SPECIAL EDITORIAL NOTE FROM SPORTS_NUT, 2/26/2011
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Welcome to the retirement edition of Funny Sports Quotes.
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The Funny Sports Quotes blog was created in 11/2007 after I could see I could become a blogger very easily using Google's 3-step process for creating a blog online.
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For me, like most, work is not my idea of a fun experience, so I had to choose the topic that I would most enjoy pursuing and that, for me, was finding and posting funny sports quotes for entertaining and, in some cases, educating an audience on facets of sports even the most ardent sports fans may not have been aware of.
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At the same time, I decided to compile a database of funny sports quotes that sports fans and quote fans could visit for "one-stop" shopping, thereby helping them to avoid the need to search elsewhere for sports quotes.
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So, from 11/2007 until 2/2011. I have compiled quotes on the Funny Sports Quotes blog and its sister blog, FSQuotes, that is accessible only from the Funny Sports Quotes blog.
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As of 2/26/2011, I believe I have achieved my objective first set in 11/2007, which signals for me the end of my funny sports quotes database project.
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Kindly note that I have already made the last post (SI Swimsuit) to the blog, shut off further entries to Comments, and I will shut off the email address sports.quotes@gmail.com on 03/14/2011.
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Also note that many features previously cited on this page have been removed, so that a bare-bones FSQ remains for your future reference.
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I do hope that my venture was successful in bringing a smile to your face or a skip to your step, since that was all FSQ was created for, your entertainment and pleasure.
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In closing, I wish you and yours, Godspeed!
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Friday, January 25, 2008

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: fortunecity.com

Boxing Quotes

Boxers have long given us memories to remember... and I don't mean just in the ring.

Tony Galento (when asked about the Bard of Avon): "Shakespeare? I ain't never heard of him. I suppose he's one of them foreign heavyweights. They're all lousy. Sure as hell I'll moider de bum."

Brian London (on being asked if he would fight Ali again): Sure, as long as he ties a 56 lb. weight to each leg."

Willie Pep: I've got it made. I've got a wife and a TV set -- and they're both working.

Tony Sibson (on being beaten in a match): I figured I'd find him sooner or later but I never did. I asked myself "Where did he go?" I knew he was there because he kept hitting me.

Tex Cobb (on an equally terrible match): When I got up I stuck to my plan -- stumbling forward and getting hit in the face.

Max Barr (on Joe Louis): He hit me 18 times while I was in the act of falling.

Harry Kabakoff (on Chango Cruz): The bum was up and down so many times I thought he was an Otis elevator.

Tommy Farr: Every time I hear the name Joe Louis my nose starts to bleed.

Henry Cooper was once confronted by a boxing abolitionist, Baroness Edith Summerskill, about the brutalities of his sport. We can all learn from his words of wisdom.

Baroness: Mr Cooper, have you looked in teh mirror lately and seen the state of your nose?
Cooper: Well madam, have you looked in the mirror and seen the state of your nose? Boxing is my excuse. What's yours?

The following conversation was heard during an amateur boxing match in the 1940s between a boxer who wanted to give up and his trainer trying to dissuade him from doing so.

Boxer: Throw in the towel.
Trainer: There's no towel.
Boxer: Throw in the sponge.
Trainer: There's no sponge.
Boxer: Then throw in the f*ing bucket!

Joe Frazier once met fellow-boxer Ken Norton at a social gathering. I am not sure if a fight followed the conversation below.

Frazier: Hey man, what you been doing?
Norton: My wife just had a baby.
Frazier? Congratulations! Whose baby is it?  

Sam Langford was one boxer for whom confidence came easily. Before the start of one match he addressed the crowd "You'll pardon me gentlemen if I make the fight short. I have a train to catch." He then knocked out his opponent in the first round and promptly left for the station. (He caught the train).

On another occasion he was fighting a 12-round match with Jack Thompson. At the start of the seventh round he extended his glove to Thompson (this was the usual ritual done in the final round of a boxing match) who was quite puzzled. "This ain't the last round Sam." he said. "It is for you," replied Sam and a punch later, Thompson was unconscious.

 
 



FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: quotes4sport.com

Water Polo Quotes

"I didn't know one thing about the sport.  I used to wonder how they got the horses in the pool." 
Dick Enberg

Sugar : Water polo? Isn't that terribly dangerous?
Junior : I'll say. I had two ponies drowned under me. - "Some Like it Hot"




FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: thinkexist.com

 
 
Anonymous
 
 
Anonymous



FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: nakedwhiz.com

          BASEBALL QUOTES:

"I never threw an illegal pitch. The trouble is, once in a while I toss one that ain't never been seen by this generation."
-- Satchel Page, Negro league pitcher

"Wait until Tommy meets the Lord and finds out that He's wearing pinstripes."

-- Gaylord Perry, Giants pitcher (on Tommy Lasorda's belief that God wears Dodger blue)

"Do they leave it there during games?"

-- Bill Lee, Red Sox pitcher (Said after seeing Fenway Park's 37-foot-high left-field wall for the first time.)

"The only real way to know you've been fired is when you arrive at the ballpark and find your name has been scratched from the parking list."

-- Billy Martin, Yankees Manager

"I never look back. I love baseball and you have to be patient and take the good with the bad. After all, it's only a game."

-- Tom Yawkey, baseball executive

"Whether you want to or not, you do serve as a role model. People will always put more faith in baseball players than anyone else."

-- Brooks Robinson, Orioles third baseman

"You're a liar. There ain't no Hotel Episode in Detroit."

-- Rube Waddell, upon being fined $100 for his part
in a "hotel episode" in Detroit.

"There never is any set way to pitch to a great hitter. If there were, he'd be hitting .220."

-- Don Drysdale, Dodgers pitcher

"If Satch and I were pitching on the same team, we'd cinch the pennant by July 4 and go fishing until World Series time."

-- Dizzy Dean, Cardinals pitcher, on Satchel Paige

"Baseball is the only thing besides the paper clip that hasn't changed."

-- Bill Veeck, baseball executive

"Everybody judges players different. I judge a player by what he does for his ball club and not by what he does for himself. I think the name of the game is self-sacrifice."

-- Billy Martin, Twins/Yankees manager, former Yankee shortstop

"You must have an alibi to show why you lost. If you haven't one, you must fake one. Your self-confidence must be maintained."

-- Christy Mathewson, Giants pitcher

"Baseball is green and safe. It has neither the street intimidation of basketball nor the controlled Armageddon of football.... Baseball is a green dream that happens on summer nights in safe places in unsafe cities."

-- Luke Salisbury, author

"Maybe I'm not a great man, but I damn well want to break the record."

-- Roger Maris, Yankees outfielder

"If you aim to steal 30 or 40 bases a year, you do it by surprising the other side. But if your goal is 50 to 100 bases, the element of surprise doesn't matter. You go even though they know you're going to go. Then each steal becomes a contest, matching your skills against theirs."

-- Lou Brock, Cardinals outfielder

"Carlton does not pitch to the hitter, he pitches through him. The batter hardly exists for Steve. He's playing an elevated game of catch."

-- Tim McCarver, Cardinals catcher

"Wertz hits it. A solid sound. I learned a lot from the sound of the ball on the bat. Always did. I could tell from the sound whether to come in or go back. This time I'm going back, a long way back, but there is never any doubt in my mind. I am going to catch this ball. I turn and run for the bleachers. But I got it. Maybe you didn't know that, but I knew it. Soon as it got hit, I knew I'd catch this ball.

"But that wasn't the problem. The problem was Lary Doby on second base. On a deep fly to center field at the Polo Grounds, a runner could score all the way from second. I've done that myself and more than once. So if I make the catch, which I will, and Larry scores from second, they still get the run that puts them ahead.

"All the time I'm running back, I'm thinking, 'Willie, you've got to get this ball back to the infield.'

"I run fifty or seventy-five yards--right to the warning track--and I take the ball a little toward my left shoulder. Suppose I stop and turn and throw. I will get nothing on the ball. No momentum going into my throw. What I have to do is this: after I make the catch, turn. Put all my momentum into that turn.

"To keep my momentum, to get it working for me, I have to turn very hard and short and throw the ball from exactly the point that I caught it. The momentum goes into my turn and up through my legs and into my throw.

"That's what I did. I got my momentum and my legs into that throw. Larry Doby ran to third, but he couldn't score. Al Rosen didn't even advance from first.

"All the while I was running back, I was planning how to get off that throw.

"Then some of them wrote, I made that throw by instinct."

-- Willie Mays describing "the catch"

"Yer fulla shit to ask that and I ain't gonna tell you why."

-- Casey Stengel responding to what he considered impertinent questions from sportswriters

"Willie is ten feet nine inches tall. He can jump fifteen feet straight up. Nobody can hit a ball over his head. Willie's arms extend roughly from 157th Street to 159th Street. This gives him ample reach to cover right and left as well as center field. (The Polo Grounds were between 157th and 159th.) Willie can throw sidearm from the Polo Grounds to Pittsburgh.... Willie's speed is deceptive. The best evidence indicates he is a step faster than electricity. Willie does more for a team's morale than Marilyn Monroe, Zsa Zsa Gabor and Rita Hayworth, plus cash.... That's about all there is to Mays, except that every authority added, "And if you think that's something, wait till you see him."

-- Roger Kahn, from a 1951 New York Herald Tribue article

"Let me tell you about Leo. Figure, you and Durocher are shipwrecked and you both end up on this little raft with sharks swimming all around. Leo slips into the water. A shark closes in. You dive in and pull him out. But while you're rescuing him, the shark comes up and takes your right leg. You bleed like hell, but somehow you survive. The next day you and Durocher start off even."

-- Dick Young, reporter for the Daily News on Leo Durocher

"I was pitching on all adrenaline...and challenging them. I was throwing the ball right down the heart of the plate."

-- Blue Jays pitcher Roger Clemens, speaking after the first time
he struck out 20 batters in a single game.

"Catching a fly ball is a pleasure. But knowing what to do with it after you catch it is a business."

-- Tommy Henrich, Yankees outfielder

"Everybody thinks of baseball as a sacred cow. When you have the nerve to challenge it, people look down their noses at you. There are a lot of things wrong with a lot of industries....baseball is one of them."

-- Curt Flood, Cardinals outfielder

"My high salary for one season was forty-six thousand dollars and a Cadillac. If I were to get paid a million, I'd feel that I should sweep out the stadium every night after I finished playing the game."

-- Duke Snider, Dodgers outfielder

"A ballplayer has two reputations, one with the other players and one with the fans. The first is based on ability. The second the newspapers give him."

-- Johnny Evers, Cubs infielder

"The sport to which I owe so much has undergone profound changes...but it's still baseball. Kids still imitate their heroes on playgrounds. Fans still ruin expensive suits going after foul balls that cost five dollars. Hitting streaks still make the network news. And the hot dogs still taste better at the ballpark than at home."

-- Duke Snider, Dodgers outfielder

"You always get a special kick on opening day, no matter how many you go through. You look forward to it like a birthday party when you're a kid. You think something wonderful is going to happen."

-- Joe Dimaggio, Yankees outfielder

"Baseball has no penalties at all. A home run is a home run. You cheer. In football, on a score, you look for flags. If there's one, who's it on? When can we cheer? Football acts can be repealed. Baseball acts stand forever."

-- Thomas Boswell, author

"Throwing people out of a game is like learning to ride a bicycle--once you get the hang of it, it can be a lot of fun."

--Ron Luciano, American League Umpire

"One reason I never called balks is that I never understood the rule."

--Ron Luciano, American League Umpire

"The best thing about being a Yankee is getting to watch Reggie Jackson play every day. The worst thing about being a Yankee? Getting to watch Reggie Jackson play every day."

--Craig Nettles, Yankees third baseman

"The first big-league game I ever saw was at the Polo Grounds. My father took me. I remember it so well--the green grass and the green stands. it was like seeing Oz."

--John Curtis, Giants pitcher

"It is an American institution and more lasting than some marriages, war, Supreme Court decisions, and even major depressions."

--Art Rust, Indians third baseman

 



FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: mahalo.com

Charles Barkley Quotes

Guide Note: Charles Barkley is a former NBA superstar, who was voted as one of the fifty greatest players of all-time. Barkley is well known for his strong opinions, and ability to speak his mind without fear of judgment.

Fast Facts:

  1. Born: February 20, 1963 (Leeds, Alabama)
  2. Height: 6 ft 6 in
  3. Weight: 252+ lb
  4. Nicknames: Sir Charles, The Round Mound of Rebound, The Chuckster
    • "Do I have a gambling problem? I do have a gambling problem, but it's not really a problem because I can afford to gamble."

    • "If you go out with a girl and they say she has a great personality, she's ugly. If they tell you a guy works hard, he can't play a lick. Same thing."

    • "If you are afraid of failure you don't deserve to be successful!"

    • "Almost all those politicians took money from Enron, and there they are holding hearings. That's like O.J. Simpson getting in the Rae Carruth jury pool."



FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: myopera.com

Funny Commentators Quotes

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He's 31 this year: last year he was 30.
- David Coleman

The ageless Dennis Wise, now in his thirties.
- Martin Tyler

The Italians are hoping for an Italian victory.
- David Coleman

Peru score their third, and It's 3-1 to Scotland.
- David Coleman

If that had gone in, it would have been a goal.
- David Coleman

Ian Rush is deadly 10 times out of 10, but that wasn't one of them.
- Peter Jones

Neil Sullivan has stopped absolutely everything have thrown at him...Wimbledon 1, Manchester United 1.
- Mike Ingham

Emile Zola has scored again for Chelsea.
- Radio 5 live

This will be their 19th consecutive game without a win unless they can get an equaliser.
- Alan Green

Martin O'Neill, standing, hands on hips, stroking his chin.
- Mike Ingham

Such a positive move by Uruguay - bringing 2 players off and putting 2 players on.
- John Helm

It's now 1-1, an exact reversal of the scoreline on Saturday.

- Radio 5 live

The Uruguayans are losing no time in making a meal around the referee.
- Mike Ingham

Poland nil, England nil, though England are now looking the better value for their nil.
- Barry Davies

West Germany's Briegel hasn't been able to get past anyone yet - that's his trademark.
- John Helm

You don't score 64 goals in 86 games without being able to score goals.
- Alan Green

It's headed away by John Clark, using his head.
- Derek Rae

Celtic manager Davie Hay still has a fresh pair of legs up his sleeve.
- John Greig

And with just 4 minutes gone, the score is already 0-0.
- Ian Darke

The USA are a goal down, and if they don't get a goal they'll lose.
- John Helm

I predicted in August that Celtic would reach the final. On the eve of that final I stand by that prediction.
- Archie MacPherson

McCarthy shakes his head in agreement with the referee.
- Martin Tyler

It was the game that put the Everton ship back on the road.
- Alan Green

Lukic saved with his foot, which is all part of the goalkeeper's arm.
- Barry Davies

Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer.
- David Acfield

Sporting Lisbon in their green and white hoops, looking like a team of zebras.
- Peter Jones

Forest have now lost six matches without winning.
- David Coleman