FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: e-jokes.net

NFL FOOTBALL QUOTES
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Jason Taylor, on why he presented the whole Miami Dolphins locker room with a gift box of of products from one of his sponsors, Neutrogena: "To rectify some of the ugliness going on in this locker room."
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Paul Tagliabue, NFL Commissioner: "I'm a firm believer that all sports will eventually be global. Someday, we may have a quarterback from China named Yao Fling."
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Deion Sanders, on why he doesn't like the two-week break between the conference championship games and the Super Bowl: "Having two weeks off gives family, friends and the media more time to get on your nerves."
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Marvin Lewis, suggesting that coaches should be able to add monikers on players uniforms, like "He Hate Me" during training camp, he suggested the following examples: "He Doesn't Listen,"; "He Jumps Offsides"; and "He Can't See."
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Tex Schramm, responding to holdout running back's description of him as "sick and demented and dishonest", Schramm replied laughing: "That's not bad. He got two out of three right."
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Jeff Kemp: "Rapport? You mean like, 'You run as fast as you can, and I'll throw it as far as I can'?"
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Jeff Gordon, St. Louis Post-Dispatch writer, commenting on the poor attendance at Arizona Cardinal games: "If Marc Bulger throws an interception in Sun Devil Stadium and nobody is there to see it, is it still an interception?"
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Lou Groza, NFL Hall of Fame kicker: "Old place-kickers never die, they just go on missing the point."
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Scott Ostler, San Francisco Chronicle, on how football players will have different attitudes in the future.: "Twenty years from now, today's football players will be saying, 'Back in my day, we didn't do all the outlandish stuff these kids are doing. We kept it dignified, with Sharpies and cell phones."
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Scott Ostler, San Francisco Chronicle reporter, commenting on the announcement that the NFL hopes to put a team in Los Angeles by 2008: "L.A. greeted the news with widespread riots, crazy parties and celebrations, honking and shouting, cars overturned and set afire, and thousands of gunshots fired into the air. Or, maybe that stuff had nothing to do with the NFL announcement."
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Rod Smith, when asked if he had ever seen a similar play to the Randy Moss to Moe Williams, no-look, over-the-shoulder lateral play: "Yeah, on PlayStation."
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: thewolfweb.com

Image: killfee.net
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SPORTS INSULTS
Quotes from a Sports Forum
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"You couldn't hit water if you fell off a boat"
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"You building a house with all those bricks?"
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get off your knees, you're blowing the game!
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"You got picked more than cotton"
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I'm Blind, I'm Deaf, I wanna be a Ref
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"you couldnt pitch a tent!"
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You couldn't throw it in the ocean if you were knee deep.
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Hey Ref, you're about as sharp as a bowling ball
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You couldn’t count to 21 if you were barefoot and without pants
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You’re as useful as dinosaur repellent
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When God said “Come forth for brains,” you came fifth
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There's an old saying: “What you don’t know can’t hurt you”. Hell, you’re practically indestructible
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I’ve gotten better calls from my ex-girlfriend
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You must have been the lookout at Pearl Harbor
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"hellen keller coulda called that one!!!"
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your mother f*cked Mike Tyson
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: answers.yahoo.com

GOLF INSULTS
Quotes from an Internet Forum
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When someone hits a shot that doesnt get off the ground:
" worm abuse, I'm calling the SPCA"
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When someone takes a turn too sharp on the golf cart
and spills the beer:
"Alcohol abuse"
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"S.Y.S" =
still your shot
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When he hits a weak shot:
"Ladies play on Wednesdays"
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When he 'skys' a shot:
mocking run towards the ball, waving your hand up in the air like a kick returner calling for a fair catch and say, "I got it"
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When he hits a putt WAY too hard:
" Hit a truck "
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When he bombs a drive, but with a huge slice/hook:
"Long....strong...& wrong..."
=======================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: notable-quotes.com

Image: timeoutsydney.com.au
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BOXING QUOTES
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Boxing is about being hit rather more than it is about hitting, just as it is about feeling pain, if not devastating psychological paralysis, more than it is about winning.
~JOYCE CAROL OATES, On Boxing
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If there's magic in boxing, it's the magic of fighting battles beyond endurance, beyond cracked ribs, ruptured kidneys and detached retinas. It's the magic of risking everything for a dream that nobody sees but you.
~PAUL HAGGIS, Million Dollar Baby
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Everyone in boxing probably makes out well except for the fighter. He's the only one that's on Skid Row most of the time; he's the only one that everybody just leaves when he loses his mind. He sometimes goes insane, he sometimes goes on the bottle, because it's an intensive pressure sport that allows people to just lose it.
~MIKE TYSON, Boxing Monthly, Aug. 2000
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Boxing is the magic of men in combat, the magic of will, and skill, and pain, and the risking of everything so you can respect yourself for the rest of your life.
~F.X. TOOLE, introduction, Million Dollary Baby
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Boxing is smoky halls and kidneys battered until they bleed.
~ROGER KAHN, "Intellectuals and Ball Players," American Scholar, Nov. 3, 1957
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Unlike any other sport, the objective in boxing is chillingly simple: One man purposefully endeavors to inflict bodily harm on another man.
~HOWARD COSELL, I Never Played the Game
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When I fight someone, I want to break his will. I want to take his manhood. I want to rip out his heart and show it to him.
~MIKE TYSON, Sports Illustrated, Mar. 1988
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I love boxing and it did a lot for me. But sometimes it made me think how savage human beings could be to each other. That wasn't the kind of boxer I wanted to be. My strategy was to be as scientific as I could when I fought. I didn't want to be seriously hurt, and I didn't want to do that to anybody else either.
~MUHAMMAD ALI, The Soul of a Butterfly
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Boxing was on the one hand barbaric, unconscionable, out of place in modern society. But then, so are war, racism, poverty, and pro football. Men died boxing, yet there was nobility in defending oneself.
~RALPH WILEY, Serenity: A Boxing Memoir
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When you saw me in the boxing ring fighting, it wasn't just so I could beat my opponent. My fighting had a purpose. I had to be successful in order to get people to listen to the things I had to say.
~MUHAMMAD ALI, The Soul of a Butterfly
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Boxing is a sport at its most brutal, most primitive, and most natural. Two men defending their honor and courage, in a ring surrounded by observers, whose love for the sport is essentially spiritual. Boxing is the last refuge of the modern day warror.
~THOMAS DONELSON, Viewing Boxing from Ringside
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Boxing is drama on its grandest scale.
HOWARD COSELL, I Never Played the Game
=========================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: observer.guardian.co.uk

SERENA WILLIAMS
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Image: theage.com.au

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SPORTS QUOTES.

December 4, 2005

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'Serena just called me and said: "Could I have your autograph?"'

Venus Williams gets a message after beating defending champion Maria Sharapova in their Wimbledon semi-final

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'I think I need to apologise to the nation for having to stop like that, but I was losing 10 seconds every time my stomach cramped up. I must have eaten a bit too much, I waited a bit too long. I didn't really want to have to resort to that in front of hundreds of thousands of people.

'Paula Radcliffe on her toilet stop in the London marathon

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'Are we allowed into the regional qualifying for the US Women's Open now?

'Golfer Paul Lawrie, unhappy that women can now enter the open
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'You know I'm not his best friend, but I found that really appalling.'

Arsene Wenger sticks up for Sir Alex Ferguson after catcalls from the Old Trafford crowd

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'When a rollocking was expected he just stood there, apparently close to tears

Sven-Goran Eriksson's alleged response to England's 1-0 loss to Northern Ireland

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'There were more formations out there than in a ballroom dancing team.'

Terry Butcher's assessment of that England performance

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'It is not often is this job that you get to punch the air and do a little jig and embrace the person standing next to you.'

Tony Blair describes hearing that London had the Olympics
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'I don't think my sporting accomplishments are going to make my trip to heaven any easier, but it is nice to finish your career on a high note.'

Lance Armstrong after winning a record-breaking seventh Tour de France

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'I'm ugly, I'm overweight, but I'm happy.'

Ashes hero Andrew Flintoff's self-assessment after victory

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'I'm so pissed off with the game. I'd rather be planting a few shrubs in the garden.'

Ronnie O'Sullivan is bored with snooker, even after winning a grand prix semi-final

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'Just because you are paid £120,000 a week and play well for 20 minutes against Tottenham, you think you are a superstar.'

Roy Keane tells team-mate Rio Ferdinand a few home truths.

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'There is a refreshing honesty about football. At least they stab you in the chest.'

Sir Clive Woodward on his switch of codes

===================

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: myvinylcreations.blogspot.com

FISHING QUOTES
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A bad day fishing is better then a good day at work
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Fish tremble when they hear my name
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I fish, therefore I lie
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I spend most of my life fishing, the rest I just waste.
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I'm a sitting here a wishin' I was out a fishin'
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Old fishermen never die they just loose their bobbers
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Old fishermen never die, they just smell that way
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Work is for people who don't know how to fish
===============

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: chiefsplanet.com

Mercedes Benz
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Image: hotridersworld.blogspot.com

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AMERICAN FOOTBALL QUOTES

Quotes by John McKay, Football Coach

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On sports writers: "I said on my TV show they didn't know a quarterback from a banana stand, and someone sent me a crate of bananas. This week, I'm going to say most sports writers don't know a quarterback from a Mercedes."

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After walking off the field in his final game and being cursed by Jets players for his decision to surrender a score so James Wilder could try for a record: "How embarrassing to hear language like that in the NFL."

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On the prospect of a late-season game in Wisconsin: "Going to Green Bay is like winning the 98th prize in a contest with only 97 prizes."

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On a loss to Notre Dame: "I told our players there were 700-million Chinese who didn't even know the game was played. The next week, I got five letters from China saying, 'What happened?' "

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On a play in which a Bucs running back fumbled as he crossed the goal line, and an opponent recovered as the Tampa Bay players stood with their arms in the air: "We looked like the Italian army out there."

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On comparing St. Louis quarterbacks Jim Hart and Steve Pisarkiewicz: "Hart is one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL. Pisarkiewicz is hard to spell."

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On kickers: "Kickers are like grass. You can find them anywhere."

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On kicker Garo Yepremian, who accused McKay of dodging him after he was waived: "Bleep Garo Yepremian. How old he, 37 or 12?"

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To a reporter after a 55-14 loss to Green Bay: "Get the hell away from me or I'll punch you in the mouth."

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On an interception thrown by Steve DeBerg: "It was thrown to nobody. Well, it was thrown to somebody -- Harry Carson. But he happened to be playing for the New York Giants at the time. It would have been a good pass if Harry was playing for us."

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On leaving a practice and hearing a fan yell "Four more years!": "I didn't know what he meant. He might have thought I was Ronald Reagan."

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On the difficulty of his childhood: "There weren't many cookies floating around."

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On his first job, when he had to help coach Len Casanova, who was in a body cast, change his pants: "Damn it. I should have read the fine print in that contract."

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On USC being ranked No. 1 by Playboy: "Playboy knows a lot more about the female formation than the T-formation."

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On rival Stanford: "I'd like to beat Stanford by 2,000 points. They're the worst winners I've ever gone up against."

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Before playing No. 1-ranked Notre Dame: "If we play our best and don't make any mistakes, we'll definitely get a first down."

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On Bear Bryant: "When you scrape away all the hayseed, there's a royal flush underneath."

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In a pregame speech to his players: "It's obvious you aren't going to win this game for yourselves. So how about winning it for the coaching staff's eight wives and 23 children?"

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After watching a kick returner fall untouched: "My God, they shot him."

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To his wife, Corky, who mentioned she didn't sleep all week before his Southern Cal team played UCLA: "Why? I didn't plan on using you."

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On going 0-14 his first year: "Who cares? It doesn't matter if you aren't first. Seattle won two games. Should we throw them a party?"

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On his last season, when the defense missed Hugh Green, who was injured when his car was hit by another driven by an interior decorator. "It's the first time I've ever been done in by an interior decorator."

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On pressure from the fans: "I'll never be hung in effigy. Before every season I sent my men out to buy up all the rope in Los Angeles."

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On recruiting son J.K.: "I had a rather distinct advantage. I slept with his mother."

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On intensity: "Intensity is a lot of guys who run fast."

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Why O.J. Simpson carried the ball so much: "Why not. It isn't very heavy. Besides, he doesn't belong to a union."

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In 1965, USC had to wait on the field for 20 minutes before Notre Dame came out. In '67, McKay said he wasn't coming out before Notre Dame. The referee threatened the Irish would win by forfeit 2-0: "That would be the best deal we've ever gotten in this stadium."

===============