SPECIAL EDITORIAL NOTE FROM SPORTS_NUT, 2/26/2011
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Welcome to the retirement edition of Funny Sports Quotes.
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The Funny Sports Quotes blog was created in 11/2007 after I could see I could become a blogger very easily using Google's 3-step process for creating a blog online.
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For me, like most, work is not my idea of a fun experience, so I had to choose the topic that I would most enjoy pursuing and that, for me, was finding and posting funny sports quotes for entertaining and, in some cases, educating an audience on facets of sports even the most ardent sports fans may not have been aware of.
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At the same time, I decided to compile a database of funny sports quotes that sports fans and quote fans could visit for "one-stop" shopping, thereby helping them to avoid the need to search elsewhere for sports quotes.
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So, from 11/2007 until 2/2011. I have compiled quotes on the Funny Sports Quotes blog and its sister blog, FSQuotes, that is accessible only from the Funny Sports Quotes blog.
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As of 2/26/2011, I believe I have achieved my objective first set in 11/2007, which signals for me the end of my funny sports quotes database project.
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Kindly note that I have already made the last post (SI Swimsuit) to the blog, shut off further entries to Comments, and I will shut off the email address sports.quotes@gmail.com on 03/14/2011.
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Also note that many features previously cited on this page have been removed, so that a bare-bones FSQ remains for your future reference.
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I do hope that my venture was successful in bringing a smile to your face or a skip to your step, since that was all FSQ was created for, your entertainment and pleasure.
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In closing, I wish you and yours, Godspeed!
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Friday, May 9, 2008

FUNNY SPORTS QULOTES \ Source: dontquoteme.com


Image: mikelynchcartoons.blogspot.com
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GOLF QUOTES
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Ten Most Popular Golf Quotes by Women
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Back in 1950, 13 female golfers banded together and formed a professional organization. These pioneers not only played professional golf, but planned and organized the tournaments. Their organization, the Ladies Professional Golf Association, is now the longest-standing pro sports association for women in the United States.
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In its first season, the LPGA had 14 events-one of them a major tournament-and total prize money of $50,000. In 2006, the Tour's elite golfers compete in 35 events, four of them majors. .
This year, for the first time, the Tour's total prize money reached $50 million.
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We hope that you enjoy this round of quotes by women about the grand old game of golf.
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"Golf is very much like a love affair: if you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do, it breaks your heart. Don't break your heart, but flirt with the possibility."
— Louise Suggs
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"Don't be in such a hurry. That little white ball isn't going to run away from you."
— Patty Berg
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"I played my first tournament when I was 10. The good news is that I won the girls' division. The bad news is that I was the only girl."
— Judy Bell
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"No golfer can ever become too good to practice."
— May Hezlet
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"If I ever get bored with golf, I'm going to start over and play lefthanded."
— Michelle Wie
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"I do much of my creative thinking while golfing. If people know you are working at home they think nothing of walking in for a cup of coffee. But they wouldn't dream of interrupting you on the golf course."
— Harper Lee
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"The formula for success is simple: practice and concentration, then more practice and more concentration."
— Babe Didrikson Zaharias
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"I've quit worrying about poor shots. I just tell myself, 'Relax, Bozo. If you can't have fun, you shouldn't be out here.'"
— Patty Sheehan
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"If you expect a bad lie for even one second, the gods will know it and give you a bad lie."
— Michelle Wie
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FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: sportsmansdaily.com

AMERICAN FOOTBALL HUMOR \ QUOTES
BILL PARCELLS, FOOTBALL COMEDIAN

Bill Parcells to Write Super Bowl Diary for JockStraps
"I've been saving some of my best material for this," said the recently retired coach whose punishing wit, piercing jabs and remorseless satire have been well-guarded secrets for years … until now

DALLAS, TX (The Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) Bill Parcells could have returned to the Dallas Cowboys to become the first coach to lead three teams into the Super Bowl. Instead, the irrepressible coach revered by close associates for his relentless ribbing, witty sideline banter and lively post-game repartee, will bring his unsparing "take no prisoners" brand of humor to Miami, where he will be covering the Super Bowl for Jockstraps.
For millions of football fans around the country who only know Parcells as a gruff, humorless, controlling monomaniac, the move came as a shock. However, associates past and present, as well as former players, who know the "other" Parcells, took the news in stride and look forward to his stint as a Jockstraps diarist.
Dick LaFontaine, long-time Dallas Cowboys public relations director, said this about the coach whose comic stylings he came to admire. "I've been with the Cowboys through the Tom Landry years and believe me when I tell you, Coach Landry was fall down funny – it was all in his subtle Benny-esque facial expressions, just a master. Switzer, Johnson? They wouldn't know a sight gag if it tumbled out their ass. From the minute Parcells got here it was non-stop hilarity. Damn, just watching the guy riff on some poor secretary in the main office – 'did you learn to be this stupid or where you born this stupid?' – the SOB wouldn't stop, the lines just kept coming, one after another. Just brutal, in a funny way. The guy never ran out of material."
Former Giant and Hall-of-Famer Harry Carson remembered the time Parcells stormed into the visiting locker room at half-time, with the Giants down by 12 points to a team they were expected to beat handily. "Man, Bill looked scary pissed. He slapped a clipboard from an assistant's hand, pushed past some of the guys and stood in the middle of the room looking like he was going to kill the first ten guys he laid eyes on. For ten seconds he just stands there, we're waiting for him to explode, but all we see is steam coming from his ears. I mean literally – steam was pouring out of his ears. Then all of a sudden a loud whistle goes off, Bill opens his fly and pisses into a cup. 'Anyone for a spot of tea?' It was the funniest fucking thing I'd ever seen. Perfectly executed gag. And by the way, we went on to win by 14 points."
Similar stories abound, all attesting to Parcells' strategic use of comedy and pointed satire -- the barb, the gag, the Thurber-inspired ironic zinger -- always perfectly tailored to the situation at hand.
"One year during mini camp, a rookie offensive tackle was missing his assignments, nearly getting me and my backup killed," said former Giants quarterback Phil Simms. "The next day, first play we run, same thing, I nearly get run over. Bill pulls the guy aside and replaces him with a 300 pound circus clown in pads. The clown couldn't block for shit and after three plays had to be airlifted to a local hospital. Was it funny? Yes and no, though watching a 300 pound clown being chased for thirty yards by LT was kind of amusing. But Bill made his point using a comic device as a learning tool. Name me one other coach who knows how to use textbook satire to such positive effect. "
In his statement welcoming Parcells aboard, Charles Epstein, the Editor-in-Chief of Jockstraps, included a sampling of machine-gun paced one-liners Parcells squeezed off during a recent phone conversation, offering readers a hint of Parcells' assimilation of classic Borscht-belt humor – one of the many comic influences spanning his Hall-of-Fame coaching career:
"Take Tank Johnson, please. Just make sure he's in handcuffs."
"Rex Grossman. An arm only a Jewish mother could love, I'm telling ya."
"Bill Bellichick. Love him like the brother I wish I never had."
News that Parcells has joined, if only for a short while, the ranks of sports media who for years were on the receiving end of his blunt, dismissive condescension, did not sit well, as reflected in the following comment by New York Post Sportswriter and media watchdog Phil Mushnick. "Say what you want, Parcells was, is and will always be an insulting, self-serving bully. Parcells' idea of a punch line is what his knuckles leave on your face. If I want insult humor, I'll throw on a Don Rickles record. I hope Jockstraps knows what it's getting into. Good luck."

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: zoozoo2.com

snowboardology

snowboardology - snowboarding terms and snowboarding slang

Here are a few snowboarding terms and sayings and slang so you don't feel out of place on the snow. I am sure there are loads more but this is all we have heard of.

  • Bail - falling over
  • Bone - when a snowboarder straightens one or both legs during a half-pipe trick
  • Bullet Proof - when the conditions are icey and hard
  • Booter - a big jump where you need lots of speed and you get launch into the air
  • C-Rail - a rail with a bend to it
  • Cat-Track - a run going across to another run
  • Crud - This is a type of snow with uneven surface and lumps of soft powder-like snow and slippery patches
  • Dailed - to be able to do a trick prefectly time after time
  • Duckfoot - Stance with toes pointing outwards
  • Fakie - Riding a board backwards
  • Flat bottom - The space in the half-pipe between the two walls
  • Frostbite - Occurring when parts of the body are exposed to extreme cold for a period of time
  • Goofy foot - Riding with the right foot forwards
  • Phat - cool
  • Hip - a big jump where you have to go off the front side and can land only on one side
  • Hypothermia - A life - threatening condition where the body temperature of the person drops dramatically below normal
  • Jib - a rail
  • Kink - a bend in a rail or box
  • Poptart - tricky half-pipe aerial turn where the snowboarder goes up the wall riding
  • Powder - Light, ungroomed snow
  • Quarter Pipe - half a half pipe, one wall where you can get a good speed to get ito the air
  • Rodeo - backflip with a spin
  • S-Rail - a rail with a bend to it, so if you look from the top it looks like a S
  • Sick - really cool
  • Slush - Usually this is snow that is starting to melt gradually becoming wetter
  • Stiffy air - A half-pipe aerial turn where a rider straightens both legs and grabs the snowboard's edge
  • Taipan air - a rider reaches behind the front foot in this half-pipe aerial turn and grabs the toe edge then bends the front knee to touch the board
  • Tight - sweet

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: usabasketball.com

WOMEN'S BASKETBALL QUOTES
To read quotes from an interview of the team
click here ----> INTERVIEW

FUNNY SPORTS QUOTES \ Source: members.tripod.com

INSPIRATIONAL SPORTS QUOTES BY WOMEN



***NEW*** 12/01/02
"If you never lose then you can never appreciate the victories."
---Laura Twitchell

***NEW*** 12/01/02
"The power of the human will to compete and the drive to excel beyond the body's normal capabilities is most beautifully demonstrated in the arena of sport."
---Aimee Mullins

***NEW*** 12/01/02
"I love the game. It's fun to play, period. I love running around and getting sweaty. I love trying to lead my team. I love facing the challenge of another team that's better."
---Jamila Wideman

***NEW*** 12/01/02
"I think a lot of our team commitment is a silent understanding that each one of us has poured our life into what we're doing."
---Claire Carver-Dias

***NEW*** 12/01/02
"Those who truly have the spirit of champions are never wholly happy with an easy win. Half the satisfaction stems from knowing that it was the time and the effort you invested that led to your high achievement."
---Nicole Haislett

09/06/02
"In our lives we will encounter many challenges, and tomorrow we face one together. How we accept the challenge and attack the challenge head on is only about us--no one can touch that. If we win or lose this weekend, it will not make a difference in our lives. But why we play and how we play will make a difference in our lives forever."
---Beth Anders

09/06/02
"Sports remain a great metaphor for life's more difficult lessons. It was through athletics that many of us first came to understand that fear can be tamed; that on a team the whole is more than the sum of its parts; and that the ability to be heroic lies, to a surprising degree, within."
---Susan Casey

09/06/02
"If you are ever going to achieve as much as you can in a sport, you are going to have to be willing to make a leap of faith to learn how much your body can handle."
---Meredith Rainey Valmon

09/06/02
"A race is not well-run unless you've crossed the finish line knowing that you couldn't have kept going for one more step. If you could have, then you didn't give it everything you had."
---Jackie Dugall

07/12/02
"An athlete is a normal person with the gift of an undying passion to be the best and achieve greatness."
---Amanda Ring

07/12/02
"Courage is not the absence of fear. It is being afraid but being able to control that fear so you are able to perform at your highest ability. That's what makes a champion."
---Cory Lester

07/12/02
"When you are out there on the soccer field playing, nothing else matters at the time. It's like the whole world has disappeared, and you and your teammates are all that matters."
---Amber Massey

07/12/02
"One bout doesn't make a champion. One win or one loss isn't reflective of an entire career...Champions aren't made or lost with one battle."
---Kelly Williams

07/12/02
"I'm not a yeller. My theory is that no one goes out there trying to screw up."
---Amy Ruley, head woman's basketball coach, North Dakota State (5-time NCAA D2 champions)

07/12/02
"The difference between a good athlete and a top athlete is the top athlete will do the mundane things when nobody's looking."
---Susan True

07/12/02
"Fishing is worth any amount of effort and any amount of expense to people who love it, because in the end, you get such a large number of dreams per fish."
---Fan Frazier

06/02/02
"Individual glory is insignificant when compared to achieving victory as a team."
---Dot Richardson

06/02/02
"Sportsmanship is not just about being nice. It is much more important than that. It's about realizing that you could not compete without an opponent and that she has the same goals as you."
---Stephanie Deibler

06/02/02
"To achieve in sports you first have to have a dream, and then you must act on that dream. The best athletes are those who truly enjoy what they are doing and display a tremendous amount of work ethic. They continue to persevere in spite of setbacks and never lose sight of their ultimate goal."
---Dianne Holum

03/14/02
"When you talk about an injury and the kind of depression you go through, it's not just because you're out of shape and you can't go out and play. You're missing a part of you. That's what's painful. That's what hurts."
---Jamila Wideman

03/14/02
"Don't be content with average because average is just as close to the bottom as it is to the top."
---Danielle Ballentine

03/14/02
"Luck is not something that happens by chance. Luck is earned through dedication, work and determination."
---Katie Mickley

03/14/02
"The race isn't over until you cross the finish line. You'll be surprised at how much can change in the last twenty strides."
---Jackie Dugall

12/31/01
"Great champions have an enormous sense of pride. The people who excel are those who are driven to show the world and prove to themselves just how good they are."
---Nancy Lopez

12/31/01
"In sport, part of the game is accepting the umpire's call, no matter how hard that might be. Sometimes the calls go your way, and sometimes they don't."
---Dr. Dot Richardson

12/31/01
"Cooperation is the thorough conviction that nobody gets there unless everybody gets there."
---Virginia Burden

11/30/01
"The values learned on the playing field--how to set goals, endure, take criticism and risks, become team players, use our beliefs, stay healthy and deal with stress--prepare us for life."
---Donna de Varona

11/30/01
"I am the person you'll see everyday training when everyone else has gone home. I live for the one moment of glory when I save that goal or sink that 3-point shot and score the winning basket. I am the sport, I am the glory, nothing can change that. I am an athlete, no one can forget that."
---Alexa Wilkinson

11/30/01
"Ah, the glories of women's sports: the camaraderie. The quiet dignity. The proud refusal to buy into traditional stereotypes of beauty."
---Sports Illustrated For Women

11/30/01
"In every sport there comes a moment when a spell of bitter weeping seems like a fair recess from whatever tough work is going on. It's only the steeliest among us who can fight the urge to turn negative--who instead will make contact and redouble her efforts. Call it grace under pressure. Call it grit....call it excellence."
---Sports Illustrated For Women editor, Susan Casey

10/31/01
"You run like a girl. You jump like a girl. You serve 165 km/h in their faces. Like a girl."
---Australian Female Volleyball

10/31/01
"For some people it's the end of the rainbow, but for us it is the end of the finish line."
---Larisa Healy

08/31/01
"Nobody's more important than the team."
---Rejean Houle

07/31/01
"I always wanted to be somebody...If I've made it, it's half because I was game to take a wicked amount of punishment along the way, and half because there were an awful lot of people who cared enough to help me."
---Althea Gibson

06/29/01
"Even when you've played the game of your life, it's the feeling of teamwork that you'll remember. You'll forget the plays, the shots, and the scores, but you'll never forget your teammates."
---Deborah Palmore

06/29/01
"Part of being a champ is acting like a champ. You have to learn how to win and not run away when you lose. Everyone has bad stretches and real successes. Either way, you have to be careful not to lose your confidence or get too confident."
---Nancy Kerrigan

05/31/01
"What I've learned in my years as a competitive wheelchair athlete is this--what separates a winner from the rest of the pack is not raw talent or physical ability; instead, it is the drive and dedication to work hard every single day, and the heart to go after your dream, no matter how unattainable others think it is."
---Linda Mastandrea

05/31/01
"The Most Important Thing I Know About the Spirit of Sport... It instills in us the ability to recognize and appreciate the talents of others as well as the gifts we have been given and the ability to work with others as a team. It also allows us to face the challenge of competition, learn from our successes and failures, altogether making us true champions in life."
---Dr. Dot Richardson

04/30/01
"The glory of sport comes from dedication, determination and desire. Achieving success and personal glory in athletics has less to do with wins and losses than it does with learning how to prepare yourself so that at the end of the day, whether on the track or in the office, you know that there was nothing more you could have done to reach your ultimate goal."
---Jackie Joyner-Kersee

04/30/01
"The difference is almost all mental. The top players just hate to lose. I think that's the difference. A champion hates to lose even more than she loves to win."
---Chris Evert

03/30/01
"Playing your favorite sport is like being able to get candy when you're at the store with your mom. Being on the field and having all your problems drift away for the two hours you play is like the most relaxing thing I can think of."
---Danielle Ballentine

03/30/01
"It's really impossible for athletes to grow up. On the one hand, you're still a child, still playing a game. But on the other hand, you're a superhuman hero that everyone dreams of being. No wonder we have such a hard time understanding who we are."
---Billie Jean King

03/30/01
"Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man's doing but my own. I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me or I can be lost in the maze. My choice; my responsibility; win or lose, only I hold the keys to my destiny."
---Elain Maxwell

02/28/01
"Sports can do so much. They've given me a framework: meeting new people, confidence, self-esteem, discipline, motivation. All these things I learned, whether I knew I was learning them or not, through sports."
---Mia Hamm

02/28/01
"Sport, indeed, is a bare canvas to which we present ourselves...fully, completely, and exquisitely."
---Dr. Carole Oglesby

02/28/01
"An athlete experiences the emotions of pain and elation through triumph and defeat, through teamwork and individuality, as nothing more than a human being...that is the true glory of sport."
---Aimee Mullins

01/30/01
"When anyone tells me I can't do anything...I'm just not listening anymore."
---Florence Griffith-Joyner

01/30/01
"I don't need to be the Number 1 on the team. This is what I train for day in and day out. I am the support player. If I need to hit, pitch, run, whatever, I will do it. If everything was going to be about me, I think I'd quit."
--Michele Smith

01/30/01
"The values learned on the playing field--how to set goals, endure, take criticism and risks, become team players, use our bodies, stay healthy and deal with stress--prepare us for life."
---Donna de Varona