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My buddy Mike showed me how to use his scuba gear. How much of a discount can I get?
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This is my primary second stage and this yellow one is my squid (meant octopus)
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While in area springs, in the water, in full scuba gear and tanks, doing training dives, we are often asked by bystanders: Are you scuba diving?
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Instructor to a student getting an inhaler out of the bag: So you just forgot to tell me you have asthma?
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Instructor to students on their first dive in area lakes, springs and ocean: Welcome to the foodchain folks, you are no longer on the top!
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Instructor to students on their first lake or spring dive in Florida:
I haven't seen an alligator here since last week, and it was only 10' long.
If the gator gets close, get next to it and smile so I can get a picture.
Don't pet the gators.
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Instructor to students about to dive in a lake with friendly and harmless turtles that like to be fed: Watch out for the killer snapping turtles. If you see one, FREEZE and hope they don't bite!!!
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Instructor to students: I'm sorry, but no matter what you think you read, I'm not going to carry all your gear around for you, ask the divemaster for help.
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Divemaster to students: I'm sorry, but I don't care what the instructor said, I'm not going to carry all your gear around for you, ask the divemaster intern for help.
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Divemaster Intern to students: No problem, I will be happy to carry all your gear around for you.
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Technical Divers:
What is a lift bag?
What does buoyancy mean?
Why can't I just do all my decompression at 15 feet like all the others divers do?
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Cavern/Cave Divers:
I am claustrophobic
I'm not really comfortable in the water...
Was I meant to hook up my long hose on my regulator?
Student shows up with a full face mask. Reason: he can't stand water on his face...

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: refspace.com

CHESS QUOTES by Garry Kasparov

- The depth of Tigran's approach to chess is the direct consequence of his clear mind and his rare insight into general aspects of chess, into subtleties of chess tactics and strategy.

-Petrosian performed a special kind of art in creating harmonious positions that were full of life, where apparent absence of superficial dynamism was compensated by enormous inner energy. Every subtle change in the position was always taken into consideration in the context of a complex strategy that was not obvious to his opponents.

- Alekhine's attacks came suddenly, like destructive thunderstorms that erupted from a clear sky. - Chess is mental torture.

- In conclusion, if you want to unravel the multitude of secrets of chess then don't begrudge the time.

- What was the secret of Morphy's invincibility? I think it was a combination of a unique natural talent and brilliant erudition. His play was the next, more mature stage in the development of chess. Morphy had a well-developed feel for position, and therefore he can be confidently regarded as the first swallow - the prototype of the strong 20th century grandmaster.